The Loser
by IBACULLEN
Summary: Bella struggled with her weight. Her problems are enhanced by the pressures society and her family place on her. How could someone like her ever find a decent husband? Her childhood best friend might have the answer to all her problems. With a fake marriage, Bella will raise her station & Edward will gain his inheritance. Who would believe a Cullen would marry a loser? AU part 1
1. Chapter 1

**THE LOSER**

**By IBACULLEN**

_**In this alternate futuristic universe, people are separated by a hierarchical caste system, where one's station in society is determined by birthright or "marrying up." Bella is from a lower class, a "lesser," pulled up in station with her family by her sister's marriage into a prominent, wealthy family. Bella is considered a loser amongst the higher classes, because she struggles with her weight. Her problems are compounded by the pressures of high society and the expectations her family place on her. How could someone like her ever find a decent husband? Her childhood best friend might have the answer to all her problems. With a fake marriage, Edward will gain his inheritance, and Bella will raise her station, but at what cost? Who would believe a Cullen would really marry a loser?**_

**CHAPTER ONE**

I lay on top of my fluffy white bed with the white embossed comforter, as I pondered my options. Run? Stay? What to do? There was a knot in my stomach that wouldn't cease, and I knew it would be with me continually, until the threat had packed up her bags and returned to her mansion.

The ceiling fan spun around and around, providing only a small amount of relief from the sweltering temperatures outside. You would have thought when my sister had made the upgrades to our house, central air conditioning would have been one of them. Just wait. I was sure after a few uncomfortable nights, she would send for funds straightaway, not for us or our comfort, but for her own.

I stared around my room. White walls. White furniture. White everything. A proper atmosphere for a young virgin, still awaiting a husband. Any amount of color and I might have had an impure thought. I rolled my eyes and pressed my face into the nearest pillow, screaming out my frustrations.

My ears were on a constant alert. The moment the gravel was kicked aside from the tires that would be traveling up our path, I knew it would be only a matter of moments before that knot in my stomach squeezed even more.

"Bella!" my mother yelled from downstairs. "Time to get up and shower. Your sister will be here any minute. Don't give her another reason to look down on you!"

Like a shower would help.

I sat up, and my pudgy stomach pooched out from under my tight top. I was aware why my mother had forced me into nightwear that was one size too small. She thought she was so smart, finding subtle ways to encourage weight loss.

I chose to forgo the shower. I hoped I smelled. Nothing would please me more than dissatisfying my sister. Normally, I was a well-tempered, easy-going girl who was eager to please, but when it came to Jessica, I was afraid I lost all sense of reason or conformity.

I pulled on some jeans and an extra-large t-shirt. I knew the loose shirt would hide my natural shape. It made me feel even more self-conscious to wear fitted clothes. I didn't need to give another person a reason to pinch or prod at my fat.

While pulling on my sneakers, I heard a car slowly approaching. I ran over to the window to check. Yes, it was her. Arriving in a chauffeured black Rolls Royce. A Mercedes or standard BMW was too low-brow for her grand entrance.

I couldn't face her yet. I just couldn't. Run it was. I knew if I were to go out the front door or even the back, I might be seen. I waited for my sister to get out of the car and give her due diligence to look around the property, as if she needed to make a mental list of everything that should be rectified while she was here.

The minute I heard the front door open, I unlatched the lock on my window, raising it up and creeping out swiftly, moving cautiously to ensure I didn't fall. I carefully guided myself over the shingles of our newer roof to the side and slowly climbed down the trellis, landing silently, as I jumped the last couple of feet down to the ground. I peeked in the window and saw no one was near the kitchen, so I took off running.

And who said I didn't exercise?

I ran through the high grass field, desperate to get to the tree line and out of sight, before anyone could see me. I slowed my pace and allowed my lungs a break, as I headed through the tall oaks. I knew this small thicket of woods like the back of my hand. These two acres of land separated our property from that of the Cullen's.

The Cullen's were one of the wealthiest and most prominent families in the state. Established money. The only reason I knew them was because my mother used to work as a nanny for them, when Mrs. Cullen had first had her twins, Edward and Alice. Since I had been born close in age, and out of the kindness of Esme's heart, my mother had been permitted to bring me with her to work. This was what separated Esme from the rest of her high-brow society peers. Normally, a lady of her stature would never allow for the staff's children to socialize with her own. Someone like me might teach them improper manners. Thankfully, Esme was kind.

As I approached the house, I knew I would have to go up the tree and directly into Alice Cullen's window. As kind as Esme was, she would feel the obligation to report back to my mother my unsuitable dress and unkempt hair. The amazing air conditioning would be worth the climb.

I had grown up in this house. Though, I hadn't been permitted to sleep over, until my sister had gotten engaged to a Newton. Everything had changed for my family, when we had been honored with marriage into a higher-class family. In our society as it stood, when a lady married into a family with means, it was the duty of her betrothed to see that his new fiancé's family was greatly compensated and given rise in station where necessary. After all, it would be embarrassing for someone in the upper class to be seen with their in-laws who were lower, or worse, lessers.

The minute my sister had said, "I do," my father had been given a promotion within his department. No longer a common police officer, he had been made a lead investigator. My mother was expected not to work and gave notice to the Cullen family. Working was for the poor lessers. Societal rules dictated that working was beneath women above a certain station. Only volunteer work was suitable, and then only if a woman wished to, with her father or husband's approval. Their fathers or husbands were expected to be able to provide. Only in rare circumstances was a lady ever allowed a job that paid real coin. This idea alone made me never want to get married.

Our house had undergone a complete renovation, and all the land we'd previously had to pay rent for had been gifted to my father. Now that my family wasn't in the lesser working class, thanks to Jessica marrying her Michael Newton, I was expected to learn the proper ways of society and become a lady, so I might have a suitable marriage when the time came. That time was now, and I hated feeling like a prized cow put out for show, where they might as well place a flashing neon sign above my head stating, "Available for marriage."

Why someone would ever want to marry me was beyond my comprehension. The reason my sister was coming for a long-overdue visit was not to spend time with her family. No, she was coming now, because she needed to be sure her family wasn't an embarrassment, when her husband and his family visited the state this coming holiday season for the Eastern Region Christmas Ball. Jessica's main embarrassment was me.

"Bella?" Alice asked, opening her window when she saw me.

"Sorry, I would've called, but I didn't realize until after I'd jumped down from my room that I'd forgotten my phone. You know there was no way I'd be able to get back upstairs without being seen."

I climbed onto the roof from the tree and watched out for the one loose tile under Alice's window that had tripped me up before. I had landed in a painful straddle across Alice's windowsill on my bottom more than once, when that tile had shifted from under my foot. That had felt worse than the personal goring I had gotten after hitting a pothole while riding Edward's bicycle the one time I had attempted it.

"Jessica's here?"

I nodded, slipping through the window, grateful for the generous solar array that powered the Cullen's house, hence their amazing central air conditioning.

Alice understood my plight. She was the kindest person I knew. Someone of her station should have never been friends with someone like me. Alice, being a Cullen, was from established money, whereas my family was granted money, so she should not have wanted to be seen with me. Alice was on track to marry into one of the wealthiest and most prominent families from down south. A friend like me, fat, unappealing and lower in station, might have the ability to drag her down. But Alice was like her mother. Kind. She didn't care what people thought of our association. Given her station, she didn't have to care.

There were only a handful of established money families in the state. Established meaning those who had been blessed for centuries with their financial proclivities. People like our family, who married into established money, were gifted money. Or granted money. The whole thing was rather ridiculous if you asked me. Who cared how much money we had or how we had come to have it? Oh, that was right…everyone.

Alice and I had been best friends since we were four. Edward, Alice and I had been thick as thieves growing up. Three best friends. Edward used to be like me. He, too, had struggled in the weight department. We used to sneak off to the kitchen, and while one of us distracted the staff, the other would ferret away some cookies or leftover cakes. I loved Edward. He was the first boy I had ever loved. He had even kissed me once, but no one could ever know about that. Not even Alice.

However, when we had neared our teens, Edward had been put on a strict diet and exercise regimen, and the more weight he had lost, the less he would hang out with me anymore. Now, he was off over in Europe at school, and from what Alice had told me, his father was none too pleased with him, since apparently, he was sleeping in classes, having lots of random sex, and drinking himself silly.

Occasionally, Alice would show me a new picture of her brother, and I would feel my body tingle just looking at him. He was so incredibly attractive now. No longer pudgy, but tall and handsome, with muscles completely defined, he was perfection. It was those pictures I would remember, when I was alone at night and able to touch myself in private. If my mother knew, she would skin me alive for having impure thoughts of a man who would never be my husband.

"So, when did the nasty troll arrive?" Alice asked.

I sighed and flopped down on her couch. "Just now. I couldn't face her yet. I need my strength."

"Oh, Bella, I wish you didn't have to see her. She's so cruel. She makes my blood boil. I can't wait until Jasper and I are wed. Don't worry, I'll be sure to give your sister a proper education, then. She may be with a Newton, but I'll be with a Whitlock. Whitlock's always trumped Newtons."

Yes, Whitlocks did trump Newtons, but a male Cullen would trump them all. Whomever Edward decided to wed, that girl's class would rise immediately to the top.

"Well, I can't wait to see the look on her face come that day. Have you and Jasper set a date yet?" I asked.

Alice went over and sat back down at her vanity. She began to run a brush through her gorgeous chestnut brown hair.

"Not yet, but his father and my father are in their final negotiations, so it'll be only a matter of days before I can finally pick a date. I was thinking next summer, but it feels like forever and a day. I don't think I can wait that long…especially for sex."

I laughed and shook my head. "Are you horny, Alice?" I giggled.

"Aren't you? My god, I can't wait to have sex. I think I'll make a little negotiation of my own with Jasper. See to it that he gives me sex everyday…perhaps twice a day. Not only to have babies, but because I know that, once I start, I won't want to stop."

Hearing her go on about sex made me want it, too, but who the hell would ever have sex with me? Plus, I was sure when my parents or sister found someone to take me on, they would want me to be pure. Sometimes, it felt as though that was all I was good for. To my family, a possible financial gain, and to my potential husband, one good pop of the cherry to stake his flag in to claim.

"I don't know if I'll ever have sex. I think I'd much rather be a spinster, allowed to live my life however I wished. I'd take having a job any day over a marriage for gain only."

"Oh, Bella, don't say such things! Besides, you work now, so…not much would change."

She was lying. I didn't work. I "volunteered." I wasn't allowed to accept payment for my time, because of my new station. People would also think my family was financially strapped, and then we would bring shame to Michael Newton, because he was, after all, responsible for our wellbeing by marrying my sister.

Currently, I volunteered at the local hospital, where Alice's father, Carlisle Cullen, worked as the chief of surgery, as well as having a financial stake in the hospital. He was the one who had gotten me my volunteer position. At first, I would read to comatose patients or people in the intensive care ward, but lately, my job had changed. The hospital employees would call me the grim reaper. It was a silly joke. One I enjoyed, but if my mother ever found out, she would be horrified and expect me to quit there straightaway.

They called me the grim reaper, because I wanted to sit with patients who had no one and were being taken off life support. No one should have to die alone. I took it upon myself to hold their hands or read to them, so perhaps they would go peacefully, knowing they weren't alone.

"I don't know, Alice. I think I'd rather take my chances with cats. Plus, if I was a cat lady, then it'd infuriate my sister, and why would I pass up the chance to do that?"

"Your sister would probably make your parents disown you. You wouldn't be able to afford cats. You'd be a gutter baby."

"Aw, are you saying you wouldn't take me in and let me work for you? You know I can do anything domestic and do it quite well. I'd make a fine servant for your budding family."

Alice set her brush down and turned to me. "I'd never let you work for me, but of course, I'd take you in," she replied seriously. "Bella, there's something I want to ask you. I hope you'll agree to it. It'd mean the world to me."

Somehow, our light conversation had turned serious.

"Would you be my maid of honor?"

My mouth slowly dropped open. "You can't be serious."

"I'm very much serious. You know I love you. You're my best friend. I can't imagine anyone else I'd want to stand by my side on the happiest day of my life."

I slowly shook my head. "Your mother would never agree to it. I mean…Esme's a dear, but look at me? They'd never want this to blemish your pictures," I replied, waving my hand up and down my body.

"I don't care what my mother thinks, or anyone else for that matter. True, you'll have to wear a dress and do your hair and makeup. You can't come in jeans and a baggy t-shirt," she joked.

I threw a pillow from her couch at her.

"Is that a yes or what?" Alice asked again.

I nodded my head and laughed. "Of course. I'd be honored."

I stood up and went to hug her. A sense of dread filled my stomach, when I thought of standing in front of all those people, but I would do it for Alice. Odd thing was, this kind of honor was something that might get my sister off my back. Being seen at the right hand of a Cullen on her wedding day did carry a certain clout.

I knew I couldn't spend my whole day with Alice, as much as I wanted to. It would only take a couple of hours, before my mom would send out a search party for me. So, I shimmed down Alice's tree and headed back towards my house.

I had hoped my father would be home by the time I returned. He was always softer on me, when Jessica would come home and have her claws out for me. I knew my mother would take Jessica's side, no matter what she said or did. It wasn't my mother's fault. Technically, Jessica was higher in station now with her marriage, so my mom would have no choice but to listen to Jessica and give her words weight.

"You'd better get in there, child. I think your sister is mighty upset with your disappearance," Mrs. Cope said, as I came through the back door into the kitchen. We'd only gained Mrs. Cope after my sister's marriage. She did all the standard housework and cooking now that I used to do, and she was a dear. I gave her a quick hug, and she squeezed me back, wishing me luck.

I could hear my mother and Jessica talking in the sitting room. It was teatime. I looked down and saw my pants were muddy, and my shirt was stained with sweat. I knew I should sneak up to my room and shower, but I decided to go a different route.

"Good afternoon," I announced, entering the formal sitting room. My damp sneakers squeaked on the polished wooden floors.

"Bella!" Jessica said my name in disgust.

"Bella, I told you to get ready for your sister's arrival! Where have you been?" my mother hissed angrily.

"Yes, what's your explanation for this? You look ghastly, and you've made me wait," Jessica sneered.

"My apologies. I'll just dash upstairs and come back when I'm acceptable."

"And just how long will that take?" my sister demanded, rolling her eyes.

"Girls…" my mom started.

"Well, just how long am I expected to wait? From the looks of her, I'll be here for the rest of the year, if I'm to have any luck in managing her care."

I stopped in my tracks and turned around.

"Please, don't go to any trouble, Jessica. You need not waste your time on me. In fact, how about we make a deal? You leave me be, and I'll be sure to make myself scarce when your in-laws come this winter," I offered.

"Ugh," Jessica responded in disgust. "You think my in-laws are just going to forget about my fat, unappealing sister? They'll expect to see that some progress has been made since the wedding. How do you think it'll make me look when they see you? They'll be worried daddy might have to sell the farm for someone to take his un-prized pig. And who do you think will be responsible for that dowry? Me and my well-connected husband!"

For a brief moment, I forgot myself and hauled off and smacked her straight across the face.

Jessica stood there staring at me. How disappointing that my slapping her stupid was purely a fantasy that happened only in my mind.

"Marriage agrees with you, Jessica."

A common greeting. She narrowed her eyes, knowing my words were insincere.

"And I don't see how it'll ever agree with you!"

"Then, deny me! Please. I'd much rather spend my days on the streets than to put up with you!"

Now, I had done it.

"Bella!" my mother snapped. "Stop it. She'll not be denying anyone. Now, go upstairs, and for the love of god, throw away that entire outfit!"

"No, by all means, keep the outfit. It'll be something you can wear, when we start our exercising regiment. I've hired the best trainer in the western states to come and deal with you," Jessica smirked.

I wanted to fire back a snappy retort, but I stopped myself.

"I'll gladly meet your trainer. But I'm doing this for Alice Cullen, not you. Alice has asked me to be her maid of honor, and I've accepted."

My mother screamed out in joy and then covered her mouth, before it could provide further embarrassment. Jessica looked nearly offended.

"Oh, Bella! What a great honor!" my mother praised, bringing me in for the first genuine hug she had given me since I was a child.

"Did Alice get Esme's blessing? I doubt she'd approve of this," Jessica replied haughtily.

I rolled my eyes. "No, but Alice doesn't care. She wanted me."

Jessica shook her head. "Alice Cullen always was a loon. I don't know how she ever convinced a Whitlock to look her way," Jessica huffed, sounding a tad jealous.

"Be careful, Jessica. You're speaking down about a Cullen. What would people think if they knew of your harsh words? Do I need to remind you of your place? Should I run up and draw you a chart?" I taunted.

"I don't need a chart. I know all the prominent families. Far better than you'll ever know."

I snorted out loud, which made Jessica's face turn green with repulsion. "I only need to know one family. The Cullen's trump them all," I sang, turning on my heel and leaving the sitting room.

I could hear her and my mother continuing to discuss my sad nature, as my feet traveled up the stairs and toward the bathroom. I was never one for bubble baths, but knowing it would keep me away from Jessica longer, I decided now was the time to invest in some time alone.

I lay in our clawfoot bathtub and closed my eyes, listening to the birds outside my window, while I thought about Alice's offer to be her maid of honor. Any normal girl would be giddy at the thought. I had never been a maid of honor before. Jessica would have laughed out loud or possibly cracked a smile if I had ever asked to be her maid of honor when the time came to select someone. I was a bit surprised I had even been invited to her wedding. I wished I hadn't been. The looks on the faces of Michael Newton's family had been enough to make me never want to leave my bedroom again. I hadn't seen them since, and that was over three years ago.

Once Alice and Jasper received their official permission to marry from their fathers, their wedding season clock would be set. Jasper would take ownership of their new estate. Alice would be permitted to move into a guest suite until the day of their wedding, and then after they said their vows, Alice would move into their bridal suite, where forever she would stay with Jasper.

Every event up until the wedding would be planned out extensively, and since I was the maid of honor, I would need to be ready to see to Alice's happiness. All while wearing a dress. I shuddered at the thought.

I sunk down deeper into my bath and let my hair wash clean under the water. My face was fully submerged. It was all so peaceful. What I wouldn't give to be left alone. Not my sister's problem. Not my father or mother's. Just left to be my own person.

I dreamed of what life would look like, if I wasn't forced to worry about marriage and the class system that had become so ingrained in our society. I thought of South America. White sandy beaches. Sunny, perfect weather, and exotic men, amongst whom I might perhaps find one to think of me as attractive. I could have a job. Something honorable, like a teacher or nurse. I would have children when I was ready, and they would be perfect. I tried to picture my imaginary family, but a husband's face did not appear. My children faded away like sand being blown aside, and my picture showed only me. Alone.

A loud knock on the door woke me from my sad, silly fantasies.

"Bella, you should get out soon, dear. Dinner will be ready, and your father should arrive any moment," Mrs. Cope called through the white wooden door.

I pulled the plug on my bath and groaned, as I heaved myself up and out. Mrs. Cope had left me enough time to blow dry my wet hair, so I might give off a better impression. I stood in front of the mirror, appraising my naked body, and I hated when I immediately cringed at my rolls. _I don't care what people think... I don't care what people think…_

I recited this over and over, even if I didn't believe a word of it.

I settled on dress pants and a dark green top. It was significantly a step up from what I had worn previously that day, but I doubted it would placate my sister. When I did finally arrive downstairs, I could see everyone in the house was in a flurry of excitement.

My father sat in his comfy chair, while he and my mother talked excitedly.

"There you are. Guess what just arrived?" my mother sang, as she waved an ivory card around in her hand.

I shrugged and hid partly behind the wall separating me from the living room.

"Oh, Bella, stop slumping like that. Stand up straight and proper. With lines like these, you can easily shave off a couple of pounds," she modeled to me how she wanted me to stand. She looked like a crippled swan attempting to straighten out its neck. It looked awkward and displeasing to the eye.

She pulled me into the room, as I heard Jessica's heels clicking down the steps behind me. _And here we go for round two…_

"Jessica, look at what just came." My mother had now forgotten me and moved on to her favorite daughter. She presented the ivory card to Jessica.

"Esme Cullen wishes to have tea with Bella tomorrow afternoon. This must mean she'll approve Alice's choice for maid of honor. Can you imagine what this'll mean for our family?" my mother beamed.

"Mother, it's just tea and…a bridal party position. It's not a guaranteed marriage proposal. I don't know what everyone is getting so excited for."

"I can't believe it. My sweet Bella, my little diamond-in-the-rough, standing beside a Cullen on her wedding day. I'm mighty proud of you," my father smiled, acting as if he hadn't heard a word from my sister.

"She hasn't been little in over a decade!" Jessica grumbled.

"I have to figure out what I'm going to wear," my mother squealed.

It was customary for my mother to attend alongside me until I was married, because supposedly, only after marriage would I gain the insight to be able to speak for myself. However…

"No, Mother. I'll attend with Bella," Jessica declared.

Since my sister was a station above my mother, she had the authority to come and speak on my behalf.

"No! Come on…" I complained.

I saw the light go out in my mother's eyes, as she sat down like a scolded puppy.

"Esme Cullen is as worthy as they come. I'd think you'd want someone like me to stand on your behalf and accept this honor. I'll see to it Esme knows that, when it comes to representing our family, I'll do everything in my power to make you acceptable."

I looked over and pleaded with my father. The light had gone out in his eyes, too.

"Bella…she makes a valid case. I'm sure Jessica will have your best interests at heart," my father replied quietly.

I wanted to throw a tantrum, but I refrained. I wanted to run upstairs and scream into my pillow until my voice was hoarse, but I refrained. I wanted to shove my steaming chicken pot pie into my sister's face while at dinner, but I didn't. Why? Because I was not that girl.

I saw my future now. It was not in South America with some exotic husband or beautiful children. My future was being under my sister's thumb for the rest of my life. Even if I did marry eventually, Jessica would always be higher in society. I would never get out from under her.

Unless…

I married someone higher than a Newton.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing. She took on the amazing feat of going through and editing this from the beginning! I will never understand how amazing and generous people can be with their time to help me out! thank you, girl! You're amazing!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

"Faster, Bella!"

"Harder, Bella!"

I had dreamed of a man screaming these words at me many times. Usually, I would be alone in my bed, having a dirty fantasy of Edward Cullen, as he pushed himself inside me. Faster, Bella. Harder, Bella.

However, this time was not a fantasy. This time, it was hell.

"Come on, Bella. Keep up!" my sister screamed.

Jogging around in her tiny hot pink spandex outfit, my sister was taking far too much pleasure in witnessing my pain. Her trainer, Jacob Black, had made the trip all the way from California to be here and transform my lumpy body into something respectable. He'd have to be a damn miracle worker, for the amount of money Jessica was paying him. My apologies. I meant to say, Michael Newton was paying him.

Jacob Black was exactly the kind of man who made me nervous. His body was so full of muscles, I wondered what would happen if he ever ate some actual carbs or saturated fat. I nearly laughed, as I pictured him eating a whole plate of teacakes, and then his muscles going to war, as they attempted to settle in his stomach. People like Jacob Black would take one look at someone like me and run to the nearest toilet to vomit.

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body! Your sweat is your fat crying!"

Oh, god! I didn't know what was worse. He stupid clichés, or the physical pain I was in, as I pushed this damn tire up the hill.

My sister had kicked me out of bed before six o'clock this morning. With our teatime being set for three o'clock that afternoon at the Cullen estate, she wanted to see that I was able to fit my first workout in, while still having enough time to make myself presentable.

After dinner had ended the previous night, I had run up to my room to locate my phone and fired off a text message to Alice.

Troll is coming for tea!

She sent me back a winking-face emoji. At least I had warned her of the plague that was about to descend upon her house. However, with the way this Jacob Black was working me out, I might not be able to make it to tea. My arms nearly felt like they were about to fall off, and my back and stomach felt strained from all the pushing I was doing.

I let go of the tire and let it roll down the hill to find its final resting place. Final, because I was not about to do that again.

"Bella!" my sister screeched.

"I'm done for today," I declared.

My shirt was stained in sweat. Not a clean mark was left on it, and my legs felt disgusting in the creases between where my legs met my pelvis. My hair felt as if I had just gone through a shower.

"It's okay, Bella. Rome wasn't built in a day. Good start," Jacob said, smacking me on the back. "Watch those carbs and eat lots of leafy greens and lean protein. Remember, hunger makes the perfect sauce, and eating right is half the battle. I know you're in it to win it!"

"Great," I replied sarcastically, before turning to leave.

"Bella, don't you think you should thank him? He did come all the way out here for you," Jessica snapped.

No, he didn't come all the way out here for me. He came all the way out here, because your rich hubby paid him a shit-ton of money to do so.

"Thank you, Jacob," I replied sweetly.

I turned around and rolled my eyes, heading off toward the house.

"Be ready to leave by two-thirty, and for the love of God, be sure to take a proper shower!" I heard my sister yelling after me. I didn't look her way or give any sign of acknowledgment. "I mean it, Bella! I'm going to inspect you before we go."

I heard her begin to discuss with Jacob Black whether he had any hope for my dire situation. I heard her tell him she had already spoken to Mrs. Cope and had her clear the kitchen of anything fattening.

I stepped into my cold shower and welcomed the frosty feeling that sent shivers throughout my body. I slowly turned the dial to add heat and let the water fall over my body to wash away the sweat. I knew that, whatever I had in my closet, it would not be good enough for the likes of Jessica, but I still mentally went through it and tried to decide on a suitable outfit for tea with Esme and Alice.

When I exited my bathroom, I saw the time I had spent thinking over my dress options was all for naught. Laid out on my bed was a tight, royal blue dress I despised. I disliked it so much, because it emphasized my oversized breasts and all my fat rolls when I sat. How my mother ever thought this dress would be appropriate was beyond me. The only way it would look halfway decent was if I wore a tight girdle underneath it. I hated wearing girdles in the summer months.

A small breakfast was sent up to my room. A tiny glass of skim milk. Two egg whites and a small piece of turkey sausage. I wanted to throw it out the window and rifle through my hidden stash, but I didn't. As much as I wanted to stick it to Jessica, I knew my losing a couple of pounds would make it easier on Alice. All eyes might be on her during this wedding season, but they would also be looking at me. It was not my intention to cause undue stress to Alice, as she fielded questions over why she would choose someone like me to stand beside her on the most important day of her life.

I went down and awaited Jessica's "inspection." My mother came out, and her eyes welled up with tears at the sight of me. She walked over and began pulling at my dress, attempting to make it look a little more appealing. "Straighten up and stand tall, Isabella."

"And suck in that huge gut!" my sister ordered when she saw me.

"I can't suck my stomach in for the entire event, Jessica."

"You're representing the Swan family, so you'll do it." She looked down at my dress and scowled. "We must do some shopping. Even if you're plus-sized, there's no excuse for wearing such unflattering clothes."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know what you're so stressed about. I've known the Cullen family since I was young. I'm sure they won't put nearly as much thought into my wardrobe as you have," I replied.

"No, Bella. You don't know the Cullen's. You only think you know them, because you were fortunate enough to befriend one as a child, and for some reason, she's kept you around. We're talking about a wedding. Probably the most affluent wedding of the year. This is not tea among friends. It's a business transaction, and you'll be lucky if the Cullen's decide to buy what you're selling. Now, let's go."

The only positive thing I would say about Jessica was that she deemed me worthy enough to ride along in her chauffeured car. I'd never had the experience of sitting in such a high-priced car up until that point. I could hear the soft leather squeak underneath my bottom, as I kept fidgeting from side to side, feeling my nervousness grow the closer we drove toward the Cullen's main house. Jessica smacked me in the arm a couple of times to remind me to sit still, but her words had gotten to me. What if Esme was unpleasant to me, because she realized she had experienced a lapse in judgment all those years ago by allowing me to fraternize with her children? Now, she would pay the price, when all of society scrutinized every single detail of her young daughter's wedding event.

The car pulled up to the front of the house. I had been here nearly every day of my life, and yet, this was the first time the house had ever looked overwhelming. Four high white columns stood at the main entrance, and probably twenty or so windows served the face of the mansion. The tall ancient oaks did their best to keep the home in the shade.

I stepped out of Jessica's fancy car and pulled my purse in front of me. I felt a surge of relief, when Alice bounced out the front door in a flowery white dress and an enormous baby pink bow on the side of her head.

"That's one mighty bow you've got there," I laughed, feeling silly for having ever allowed Jessica's words to get the better of me.

"That's not how you greet a person," Jessica admonished.

Alice was modeling her bow and laughed. "Of course not, that's how you greet a friend. Come on up, friend…and friend's…sister."

Alice made great work in acknowledging Jessica, and I nearly squealed in delight at my sister's face, knowing she couldn't say a word against Alice.

Jessica stiffly made her way up to the top of the steps, while I bounced up them to greet my friend with a hug. Note to self, no more stairs the rest of the day. I could already feel my body pained from the early morning workout.

"Come on in. Tea is nearly ready, and my mother will be down in just a moment," Alice welcomed, as her maid, Rebecca, came to take our purses.

We walked through the house and towards one of the smaller tearooms, where Esme hosted less formal teas. Our heels echoed throughout the grand hall, as they tapped away on the polished marble floors. This particular tearoom was one I had come to love the most, because of its high windows and being next to the garden. It was a lovely room.

A small round table was laid out before us with all the expected accouterments. I felt my stomach lurch, when I saw Rebecca's famous teacakes were on the stand. How I loved her teacakes, but I would be lucky if Jessica allowed for even one crumb to grace my plate.

"Hello, ladies," Esme said, walking in. She was dressed in a flowy pale blue sundress. The ease with which she walked in the high heels she was wearing should have been illegal.

"Mrs. Cullen," I greeted.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen. Thank you so much for having us here today," my sister shoved past me to stretch out her hand to give Esme's hand a gentle squeeze, a common greeting among ladies of high station. We were never to grip and shake a hand. That was too masculine. A nice soft squeeze was considered far more appropriate.

Alice gave me an amused look, and I squashed my smile, so it wouldn't be so apparent.

"Let's have a seat," Esme offered, and we all took our places around the table.

Rebecca came straightaway to pour the tea. When she was finished, she picked up the tray of teacakes and began to walk around the table, always starting with Esme first, moving on to Alice then Jessica, and of course, I was last. I saw Jessica give me a warning eye the moment the tray was in front of me. I wanted to fill my plate up, but I would never embarrass Esme in that fashion to get back at my sister. So, I politely shook my head and refrained.

"Are you sure, Bella? I had Rebecca make them especially for you," Esme said.

"That was so sweet of you. Then, I guess it'd be poor manners of me to decline," I replied, taking one off the tray and looking to Jessica, as I took the first bite. I saw her jaw tense. I knew I would pay for this. Most likely with more annoying clichés from my new trainer, Jacob. But damn, that cake was worth every second of pain he would throw my way.

"It's a shame your mother couldn't make it, Bella. I was always so fond of her," Esme began.

"Well, I assure you, Mrs. Cullen, I'm all too happy to represent the Swan family," Jessica said, even though Esme was clearly speaking to me.

"So, Bella, as I'm sure Alice has told you, she'd like to officially request you stand by her side on her big day. Jasper and Alice have been given our and the Whitlock's approval to marry. We'd be honored to include you on that special day."

I felt my face go slightly red. An honor to have me included?

"Oh, Mrs. Cullen…" I began to say, but Jessica butted in over me.

"Of course, Bella would be honored. I'm sure, however, that you have some reservations. As I speak for the Swan family, and Bella, I assure you, I'll do everything in my power to see to it that she does not embarrass your family."

Esme gave Jessica a look of astonishment. "Embarrass? How could Bella's presence ever embarrass us? Mrs. Newton, I assure you, the Cullen family has a long-respected history. It'd take quite a feat to embarrass our family. But I understand, you're new to society and our ways, so perhaps in time, you'll learn."

Jessica looked like she had just been smacked across the face, and by Esme's words, she had. I saw Jessica's face twist, as her mind worked to find the appropriate apology, but she came up with nothing, because she really did not want to apologize to Esme.

"You know, Mrs. Newton, I understand how you might've believed that today would warrant someone to come and accept this great honor on Bella's behalf, but your presence is not needed. It's up to Bella to accept. If she doesn't want to stand beside my daughter on her happy day, she need only to say so."

"No, of course, I'd love that honor," I spoke up, before Esme could believe differently.

"Bella can't accept without my family's permission. Or should I remind you of our ways?" Jessica challenged.

I felt my mouth drop open, and my eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. I looked over to Alice, hoping to convey some sort of apology with my eyes, but she was not looking my way. No, Alice looked as if she were enjoying the show, with a funny little grin on her face. The audacity Jessica had was appalling. I wanted to say something against her, but she was technically right. It still burned me that she would ever speak to my friend's mother with such disrespect, though.

Esme didn't even seem phased. In fact, she even laughed a little. She placed her teacup down and tilted her head to the side.

"Do you dare question me?" she asked with an inquisitive, sly smile. "Mrs. Newton, I'm afraid your time in my house has come to an end. If you attempt to stop your sister from accepting this honor, I'll be sure to ruin your name. Your husband will rue the day he ever looked your way. You'll be the downfall of all Newtons, and I'd love nothing more than to see you hurled back down to the gutter for your insolence. Have I made myself clear?"

I saw Jessica had turned as pale as Alice's dress. She swallowed and nodded curtly, without giving an audible response.

"Rebecca, would you please show Mrs. Newton to the door." Esme turned to me and held out a kind hand. "Don't fret, Bella. We'll see to your safe arrival home when the time comes."

Jessica stood up slowly, and without another word, she stiffly walked with Rebecca out of the room.

"Now that she's been dealt with, why don't we really enjoy ourselves?" Esme said, handing me the tray of teacakes with a wink.

I shyly laughed and took another cake.

I could only imagine all the ways Jessica was going to let me have it when I got home, so I took my time and enjoyed my afternoon. When the tea was over, I followed Alice back upstairs, so we could talk more privately. I heard loud, obnoxious music coming from down the hall, as we approach Alice's bedroom.

I paused at her door, as she walked down to the end and banged loudly on another door. "Keep it down! There's more than just you who's inhabiting this side of the house!" Alice screamed.

It then occurred to me that she was speaking to Edward. That was Edward's old room. I had never been permitted entrance, because it would be wrong for a young girl to enter a boy's room. The music ceased, and the door opened.

"Always such a killjoy," Edward said, looking down at his twin sister. I felt my face flush, and I immediately slipped into Alice's room, hoping he wouldn't see me. I hadn't seen or spoken to Edward Cullen in over five years. But I guessed when you were as big as me, you tended to be easily noticed.

"Who was that?" I heard Edward ask his sister.

"Who do you think?" Alice snapped. "Bella, obviously."

Silence.

"Oh…uh…have fun," he replied, and then I heard the loud bang come from Edward closing his door.

Alice walked back into her room and found me sitting on the couch, doing my best to hide behind a pillow.

"You could've said hello. You two haven't seen each other in ages."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I doubt Edward even remembers me."

Alice gave me a look. "My brother may be stupid, but all that drinking and sex he's been having while in London didn't ruin his memory. In fact, I don't even know if there's a memory from our childhood that doesn't include you, so of course, Edward would remember you."

I shook my head and racked my brain for a topic to get Alice off her brother. "So…what did you think about tea?"

Alice laughed and fell back onto her four-poster canopy bed.

"I must've been a very good girl in my previous life to be able to witness that takedown. I'd hoped Jessica would dig her own grave, and she didn't disappoint."

"Still…I'm a tad nervous about what awaits me when I get home. However, I'll replay that scene every single day for the rest of my life the second my sister starts in on me."

"Oh, Bella, I know you have this distorted idea that societal pressures dictate everything, but if you stood up for yourself, what would be the worst thing Jessica could do?"

"Well, for starters, she could deny me and make my parents deny me. I'm sure my mother would do it in a heartbeat, but it'd kill my father to do so. You don't know from these things, because you're a Cullen. If the Newton's got offended and denied our family, someone in my family's position would be shoved back down the ladder. My mother would be forced to work again. As much as I want to work, I know she doesn't. My father would be demoted, and our house would likely be taken away, if the Newton's refused to pay one more cent for maintenance. So, I'm stuck continuing to pucker up and kiss her butt, because I could never tell her off and cause all these repercussions to my family. We're owned, Alice, truly and completely."

Alice sat up and gave me a sad look.

"I'm so sorry. I never thought of it like that. I swear on all that's holy, if there was ever a way to take down Jessica where you wouldn't be affected, I'd gladly give up my wedding to do so."

I laughed and waved my hands at her. "Don't you even think of it. Why, your wedding is going to be the social event of the year, and it just so happens, I shall play a very important role that could even bring a man my way…or so I've been led to believe."

I wondered if Jessica would say anything to my parents about what had happened at the Cullen residence. When I arrived home, the house seemed absent of all activity. My father was probably still at work, and who knew where my mother would have gone. I entered the house, feeling as if I was trapped in a scary movie, and around the wrong corner, a masked man wielding a knife would be ready for me. Fortunately, I was able to make it to my room without any hint of Jessica's whereabouts.

I walked into my room and closed the door, nearly jumping straight out of my skin, when I saw Jessica hiding behind the door.

"Back so soon?" she asked quietly.

"What are you doing in here?"

She might have had certain liberties over me, but her hiding away in my bedroom was not one of them. She had changed out of her tea dress and was wearing her signature white pearl set, a black cashmere sweater, and nice pants. How anyone could wear a sweater in this weather was beyond me. Perhaps the devil kept hell extra cold for people like Jessica.

"Bella, I've decided to go ahead and allow you to participate in Alice's wedding. Even if her mother was horribly disrespectful to our family, if she wants you so badly, then she can have you. I know it'll only be a matter of time before you do something to screw up the wedding events, and I can't wait to be there on that day."

I scoffed and shook my head slightly. "What did I ever do to make you hate me so much?"

I saw her narrow her eyes. She truly did hate me. "You have no idea what it was like growing up for someone like me, cursed to have a sister like you."

Her words already hit me square in the chest, and she hadn't even finished.

"I didn't want to be a gutter baby. To work every day like a lesser, because I married poor, like our parents. I worked my ass off to make myself look good and turn the right heads, fearing they'd find out what kind of family I came from, before I could win their favor. Hoping they wouldn't hold my fat, dumpy sister, who didn't care about ever finding a man, against me. A sister who'd be happy to be another drain on society. I overcame all of that, and now, I have everything I ever wanted, and I'll be damned if you or someone like Esme Cullen will try to take that away from me. You want cake? Go ahead and eat until your stomach bursts. I'm through helping you. Show Esme what kind of embarrassment you really are. Happy wedding season, Fatella."

She pushed past me and slammed the door behind her.

I was left alone, and I caught sight of myself in the full-length mirror in the corner of my room. My dress was creased in all the places my fat strained to get out when I would sit down. I felt the tears slowly fall down my face.

In a fit, I pulled off my stupid heels and threw them at the mirror, but my poor aim caused them to miss. I pried my body out of the tight dress and breathed a sigh of relief the moment my girdle was peeled off. I pulled on some jeans and a big shirt.

I couldn't sit in my room like a good little girl and cry over my sister's harsh words. I thought about what Alice had said about standing up for myself, and how I always bought into all of society's expectations. A thought occurred to me, and I was down the steps and making my way to the refrigerator before I knew it. No, I was not looking for something to eat. I had a different plan in mind.

I grabbed a bag out of the cupboard and filled it up. The clanking of the glass caused a racket. The minute I was out the backdoor with my bag, I felt the cooler air hit my face, and it was a small taste of freedom.

I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Anger fueled me, as I headed off towards the woods to an old fallen tree that was my refuge, providing solace in times like these. I had come to this tree my whole life, whenever I had been hurt or angry. I placed the bag down and pulled out one of my father's beers. I had never taken a drink of alcohol. It would be wrong, since I was only eighteen. Society dictated that alcohol was something ladies should only partake in after they were married, and even then, only on special occasions.

Screw being a lady!

I twisted off the top and took a swig. I nearly choked, as the liquid tasted no better than what I would have imagined drinking my own urine would have. It was rather disgusting. How could anyone willingly choose to drink something so vile? I told myself this, and yet, I kept drinking it. Each sip was a middle finger to Jessica. To society. To being a lady.

I got through one whole bottle. I should have just given up and taken the rest back home. I tossed the empty bottle to the ground. I would deal with it later. I reached down and grabbed another and twisted off the top.

"My, my, my. Now, what would the ladies over at Kenzie Court think of this?"

I nearly fell off my log, as the voice caught me off guard, but I was not that tipsy. I didn't think so, anyway. I slowly turned and saw him. Edward Cullen. I took a breath and held up my bottle.

"Take a picture and put it on Time Magazine. Headline…legs are open for breeding," I replied sarcastically.

Edward smirked and stepped closer. His attire was out of place for a stroll in the woods. Dress shoes and a button-up green shirt with slacks. If I was too underdressed, Edward was my opposite.

"Well, it's good to see you haven't changed. Other than the underage drinking and sarcasm."

I shook my head. Okay, now I was starting to feel the effects from the imitation bottled urine I had ingested.

"What do you want?" I quietly asked with a dash of annoyance.

Edward walked around and sat down near me. "Mind if I have one?"

I shrugged and gestured for him to go ahead. He reached down and pulled up two, setting one aside for later, I imagined. He popped off the top and took a long swig. His eyes didn't even flinch at the first taste of the disgusting concoction.

"So, what are you running away from? I know you only came out here when you were upset."

How did he even remember this? I mean, we hadn't been friends for years. Even before he had left to go to school in England, he had stopped being friends with me for nearly a year before that.

"You have no idea how lucky you are to be a Cullen."

I didn't know why I was being so honest. I guessed this damn stuff was like truth serum.

Edward barked out a laugh. "And here I was just thinking, what on earth could Bella Swan be upset about? She has no idea how lucky she is to not be a Cullen."

I nearly snorted. "Easy for you to say, when you can do whatever you want and be whatever you want. You sit at the top of the proverbial food chain. You don't have to answer to anyone," I replied.

He shook his head and downed the beer. "Bella, you don't know anything about me," he scoffed.

I didn't dare look at him. In fact, since he had shown up, I'd had a hard time looking at him, afraid that if I took in the sight of him fully, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from blushing. There was only so much embarrassment a girl could take.

"How about we make a deal. You tell me your big woe, and I'll share mine with you. Whoever has it worse, they'll get the last beer," he offered.

I laughed and looked at him for the first time. "They're my beers," I noted.

"True. Okay, fine. If I win, I get your beer. If you win…you get whatever you like of mine."

My face must have looked perplexed, because I couldn't imagine any other expression when given that kind of cryptic offering. It was a tad inappropriate of Edward to say something so forward. What did he expect me to ask of him? I knew what I wanted, but it would be completely wrong of me to request it. Still, I didn't want our conversation to end. This was already turning out to be the very best part of my day.

"Okay. You're on."

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

I was beginning to see why people liked this alcohol stuff. The more I drank, the duller my taste buds became to it. Plus, this beer was scoring some major time to talk with Edward. After we decided on our little wager, we fought over who should go first.

"You came here first, so you go first," Edward argued.

"No, that's not the rule. The person who goes first should be the person who steals the other person's beer."

Edward chuckled. "Perhaps you should think about cutting yourself off. You make no sense, Bella." He moved to take my beer, but I pulled back and nearly fell off the log. He reached out to grab ahold of me to save me from falling backwards.

"Okay, fine. Why don't we just do rock-paper-scissors to decide?" His hand was still on my wrist, so everything was a bit fuzzy at that moment. "Okay, Bella?" he asked to get my attention.

"Fine," I agreed.

He let go, and we both took our positions. He always chose rock, so I went for paper. My mouth dropped open, when he switched it up and chose scissors.

"You cheated," I accused.

"How did I cheat? You can't cheat at rock-paper-scissors. I just outfoxed you."

I huffed and scowled into my beer. "Best two out of three?" I offered.

"No! Go, now."

I sighed and shook my head. Where was I to even begin? How could I tell this man of my plight in life? He would never understand, or worse, he would make fun of me for it.

"Come on, Bella. My winning beer isn't getting any colder."

I stared out into the woods. It was completely dark now under the trees. I could see the stars in the sky through the branches, and only the full moon gave us our light.

"My sister…she's a horrible person, and she basically just told me that I make her life miserable by my very presence. Jessica and her fat sister, Bella. Just another stupid fat cow who'll probably never marry, so I bring shame on my family, as well as being a financial burden. I'll never get out. I'll never be rid of her. But…I shall endure."

I felt the tears I had been able to resist back at the house now escaping. I was completely ashamed of them, so my head fell forward a smidge to allow my hair to create a perfect wall.

"All I want…I wish everyone would just leave me alone."

My beer was done, so I threw the bottle towards the ground, making sure to miss the one I had already dropped to avoid breaking it.

I didn't hear a word from Edward. I could tell he hadn't even moved an inch. Not to take a drink of his beer or anything. Finally, I heard him sigh.

"Okay…your turn," I said, wiping away my tears discreetly and sucking it all back in.

I heard him laugh humorlessly. "It's funny. You and I have the same problem, just different burdens."

I was finally brave enough to look at him now. He sat staring into the forest in front of him. The very last sip of his beer at the bottom of the bottle was begging to be finished.

"My father said he'll not turn over my share of my grandfather's inheritance if I don't marry by this time next year."

It was apparently my turn to laugh. "Okay, so, what's the problem? You're a Cullen. I'm sure you have your choice of at least twenty girls here of fine upstanding breeding just waiting out on your front doorstep. Just pick one."

I believed it was the beer that was turning me into this kind of person. A forward, quite possibly rude person.

Edward scoffed and jumped down from the log, his feet cracking some twigs as he landed.

"Just pick one. Easy for you to say. Do you think I want to marry just anyone? Marry someone, because it's what's expected of me? To not love or care for that person and know the only reason they'd be marrying me is for my position and money? I, too, just want to be left alone. I like being able to sleep with whomever I want, whenever I want. I don't want to get married. I'm only eighteen!"

I felt thoroughly scolded. He was right, I guessed. We were both right. Why should we be put in this position at all?

"I'm sorry. You're right," I acquiesced. "I guess we both have the same problem. I need to get married to get my sister off my back, and you need to marry to get your father off yours."

Edward took his final swig. I jumped down from the tree and nearly lost my balance, but I quickly found it again. I reached down and picked up the bottles I had littered the ground with and placed them back into my now-empty bag. Edward handed me his empty and then went to pull the last remaining full beer off the log. I reached out to grab it from his hands, and he pulled it back slightly, but then he tilted his head to look me over. His intense gaze was making me nervous.

"What?" I asked.

"We have the same problem…" he muttered.

I shook my head and gave him a questioning look. "Yes…and?"

"Bella, you and I have the same problem!"

"Is this what drunk feels like? Someone saying the same thing over and over again?" I asked, confused.

"Don't you get it? We can fix each other's problem!"

I was never drinking again. I was so confused.

"How?" I slowly asked.

"You need to get married to get your sister off your back. You need a rise in station that'd be over hers. Who did she marry?"

"Michael Newton," I replied, not understanding where he was going with this.

"Ugh! Your sister married a Newton? God, those people are awful," he replied, shuddering slightly. "Anyway, as I was saying, you need to marry over a Newton, and I need to marry in order to obtain my grandfather's inheritance."

He stopped, looking me in the eyes, like it should become clear to me at any second what he was getting at. It wasn't becoming clear to me.

"I don't understand," I finally said, after the silence was wearing thin on my nerves.

"Bella! We should get married!"

I looked down to my bag of empty bottles and opened the bag back up.

"Just how many of these did you drink tonight?" I mumbled.

"I'm being serious," Edward said, reaching out to shake my shoulders.

"No, you're not," I said slowly.

"Yes, I am," he replied a little more forcefully. "Think about it. You need a raise in your station, and I need to go on with my life, just as I am. I can…be who I want to be. This would benefit you as well. You can work if you want to. I know you always dreamed of it, even when we were kids. You can do whatever you want to do, and your sister will have to listen to you for once. It's a win-win situation."

I turned around and went to lean against the log, while I tried to rub my head. I feared the alcohol was hitting me a little too hard. Two beers and I was already feeling the aftermath.

"Edward," I said softly, "It'd never work. No one would ever believe that someone like you would willingly choose someone like me, unless dark forces were involved. You're being stupid."

Edward walked over and leaned against the log, mere inches from me.

"It's my decision whom I choose to marry, and I don't give a fuck what anyone says."

"You're wrong. Your parents still have to approve the union, as do mine, but I don't particularly see my parents needing the push. Your mother and father may be dears to me, especially since they have no cause to be, other than human decency, but they'll never allow for their son to marry someone so low and so…" I finished with a slow wave of my hand up and down my body.

"Leave me to deal with my parents. Contrary to what you may think, I believe my parents would've much preferred you to be their daughter over me."

I pushed away from the tree and dropped the bag.

"You're in serious need of psychiatric counsel. This would never work, Edward," I said, hoping he would see reason.

"Why not, Bella? Give me one good reason."

He looked especially arrogant, as he waited for me to respond. I didn't have to find one good reason, because there were a hundred easily obtained.

"I have far more than just one."

"Go ahead," he replied, folding his arms across his chest, ready for the challenge.

"Alright," I replied. I pulled myself back up on my log to get comfortable, knowing how long this was going to take. "What happens when you finally decide you do want to get married to someone…you actually love? What then? Do we get divorced? That's all well and good for _you,_ but for _me_, people will believe I no longer have my virtue, and therefore, I'm all used up. I'd go back to being nothing, but even less than before."

Edward sighed and looked around at the forest. There was a gentle breeze I welcomed, as it made its way through our woods. The leaves rustled with it, a sound I had come to cherish.

"I'll…declare this amicable, and…you'll get half. With half, you could do whatever your heart desired. Travel. Move. Work."

My mouth dropped open. It was rare for anyone of established money to provide so generously in the event of divorce. For Edward to want to give me half, it was unheard of. Divorce wasn't common, but when it involved a person with established money who had married a person lower in station, all the money would automatically revert to the one of higher station, leaving the lower person practically a gutter baby. Unless the divorce was deemed amicable.

"Okay…and what happens when people expect us to deliver an heir?"

He smirked and gave me a look. "We won't have to worry about that for a while. No one will pressure us about that, at least until after the first year. After that, I'll have complete hold on my inheritance, so I'll not care what anyone thinks about us taking our time."

"What will you say, when everyone constantly questions your choice? You think that, because you're a Cullen, words won't be exchanged? People will look down on you for choosing someone like me. Do you think I want to hear what everyone will have to say about me? They already talk. I walk into a room, and every attractive girl in there looks at me like I'm a disgusting plight on society. Every guy either ignores my presence or shudders at the sight of me. I'm a joke, and so is this. I can't even think about discussing this further. I might be stuck under my sister's thumb for the rest of my life, but at the very least, as long as I'm under her control, she'll be the only one to hurt me with such cruel remarks to my face."

I slid off the tree once more and wiped my face from the damn tears that had escaped.

"Bella," Edward said, stopping me, "You're right. I'm a Cullen. So, I'll be damned if anyone will ever get away with saying anything unkind against my fiancée. Trust me to handle this."

I sat down and ran my hands through my long, dark brown hair, grunting out a frustrated sigh.

"My head hurts," I whispered.

"Why? Because you're searching for another excuse not to do this with me?"

I stood back up and looked him directly in the eyes for the first time in years. In fact, it was the first time since the day when he had kissed me all those years ago. His perfect green eyes, they used to work their spell on me and get me to do whatever he asked. Break into the kitchen and steal some teacakes. Sneak out of the house and meet up for late night swimming in the pond behind his house. But now, this was so much more than teacakes and late-night pond swimming.

"No, my head hurts, because I'm actually considering this."

Edward gave me a couple of seconds, while I ran through every possible issue his plan could have. I should have been jumping at this opportunity. He was offering me everything I wanted. So, why did I have this nagging, sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach? For one thing, it was wrong. To deceive our parents, to begin with. Alice. Oh, god! How could I lie to Alice? She was my best friend.

"What is it?" Edward asked, reading my face.

"I don't want to lie to Alice. She's been so kind to me. It'd be wrong to lie to her."

Edward nodded. "Then…we don't. I say we talk to her. When the time is right, we should tell her. She's my twin. She wants the best for me, and she's your best friend, she wants the best for you. She'll see the logic."

I nodded, that uneasy feeling loosening in my stomach only marginally. I was glad he wasn't going to expect me to lie to Alice. That was something, at least. I continued thinking, with my worries racing around in my head like a pinball machine.

"Damn it, this is so frustrating. It'd be easier if I could read your mind. At least then, I could take down every one of your arguments," he grumbled.

Thank god he couldn't read my mind. I couldn't imagine how embarrassing it would be if he were to know every dirty thought I had ever had about him. Just thinking about it made my face begin to flame. I was thankful it was dark enough here that the moon couldn't even out me. But then, that brought up a very interesting point I hadn't even considered.

"Okay…I have one final argument."

"I'm batting a thousand over here, so bring it on, Swan," he replied, faking a swing of his imaginary bat. Edward then readied himself, like he was going into battle. He took a strong stance, waiting for me.

"You do realize that, for this to work, we can't just tell people we're getting married and then demonstrate our relationship through mere handholding. People will expect us to act a certain way. You'll have to kiss me and make it believable. You'll have to touch me and not cringe. And it won't be just one time or a couple of days. It'll be for months on end, until we say, 'I do.' Do you really think you can pull that off? Because last I heard, you were going pre-med, not the actor's path."

Edward stared at me for a very long second. I was glad he was finally coming to his senses on the whole thing. It was one thing to say you wanted to marry your fat friend, so you could swindle your rightful inheritance away from your parents and maintain your freedom. It was another whole ballgame to go through the motions and play the lie out in its entirety.

He took one slow step toward me and then another. He lightly pushed me up against the log. I was sure my eyes were about as wide as my mouth, as it made a move to protest what he was going to do, but nothing would come out. Suddenly, his eyes closed, and his lips were against mine and moving.

I froze. Like an idiot, I froze, just staring at him wide-eyed, as his face was smashed into mine, his lips doing all the work. We had kissed when we were children, just once, but it was not like this. I felt him open his eyes and pull back, sighing.

"You know, you'll have to pull this off, too. It'd be nice if you could try and kiss me back. I can't make everyone believe this on my own."

My lips pressed into a hard line. I slowly nodded. He was right, but he was used to this. Kissing for someone like him would come easily. I didn't exactly have a lot of practice in that area.

"That's right. I…I don't foresee myself being that good of an actress," I replied.

He pushed back, looking mildly offended.

"Is it that hard for you to kiss me? Perhaps if you closed your eyes and pictured someone you'd want to kiss, maybe it might make it more believable."

"No, it's not that," I protested. I looked down once again, embarrassed, but he turned away, trying to hide his face from my rejection.

"This isn't easy for me, Edward. You want me to say it out loud? Fine. I've never been kissed before. I would've thought that'd be obvious and need not be said, but evidently, I was wrong. I'm a loser, with absolutely no prior experience. I don't know what I'm doing. I can't just copy something I've seen from a movie. I don't think it works that way. So, forgive me if I don't think I can pull this off, because I haven't spent the last six years rolling around London, kissing every willing pair of lips in sight and sleeping with whomever, whenever. So, I guess my lack of experience throws a wrench in your plans."

I sighed and collapsed, thinking I had finally won, but he was relentless with his proposal.

Edward slowly turned back around, and his eyes began to appraise me, while he rubbed his chin with his forefinger.

"Actually…I don't think it will." He crouched down to pull me back up. "Bella, just give me a chance. Your inexperience might play to our favor, especially if anyone thinks we're coming off as awkward, but I have faith that you'll eventually do just fine. We just…need a little practice is all. Practice that we'll get when I'm courting you."

I shook my head, completely mystified at his unyielding nature.

"So, will you say yes? Marry me?"

How romantic.

I nearly laughed, because his proposal, even lacking finesse, would probably be better than any proposal I would ever sincerely receive.

_Think about the positives, Bella. Edward makes a good point. If he does everything as he says he will, you'd be out from under your sister. You'd make your parents proud. You could have a job like you always dreamed and receive payment for your work. Alice would be your sister, officially. Everything sounds like a plus._

_Potentially negative outcomes…_

"You're making that damn pros and cons list again, aren't you?" Edward asked, when I was taking too long to reply.

"Yes, if you must know."

He nearly snorted. "You really haven't changed," he replied, shaking his head. "This has been fun. When was the last time we really talked like this?"

I felt a stab to my heart. He didn't remember, but I certainly did.

I looked back at him. His perfect face was only made better by the light from the moon. Even with the darkness, I could see his green eyes shine. He looked nothing like my best friend who I'd once adored, except for those damn green eyes that could make me say yes to anything.

"Okay. I'll do it."

His smile lit up the forest. Damn perfect sparkling white teeth.

"Okay," he agreed. "First things first, then." He walked over and grabbed the last beer from off the log and picked up the bag of empty bottles. "Let's go and officially meet your parents."

I froze in place. "Now?"

"Yes, now!"

I shook my head. "No, now wouldn't be a good time. I mean…it's late, and uh…you should probably get home for supper."

Edward laughed. "I'm no longer a child, Bella. I don't have to be home when the streetlamps come on. Besides, now is a perfect time, if we want to establish the beginning of our courtship. Your family should nearly be ready to sit down for dinner. Would it be rude if I popped in and offered myself a place at your table?"

He began to walk towards my house, but I ran out and jumped in front of his path. "Yes, it'd be extremely rude. Plus…I'm not ready. What would I say? How would I explain? I don't know the first thing about having a boy…guy…courting…kissing…"

I was saying words, but somehow, it seemed as if basic sentence structure escaped me.

"Calm down, Bella. You don't have to worry about a thing. This is my area of expertise. You just be the Bella we all love," he replied, patting me on the head condescendingly.

I scowled, as he continued up the path back to my house. I could feel myself beginning to sweat, and it wasn't from the long walk on a warm summer's eve. I made several protests. Sound arguments, but he wouldn't hear of them.

"Why do we have to do this now?" I asked one last time, as we were narrowing in on our destination.

"Because you think I don't remember you, or our friendship we had once upon a time when we were children. As much as I thought you might've changed in all our years apart, you really haven't, and I know you, Bella. I remember everything," he replied, giving me that look. "And I know if I let you go tonight without going through with what I'm about to do, you'll change your mind, and by tomorrow, you'll have called the whole thing off."

He pulled out the full bottle of beer and tossed the empties in our recycling bin.

"Do you want to go through the kitchen or front door?" he asked.

I sighed and made a move toward the front of the house. I pulled the full bottle out of his hand and placed it on our deck by the back door. My father would probably think he'd left it there on accident.

"My parents would never forgive me, if I allowed a Cullen to come through our back entrance."

I could feel my heart beginning to race, as it did when Edward Cullen placed his lips on mine. We climbed the three steps to our new wraparound porch, and I pulled open the screen door and then pushed open our fancy new wooden door with the etched set-in glass. Just another upgrade from the Newtons.

"Mom. Dad," I called out, as we walked through the front door.

"Smells delicious," I heard Edward say from behind me. "I suggest you invite me to dinner. It'd be poor form for me to invite myself, but I will if I feel you aren't going to offer it."

I rolled my eyes. Day one and already a pest.

"Bella, there you are," my mother said, coming to greet me. She froze the moment she saw our guest standing behind me.

"Mom, you remember Edward Cullen," I said.

"Mrs. Swan. A pleasure to make your acquaintance again. It's been so long."

Edward went up and placed his arms around my mother. A gesture too informal, but she _had_ helped raise him once upon a time.

"Edward," my mother softly whispered.

"Uh…we met just up the road and were catching up, so I thought it'd be nice to invite Edward to dinner for old time sake," I explained.

"I hope I'm not intruding. I hadn't realized how late it'd become. I'd be wounded if I were to put you out by my acceptance of Isabella's invitation," he added smoothly.

My mother's eyes welled up with pride. "Of course, Edward, you're more than welcome. It's been so long, and I see you've grown into a fine, upstanding gentleman. Let me go and tell Mrs. Cope to set the table for one more. Charlie, you ought to come out here and greet our guest."

"Mom, where's…Jessica?" I asked, unable to keep the worry from my voice.

"Oh, she said it was much too hot in here for any normal person and will take her dinner in town."

Maybe if she stopped wearing winter clothing in the peak of summer, she might have felt more comfortable. Whatever her silly reasons for not being here, I was more than happy with them. It was one thing to fool my parents, but Jessica would be a whole different beast.

My mother practically skipped off to the kitchen to have a word with Mrs. Cope.

"The house looks nice," Edward said, looking around.

"Upgrades come with a price," I replied quietly.

He gave me a look of concern and was about to say something, when my father interrupted us.

"Edward Cullen? What are you doing in our neck of the woods?" my father laughed.

Edward reached out to give him a firm handshake. "I ran into Isabella this evening. It's been too long. I'm afraid I might've imposed on your dinner plans this fine evening, Sir."

Only a Cullen raised right would have ever referred to someone of a lower station with such respect. My father should have called Edward sir, but alas, it just went to show you that, in the end, the Cullen's were kind people, even if they were at the top of the pyramid.

My father brought Edward into the television room, where they went on to bond over their mutual love of football. I decided to go and see if my mother required my help. I was sure she was sweating in the kitchen to see that our dinner was up to par.

"Oh, where is that wine we had brought in for Jessica's stay? I know I requested it," my mother said, frantically searching our refrigerator. "Here it is."

She brought out the bottle, and I pulled open a drawer to find the corkscrew.

"Shelly, be sure to find three wine glasses, and have them set at the table. Bella, can you open this and get it ready? I'm going to pop back upstairs and spritz on a dash of that lovely perfume your sister bought for me when she was in Paris."

I went about my task and then helped Mrs. Cope along with finishing up dinner and presenting it at the dining room table. She was a bit on the older side, and I knew she appreciated the help. Before my mother came back, I gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and she patted my back affectionately, making us both smile widely. She had only been with us for a short while, but she was already more like dear family to me than my own.

My mother had not only spritzed, but she had changed her entire outfit. I looked down at my long, baggy t-shirt and wondered if I should go change, too.

"Oh, Bella! Why haven't you made yourself presentable? I can't believe you allowed yourself out of the house looking like that. What must Edward Cullen think about me and how I raised you?"

She turned me around and gave me a swift swat on my behind to push me upstairs. I stumbled on the first step, but I did as she asked. I found a decent light blue blouse and black pants. I ran a wet washcloth over my body to wipe off any sweat, and then I applied a little powder under my arms and over my body. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and tied it off with a matching blue bow. I looked stupid. I didn't know why I was trying so hard. Edward was a sure thing. After all, this was his idea. I could have come down wearing a potato sack, and he would still have to play his role. However, I knew the bow would appease my mother, so down the stairs I went, looking like Bessie, the county fair prized cow.

"You clean up nice," Edward greeted me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Be quiet. I look like an idiot."

"I happen to like the bow," he teased.

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he took my hand to escort me into the formal dining room. I nearly pulled my hand from his out of habit, but he tightened his grip, as if he knew my natural inclinations.

We walked into the dining room hand in hand, and my mother's jaw dropped, when she saw our fingers interlaced. Edward politely pulled out my chair and helped me sit down at the table, pretending he hadn't noticed my parents exchanging looks.

"Thank you," I shyly replied to his gesture.

My mother and father took their places, and we all held hands for grace.

"So…Edward, you've been away for quite a while at boarding school. What are your plans now, since you've graduated and are back at home?" my mother asked.

Edward, who was in the middle of taking a drink from his wine glass, set it down before responding.

"Well, besides graduating, I'm back home now, because my sister is getting married soon. I didn't want to miss her wedding season. Also, I've applied to several colleges in the area, and I've decided to go pre-med, so I'm still deciding what school is best for me."

Edward, being a Cullen, would have his pick. He needn't worry about acceptance letters, unlike the rest of us. Or I should have said like most people. I wasn't on track for college, as my parents didn't feel it was necessary that I further my education.

"However, I'd like to stay in the area, so my first choice as of now is John Hopkins."

"Following in your father's footsteps. Good man," my father replied.

"Well, that's the Cullen way," Edward laughed sardonically.

Overall, dinner wasn't so bad. Edward was charming. I wouldn't have been surprised if my parents weren't wishing he would court _them_. I could even feel myself loosening up a little towards the end of the evening. That was, until Edward pushed.

"So…basically, Mr. Swan, I need to be honest with you. I came here tonight, not just because Isabella invited me to dinner, as I'm sure she only did out of courtesy, but because I'd appreciate your approval to court Isabella officially."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, but I wasn't the only one at the table to do so. I looked over to Edward, who made great work at not looking at me. He did, however, reach out to take my hand.

"Uh…" My father couldn't find his words, and I did not blame him.

"You see, Sir, Isabella and I were the best of friends when we were children. I won't lie, during my time away, I was around many available women, but coming back home and spending only a few minutes with Isabella made me realize she's the one I wanted all along. Childhood friends, separated by time and distance, only to come back together and realize what we were looking for was right here all along. Right, honey?"

Edward turned to me, and I could feel my mother and father's eyes on me as well. I swallowed any available liquid left in my mouth, which was difficult, as it had suddenly become very dry.

I gave Edward a soft smile, and then I looked over at my parents and nodded my head in agreement, unable to voice the lie just yet. I would need to work on that in the future. Edward squeezed my hand and leaned in to kiss me on the head.

Before any more could be said, I heard our front door open, and my heart dropped into my stomach. I immediately let go of Edward's hand.

"What's going on here?" Jessica said from behind me.

I felt Edward's eyes on me, as I began to tremble.

"You must be the sister…Jennifer?" Edward said, standing to greet her.

"Jessica," she snapped, but the moment Edward turned to face her, I heard Jessica audibly gasp.

"Edward Cullen? What are you doing here?"

"Having a fine meal with your parents and Isabella. I was just asking your father's permission to officially court Isabella."

I was frozen in my seat, unable to look in her direction. _Please, dear God, let an asteroid crash down and take me out. Or…at the very least, take Jessica out._

I knew my sister must have been standing there with her jaw on the floor. She hadn't said a word, but that was only because she was probably trying to stop herself from having an aneurysm.

"So, Mr. Swan, do I have your permission?"

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

"You can't be serious." Jessica walked around the table to stand by my father's place and glared at me. "This is obviously something you cooked up and dragged Edward in on to get back at me."

I made a move to respond, but I was intimidated to do so. Instead, I slowly shook my head.

"I assure you, I'm absolutely serious. As I was explaining to your father, I recently came home and realized when I saw your sister again for the first time, my feelings came quickly flooding back to me. I'd love nothing more than to marry her and begin our life together." Edward sat down, slowly pulling his chair closer to mine. He took my hand in his, and Jessica's eyes narrowed.

"Mr. Swan, do I have your permission to court your daughter?" Edward asked once again, looking to my father and doing his best to ignore my sister's presence.

My father's mouth moved to answer, but Jessica stepped forward. "No, you don't. As the head of this family, I say who Bella can date and marry," Jessica declared.

Jessica was right. It was within her power to put an end to this, and she would never allow this union, knowing it would place me above her. I sighed and began to pull back from Edward, but he wouldn't give in. He kept his hand firm and gave Jessica a smile with a wicked gleam in his eye. The very same look I had seen on his twin sister's face earlier that day.

"I'm not here to seek your approval. I couldn't care less about what you agree to or not. Charles Swan is the person I respect when it comes to matters of his daughter's heart and happiness. Isabella has told me all about you, Jessica, and I'd never allow someone so petty and vile to plague our existence for even one more minute. Now, shoo! Be gone, or I'll call your husband and explain how our family will have nothing more to do with the Newtons, and all of society will know to shun your kind. Do you really want to challenge me?"

Like with Esme, Jessica wanted to say many things, but she refrained out of respect for the natural order. Her face was red, and it wasn't from the high temperatures our house held during those summer months.

Jessica slowly shook her head, so her words wouldn't betray her, but her eyes were lethal and trained on me. I refused to look up into them, believing in that moment that she had all the power needed to incinerate me from the inside.

"Good. Now that we have that sorted out, Isabella explained that you're here to see to a proper marriage for her, and since I'm providing that with my good name, you don't need to be here anymore. I'm sure your husband would welcome your early return. Once I have your father's approval for courtship, I'll see to Isabella's care. You need not worry about your sister for one more second."

I felt giddy at the thought of Jessica's early return upstate. Could it be possible that she would be out of my hair until the Christmas month? I squeezed Edward's hand and nearly teared up at the thought.

Jessica had been dismissed by not one, but two Cullen's, and on the same day. One being in her own home, which was quite impressive. Trembling, I imagined from anger, Jessica walked towards the staircase and slowly retreated up to her room. When she was out of earshot, Edward turned back to my father.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Son?" my father asked. Not to be mean, but because he, too, knew of the uphill battle we both faced.

"There's nothing I could ever want more," Edward replied.

My mother reached over to take my father's hand. I was amazed she had managed to stay silent this whole time, but then again, she was only one step over me, so she would have no say in these matters.

My father nodded his head and gave Edward a genuine smile. "Thank you, Sir. You make our family exceptionally honored and happy with your declared intentions."

My mother was smiling and nearly crying herself, as she nodded along with my father's blessing.

"No. Thank you," Edward smiled. He stood up, bringing me with him. "Now, if you wouldn't mind, do you think it'd be alright if your daughter accompanied me home? I'll have my car bring her right back."

"Of course. Yes!" my father laughed, standing up to see us out.

There was already a chauffeured car awaiting us, as we exited the house. Edward never broke character for even a second. His hand was in mine, as he patiently walked me down the three steps and allowed me to enter the car first. My mother and father stood on the porch to see us off. I didn't believe they had ever looked happier, and that was saying something. It even surpassed the joy on their faces the day Michael Newton's father began negotiations for my sister's hand.

I had just made my parents proud. My ruse of courtship and impending marriage proposal was the first time my parents were proud of me. I should have felt honored, but there was a stab to my heart that this was what it took to have their respect and approval.

"What's wrong? I thought that went very well. They believed every second of it, and I managed to get your sister out of our lives, which I thought would've made you happy."

I nodded and looked over to him. "I am happy about that. I just…you could never understand," I whispered, looking back out my window.

"Try me."

"Don't worry about it, Edward. We're going to be fake married. You don't need to worry about making me fake happy."

I heard him scoff. I had offended him with my words. I hated myself for it, since he had done me a kindness this eve.

"Bella, you may be my fake wife, but I'm still your real friend. Just because our marriage will be fake, doesn't mean I don't care for your happiness."

I turned to him. I owed him honesty, especially after everything he had done for me and would continue to do for me.

"I know I should be happy. I've never seen my parents prouder in their life. But it hurts that, the only way I could ever bring honor to my family is by a fake marriage. By marriage at all. Why couldn't I be born in a world where I could make a difference in someone's life by my own acts, and not by a man who chooses me? I hate this world, how society rules. I hate…how everything works here. I just wish…"

"Okay," Edward said, "I get it. But the world isn't changing anytime soon, so we make the best of it and find ways around the rules. But for this fake marriage to work, we both must agree to be open and honest. We must nearly make it a real marriage by the respect we agree to show one another. Like I said to your family this evening, it's now up to me to take care of you. If there's anything you need or require, please, just ask. I can't read your mind, even if I have come to read your face fairly well. Tomorrow, I want you to come over, so we can officially introduce our courtship to my parents."

"Shouldn't we tell Alice first? She'll make a scene if we tell her in front of your parents."

"I'll figure out Alice. Leave her to me. Go home and get some rest. Your parents will be cake compared to mine."

The car pulled up to the front of Edward's intimidating mansion. I was feeling daunted by his latest words. He was right. His parents would be much harder to charm.

"Thank you," I rushed to say. "Really. Even if this whole thing goes south tomorrow, seeing Jessica's face made it worthwhile," I giggled.

Edward's hand paused on the door handle. He turned back to me and brought his hand to my face. He pulled me into another kiss. Once again, I froze and overthought the way his lips moved against mine. He didn't stop this time, however. Instead, he brought his other hand up and made sure my face had nowhere to go. He pushed more aggressively, and I felt my body and mind give in. I melted into him and even allowed my lips to part slightly, and Edward took the opportunity to push his tongue into my mouth. My mind began to assess whether I liked the feeling of his hot, wet, spongy tongue. I quickly threw out my thoughts and actively participated in the kiss. I felt my body tingle in anticipation for something it would never have. We might kiss and hold hands, but I would never get to have sex with Edward Cullen.

"There you are," Edward said, when he broke our kiss and pulled back. "That was very good. I told you we could make this believable."

He let go of my face and moved to get out of the car. I sat back in my seat and tried to refrain from fanning myself. Suddenly, the airconditioning in his fine town car didn't do anything for my current flushed face.

"Goodnight, Bella. I'll text you about our plans tomorrow and send a car."

I nodded absently, and he closed the door. I felt as if I had just been knocked into by a battering ram. The car pulled out and began the drive to take me back home. I was thinking about that kiss far too much. I should have been focused on surviving the night. What if my sister came at me with a knife while I slept? I wouldn't put it past her.

My parents awaited me when I returned. It seemed as if Jessica was back downstairs and threatening them when I walked in.

"You'd better fix this, or I'll make sure my husband doesn't send any more coins your way. You can't honestly believe a Cullen would ever want anything to do with Bella. Even if Edward is stupid enough to fall for some trick Bella is pulling, his parents will never allow for this."

I stepped out from the entryway and let my arrival be known. My father looked torn. His once happy face was questioning Jessica's words. Her argument was sound. He, too, wondered why a Cullen would ever want someone like me.

Jessica saw my father's eyes go to me, and she turned around to face me. "What did you do to him? Did you blackmail him? Threaten him? What!" she snapped.

I didn't know what to say. Edward wished me to spin this web of lies about long-lost love from our childish past. I should have said the lines Edward wanted me to, but at that moment, something boiled in my blood. I was tired of always being the good little fat girl.

"Threatening our parents? Really, Jessica? I must threaten you greatly for you to treat our mother and father with such disrespect. You feel it, don't you? You're losing your hold over this family. Any decent person would never treat their family how you have. We're nothing more than silly little pawns in your chess game. Worth nothing. Worth sacrificing to see to your rise."

I walked forward, slowly stalking her.

"Move out of the way, Jessica. Because Edward Cullen and I are coming. Take your Newton money and get out. We don't need you anymore. My marriage will provide far more than yours ever could. Move out of the way. This fat cow takes great steps, and if you don't relent, I'll love nothing more than to stomp on you on my way to victory!"

I turned around and walked out of the room. I was ten feet tall. The biggest threat in my life was over. I entered my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I stood tall, and then…it hit. What the hell had I just done? God, I was a moron! I hadn't secured anything. This whole plan could fall through any minute, and then where would my family be, if Jessica made good on her threat to cut off my parents?

I felt myself hyperventilating. How could I fix this? Go back downstairs and tell Jessica I'd had a lapse in judgment and would do whatever she wished? Let my parents deny me, so they could stay in this house? My body was trembling. I had nothing. This was what happened when you let your emotions take over.

My phone vibrated with a text. I saw the number was not one I recognized.

_I told my parents I have pressing news to share with them and require their full attention. How does two o'clock work?_

It was Edward. He must have asked Alice for my number.

My hands were shaking, as I held my phone and began typing back to him. _Short and simple, Bella. Keep it short and simple._

_Can't do this. Sorry._

I threw down the phone, as if it would catch on fire any second, and pulled off my shoes. I tried to think of a perfect groveling apology Jessica would accept. Something along the lines of, deny me, but don't deny my parents.

My phone lit up and was vibrating. The number that had just texted me was now calling. I didn't want to pick it up, because I knew Edward would just talk me back into this stupid, silly plan. So, I watched as the call was sent to voicemail. I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe he had gotten the message loud and clear. It vibrated again with another text.

_Coming over!_

My eyes widened, and I jumped on top of my phone, trying to find the callback button. I hit redial and got up, pacing around my dark room, only lit by the small lamp on the side table.

"Bella?"

"What?" I snapped, irritated that he was forcing me to call him.

"What happened?"

I didn't reply. I sat back down on the bed and ran my hand through my hair nervously.

"Remember. Open and honest," he recited.

I sighed. "I just can't do this. My family is going to lose everything. You don't understand. You have nothing to lose…well…other than respect, once you publicly announce your intentions. However, most people will think you just lost your mind and should be sent to the white ward, or perhaps you're just a drunk. Have a drug problem…"

"Bella!" Edward snapped, stopping me from my rant. "You won't lose anything, I promise. What happened to make you say this? Did your sister say something to you? Threaten you?"

I didn't want to reply, because I knew he would hear any lie in my voice.

"Tell me, Bella, and don't you dare lie to me. You know I can tell when you lie, right?"

How did he know me so well? He hadn't even been around for six years. Longer if you counted when he'd stopped talking to me.

"I can't take this risk."

"Tell me what she said."

He knew. He knew, and he would never shut up until I told him.

"Its…not so much what she said. It's more what I might've said."

Pause.

"Okay, what did you say?"

I swallowed.

"You're going to be mad," I said, cringing.

"I'm already mad, because you won't give me a straight answer."

I was wiggling all over the bed. I didn't want to say it, but I knew I must.

"I just…went off. I told her my marriage to you would mean she'd have no further hold over this family, and that…you and I…we were coming for her. I may have threatened her a little and told her to get out of my way, or I'll stomp all over her."

Oh god! Just saying it out loud again made it all the worse.

I could hear Edward begin to laugh on the other end of the line.

"It's not funny! Do you have any idea what I've just done? I'm so stupid. Why would I do that? We haven't even told your parents yet. They'll most likely put an end to this madness come tomorrow, and then she'll make good on every one of her threats and cut my family off. My father may lose his job. My mother…"

"Wait!" he barked, stopping his laughter. "She threatened your family?"

"Of course, she did. If this marriage goes through, she'll lose all her power over us. She'd never allow that to happen. She could be plotting my death as we speak."

Another pause.

"I'll call you back," Edward said and then promptly hung up the phone.

What just happened?

I turned and flopped back on my bed as I waited, but time felt like it was moving much slower than ever before. It must have been a solid ten minutes, until my bedroom door opened with a crashing bang into the wall.

"You bitch! You conniving fat bitch!"

I jumped out of bed with my phone in my hand, taking a defensive pose, as my sister began screaming at me.

"You think you can call up your boyfriend and get him to have me removed! I'll end you!"

She began advancing on me. My phone started vibrating in my hand, and I held it up. "Come one step closer and I'll press this button and let my…boyfriend hear your crazy ass!"

My threat worked, and she stopped in place, looking at my phone. I answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's all taken care of. There should be a car on its way to pick up Jessica. Should I send the authorities over?"

I swallowed and looked at Jessica. "Should he send someone to escort you off our property, or are you going to leave with some dignity?" I asked.

She didn't respond. She turned on her heel and grabbed the door handle to slam the door behind her.

"Is she gone?" Edward asked.

"Uh huh. What did you do, Edward?" I asked quietly.

"I called Newton senior and told him his daughter-in-law was getting in the way of our impending union. That she threatened you, and we don't take kindly to those who'd threaten our happiness. That I wanted Jessica out of your house tonight, because you no longer felt safe, and I couldn't very well have my intended feeling unsafe."

"Oh, my god, Edward. What did you do?" I smacked my hand to my face and slid down the wall to land with a thud on the floor. "We haven't even received your parents' blessing. After tomorrow, she could be…"

"After tomorrow, _when_ we receive my parents' blessing, you'll hopefully drop this and stop being so scared. This is ridiculous, Bella. Do you really have so little self-respect that you'd give in to your atrocious sister, instead of taking what I'm offering? You were ready to call the whole thing off, just because of your fear of her. It's time you begin your studies, starting with the prominent families, and then maybe you'll understand just where the Cullen's stand. No one will threaten us and get away with it. Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow at two."

He hung up the phone, and I sat and festered in my spot after being thoroughly reprimanded. I hated some of his words. My studies. College wasn't in the cards for someone like me, but you'd better believe it was expected of me to study up on our society's rules and customs. I could embarrass my future husband, if I didn't perform up to the proper expectations and standards. Everything from properly introducing a person, to where we all stacked up on the food chain. I didn't need a lesson to know where his family ranked. I wasn't stupid, but Edward had made me feel that way with his words.

Picking myself back up, I went and sat next to the window to look out at the moon and really went over everything that had transpired tonight. Around and around I went. Was this a good idea? Going through with this plan?

A car drove up our path. It was not the fancy Rolls Royce Jessica had insisted she have while she was here. It was just a plain town car. Nothing special. I saw Jessica walk down the three steps to the car, while her valet ran to pack her cases into the trunk. Jessica turned to look back at the house one last time. I nearly ducked out of sight, but my whole body was frozen in place. It was only a small victory that she was leaving. She stared up at me. Our eyes locked, and I saw hers narrow. This was not the last I would hear from my sister. Somehow, retribution would be paid. When? Where? The thought filled me with dread.

She flipped around, her long dark blonde hair perfectly following behind her. Even in this humidity, she managed to not have it frizz. The minute the town car was no longer in sight, I sighed a small breath of relief.

The next morning, I felt as if I was in a dream. When I walked downstairs, my mother greeted me warmly at the bottom of the steps. She had a smile on her face and looked…happy? It was hard to explain, because my mother rarely looked happy to see me.

"Did you have a good night's sleep?"

I nodded, knowing my face was probably filled with confusion.

"I asked Shelly to make your favorites for breakfast. She had to make a quick trip to the store, since she recently made the mistake of throwing out quite a bit of good food."

"She didn't make a mistake. Jessica made her get rid of everything fattening," I explained.

I wasn't about to let dear old Mrs. Cope take the blame for my sister's actions. My mother knew it was Jessica's doing, but how quickly she had forgotten what it was like to be a part of the working class. It was common to place blame on the help, but I wasn't letting her do that to Mrs. Cope. She deserved way better than that.

"Why don't you come and sit down," she replied, choosing to ignore my indignant comment.

My father was at the table and sitting in front of his place was a large stack of berrycakes, my breakfast favorite. Berries baked into the pancake, with a cup of sweet cream whipped butter in the center. I might have thought it was my birthday already, if I didn't know what was up with this timely breakfast.

"So…has Edward called this morning?"

He hadn't, but I knew my role to play.

"Just to wish me a happy morning and to tell me he awaits my arrival, so we can sit down with his parents this afternoon."

My mother swelled with pride. "Would you like me to accompany you?"

As I'd said before, it was commonplace to have a member of my family to come and speak on my behalf, until I was turned over to a man to speak for me.

"That's not necessary. Edward said it'll be informal. Once his parents know his intentions, then you may begin negotiations."

That was how it worked. Courtship until both parties' parents finalized negotiations. Negotiations, where the bride's family would lay out their expectations for the groom's family. Everything from financial gain to property, to expected trusts set up for future heirs. Wedding costs. Even down to where Edward and I were expected to celebrate certain holidays. Negotiations could go on for months. Alice and Jasper's lasted three, because they were both from established money, so there was more to discuss. For someone in my position, however, I doubted negotiations would even last longer than one month. My parents weren't in any position to argue. They should feel blessed to receive anything the Cullen's would give.

Once negotiations were over, and the union was blessed by both families, then the wedding season would begin. Oh god, I would be just beginning my wedding season, when Alice was well into hers. How was I going to handle being a maid of honor for her wedding, all while planning my own? Alice did say she might choose to have a quick wedding season. She couldn't wait to have sex, so that could easily push up her timeline. However, I wouldn't be engaging in sex, so Edward and I could possibly take our time. No need to rush over here. This virgin was doomed to walk the earth with her hymen intact for all eternity. The price to pay for agreeing to this foolish plan.

Breakfast was uncomfortable. My parents kept staring at me with these goofy grins, like they were hyenas looking at top sirloin. I think I preferred it when they forgot to notice I was even around.

I assumed Jessica had taken her Jacob Black with her or had sent him back to the west. I wasn't exactly sorry to see him go, but I felt a little bad, because I did hope to drop a couple of pounds in time for Alice's wedding. It set in, then. I was going to be forced to wear white! Oh no! You never let a heavy girl wear white. I felt clammy at the thought of standing in front of thousands of people on my wedding day, looking like a blimp that should have been floating overhead, while Edward stood beside me, trying his best to not be embarrassed.

I looked down at the donut I had swiped from the breakfast table and dropped it immediately. Okay…leafy greens and lean proteins, right? That was what Jacob had said. I could do this. I mean, it was only for a couple of months. Eating right was half the battle, Jacob had said. The other half would be to work out. I sighed and looked over to our back hill. I guessed this meant pushing a tire up it.

I spent the rest of my morning staring at my closet. There was absolutely nothing in it that gave off a good enough impression to win over Edward's parents. To be fair, I didn't think anyone made that kind of miracle outfit. I pulled out my girdle, knowing it would shave off a few inches, and therefore, be somewhat helpful. Black pants were a definite. There was no way I was planning on showing off my fat cankles. Now, on to finding a decent shirt. I had a nice black top I would wear to funerals, but since I was already wearing black pants, I didn't want to show up in the heat of summer looking like I had just come from a wake. I pulled out a dark purple top. Anything that might make me feel comfortable looked too out of season. It was summer. I was expected to wear light colors.

Once again, I felt the need to cancel.

I pulled out my phone and fought with myself over hitting send on my standard text message. Just as I continued to debate back and forth, my phone lit up and showed Edward's name for the first time since I had added him to my address book.

_Ready for today?_

NO!

_No! _I bit my lip and continued to type. _I think we should hold off. Just give me another day. I kind of need to do something before I meet with your family._

That was an honest request. He shouldn't be too upset with that.

My phone lit up, and he was calling once again. I didn't want to answer. After last night, I really didn't want to talk to him. I didn't need him making me feel like an idiot again. I finally hit the button to accept the call.

"What's wrong now?"

Not even a hello. No good morning that I had lied to my parents about.

"Look, I know whatever I say won't be good enough for you. Give me another day, Edward. I'm not ready to do this. And you can tell me I'm stupid all you like, but that won't change how I feel."

"Bella, I don't think you're stupid. Why would you ever think that?"

Well, he'd never actually said he thought I was stupid. He'd just made me feel stupid. Now, I was feeling even more stupid for snapping at him. This was so frustrating. Was this how it worked in real relationships? Why would anyone want this?

I heard him sigh, waiting for the answer I was searching for.

"This is like that time I invited you out to that party at the pond. You got mad at me and stormed out of our library. If I hadn't come to your window that evening, our friendship might've ended then. This rant of yours isn't about me or my parents. It's something else."

A silly tear escaped and left a solid wet trail down my face. I couldn't believe he remembered that. His family had been having a huge picnic and swim party at the pond behind his house. Edward had invited me and was offended when I'd said I wouldn't go. There was no way I would show up to a swim event, heavy as I was.

After the party was over, Edward showed up at my window and threatened to wake my parents if I didn't tell him what I was so upset with him over. I told him, not wanting to feel the wrath of my father and mother over why a Cullen boy was at my bedroom window past midnight. I had broken down and told him of my shame.

I sniffled and wiped my tears. "Are you going to blackmail me again?"

"I didn't blackmail you then," he defended.

"You told me if I didn't sneak out of my parents' house and go with you to the pond at one o'clock in the morning, you'd wake my parents and tell them I'd lured you out of your house that night as a prank."

"Bella, I merely gave you options. You chose which option made you most comfortable."

I hadn't been comfortable. I had reluctantly grabbed my swimsuit and pulled on a loose t-shirt and followed him to the pond. He never again asked me to go swimming in public. He respected my need to shy away from everyone except himself. After that night, it was understood that, anytime there was a pond party, we would have our own private party later that night, where only the moon would out my unnatural shape.

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to come to your window and threaten to tell your parents you're blackmailing me into marrying you?"

I gasped. "Edward Cullen! I'm doing no such thing. God, you sound like Jessica."

"That hurt," he replied.

I sighed. "I don't have anything to wear. Your parents are going to be very unhappy, and my best outfit is all black. They'll think I'm a cult worshipper, or at best, just come from a funeral. I need more time."

"Well, first of all, they know you, so I doubt cult worshipper would come straight to mind," he paused. "Let me call you back."

Once again, he hung up the phone, before I could get a word in edgewise. This time, I needed only to wait five minutes, before he finally texted me back. He didn't call like he had said he would. He texted.

_Sending over something now. Wear it. I'm turning off my phone before you can protest. Sending a car for you at one-thirty. Be ready. I've advised the driver to come in and pull you out in whatever you're wearing. Money talks._

I scrunched up my nose at the audacity of his message. He might send in his driver, but if I was not here, what would his driver be able to do with that? _You aren't as clever as you think, Mr. Cullen._ I folded my arms, feeling triumphant, but that slowly dwindled, when I thought of Edward's past actions. He'd always had a knack for getting whatever he wanted. He always found a way, shady or not.

Fine. I would see what he sent over and then decide. Knowing him, he wouldn't have the faintest idea of what size I wore. It wasn't like he could tell his salesperson to send over a dress befitting a meetup with the parents, and please be sure to order that in an above average size…possibly around the magnitude of hefty meeting heavy. I snorted, knowing that, whatever Edward would send, it would either be far too small or far too big.

I was wrong.

A car drove up and dropped off a large box. My mother wouldn't let me leave the room, until she saw what my boyfriend had sent over. Her words.

I tore open the box and pulled out all the tissue paper, and inside was quite possibly the loveliest dress I might ever wear. I said might, because I was still concerned about sizing issues.

"Oh, Bella, Edward has taste," my mother panted. She ran her hands over the soft, smooth fabric. It was blue, but a darker blue, with yellow and white flowers. The sleeves were three-quarters in length, with lace on the ends that would hide my arm fat, and it looked about long enough to reach just below my knees. I guessed I would have to show off my legs, but with its full sweeping skirt, it might help in giving the allusion of a smaller waist, especially if I squeezed into a girdle.

"Go put it on."

I looked at the tag, and it was my size. How did he know my size? I slowly walked over to the downstairs bathroom and shed my clothes. I pulled the dress, on and my mother ran up to grab my girdle. She was back in record time. I squeezed my butt into it, and then my mother waited impatiently, as I pulled the dress up and over. It fit perfectly. I looked at myself in the mirror, as my mother buttoned up the back.

"Bella!" she gasped. "You've never looked lovelier. You look like a lady."

She began to pull at my thick, long hair and play with it, while I continued to stare. It was the first time in my life I _felt_ like a lady. I felt pretty. Even with the extra pounds. Still not good enough to be a Cullen, but…perhaps when all this was over, I would be good enough for someone.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

As perfect as this dress was, I would never be able to find one that would give me the confidence I needed for what I was about to do. So, I might as well get this over with. Sitting in the back of the car with perfect posture, I had to squeeze my hands into fists to keep from twisting the fabric of my dress, as the nerves quickly set in.

The car pulled up, and I was thankful I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I took calming breaths, as I stepped out and looked up at the impressive house. It didn't feel natural to go through the front door. I needed something. I needed my friend. I didn't know if Edward had talked with Alice, but I needed to talk with someone, so instead of going forth and entering the front door, I walked along the side of the house toward the back, where I saw the tree I had become accustomed to climbing.

This was stupid. I couldn't climb a tree wearing this dress. I would ruin it, and then where would I be. I could feel the sun beginning to bake the foundation I had applied. It would only be a matter of minutes before my makeup was ruined.

"Please, tell me you're not thinking of doing what I fear."

I sighed and let my head fall forward to hit the trunk of the tree, probably leaving a foundation smudge on the bark.

"I just needed a minute," I replied.

I heard the long, disapproving sigh, as Edward walked up behind me.

"I needed my friend," I answered more honestly.

"Alice?" he asked.

I didn't respond.

"I'm your friend, too, Bella."

I turned to face him. "No, you're not. You want me to be honest? You're not my friend, Edward Cullen. You haven't been my friend since you…" I stopped myself and shook my head. I didn't want to say it, because then I would sound jealous.

"Since I lost the weight," he continued for me.

I didn't reply once again, but I dared to looked him in the eye to confirm his suspicions.

"Okay," he replied, holding his hands up. "I deserved that."

I twisted my fancy shoe into the ground.

"Would you please come inside? It's sweltering out here, and there's no reason for us to stand out in this uncomfortable heat feeling…uncomfortable. Besides, Alice is inside, if you really need to talk to her."

He held out his hand, and I looked down at it. That was right. We had a show to put on now. I reached out and took it, channeling my inner good girlfriend persona. He was right, we didn't need to melt away outside, when the inside of his house was so pleasant.

Edward took me along to the family room. The fancy one without the television. I had rarely spent any time in this room growing up, because it was reserved for special occasions. That and Esme was worried her children might mess up the expensive white furniture.

I saw Alice sitting there looking at her phone, and I immediately dropped Edward's hand just in time.

"You got the dress," Alice said, looking up at me.

I looked over to Edward.

"I asked Alice for help," he explained.

"I'm so happy you're doing this. I always knew you two belonged together."

Alice jumped up from the couch and came over to hug me. "Now, we can finally be sisters. Officially."

I felt uneasy. Had he told her the truth? She made it sound like we were getting married because we had feelings for one another.

"Alice, what did…"

"Bella, why don't you come and sit with me," Edward interrupted.

He reached to take my hand and pulled me toward the white plush couch.

"Edward," I said his name in warning.

"Mother. You're here," Edward looked behind me and was saved by Esme's entrance. I felt my whole body go instantly cold. I slowly looked over to her, afraid of what her face would read.

"Edward. Bella."

I could see a mixture of emotions. She wasn't mad, but she wasn't exactly as happy to see me as she had been the day before.

"Perhaps you can explain quickly before your father arrives. I believe it's best to get this out and done with, so I can figure out how best to explain your actions."

My mouth had gone completely dry. I felt myself tremble.

"Come on, Mother. You had to know this was in the stars. Edward has loved Bella since we were children. It was only a matter of time," Alice spoke up.

I felt myself become confused at her statement. My face must have said it all.

Edward laughed a little awkwardly. "Well…Mother…I think what Alice is trying to say…"

I would have laughed at Edward's nerves, if I hadn't been feeling sick myself. My once calm and cool Edward had turned into a babbling brook. Nice to know he wasn't immune to normal stress, just like the rest of us. I felt his hand sweating in mine. I remembered this, how he used to be with his mother. He could lie to and fight with his father easily, but when it came to his mother, Edward would suddenly have difficulties.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen," I said, finding my voice for the first time. "I know this must upset you. My respect for your family has always been absolute. It was never my intention to go against even the simplest of your wishes. You've always been so kind to me, and that means more than you'll ever know. I've tried to talk some sense into your son, but he seems determined. If you wish me to leave, you need only ask."

I saw Esme's eyes glisten ever so slightly. She gave Edward a questioning glance.

"Please, don't do this, Mother," Edward pleaded softly.

Esme was at a loss for words. She knew what she wanted to say. She knew what she had to say, but she said nothing.

"What's this meeting about?" Carlisle asked, walking in without even looking up from his phone. Alice stood, ready to weigh in. Esme hadn't moved an inch. Carlisle took in the silence, and the moment his eyes caught sight of Edward standing beside me, I saw a change take place. He was upset. My feet wanted to retreat, but my shoes had caused them to go numb.

"My office. Now."

Carlisle turned around and swiftly walked off toward his private study. Edward looked over to me, before following along after his father. He, too, walked with purpose. Edward had always been fond of a chance to engage in a war of words when it came to Carlisle. Esme gave me a sad smile, before turning around to follow.

I stood in the middle of the room, feeling about as small as a speck of dirt. Alice walked up and lightly touched my arm. "It'll be okay, Bella. I'll go and help my brother. Please, don't worry. We'll make sure everything will work out."

She, too, left.

Alone once again.

I flattened out the creases on my dress and looked around at the white room. It reminded me of my bedroom. Hardly a stitch of color. I shook my head at Edward's idiotic plan. I knew this would never work. We should have come here last night, and then maybe I could have saved myself from embarrassment. I wouldn't be another baby headed for the gutter. Edward might have been strong enough to stand up to his father, but the moment Carlisle denied him his inheritance, Edward would throw me away like the trash I was. Jessica would deny me. My parents might lose everything.

My feet began to move forward. I followed the hallway towards Carlisle's office. I could already hear their raised voices, and I was still three doors away. It didn't hurt that the marble floors and high ceilings caused every sound to echo in this house. Even keeping my feet quite was proving difficult.

"This isn't funny, Edward. Are you doing this because you truly care about Isabella, or are you doing this to strike out at your grandfather, knowing this was what he was trying to avoid all along? You'd ruin that poor girl, just to win a pissing contest with a man who's long gone?"

I heard Edward laugh. "Well, somebody should have the good sense to stand up to the man. I might be late in doing so, but I won't deny there's a strong satisfaction in my bones to know my inheritance he left behind will go to help prosper the very thing he was terrified of. I do care about and love Isabella, but I also love and care that, at this moment, grandfather is looking up, and there's nothing he can do about this."

I had never heard Edward speak with so much anger and hatred before. His words burned me. This was way more than just obtaining his inheritance. He was marrying me for revenge. What was lower than trash? Because I was pretty sure, that was what I was.

Why was I crying? I knew Edward was only using me. I was using him as well, even if I did have feelings for him. This was a business transaction. I did not have the right to feel upset by his words.

"Edward, we're sorry your grandfather sent you away, but please, don't do this. It isn't fair to parade Isabella around. She'll be scrutinized heavily, and for what? So you can get your fair share of the estate?" Esme asked.

"What's the matter with you guys?" Alice snapped. "He loves her. He might be upset with grandfather, but Edward wants Bella. Why can't you be supportive of that? You've always told me that we Cullen's had the luxury of doing whatever we wished, because no one could question us. Edward has the chance to marry for love…"

"Alice, that's enough. We all know Edward isn't marrying for love," Carlisle interrupted.

"You can't deny me, Father. I'm doing this, and you can't stop it. If you do, you'll have no heir. No one to pass the Cullen name down to. Which would also make grandfather turn in his grave. Either way, I win."

"We don't even know if Isabella would be healthy enough to carry a baby to term," Esme softly replied.

"I can check her medical file and see…"

My head was spinning. My breaths were coming in too fast. I needed to get out of here. I turned around and ran toward the nearest exit, not caring if the kitten heels on my shoes were giving me away. Once out the front door and down the high steps into the woods, I took off running as best as I could toward my home. My feet ached from the dirt and small rocks that kicked up to lodge their way into my shoes, but I didn't stop. My makeup ruined by sweat and tears, I didn't know a greater threat at this point that there could have been. But as angry and hurt as I was, I couldn't keep up my pace for long.

I stopped, falling onto a low-hanging branch and using it to support my weight, as I cried uncontrollably. If it had been anyone but Edward, I might have survived this pain. Flashes of the sweet child he had been played through my mind, and I grieved for the friend I had lost. The pain was much greater this time around.

I didn't know where to go. I couldn't go home. I no longer had a home. It felt as if there was a boulder pressing down on me. I wished it would finish its job and squish me out of existence. I felt as if I was being strangled by that damn dress and girdle. Without thinking, I began to pull at my back and ripped the buttons off, so I could free myself. I threw the damn dress to the ground and struggled to pull off the girdle. Only my bra and slip was still on. If anyone found me now, they might cart me off to the white ward, where I could spend the rest of my days staring off into space, as the doctors pumped their "healing" drugs into me.

"Bella!"

The anger in Edward's voice nearly made me jump out of my skin, but then I remembered why he had no right to feel his anger.

"What's the matter, Edward?" I asked sweetly, as if I had no earthly idea what the problem could have been.

Edward stomped forward and grabbed my dress from off the ground. "Put your clothes back on. What's the matter with you?"

He thrust the dress at me, but I refused to take it.

"You don't like what you see? That could be a problem if we're to be married. Can't imagine having to see this every single morning when you awake?" I asked, grabbing ahold of my stomach and shaking my fat.

"How are you going to stomach it? I sure hope that anger will fuel you on those long nights, when you ponder your life choices and are exhausted from having to defend to everyone why you'd ever think to marry someone who's so disgusting, when they probably can't even afford you a proper heir.

"Just imagine, Edward, everyone will think you love this. That you'd gather up the courage and shove your cock into it at least once a month for the hope of securing your bloodline. You never know, I could swallow you up or sit on you accidentally. The Cullen line extinguished, all because you wanted revenge!"

"Oh, stop it, Bella. Whatever you think you heard; you don't know the half of it. Put on your damn dress. I'll not have my intended be indecent in public, just to get back at me for issues she knows nothing of."

I snorted loudly. "Intended," I scoffed and shook my head. "I'll never marry you."

"You no longer have a choice. My parents have given their permission, as have yours. Now, it'll be up to them to negotiate the terms. As of this moment, I decide your future and fate, and you're lucky I was raised right. I could be like your sister's husband and beat you and then boast all about it down at the crystal hall."

My heart stopped for a moment. I was in shock at his words. Not just at the audacity he had to think he could trap me into this marriage, but what he had just said about Jessica.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean about my sister?" I asked.

Edward sighed and shook his head. He walked toward the east and paused. "I didn't know if I should tell you. It's common knowledge. The Newtons may live a state away, but even this far out, people know. You say your sister is desperate for power? Well, she'd have to be to agree to marry Michael, and I doubt he was charming at first and then only showed his true colors after the fact. There's a reason he married so low, no one with a decent name would ever agree to marriage with him."

I felt my body slowly sit down on a nearby stump. Even though the sun was baking me, and I should have felt embarrassed by my lack of dress, I refused to pick up the clothes and put them back on. I sat and stared at the ground. I had no idea Jessica was in a hopeless, abusive relationship. It wasn't incredibly uncommon, unfortunately. There was no law against it, so some men preferred keeping their women in their place with physical harm and threats. I was lucky to never have been personally exposed to any such man. Just another reason why South America looked so enticing.

"Bella," Edward sighed, turning to me. He walked over and sat down beside me, choosing to sit on the ground and sullying his nice dress slacks. "I'm sorry. I'm handling this all wrong. What you heard at my parents' house…I never wanted to hurt you. I know you no longer think of me as a friend. I wish I could change the past. I told you I wanted an open and honest relationship with you, so I'm going to tell you something now. Something I never wanted to burden you with, but I hope it'll explain my actions."

I pulled my slip more toward my knees. I felt stupid for sitting here, out in the open, with such little clothing on. I couldn't give in to Edward, though. I must remain strong. I couldn't allow my feelings to cloud my good judgment.

"When I lost the weight, I only did so because my grandfather threatened to send me away. I was his embarrassment. Worse so for me, because I'm supposed to carry on the family name. I stuck to the meal plans and exercise regiments, because if he sent me away, it would've meant I'd never see you again. I'd only get to see Alice only on holidays. You were my best friend, and I didn't know how to get along in a world where my sister wasn't just down the hall.

"And then…I'd begun to lose the weight, and after a couple of weeks, I kissed you. I kissed you in the garden, and my grandfather saw everything. He told my father that, if I didn't get away from you, he'd have me sent away. I begged to stay. I told him I wouldn't speak to you anymore, and I didn't. I'd hoped it'd get him off my back, but it didn't work, and he sent me away, anyway, because he still saw you were a threat.

"I was stuck in England for six long years, missing you and my family and feeling as if I'd been exiled, so yes, I'm angry. My grandfather ruined my childhood. So yes, marrying you feels like justice. You can be angry with me all you like, but you know marrying me will change your life for the better. You're my friend, and I won't stand by and see your life ruined, because we don't follow through with this arrangement. I apologize for my harsh words. I should never speak to you as I have or threaten you. I want you to be happy, Bella. We can both be happy. We need only be married for a few short years, and then you can do whatever you like in life."

My anger marginally subsided, but once again, his words stabbed me in the heart. He might have cared about me as a friend, but it would never be more than that. Could I live with this kind of life? I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that something as juvenile as an adolescent kiss would have caused his life to have been shifted so dramatically. I was the reason he had been sent away.

He was right. I couldn't object to this union, no matter how hurt I was by his harsh words. Not only because of what might happen to my family, but I felt so guilty now, and I needed to do right by Edward. If receiving his inheritance could help make up for all those years of banishment I'd caused, and if I cared for Edward as much as I felt I did, then I would say yes willingly, when the minister requested me to do so.

"Okay," I whispered, drawing my knees up and hugging into them as best as I could.

"Will you please get dressed now? I don't want to return you home with your parents questioning whether I've skipped to the honeymoon portion of our impending union."

He stood and picked the dress back up and shook it out. I stood, too, and I was a little surprised, when he helped me into it, instead of just handing it off and turning around until I was decent again. I heard him sigh, as he tried to button up the back.

"You ruined this dress. I'll have it sent out to be fixed. You broke too many of the buttons off."

"Sorry," I replied.

"It's no matter, won't cost but a few small coins to fix."

I leaned down and grabbed my girdle. I was not about to attempt to pull it back on, not after the hot sun had caused me to sweat so profusely. Plus, I didn't want to see the look of horror on Edward's face, as I danced around awkwardly, trying to squeeze my butt back into it like trying to fit a full-sized ham into a rubber glove.

I turned to walk in the direction of my house, but Edward's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Home," I said, irritated.

"You're not walking home. What would your parents think? What would my parents think? You have to come back to my house first."

"Edward, I can't be seen at your house right now. Look at me. My clothes are ruined, and my makeup is surely running down my face. I can sneak in the backdoor at my house. No need to worry about appearances."

"No, Bella. It's time to worry about appearances, and no self-respecting gentleman would ever allow for his intended to trek back to her house on foot looking like you do. You'll come back to the house. You can take a proper bath, and I'll have your dress sent out to be mended. You can return home when it's finished."

"God, and here I thought you were bossy as a child. You've gotten worse with age. What clothes am I going to wear, while this dress is sent out? Do you think I can slip into something of Alice's? Her neck hole wouldn't even fit one of my arms."

Edward rolled his eyes. "You exaggerate, but I'm sure we can find something. You can remain in private quarters, while your clothes are being tended to. I can even have new clothes brought in. As I said before, it's now up to me to take care of you."

I felt my body cringe involuntarily. "I hate when you say that. Take care of me, as if I can't take care of myself. Like I wouldn't have an intelligent thought in my brain to dress myself, if it weren't for your guiding hand."

Edward could barely contain himself, as he looked up and down at the dress he had provided.

"You know what I mean," I snapped. "As I said before, I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but it brings me such pleasure to say these things to you, because I know how it bothers you so. You're a feminist without a backbone. About as useless as a screen door on a submarine," he laughed.

"Edward Cullen!" I hauled off and punched him in the arm.

He pulled back and held up a warning finger. "That was very unladylike. I won't have Alice taking you to Kenzie Court, until I can be sure you can act accordingly."

I narrowed my eyes at his teasing. "Unladylike? You should see what my foot can do," I threatened.

"How about you put your feet to good use and march back to my home," Edward replied, standing aside with his hand gesturing for me to go first.

"Edward, if you even think for one minute that I'll put up with you bossing me around for the next couple of years, you have another thing coming."

I stomped off in the direction of his house. Impressive and yet painful, as my shoes were still filled with tiny pebbles and pieces of dried leaves.

"I believe the correct phrase is, you have another _think_ coming," he corrected.

"Another think? That sounds wrong. I don't believe you."

"You can believe whatever you like. Look it up. It may be an outdated phrase, turned into a modern colloquialism, but I speak the truth."

"Fine, I will. I may not have my pick of colleges, but for some reason, my parents thought to educate me enough to at least read and sign my name," I replied sarcastically. Truth was, I had been near the top of my graduating class.

Edward stopped, and so did I, curious to see what his issue was now.

"Do you want to go to college?" he asked, and I gave him a questioning look. "You can if you'd like."

It felt funny to know he was right. With his permission and money, I could further my education.

"You mean it?" I asked.

"If that's what you wish. But…" he paused and bit on his lip, "If you do well on your studies, then once we're married, you can choose whatever school you'd like, and I'll see to it you go."

I shook my head in amazement. "That's so odd. I can't believe you can just wave your hand and make it so."

He stepped closer to me. "I meant what I said, Bella. This arrangement will give you the opportunity to do whatever you'd like. You can have whatever you wish. I'll see to it that you're given an expense account tomorrow morning. You can go online and buy whatever you'd like."

I swallowed hard. My mind was feeling fuzzy. It reminded me of the lottery. The working class and gutter babies would sometimes waste their money to purchase a chance to win some money. The state lottery only ever went to a couple thousand dollars. Enough to help out a person and their family for a short while, but never enough to live the life of a person with means and a high station. Some state lotteries failed, because the lower classes didn't want to waste what little money they had on a game of chance that held unfavorable odds. Even when we had been lower in station, before Jessica's marriage, my parents would never throw away their hard-earned money on the hopes that they could choose the random numbers correctly.

Edward's expense account was far more money than any state lottery. It felt wrong to ask him for something.

"What is it? I know you're thinking of asking me something. Please, just do so."

I bit on my lip and played with the back of my dress, finding the empty holes from the buttons that had perished.

"I was wondering if I could request some funds for…something."

"Yes, what would you like?"

I felt uneasy. I was embarrassed to say it, especially to Edward.

"Well, my sister, when she'd first arrived, she'd…sent for a personal trainer from the west coast. I don't particularly care what people may think, so I was only doing it because I wanted to make things easier on your sister, but now, it looks as if…my losing a couple of pounds would make it easier on everyone. So…could that be possible? His name was Jacob Black, and as annoying as he could be, he might be able to work a miracle or two."

Edward looked confused and waited quite a while, before he slowly responded to my request. "If that's what you want."

I nodded once and then turned to continue the walk. He followed behind me, which made it rather uncomfortable. Worse, that he didn't say a word the whole walk back. I wanted to turn to him and say something, but I had nothing.

I didn't think my request was that abnormal. Any and every pound I could lose would only benefit him and his family. It killed me not to know what he was thinking. We arrived back, and for the first time, I was able to look at him. He looked about as lost as I was.

For someone who had no problem ordering me to tell him what I was thinking, and who wasn't shy in letting me know what the score was, Edward seemed to have been put off by my request, and I wasn't sure why that was.

Shouldn't he be all too pleased to see me lose the weight? Hell, as my fiancé, he could demand it of me. Even though Edward could be a bit demanding, I knew he would never really push for something, if it totally went against what I wanted.

He barely said more than a couple of words to me, before he left me off in an empty room to bathe and change. I would bathe, and then I needed to speak to a friend. A true friend. Only she could help me now.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

I decided I would seek out Alice, once I was finished with my luxurious bath. Yes, luxurious was the word of the day. A giant footed bathtub, filled with hot water and bubbles, was waiting for me invitingly, after I had undressed out of my tattered clothes. I was able to fully go under the water, that was how large this bathtub was. Also, it had a line of different scented soap dispensers I could choose from. At home, we had the standard soap that never changed. Not that I was complaining. I remembered when I was younger, before my sister had married, we had been lucky to share a single bar between all of us. It was all my parents could afford.

Staring at my soap options was the very first time I began to understand how my life was about to change. After negotiations were finalized and Edward and I were permitted to move into the estate his grandfather had left, my life would transform dramatically. There would be maids and silk sheets. A closet of proper clothes and jewelry. I wasn't the kind of girl who would go gaga over something like clothes and jewelry. I knew I would be better off without them, because everything came with a price. As Edward had said, I would be expected to study and act accordingly. For every fancy puzzle piece my new life gained, I would have to give up a simpler part of me to make it fit.

There was a heated large towel on the chair just outside the bathing quarters. I saw that Edward had provided a robe and basic undergarments to wear until my dress was back. I was still horribly underdressed to walk about the house, but I needed to speak to Alice. I sent her a text, hoping she would come down to my guest quarters.

I stood in the middle, not wanting to ruin any furniture with my damp hair. I was already unfavorable with Esme and Carlisle. I didn't need to make my position any lower than it already was, if that was possible.

I heard a shy knock on the door, and I rushed to open it.

Alice's warm smile made me want to weep. She was the only person to ever be fully on my side. I knew she would never turn her back on me, no matter how destitute my station became.

"Oh, Alice. Thank god. I need to talk to someone, and I don't know what to do," I said, pulling her into the room.

She gave me a small smile and went over to sit down on the fancy bed, while I closed the door and took a much-needed deep breath.

"I don't know what's going on with you and Edward. I stood up for you both, but I'm not stupid. I know my brother. He talked you into this, didn't he?"

I came over and stood by the bed beside her, while my hands made work of wringing the satin material of my robe with my hands.

"Everything is happening so fast. He found me in the forest. I was drinking. I was so angry with my sister, and he cooked up this plan. I didn't want to say yes. I tried to talk some sense into him. Make him see reason. The only thing that made it possible for me to agree was that he said we could tell you. I'd never lie to you. Now, I don't know what to do. I'm going to be married to a man. A Cullen! Stuck in a fake marriage, where I'm going to be forced to watch my husband sleep with whomever he wishes. Eventually, he'll find a proper wife who he could love, and then, my role will be over. Doomed to walk the earth as a virgin for the rest of my life, because no man will want me then."

"Wait, Edward said he'd sleep with other women while you two were married?"

Forgetting myself, my body involuntarily found a place next to Alice on the bed, as I slowly sat down with a disconcerted look on my face.

"Bella, that'd never happen. My brother may have changed since he was away, but he'd never rub your nose in his ghastly affairs. Besides, even if I were to believe this was true, why couldn't you find someone to sleep with on the side as well?"

I laughed and nearly fell back on the bed, when I remembered my damp hair and stopped myself at the last second.

"And who would ever want to sleep with me?"

It was true! Who would ever want to sleep with me? Especially now. Even if I managed to catch a man's eye, he would never do it, for fear of angering the Cullen's. It was looking more and more as if I would lose my very last ounce of self-respect and take my own virginity with a cucumber.

"Oh, Bella," Alice admonished, "You're not as dire as you think you are."

I didn't want to respond to that statement. I looked away, not daring to believe her words.

"Edward told me you've requested a Mr. Jacob Black to come and help you…"

I sighed. "Apparently, he's a miracle worker. Jessica paid an awful cost to bring him here to deal with my weight issues. I was only doing it for you. I didn't want to embarrass you during your wedding season. Now, it looks like I have a few more people to not embarrass, once my wedding season is to begin. I'm sure it'd help your parents greatly if I were to be successful."

Alice placed her hand on mine. "Don't be ridiculous. My parents don't get embarrassed, and I'd never be, either. But I'll support you, because I think that, if you were to lose even a couple of pounds, it might help you greatly with not being as insecure. And I don't care about what deal you and my brother made. I know where his heart truly lies, and he'll be good to you. I'd never allow this to happen, if I thought he'd mistreat you."

That reminded me of Jessica. After everything she had said and threatened me with, I shouldn't think about her and her misfortunes, but she was my sister, after all.

"Alice, Edward said something to me, and I don't know what to do with it. He said Jessica was being hit by Michael Newton. I had no idea. What should I do?"

Alice looked down at the quilt and cringed slightly, while she thought over her next words. I could tell she was having a difficult time forming them. I couldn't blame her, because I was still wondering how much I should worry about Jessica myself. Alice closed her eyes briefly and then looked back at me, ready with her response.

"Bella, I can't even begin to help you there. I believe my answer would make you think poorly of me. It's a horrible thing to have to endure, but you should try not to get caught up in her choices. I fear you'll come out more hurt than she is."

My sister could be pretty awful, but a large part of me felt that I should still do something. I put her problems in the back of my mind and decided to focus on the plethora of my own. Alice stayed with me and chatted, until my dress was done and returned. She helped me back into my freshly laundered girdle and slip, and then she buttoned up the back for me.

I was expecting to leave the house without having to say farewell to Edward. Customarily, I should want to say goodbye, but I forwent proper protocol and exited the house, happy I had made it outside without any other Cullen being any the wiser. I didn't particularly want to chance a run-in with Esme or Carlisle.

The car was not out front and waiting as I had hoped. My foot played with the top step, as I tried to decide if I should ask Edward for a ride home. I looked down at my shoes and feared what it would do to my feet to make the journey home on foot. It was late enough in the evening that the walk wouldn't be as awful as it had been hours before.

I looked back to the house one last time and decide that a nice walk could have the benefit of clearing my mind of all that had transpired. My feet had nearly hit the tree line, when I heard Edward's voice shouting at me. I turned back around to see him jogging down the steps.

"Bella!"

Oh great. Once again, he looked unhappy.

"What?" I huffed.

He ran up to me with wide eyes, holding his hands out for an explanation.

"I didn't want to bother you. I just want to go home and…go to bed."

"It isn't even suppertime. What were you thinking? Walking back home? Your parents would think the worst of me."

"My parents think you poop out pearls. I doubt they'd think unfavorably on you."

He took my hand and pulled me along with him back towards the steps.

"You can wait a few minutes for Seth to bring along the car. You really do need to begin your studies. I swear…"

"Edward, if you say one more word about my studies, I'm going to smother you while you sleep on our first night as husband and wife."

Edward let go of my hand and held his up, asking me to calm myself.

"You have no idea how much it burns my britches to hear you talk to me in such a fashion. You say you want to be friends, but you treat me as if I'm a lesser. And yes, I know I'm a lesser. I don't need to focus my studies on prominent families to know where your family sits in the hierarchy. I may not have been properly trained, like some silly monkey smashing cymbals together, but I know more than you believe."

Edward stepped back and appraised me. He folded his arms across his chest, an amused smile playing on his lips. "Okay, name all the prominent families in just our state, beginning with the highest."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why would I need to learn all the families. It only matters who's on top, right?"

"Just amuse me."

"The Cullens," I sneered.

"That's correct. All you need to know, right?" Edward challenged.

Edward always did love winning a challenge, but I wasn't going to play his game any longer.

"I don't need your car. I'd rather fancy a walk," I said, turning back to head into the trees.

"Bella," Edward warned.

I rolled my eyes and kept walking. He quickly caught up to me and stepped in my path.

"Fine, I fancy a walk, too. Why don't we continue our discussion the whole way? We could've been done with it after a five-minute car ride, but now, it looks as if we'll have quite a long time to go over everything. We could start with the families and then move on to proper etiquette for the Blessing Celebration. Alice will have hers first, but ours can't be far behind. It'd be good to know you're up to speed with proper decorum. But perhaps we should begin with the appropriate etiquette for a lady addressing her intended."

I groaned out as if I were a wild beast and threw my hands up in the air. "God, Edward! What's with you? I never would've agreed to this fake union, if I'd known you'd use it to find ways to stress me so. I fear I've become your new favorite toy to poke and prod for your amusement."

"No, Bella! I just want you to stop acting like you're a single girl. You're engaged now. We're in courtship, and I would've thought you knew that, with the offer I made to you, this all would come with your end of the agreement. You don't walk to or from my home anymore. You don't take your clothes off in the woods in anger. You're to act like a lady. I have your expense account in place, and your Jacob Black is set to come and see you in the morning, but you don't get to just take. You have to give me a little, too, you know. You agreed to keep up appearances, and right now, with your actions, you're failing to do so."

I sighed and looked down to the ground, once again feeling thoroughly reprimanded.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

Edward sighed and looked away. "I don't enjoy treating you like a child. Even when we were children, you always found ways to frustrate the hell out of me. Even before I understood our class system, I always felt this overwhelming need to protect you. When I finally learned that your family was a part of the lesser working class, those feelings only increased, because I never wanted to think of you as being subjected to the plights of most working-class individuals."

It was true, the working class usually lived far away from people like the Cullen's. They would bus in from their cities to do their work. In some cases, residences would be provided for certain positions that needed to be close by, which was why we had been allocated the tiny farmhouse on the Cullen property. My mother had worked for Edward's family, and her position had required she be nearby night and day. We were grateful they had been kind enough to allow the Newtons to purchase the property for us after our station rise.

I was fortunate enough to never have been exposed to the city and where all the lesser working class lived. In fact, it had been forbidden by my parents for me to visit. The cities held the impoverished people, and even though my family was only a station above, per societal rules, it was considered improper of someone in our position to go and walk about their community.

Our tiny house had only been upgraded once the Newtons had provided the funds. Our one-story house turned into two. Our square footage nearly doubled, from fifteen hundred square feet to almost three thousand. Everything changed with Jessica's marriage.

"Bella, I know you must think I'm so different from the boy you once knew, and you're right, I am. I've changed a great deal. I'm afraid six years of banishment would change any person…even turn me into the kind of man who'd marry for money and sleep around on his wife.

"I need you to understand that I do care about you, though, and I know my banishment wasn't your fault, but I haven't been able to let go of the anger inside me. If I was being fair, I wouldn't give a damn about how you act, so long as you played your role. That should be the most I interceded into your life.

"But I look at you and I still see this child who should be protected. I shouldn't harp on your studies, because you've always been the good little girl, anxious to please. I'll try to refrain from pressing on you further. So, let's play our roles, and let me take you home."

He held out his hand, and I looked at it as more than just a request to accompany me home. By taking his hand, I would be agreeing to continue with this plan of his. Agreeing that I would marry a man who would take another to his bed every night. Knowing I would be down the hall, pretending it wasn't killing me every second he would spend in her arms.

I took his hand, and we walked back to the car. He accompanied me to my house, where my parents awaited my return to see how our meeting with the senior Cullen had gone. I told them a few words to let them know that negotiations might begin, before I retired up to my room.

I slowly undressed from the fancy outfit and pulled off my girdle, dropping it to the floor. I went over to my bed and pulled back the cotton sheets and fitted myself down inside. I pulled the covers up over my head and turned to bury my face in the pillow.

I screamed and screamed some more.

Then, I cried.

Edward Cullen would never want me. Edward Cullen would never love me. My husband would never want me. My husband would never love me.

I managed to stay hidden in my room in the days that followed. I blamed a summer cold for the reason, and my mother left me well enough alone, believing the stress of the recent events was to blame. Edward called or texted to keep up with appearances. He pushed Jacob Black off for a couple of days, believing the lie that I was ill.

It took Alice coming over to get me up.

"Bella, I know you aren't really sick. You need to stop all this. You can't be absent your entire courtship. You also agreed to be my maid of honor, and my Blessing Celebration is coming fast. Are you really going to shirk your duties?"

She pulled back the covers, and I was relieved that the tears I'd spilled were long gone. I threw an arm over my face, shielding my eyes from the bright light that blasted through my window.

"I'm just tired, Alice. Don't worry. I'll be ready to do your bidding in the morning."

I looked her over and saw she wasn't wearing her standard dress.

"What are you wearing, Alice?"

"Isn't it nice? I had it sent in from town. I can see why people work out. These clothes are so comfortable."

She had on a spandex-tight outfit similar to the one Jessica had worn, when she had been exercising with me.

"Why are you wearing that? I can't imagine someone as thin as you would ever need to exercise."

She shrugged and landed gracefully upon my bed. "Well, I thought I could join you. Be your motivator. Who better to be in your corner? Jacob Black is waiting at my house, and Edward said your flu should've passed by now. He wanted to personally come over and drag you out. I thought I'd save your dignity and come over and do it instead."

I closed my eyes and groaned. "I don't want to work out right now. I'm in mourning. I just need a few more days," I attempted.

"Bella, you've been sick for a week," she replied, using quotation fingers for the word sick. "I don't know what Edward said to you, but I know if you two are going forward with this plan, you need to keep up appearances, and you can't deny your fiancé a visit when you're in courtship."

Edward knew he should have visited me while I was "sick." But I kept telling my mother I wasn't up for visitors. I had decided the best way to handle this fake relationship was to see Edward as little as possible. It would keep my heart safer, knowing that every time I saw him, it would pain me to do so.

"Come on. Up and out of bed. Jacob is waiting, and I'm sure Edward will require a word with you as well."

I huffed and stomped out of bed, grabbing my t-shirt and yoga pants from off my chair. I stomped around the bathroom and slammed drawers as I prepared myself. Alice didn't say one word to me, until we were in the car.

"Use that anger, Bella. It'll help," she said, before exiting out the car door.

Jacob Black was already standing outside and getting his equipment ready for our session.

"Bella!" he greeted me happily. He came over and gave me a big hug, which was really weird, since I had only met him one time before.

"I'm so honored you requested to work with me again. It tells me you're in it to win it!"

And so, the clichés began...

I gave him a half smile. "What's all this?" I asked, motioning to the light blue bags on the ground.

"Well, I thought we'd go for a walk today."

I gave him a look.

"Hey, you gotta learn to walk before you can run," he laughed. "But before we begin, I want to weigh you in. We need to know what we're starting with, so we can be proud of every victory pound we lose."

Jacob had a scale up on the pavement, and I felt nervous. I never weighed myself. I didn't want to know how big I was. Wasn't it already bad enough that I had everyone telling me I was fat? I didn't need a scale to tell me, too.

"It's okay, Bella. I won't look. It'll be just between you and Jacob," Alice rubbed my arm for support, knowing I was having a difficult time.

I looked at her and took her hand, shaking my head. "No, it's okay. I trust you more than anyone."

I walked over to the scale and watched cautiously, as the number rose quickly. I closed my eyes, and Jacob quietly said the number, while writing it down on his notepad. I stepped off and hoped that was all the embarrassment I would endure for the day.

Jacob began to strap on the blue bags that were weighted with sand around my waist, arms, and legs. I felt like an idiot, trying to walk with an extra fifty pounds. At first, it wasn't so bad, but Jacob's walk went on for a mile, not to mention we were dealing with hot, humid summer temperatures. Alice walked beside me, talking and trying to keep my mind off the pain and struggle I felt. Jacob walked along on the other side, interjecting his little sayings like an annoying pecking bird.

Every second that passed, I wondered why I'd ever asked Edward for this. By the time we returned home, I was determined to ask Edward to make Jacob Black disappear, by any means necessary.

"Great job today, Bella. I'm so proud of you. Just remember, slow progress is still progress. In the morning, I dare say we should double it. It'll make things easier the earlier we begin. How about six o'clock? Maybe we can even fit in another workout later in the day?"

I wanted to hurl onto his feet, but I refrained. I didn't verbally reply. I gave him a thumbs up and waited patiently, while he removed all his weights.

"Do well with your lunch and dinner portions and be sure to eat your healthy snacks in between. And if you're ever in a weak moment and feeling hungry, know that good things happen when you experience hunger."

_Do not smack Jacob Black. Look at him, Bella. His muscles could probably smack you back without even moving an inch. Do not slap Jacob Black._

"Thank you, Jacob," I said calmly.

He loaded up his car, and Alice waved goodbye.

I began to head home through the woods, but Alice caught me by the arm. "Your fiancé?" she questioned, giving me a stern look to remind me that I needed to see Edward.

"I'll text him later."

"You will not. He'll come to your house, and I don't want to think of what he'll do, if you don't get in there and talk to him."

I sighed and stared up to the heavens, hating my life and asking God for a quick execution.

"Fine," I replied, turning back towards the house.

I stomped up the stairs. The cool air blasting me in the face was the only reason I was happy to be here. Drenched in sweat and looking positively disgusting, I waited in the entryway, while Alice went to call on her brother.

I was hot, tired and not in the mood for one of mine and Edward's boxing matches. So, I told myself that, whatever he wanted, I would just agree to it quickly, so I could return home and be done with him. It would be the fastest way to get out of there and keep my heart guarded.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, coming down the stairs.

"Yes," I replied.

"Good. It'd be nice in the future if you could agree to let me come up and see you when you're sick. I don't want your parents believing we're in a fight."

"Okay," I replied.

"Bella, are you upset with me?"

"No," I replied.

"Would you prefer to go home and shower? I can come to you in an hour, so we can sit and have a discussion."

I shrugged. "Whatever you want, you need only ask."

He scoffed and moved to rub his temples. It seemed my attitude was displeasing.

"We need to go over a few things. It'd be helpful if you could clue me in on some terms your parents would respect for our negotiations as a beginning point."

I laughed humorlessly. "Edward, I'm pretty sure they'll agree to nearly anything you could offer. I doubt I'm worth much to stall the negotiation process. Truly. Just give the standard, and they'll sign whatever you propose."

I looked to the side and folded my arms across my chest, trying to hold myself together long enough to return home and to my bed.

"What's the matter with you?" Edward asked. "Why do you refuse to look at me."

I smashed my lips together to keep them from trembling and squeezed my hands into fists. "I know I requested Jacob Black, but can I cancel it?" I asked, hoping the change in direction would throw Edward off.

I saw Edward move and change his stance. He was inspecting me. "Why? Did he do something? Say something?"

I shook my head. "No. I've just decided to go a different way." I sighed. "Look, I should get home. I promised I'd help my mother make the choices for dinner this evening. I need to prep my healthy meal. Is there anything else I can do for you, or can I go?"

I saw Edward narrow his eyes and appraise me. "No."

I finally looked up at him, surprised he wouldn't let me go.

"No to leaving, and no to canceling Jacob Black," he said.

My mouth dropped open.

"There's something you aren't telling me, and I don't care if you stand here all night. You aren't going home until we have an open discussion."

I no longer felt the need to cry. I wanted to punch something very badly. Or someone.

Edward walked over to the lounge chair in the corner and sat down to wait for me.

"What do you want from me, Edward? You said you needed to know about my requests for negotiations. I don't care. Put whatever you like in the damn contract."

"Whatever I like?" Edward asked, standing back up. "Okay, how about I put in that I have permission to smack your butt for your insolence? I wouldn't beat you, but I know smacking is a common practice down south. Hell, it took a week for the Whitlock's to let go of that clause in Alice's contract, and they only did so at Jasper's personal request. I could take out the amicable clause, which will ensure all monies return to me in the event of divorce."

"You jerk! You told me you'd give me that, when I agreed to this whole nightmare!" I spat.

"Nightmare? What, exactly, has caused this to be so terrible for you? I've given you everything you've asked for, and yet, you continue to deny me the basic respect to keep up appearances. I don't know how this'll ever work, if you continue to act this way. What more do you want from me?" he yelled.

I couldn't hold it in. I felt my eyes watering. He had said some harsh things before. He had threatened me before, and yet, still, I held out hope for him. To have these feelings for him, when he would never treat me with half the love and respect I truly had for him, was futile.

"Nothing. I don't want anything from you," I whispered. "Put whatever you'd like in the contract. Smack me. Beat me. Do your worst. It might make things easier in the end."

Even though he hadn't dismissed me, I turned to leave, but he caught me at the door and stopped me. He forcefully pulled me into a hug and continued to securely hold onto me, even though I was trying to push him away.

"It's okay, Bella," he whispered.

I broke down and sobbed in his arms. A part of me told myself to stop. I was embarrassing myself. I was sweaty and disgusting. I was leaving snot all over his fine silky shirt, a shirt that smelled divine. But he made no move to push me away in disgust, even though his arms were probably strained from trying to wrap themselves around my large frame. I sniffled back the snot that invaded my nostrils, as I attempted to get ahold of myself.

"I know I must marry you, but me being around you hurts my very soul. It's easier if you just let me stay away. I'll perform my role, I promise. You'll get your inheritance. Please…don't make me see you more than I have to."

Edward looked hurt. He stalled, and I could see his eyes were searching, while he thought about what he should do. Slowly, he let go of me and stepped back. He nodded his head and then turned away, leaving me behind.

I'd won.

I'd finally won a battle with Edward.

Hadn't I?

* * *

**AN: THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING!**

**THANK YOU TO DOLLYBIGMOMMA FOR EDITING!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Edward had received my message loud and clear. I hadn't seen him in over a week. It was nearing the end of summer, and I was looking forward to the fall winds and change of the leaves. Fall was my favorite time of year. The colors. The cooler weather. The dark clothing. It was perfect.

I told my mother and father that Edward needed to focus on the upcoming semester of his first year at college. He had been accepted into his school of choice, and now, it was time to ready himself for the beginning of his career.

Jacob Black showed up on my doorstep every morning. The only text message I sent to Edward was to ask him why he hadn't honored my request and canceled Jacob Black. His only response to my inquiry was short and simple. No. He didn't call to lecture me on the power he held over me. He didn't come by to have a discussion. He was respecting my boundaries, but not respecting my request.

Alice came to work out occasionally, as well. After the first couple of days with Jacob, I had to admit, it wasn't so terrible. Bad clichés and all. I wondered if Edward had talked to Jacob Black, because he seemed to throw an exceptional amount of his little sayings at me the morning after I had asked Edward to cancel him.

"_When you're about to quit, ask yourself why you started… Get comfortable with being uncomfortable… Magic is what happens when you don't give up, even though you want to…"_

Okay, so I might have started playing a little game in my mind. It was so very wrong of me to do so, but every single cliché Jacob Black would hurl at me, I imagined he was saying it while engaging in sexual activity. It made me laugh to think about his poor girlfriend or wife, trying to achieve maximum pleasure, while Jacob whispered, "Compromise your comfort zone," into her ear.

I tried to not think about mine and Edward's impending union. It was made more difficult by my mother always wanting me to engage with her and give her little details, which I had to lie about. I found myself going to the hospital more frequently for my volunteer work, just so I could get away from her.

"Hey, Bella. You keep putting in these hours and we just might have to pay you," Sam smiled, seeing me come through the front door. Sam was from the lesser working class, but since he was deemed to be worthy of a job at this hospital that served the higher classes, it entitled him to a better position and better pay than most.

"Morning, Sam. Anyone new this morning?" I asked with a return smile and a quick hug.

"Yep. I got one who's been waiting for you since last night," he replied, handing me the chart. "Sorry," he apologized softly.

I looked down and saw the name, and my heart ached. I looked back at him and asked, "How's it looking?"

"Not good. I thought you might be able to cheer her up. I have her favorite right here," he replied, handing me the Cinderella book.

I took the book and handed him back the chart. He patted my shoulder sympathetically, before I turned to head off for the children's ward. I would go up there and read and act out their favorite tales, much to the amusement and delight of Sam and the rest of the staff. They seemed to appreciate my efforts almost as much as the children for whom I did it.

Today was Bree Tanner. One of my frequent fliers. She seemed to be in and out of the hospital nearly as much as I was. However, her situation was far more dire.

Seeing Bree lying in her bed made all my problems look like cake. It was the first time I was able to get some perspective. Here I was, crying over a silly boy and his issues, while this girl would love nothing more than to spend one healthy month out of these walls and living like a normal, happy child.

"Hey, Bree," I cheerfully announced, walking in with my book in hand.

"Bella. I hoped you'd be here," she slowly breathed out.

"Don't talk," I said quietly. "Just listen, okay?"

I took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, before picking up the book and beginning where we had left off the previous time. I would only stop when she would begin coughing, and I would have to reach for her oxygen mask.

Bree's parents were seldom around. Her father was a governor, so he had a lot on his plate managing the state. I knew what an important role that was, but it always upset me that Bree's mother couldn't be bothered to sit with her child more. She probably felt her time was best served elsewhere.

When Bree was asleep, I left the book by her bedside and stepped out quietly. I didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts, because then I would feel worse for using so much of my energy with being upset over my impending marriage. Such a silly thing to be upset over, when you were watching a child fade right in front of you.

Mindlessly, I began my walk back toward the head nurses' station to see if there was anything more I could do to help, or if I should just leave that day. I was so focused on trying to not think about Edward, that I didn't even hear my name being called.

"Isabella."

"Isabella."

Carlisle shook my shoulder a little, and I instantly snapped out of my daze. I felt my face flame with embarrassment. I hadn't seen or spoken to Carlisle since the day of our exciting announcement.

"I'm sorry, Sir." I shook my head and looked around. "I just…had an upsetting patient. Was there something you needed?"

Carlisle looked at me with warm, questioning eyes. "Why don't you come to my office. I'd like to speak with you for a moment."

I felt my nerves kick up. I wondered if he'd had the chance to look into my medical files and find the answers he sought regarding my fertility and the chances I had to bring an heir to term. I wished I could tell him it was a waste of time, since his son would never touch me.

I followed him to his office and felt faint for doing so. I wished Edward was here. Esme, I could probably handle, but Carlisle intimidated me, like Edward was intimidated by his mother. After the short, awkward ride in the elevator and a slow, uncomfortable walk, we finally arrived at his office.

I walked in, and Carlisle saw to it that the door was shut properly. I stood frozen, waiting for him to begin. I was sure he was about to speak on his displeasure that, due to his son's stubborn nature, I was about to be his new daughter-in-law.

He gestured for me to sit, and I did so slowly and stiffly. He walked behind his desk and sat down, and then he stared at me. My eyes began to move around, trying not to focus on his.

"I know why you're doing this. I know why my son is doing this. I'm not upset with you. I understand your reasoning, Isabella."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No. I'm sorry. I don't condone what you and my son are doing. He's holding you hostage for choices I felt I had no control over. I know you heard our argument. Edward's told you the reasons why he was sent away. My son was changed, because I was unable to go against my father, and I'm afraid you'll pay most dearly of all for our family's issues."

"Why would you think that?" I asked, looking to him.

"Because, Bella, I know you're in love with Edward. It's written all over your face, has been for many years. You love my son, and he doesn't deserve your love or loyalty. I've known you your whole life. I watched you grow up, as I have my own children. More so than Edward. I know you don't feel like you fit in. If you'd befriended any other family, I fear you probably would've been thrown out. But, like I tell my children, Cullen's have the luxury of doing whatever we please. We don't bend to societal pressures. We're allowed to live by our own rules."

I sighed and bit my lip. "Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to try and talk your son out of his…this?"

"My son will never yield. Once he gets an idea in his head, you know how difficult it is to make him change it. I know he cares for you, and that small amount of care will be the only thing that blinds him from doing what's right. Letting you go, so you can find someone to respect and love you fully."

I laughed humorlessly. "I don't think there's a man out there who'd do that for me."

"I don't want to see you hurt, Bella."

It was the first time he'd ever called me Bella. Even Edward knew to call me Isabella whenever we were in front of our parents. Esme called me Bella, but that was because she was a woman. It wasn't proper for a man to address me so informally, unless he was a lesser.

"I care about you. I know you two will go on with this. I've scrutinized your contract more than Alice's, because I know you don't have anyone who'll stand up and be your voice. Your parents would agree to any clause, no matter what it meant to you."

"You don't know that," I defended, giving my parents far too much credit.

"Don't I? I saw your sister's contract. They approved Michael Newton to physically handle his wife as he saw fit. If we put a similar clause in yours, not that I believe Edward would ever hit you, your parents would still sign it, either blindly or unsympathetically."

I couldn't control my tears. It hurt, because he was right, and I was so angry that my parents would allow for such a provision.

"Bella," Carlisle said softly, "I won't allow that to happen. I'll stand and be your voice. I'll ensure respectability and do everything I can to protect you and your own interests. Even if it means protecting you from my own son."

He stood up and walked around his desk to me.

"Why would you do that for me? I know I'm not the girl you'd hoped for Edward. Society would want you to pick a Hale or a Denali. Not some lesser working-class fat girl."

"Don't ever speak about my new daughter like that ever again. I mean it. You're no longer any of those things. You're a Cullen. Now, I'll tell you what I tell all my children. Cullen's have the luxury of doing whatever we please. We don't bend to societal pressures. We're allowed to live by our own rules. I want you to remember this, as you begin your wedding season. Remember that, when you're helping Alice with her wedding season, and don't be afraid to let everyone know down at Kenzie Court where Isabella Swan stands on the list of prominent families. Where is that again?"

I swallowed and gave him a watery smile. "At the top."

"That's right. Good girl."

He gave me an honest to goodness hug. I would never be able to repay Carlisle Cullen for everything he would do for me. This talk would be the first, but certainly not the last. His words gave me more self-confidence than anyone who had come before. I felt honored with his acceptance. My disturbing thoughts on how he had acted in his study after Edward and I had opened up about our impending union had been taken all wrong. Carlisle had not been upset that Edward had chosen me, and therefore, risked embarrassing the family. He was more concerned about seeing _me_ hurt.

I checked in on Bree one more time, before I went to find Sam to say goodbye. He hugged me tightly, seeing my tears, but he agreed with me that Bree's small, frail body and poor stats indicated she would be lucky to last the week. My heart ached for her, as silent tears fell down my cheeks. It occurred to me, then, that this was a decent use of my tears. Not crying over boys who would never love me. I'd wasted too much time and energy on something that would never change, and it was time to move on. My time to mourn my new life was over. Now, it was time to face Edward and get to living that new life.

I asked the driver Edward had set me up with to take me to the Cullen's home. I wasn't sure if Edward would be there, but I felt that was where I should begin. My feet traveled purposefully toward his bedroom door. It was time to put an end to this.

I knocked twice and waited.

When Edward opened the door, I could see the shock register on his face instantly. "Bella."

God, it had been so long since I had seen him, and I could feel my body reacting to his pleasant features. What I wouldn't do for just…

_Stop it, Bella!_

"Sorry. Am I interrupting?" I asked.

"No, um...is there something wrong? Do you need something?"

I bit my lip. My bravado was beginning to wear off. "No, I just wanted a minute of your time to talk. I can come back if this isn't an appropriate time."

Edward pulled open his door and gestured for me to come in. I walked in and felt funny for entering his private quarters. I'd never seen his room, even when we were children. It was just as large and well-appointed as the rest of the house. I slowly walked towards his leather couch and sat down awkwardly. Edward sat in the armchair to the left near the window.

I had worked out my speech in the car on the way over, but the beginning was failing me now, as I tried to recall it. _Begin with an apology for your actions. Assure him on your future actions and finish with gratitude._

"Bella, just be out with it. You'll never be able to remember your speech word for word. Give me the gist, and we'll go from there."

I sighed, irritated. I'd swear he could read my damn mind sometimes.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to come here and apologize for my behavior. You're doing this wonderful thing for me, and I've been acting like a petulant child, because I'm upset with so many things, and none of them really fall on you being the reason for my poor conduct. I wanted to assure you that, going forward, I'll be the picture of societal grace and respect. I won't let you down. I'll attend to my studies, and you'll never find a better fake wife than I. I promise I'll do better."

He looked confused. He closed his eyes and then shook his head, as if he was having issues with comprehending my declaration. He stood up and walked over to join me on the couch.

"Bella, you needn't apologize. I know I haven't exactly made this transition any smoother. I guess my temper hasn't gotten any better with age. I don't want to hurt you. I hope you know that. I've been so angry with myself and how I've dealt with you for the past few weeks. I don't blame you for calling this a nightmare. I deserve every harsh word. I see it written all over my mother and father's faces. Their disappointment. Not from choosing you, but for how I've acted."

I shook my head. "No, Edward. You're just like me. We both fight with one another, because we're taking out our frustrations with outside entities on each other. You're upset with your grandfather, and I'm...upset with the way the world continues to work."

Edward scoffed. "I have to know. What, exactly, would you change if you were a governor? How would you change things, if you were able to hold the majority vote in your favor?"

I sat back and looked straight ahead out the window to think my answer through. I knew he would love to debate whatever I said. This could cause us to go into another fight.

"It doesn't matter. Women can't be governors. I guess you'll never know."

"This is a hypothetical situation, Bella. An alternate universe, where a woman could be governor, so answer the question."

I narrowed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, for starters, women would have equal representation and be able to be governors. We'd hold a position of power, so we could make changes to the current structure. I'd dissolve the current hierarchical system, and positions would be open to all and earned by gaining the respect of the people. All the people."

"You'd completely dissolve our system? Anyone could be in charge, even a member of the lesser working class?"

"Why not?" I challenged.

Edward laughed. "Well, for one, there'd be chaos. There's a reason our system has lasted throughout time and history. You were born into a lower station, so I'm sure it's easy for you to dismiss the hard work of all the prominent individuals above you. If it was open to all and every to be in a position of power, then you'd have corruption."

"And you're saying there isn't any now?" I questioned.

Edward sighed. "I'm not saying there isn't, but when you let individuals with no political aptitude have an opportunity to weigh in on issues they know nothing about, it can lead to apathetic and misguided voting. That could put a person in a position of power who could act detrimentally in ignorance and put an end to us all. And all this, because you don't want to get married to secure your welfare, because when it comes down to it, Bella, that's what this is about, is it not?"

It was my turn to sigh. "I don't know why we're discussing this. It's not like things will ever change, but I don't think you're as educated as you believe. You're used to being at the top looking down. If you could get your head out of the clouds and come down to the commoners' level, then I'd imagine you might be enlightened. Not all who are lessers are incapable or incompetent."

I could see my words had made him upset. I felt it, too. Had we been like this when we were children? I didn't remember every discussion turning into a hostile debate. I thought back, a smile slowly forming on my face, and I let out a laugh.

"What?" Edward snapped.

I shook my head. "I was just wondering if we were like this when we were children. If we were, how did ever we remain friends for so long? And then I thought back, and yes, we were very much like this. I can't believe I'd forgotten. You used to infuriate me with your pompous attitude. You always thought you knew everything."

"I wasn't the only one. You were as stubborn as hell. I had to be pompous to be a fair match for your stubborn nature. God, I still remember when you broke your arm falling out of that tree, and you wanted me to just leave you to return to your house all by yourself, when my father was a doctor, and you couldn't have received better medical care."

I practically jumped in my chair, sitting to face him. "There was a reason, Edward. My mother had forbidden me out of the house that evening. I was on restriction, and yet, you talked me into sneaking out. If I'd gone home like I wanted to, I could've made up some story of how my arm got broke, and then I wouldn't have been grounded for a month."

"Don't try and pin that on me. You were always the worst liar. No matter what story you spun, your parents would've known the second the words trickled off your tongue."

We both laughed, and for the first time in years, it felt normal to do so. I looked at Edward's perfect face, and I could see the boy I had once known. His smile was devoid of the harsh years that had separated us. It was the first genuine Edward smile I had seen since we had been children. I think he noticed it, too. His smile didn't fade fast, but he slowly pulled back.

"Bella." I looked down and away from him, before I allowed more feelings to remind me of the harsh truth. "I promise to be better. To be your friend again. I hope you'll allow that."

It was probably all he could offer me. I could see it now. His behavior was deplorable, but I couldn't imagine I would act any better, having been put out by my family for years at the request of a grandparent. I nearly laughed. The Cullen's walked around, believing they were untouchable. Even Carlisle had said they were afforded the luxury of doing whatever they pleased because of their position, and yet, apparently, that wasn't so. If Grandpa Cullen could turn out his own grandson, it meant that, no matter who you were, there would always be someone higher to answer to.

"I'd very much like to be your friend again. I don't want to fight with you. I find it extremely exhausting, and I'd much rather save my energy for more important matters. I know I've asked this before. I know your parents have asked this. I guess I really need to hear you say it one more time. Are you sure you want to do this? There are far more suitable offers for marriage. I hear the Denali's have a young girl who's not begun negotiations for her hand. She'd be a very respectable choice."

Edward sighed and moved closer to me. "I'm fine with this decision. I look forward to calling you my wife," he teased.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I think there are a few things we really need to discuss, if we're seriously going through with this sham."

Edward seemed to think about my words and wondered what I was referring to. "Is this regarding negotiations? Have you come here to request something?"

I shook my head. "No, as I said, I don't particularly care what the Cullen's offer. Don't get me wrong, I do hope you didn't go ahead with the whole...smacking clause and will make good on your word for an amicable divorce."

His head fell forward, and he shook it sadly.

"Once again, I'm sorry. I was being an ass. Of course, I'd never...and I believe my parents would smack me into next year if I requested it. You don't have to worry."

I felt a little relieved. Not that I believed Edward would ever raise a hand to me, but I appreciated that he saw the error of his ways.

"Also, I'll do my best to not treat you like a child and let my anger rule me when we...get into our tiffs."

"And respect my requests?" I asked.

Once again, he searched, wondering what I was speaking on. I saw the light in his eyes come on when he realized it.

"Jacob Black," he sighed. "If you'd like, I'll cancel him."

I shrugged. "Actually, he isn't so bad. It's working out. I was just upset and had a moment of weakness when I saw you that day."

"I know you did. I remember what that felt like in the beginning. I remember wanting to quit, but I didn't, because I knew what I'd lose, if I didn't do as my grandfather demanded. I had something far more precious pushing me to lose the weight. You don't have that push. I don't care whether you lose weight or not, but if you do want to, I can help in motivating you properly. I've been where you are. I know it's hard. It'll take more than you realize."

I hated talking about the elephant in the room. Bad joke, I know. This talk was turning serious, so I decided to lighten it up.

"Well, I did lose two pounds, so small victory there for every pound I lose."

"Bella, the victory isn't in the pounds you lose. The victory comes in you choosing to agree to work at it every day."

I rolled my eyes. "Geez, your clichés are as bad as Jacob's. Was there some school for weight loss you both attended?"

Edward didn't answer. He looked as if he was deciding whether he should ask me a question or not. "How is...Jacob Black? Does he...treat you right? Is he respectable?"

I furrowed my brow. What an odd question to ask.

"He's fine. As I said, he could do better by laying off the stupid motivational speeches, but of course, he's respectable. He's kind to me, which is something I wasn't expecting. He doesn't treat me like a fat girl, which I appreciate. He really is…"

I thought over my time with Jacob, and I was amazed that he had been so kind. He never cringed when he touched me. He always smiled and told me I was doing well, even when I was not. He had been exactly what I needed. And he wasn't half bad to look at, either. I thought about yesterday, when he had been demonstrating how he wanted me to use this rope to climb up these planks, and his firm butt had been in my direct line of sight. I shook my head of the thoughts, forgetting that Edward's eyes were trained on me.

"…Good. I promise you'll get your money's worth," I finished quickly, hoping I was not flushed. Edward made a small sound of acknowledgment. Somehow, our innocent conversation had turned awkward quickly.

"So...this was a good talk. I probably shouldn't keep you long. I'm sure you have plenty to do, and I agreed to hand address each of Alice's invitations. So, I should brush up on my calligraphy," I sighed.

I moved to stand up from the couch, and Edward quickly joined me.

"You needn't leave on my account. I've appreciated this time with you. In fact, I was wondering if you'd be up for dinner tomorrow evening. We haven't exactly gone public with our courtship, and I know this amazing pasta place not far from here."

I tucked my hair back behind my ear and reminded myself that he was only asking me to go out for the sake of appearances. No reason to get excited, and I had no reason to say no.

"Sure, but I hope they have more on their menu than pasta. Jacob doesn't want me eating that kind of food. Lean proteins and leafy greens, he keeps pushing. Plus, there are probably a few more things we should go over for this to work. We should define requirements and how, exactly, we plan to get around certain expectations."

I knew what needed to be said, even if I was too much of a coward to say it now. I turned to head out the door, but Edward put his hand out to stop me. "Wait a minute. What, exactly, are you referring to?"

Oh god. I cringed and slowly turned around. "We don't have to go over this now. It'll give us something to talk about at dinner tomorrow evening. Also, you don't mind if I order in a dress for tomorrow, right? I haven't purchased anything respectable for this kind of event." I only asked that last part, hoping it would throw him off.

"Uh...yes, of course. The expense account is yours to do with as you see fit. I'm surprised you haven't used it yet."

"Oh, great! Then, I should pop in on your sister. She has a much better eye for this kind of thing. Thank you again for seeing me. I look forward to working with you in the future. Till tomorrow."

I look forward to working with you in the future?

God, I sounded like I was interviewing for a position. I turned and quickly left. My words made me sound like an idiot. I was so worried he would make me stay and continue with my list of worries. We were doing so well. I didn't want to throw a wrench into the works by asking just how he planned on getting around a few things to go forward with the fake marriage. The society he so loved had certain expectations, and I wasn't sure he had thought everything through. You see, if we had been living in my dream society, we would never be pressured into proving that Edward had, in fact, taken my virginity on our wedding night.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Mrs. Cope had been down with the real flu, not like the summer flu I had faked. However, she still did her best to tend to her work. I felt bad, not believing she should be required to keep up with her hefty chore list. So, with her heartfelt thanks, I went about helping her out, hopefully lightening her load. In the past, I had never minded helping, since I understood how hard it could be to keep up. I took over her chores of washing dishes, dusting the house and cleaning the floors, believing the hard work would make Jacob proud of me. Not only was I getting an early morning workout, but currently, I was slaving away on my hands and knees to scrub down our floors, which were looking a bit atrocious.

I knew my mother would want the house to be extra clean, when Edward arrived that evening to take me out. I hadn't told my mother about our plans yet. I was still working up the courage to do so. I knew once she learned of my evening dinner, she would then pester me about making myself presentable. I didn't need to waste my day away in a bath or having my hair fixed just right. Plus, she would immediately begin to harp on poor Mrs. Cope to work harder and faster to ready our house.

The doorbell rang, as I was just finishing the kitchen and was ready to begin on the main hallway. I placed my scrub brush back into the bucket and dusted myself off to see who was at my front door. I saw the person's outline in our etched glass and instantly worried. What was Edward doing here this early? I still had five more hours.

I looked a mess. It seemed rare for me to look presentable when it came to Edward Cullen. I sighed and slowly pulled open the door, knowing there was no possibility for me to clean myself up.

Edward's mouth opened to greet me, but he was silenced by my disheveled appearance. I saw he was carrying a load in his arms. I already knew why he was here from the looks of his parcels. I attempted to refrain from laughing, and instead, I gave him a cringing smile.

"You're…probably rethinking this whole marriage thing, aren't you?"

"What are you doing?" he asked, his tone mixed with disgust and wonderment.

I opened the door wider and turned to walk back over towards my bucket. Edward entered behind me and closed the door, probably worried about someone respectable catching sight of me. I got back down on my hands and knees and picked the brush back up.

"My parents aren't home, but you can place those on the side table, and I'll be sure my parents receive them. They'll be humbly grateful for your offering."

It was customary for a gentleman to bring a gift to both the mother and father of the lady he was courting before a date. Like a request. The presents were no more than a bribe, but surely, we would never call it that.

Edward set them down on the table and walked over to me.

"What are you doing, Bella? Please, get off the floor this instance."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I tossed the brush back into my bucket and would continue when he left. I stood back up, and he took my hands.

"Dear God, look at your hands. You shouldn't be doing housework. That's a lesser's job. Where's your maid?" he ordered, looking over my hands, his fingers feeling my raw palms and pressing the centers roughly.

"Edward, she's ill. I was trying to help her out."

"Then I'll get you another maid. Look at your hands, Bella. We're going into our wedding season, where you'll be expected to squeeze a lot of prominent hands. What would people think, if they believed my intended had the hands of a common working girl?"

_Give me patience._

I breathed out slowly and smiled. "Of course. My apologies. Anything else I can do for you before you go?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Should I speak to your mother about this?"

I dropped the smile. "Please, don't tell my mother, Edward. I don't want to get Mrs. Cope in trouble. Please," I begged.

"Then, promise me."

I looked down at my hands and could see the rough patches where my skin had rubbed against the tiled floors for the better part of the afternoon.

"Fine. I promise," I replied sadly.

"Moisturize your hands tonight. I'll ask my mother and Alice to invite you over more. I think you should be around proper ladies, so you may learn how…"

I closed my eyes, trying to refrain from leaning down and picking up the bucket to bash him upside the head with it.

"…don't give me that look, Bella," he finished.

"I thought I remember you saying just yesterday that you'd leave me be, as long as I played my part in public. You're doing it again, Edward. Not less than twenty-four hours and you're already harping on my studies once more."

He laughed and held up his hands. "Okay. I'll try, so long as you keep your promise. I'll have a second maid sent to attend to your house. But…seriously. Please try and…"

"Not act as if I'm a lesser?" I asked.

"Exactly," he replied, seeming happy with my response.

I leaned down and picked up the bucket. "Okay, I won't scrub the floors anymore." I pulled the brush out of the water, as if to dry it.

"There's my good girl," Edward mocked.

I looked back up at him and smacked him across the head with the dirty brush, the water slapping him in the face and soaking his hair with suds. Edward Cullen, who loved nothing more than putting his tongue to good use, opened his mouth in shock.

"Don't take life so seriously, Edward," I said back in the same tone as his misguided comment.

He looked like he was about to grab my brush and make use of it against me, but when his eyes narrowed, he had a wicked gleam in them.

"Two can play that game," he said, quickly rushing to grab my bucket. I pulled as hard as I could, but he was so very much stronger. He easily tackled it away and then proceeded to dump the contents over my head. I screamed and launched myself at him, trying to spare myself, but it was of no use. We both landed on the floor, covered in the dirty water while we wrestled.

The door opened, and we both looked back at my mother, while she stood there in shock at her wet floors and her daughter tangled with her fiancé, sitting smack dab in the middle.

"Mrs. Swan," Edward said, getting up quickly from the floor. He pulled me up with him. "My apologies. I promise I'm sending someone to help clean up the mess."

I attempted to wring out my hair and smash it down in place, but it wasn't my hair that distressed my mother, or the fact that we had turned her floors into an undesirable mess.

"Bella, what are you wearing?" she asked, horrified. "What must Mr. Cullen think?"

My eyes cast downward, but Edward saved me.

"Oh, Mrs. Swan, Isabella would be beautiful no matter what she was wearing. However," he turned to me, "please do make use of that expense account and see to some new clothes. Your mother is right. You deserve to wear nicer clothes. Only the best for my love."

Edward always played his role well. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. He straightened back up and walked over to the side table, where he had left his offering.

"Please, accept this offering. I'd very much appreciate the company of your daughter this evening."

From the look of it, Edward had brought my mother some fancy European chocolates and my father a bottle of cognac. I was sure both items would amount to a month's salary for my father. My mother fanned herself and gave Edward a gentle squeeze of her hand to share her appreciation.

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen," she gasped.

"Please, we're to be family soon. Call me Edward."

"Well, I don't know why you'd ever choose Isabella, especially in the state she's in, but we're so very thankful you've afforded her the opportunity to be a good wife to you."

Wow, was that a slap in the face or what.

"I assure you, Mrs. Swan, Isabella has already helped me in ways you could never imagine. I just hope I'll be a good husband to her. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to prepare myself properly for this evening. Isabella? Would you accompany me to the car?"

I nodded once, and as I passed by my mother, she attempted to wipe my clothes off, smacking my body harshly to do so. Edward took my hand and led me to the car.

"Like you poop pearls, I swear," I grumbled.

"Now, be nice," Edward scolded. We went down to his car, and he turned to me one last time. "Now, kiss me," he ordered.

"We just kissed," I whined.

"Your mother is watching. Kiss me, or I'll kiss you."

What a threat.

"We're covered in grime. Just get into your fancy car, and try not to be upset when you see me this evening, remembering how much dirt you had to wash from your hair."

He pushed me up against the car before I could say another word and forcefully pushed his tongue into my mouth. Damn. I hated when he did this. I mean, I loved when he did it, but it would make me want more. Much, much more. Now, I would be forced to take a cold bath to help relieve me from my wicked thoughts.

"Go clean up. I'll see you tonight."

I stumbled towards the house, my feet tripping over nothing from the lack of oxygen my brain must have endured. I took the steps slowly, knowing what was awaiting me on the other side of the door. My mother put down her box of chocolates the second she saw me. She hadn't been watching us, as Edward had believed. She was scoping out her high-priced candy.

"Bella, for the sake of my heart, would you please get upstairs and make yourself presentable? He'll be back soon to take you someplace nice in town I'd imagine. You don't want to embarrass yourself any further."

I turned towards the staircase, rolling my eyes at her when I was sure she was out of range, and climbed the steps to begin the process. The dress Alice had ordered online was hanging on the back of my door, ready for the fancy restaurant Edward was taking me to. The only way she had been able to talk me into the much shorter dress was by promising I could wear leggings underneath it. Leggings were becoming all the rage. I doubted they would be acceptable in Kenzie court, but perhaps in the lower court, Vassallus, the ladies could get away with it there. I would miss Vassallus. Kenzie only allowed the entrance of prominent ladies from established money or ladies who had married into established money. Vassallus was for all ladies who were not a lesser. I had gone to Vassallus several times throughout my life, and it wasn't as highbrow as Kenzie. Now, it looked like I would need to tap Edward's expense account to dress accordingly.

The moment I sat down in my bath, I knew why I had wished to push this off for as long as possible. When I had been scrubbing the floors, it had been easier to focus my mind on the dirty spots. But in a bath, I was left alone once more with my thoughts. I felt my nerves kick up, as I thought about the show I would have to put on tonight, at the fancy restaurant I would never have been able to afford if it wasn't for my new fiancé. Everyone would be watching us tonight, and it would only be a matter of hours before every single prominent family learned of Edward's intentions to marry the fat girl from granted money.

I had promised Edward I would play my role. I wouldn't let him down. It was only fair, given everything he had already generously provided. I knew the proper decorum for a dinner at a fine dining establishment. I also knew I was to let Edward order for me. I hoped he would stick to my dietary plan Jacob had prescribed. Perhaps I would remind him in the car, so we didn't commit a faux pas, when the waiter stood before us to take our order.

My mother pushed me out of the tub and began to force me to endure her wrath, while she pulled mightily at my hair to fancy it up. The new maid had arrived and had finished cleaning the floors downstairs, while my mother made it known of her displeasure for my actions that afternoon.

"What do I have to do to impress upon you that you need to change your ways, Isabella? Prominent men don't come along every day for unattractive girls like you, and not only did you find a husband, but a Cullen. I don't understand why you continue to embarrass yourself, wearing those horrible clothes and acting like a lesser. No contract has been signed. Edward could change his mind at any moment, and then where would we be?"

She pulled my hair harder and harder. I wanted to apologize, but with the tone my mother used, I knew I should remain quiet and take it, while she worked out her fury on my head.

"Sometimes, I wonder if I should call Jessica back here. She seemed to keep on you far better than I ever could."

"Edward wouldn't like that. He doesn't trust Jessica," I said quietly.

She jerked my head back harshly and forced my eyes to make contact with hers in the mirror. "Then, I suggest you stop acting like you were raised a lesser and begin behaving like a lady. Your father will speak to Edward this evening, and we'll see that you begin your studies immediately. If this marriage falls through, I'll never forgive you!"

She let go of my hair and continued to brush it roughly, while anger and sadness invaded my soul. I didn't want to cry, so I chose to focus on the anger. I thought about Carlisle Cullen and wondered if I could request him to finish up the contract soon. Once that contract was given to my parents, I had no doubt they would sign it quickly. Once that contract was signed, I could move away from this house.

My mother left me to dress. I went slowly, doing everything I could to make myself presentable for this date, even if my heart wasn't in it. I heard the doorbell ring, followed by my mother's shrill voice beckoning me down.

I looked into the mirror one last time and attempted to erase any dissatisfaction from my expression. I had a show to put on, after all. I plastered a fake smile onto my face and turned to leave my room. I walked slowly down the stairs to ensure I didn't embarrass myself further and fall. I could already hear my parents, as they spoke excitedly with Edward.

"It's just that, we want to do everything we can to see that Bella is good enough for you, and I fear any more time without the proper education could be detrimental…"

"Renee, now is not the time," my father defended.

"You should've seen your daughter this afternoon! Her decorum would've turned your mustache gray. Don't you think Mr. Cullen deserves the very best…"

"Mrs. Swan. Mr. Swan. I assure you, you have nothing to worry about. My sister is moving into her new estate with Jasper Whitlock this weekend, and she'll soon be close to where we'll live once you've signed the contract. Alice has been educated since she was young, and I think Isabella has already learned a great deal from my sister. I'm sure Isabella will do just fine."

I stepped into view of our living room, and Edward turned to greet me. "Honey, are you ready to go?"

I smiled. My great fake smile. "Let me just grab my purse."

"You look beautiful, Isabella," Edward said, taking my hand when I came back, my parents watching us like we were a television dramedy.

"Thank you."

We made it out of the house with no more words from my parents. Edward helped me into the car, and I sat quietly, staring out the window up at the moon.

Edward slid into his place, and his driver, Seth, took off down our gravel road.

"What happened, Bella?" he asked softly.

I shook off my feelings and smiled back at him. "I'm excited about our date…"

"No, don't lie to me now. We're alone. Tell me what happened. I can tell when your smile isn't genuine."

I shook my head, and my smile faded. "Just having a hard day. It'll be okay. I'm sure dinner will perk me right back up. As I said, I promise I'll play my role, and I won't embarrass you. Even if I do lack my studies."

Edward sighed and ran his hand over his face. "I didn't bring up your studies. Your mother did. I thought I did an adequate job deflecting. I know you'll learn fast. Like I told your parents, Jasper and Alice are moving into an estate near where my grandfather's estate is located. You'll soon have the very best help you could ever want in your best friend. Please, don't let your parents ruin our evening."

I nodded and returned to looking out my window.

"My mother's just scared. She thinks you'll go back on your decision. She told me…" I stopped and reminded myself that anger was a better option, even if I was slowly losing the war, "…she'd never forgive me if this didn't work out. And I can't tell her that this marriage is destined for failure, and that someday…it won't work out, and it won't matter the reason, because she's the kind of person who said it was okay for Michael Newton to beat my sister. She's okay with her daughter being abused, so long as it keeps her in her station. What do you think she'll do to me when our divorce finalizes?"

I kept my eyes trained out the window, because I didn't want Edward to witness my tears. But I felt him, as he pulled me into him and allowed me to cry into his chest. I whispered an apology for my actions, but he quieted me with a hush, while he rubbed a comforting hand up and down my back.

"I'll never let anything happen to you, Bella. This is a promise I know I can keep."

I wanted to believe him, but I didn't know if I could allow myself to do so. Edward and I could both be pretty stubborn, and it was only a matter of time before we both lost it with one another, and it wouldn't take much to bring down our tentative bridge of friendship.

"Seth, can you please drive towards the market?"

I pulled back, wondering what he was doing.

"What are you…"

"Trust me."

Edward pulled me back to lean against him, while Seth drove on toward our new destination. I felt Edward's chin rest atop my head, and as I began to calm down, I felt awkward for being in such an intimate position with him. I wanted to attempt to pull away once more, but hades be with me, because I didn't.

When we arrived at the store, Edward released me and popped out of the car to carry on a quick conversation with Seth. It wasn't proper for Edward to shop in the local market, so he sent Seth in with his list. I was beyond curious as to what we needed to make our stop for. I knew the restaurant would hold our table. Edward stood outside of the car, while I sat in anticipation.

Seth came back to the car carrying two sacks with him. He placed the sacks in the trunk, and Edward entered the car.

"Okay…I know the restaurant will hold our reservation, but don't you think we should get going?" I asked.

Seth started up the car and began to drive back towards our house, instead of going on the highway towards town.

"We aren't going to the restaurant. I've changed our plans. We're going on a picnic."

I pulled back, my face full of confusion.

"But…I thought the whole point of this date was to let the public be aware of your intentions?"

"We have plenty of time for intentions and protocol. I think tonight, we shouldn't be worried about what people think and focus on our own relationship."

I snorted. "Our relationship? We don't have a relationship. This is a fake…"

"Bella," he interrupted, "The union may be fabricated, but our relationship is very much real. I know we haven't been close for years, but I've come to realize that, if we're ever going to make this work, we need to work on our relationship. We should be able to trust one another, just as a married couple would. I want you to know that you can tell me anything. That I'll do everything in my power to be completely transparent. People will believe us so much more if we have a strong friendship. Okay?"

I nodded my head to confirm. I wasn't sure if what he sought would work. Complete transparency? Did I want to know how many women he was planning on sleeping with or when? Couldn't he just take them through the backdoor and let me stay in a land of delusional fantasies, where my husband loved me and would never cheat on me?

When the car stopped, I looked around, but I was unfamiliar with where we were. Edward stepped out of the car and took the sacks of food from Seth, before coming around to my side, where I stood looking around curiously.

"You don't recognize this, do you?"

I shook my head. Edward took ahold of both sacks in one hand, and then he took my hand in the other. We began to walk off towards the woods, my feet struggling over the path as we went.

"Edward, just how far are we walking? I didn't bring the proper shoes for a hike. Plus, I still have Jacob to deal with in the morning. I wasn't looking forward to so many workouts in such a short period of time."

He threw back his head and laughed. "You can handle a few more steps. Come on. We're nearly there. I can't believe you haven't figured it out yet. My ego might be bruised."

Ego?

The woods thinned, and I immediately understood where Edward had taken me. I hadn't been here in years.

"Edward." My mouth dropped open, while I watched as the moon's reflection bounced off the pond behind the Cullen's estate.

"You do remember," he teased.

We walked over and sat down on the ground. Edward's poor planning didn't afford us a blanket, so he pulled off his coat and laid it down for me to perch upon. He went about pulling the contents out of the bags and putting together our meal. In one bag was plates and utensils, and in the other was our food. Half a roasted chicken and the makings for a decent-sized salad.

"I can't believe you did this," I said.

"Make a salad? Yes, my culinary skills are quite divine."

I rolled my eyes. I knew he understood what I meant.

"So, I was wondering if you wanted to begin," Edward said, focusing on putting our plates together.

"Begin?" I asked.

"Yes, you said some things yesterday. Some concerns you had in order for this to work. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that your words had me utterly confounded and worried about what you wanted to say."

I cringed. I was having such a lovely time. I didn't want to ruin it with this kind of conversation.

"Is it that bad?" Edward asked, seeing my face.

I looked toward the pond and then back to him again. "Well…I just don't want to fight."

"That makes two of us. I'll do my best to not be combative. Okay?" he offered.

I nodded and then took a slow breath. "Okay, so…there was a couple of points that worried me. I just wanted to know what you planned on doing, so we could be on the same page. For starters…you mentioned that you…"

God, how was I going to make it through this conversation with my dignity intact?

"Bella, you can ask me anything. Just go ahead."

I was going to ask him how he planned on keeping his affairs private, so the house staff would be none the wiser, but I decided I didn't want to go there just yet. I moved on to a different concern. One that would surely make us both uncomfortable.

"Okay, um…well, as you know, there's a certain…a particular tradition. Um…well…" I took a breath and shook my head before finishing, "…what exactly are you planning to do about the Confirmation ceremony? Not that your parents would push it, but…I mean…I need to know. Should I take care of it myself? Or should…"

I could see Edward tense up immediately. His hands stopped with putting together our salad, and he pulled back to look at me.

"I haven't really thought that far ahead."

And just like that, we were both uncomfortable.

"My mother has had the linen in our hope chest at home since I was a child. I could get it and figure something out."

"Figure something out?" he asked.

"Take matters into my own hands?" I cringed.

Edward tried to close his eyes before I could see it, but I saw it, anyway. He was mad. I didn't know if he was mad at me for bringing it up or for something else. This was a legitimate concern. He might not have thought this through, but my free time afforded me the opportunity to think everything through.

"You don't have to do that, Bella. Besides…in order for it to work, we both need to have…something on the linen for it to hold up."

"Okay, so, what should we do?" I asked.

I wasn't trying to push. I was trying to be a team player here. I was willing to desecrate my most precious gift in order to fulfill our duties. I always found the Confirmation ceremony to be disturbing. When I was a child, my mother had embroidered a prayer along the edges of this special linen that was to be used on the night of my wedding. It was a tradition for the bride's parents to provide the special sheet to lay upon the bed, so proof of my innocence might be captured upon it. Proof that I was a virgin. We would then wrap up the sheet and present it to the parents of my husband. If there was nothing on the sheet, a marriage could be instantly disbanded.

I didn't foresee Edward's parents being sticklers for the proof, but it was a tradition. If Edward had asked, I would respectfully lay upon the sheet and take my own virginity, so he could still have something to give his parents. But Edward was right. His fluids had to be there, too, or else any person could lie, like we were attempting to do.

Edward ran his hand over his face once again and sighed.

"Then…we'll…I'll do it," he said, struggling with the concept, probably disgusted that he would ever have to touch me in that fashion.

"You don't have to. As I said, I can take care of it. A cucumber…"

"God, Bella, would you hush up about that?" he huffed. "I don't want to hear you talk about cucumbers, or any other object for that matter. I'll have sex with you. I promise I'll make it quick. Just long enough for me to cum, and then we can hand over the damn sheet and be done with it."

I looked down. A part of me thrilled at the prospect of having sex, especially with Edward, but then another part of me worried about that impending moment. I imagined Edward would look away while he did his duty and close his eyes in disgust, attempting to picture someone beautiful to help him endure it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't even discuss this with you. Are you going to felt violated if I take your virginity? If you don't want to, we can work around it. I know you're innocent. You likely don't even know that most virgins never even bleed. Mostly, it's been turned into a sham tradition, because too many marriages were dissolved over the absence of blood. Now, the sheet is just used to prove that the couple has consummated. There are plenty of ways we can get around this, but it'd be unreasonable to expect you to remain a virgin. So, if you'd like, I can do it," he said solemnly.

I slowly nodded my head. "I just didn't want to make you have to do that. I can wear a long gown and remain fully covered. We can keep the lights off and turn up the sound on the stereo. I'll do everything I can to not touch you. You can…imagine whomever you'd like…"

Edward scoffed and pushed himself off the ground. "What's the matter with you? Is your self-esteem really that poor that you'd think I wouldn't want to touch you?"

I didn't answer, not understanding why he was so upset.

"Bella, for the record, I don't have a problem with having sex with you. I just feel like a bastard for being the man who'll take your virginity away. It should be saved for someone far more deserving. Hell, if I was a better man, I'd let you do what you will and let you take it with some foreign object, but the very idea is abhorrent to me. I don't want my friend to be alone, mutilating her body, on what should be the most important night of her life. I'm the reason you're in this mess. I can make love to you once and give you pleasure. It's the least I could do for what you're giving up."

I nodded, afraid to say another word.

"Okay?" he wondered. "Now, what else has you concerned?"

I shook my head. "Mostly that. We should probably eat, before our chicken gets too cold…"

Edward sat back down and handed me my plate, but before he released it, he waited for me to look at him.

"I'm not upset with you. So, just go ahead and ask."

I bit my lip, wondering if he could handle much more. Asking him about his sexual nature, in hopes of getting him to keep his nocturnal practices lowkey? No, I didn't think now was the time. But I knew he would continue to push, until he received an answer from me.

My phone vibrated in my purse. I let go of the plate he was offering and pulled it out. There was a text message from Sam at the hospital.

_Bree is being taken off life support. Thought you might like to know, if you wanted to be with her._

Sam would only have texted me now, if he knew her parents wouldn't be there with her. I jumped up from my place on the ground.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. I'm sorry," I apologized.

"Bella, what is it?" Edward asked, reaching out to grab my hand to stop me.

"You wouldn't understand. I'm sorry. Please, believe me that, if it was anything else, I wouldn't be leaving right now."

"Bella, just tell me," he ordered.

"One of my kids is about to die, and she has no one there with her. I need to be with her. Please, Edward. Let me go."

Edward dropped my hand. "Okay. But I'm coming with you."

He grabbed his coat and left our dinner by the banks of the pond. He took my hand and hurried back with me towards Seth and the car. I didn't know if this was a good idea. Edward might be going into the medical field, but I doubted he had ever sat by the bed of someone who was taking their last breaths.

Children were the worst to sit with when they were about to die. I knew that, after it was over, I would be emotionally spent. I was glad my friend would be by my side when I needed him the most.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

Bree wasn't awake when we got there. It didn't look like she would wake again. This was the hard part. Most people thought that, if a person wasn't coherent, then there was no reason to stick around and hold their hand, abandoning them at the time when their loved one needed them most. I was so incredibly angry, because I understood it was hard to watch your child die, but that wasn't what this felt like. I checked the logs, and they showed that Bree's mother had only shown up for a couple of minutes the previous day. Her father, not at all.

"God, I pray if I ever have children, they'll know they're loved every second of every day."

I squeezed Bree's hand and knelt toward the bed. "Bree, it's Bella. I just want to tell you, don't be afraid. I'm here with you, and I'm not going anywhere. Soon, you won't be in pain. I promise. I love you very much. Please, don't be scared."

I felt Edward squeeze my shoulder, and I nearly jumped, forgetting he was in the room with me. He hadn't said a word since we had arrived.

"I'm going to find my father and see if there's anything more that can be done."

I appreciated the gesture, but Edward lived in a world where he believed any sum of money could pull a person back from death. Bree's parents were wealthy enough that they would have already done that, if it meant saving their child. No one from established money would ever want a sickly child. People might believe it was in the parents' genes to have caused the defect, and that just wouldn't be acceptable.

A half-hour later, Edward walked back in with his father following right behind him.

"Isabella," Carlisle said, greeting me warmly.

"Mr. Cullen," I replied, keeping up with the proper decorum.

He walked over and picked up Bree's chart and then looked over her stats. I might not have held a medical degree, but even I knew they were bad. Edward waited close by, in anticipation for his father to deliver some miracle.

"I'm sorry, Son. There isn't anything more that can be done. I'm surprised she's lived as long as she has. Her organs are failing. It's only a matter of time."

"That's crap. You're the head of the hospital. This girl is only five years of age. Can't you do anything? What if it were me or Alice? You're telling me there isn't anything else you'd do?"

Carlisle sighed and set the chart back down. "You should know by now, Edward, that sometimes, we can't fix everything. Isabella is doing more than we can at this point. Comforting her and being here is what she needs right now."

Carlisle's pager went off, and he checked it before telling us he had to go and attend to an emergency case. I knew he would never be able to fix Bree. Carlisle wasn't being rude or uncaring. He was just educated enough to know a lost cause when he saw it.

I could see that Edward was upset by his father's words. This wasn't for him, sitting here idly, waiting for a child to take their final breath.

"Why don't you go on home. This could take a few hours, and I'm used to it."

Edward pulled back and looked even more upset. "Used to it? I don't know if I like you being used to it. You shouldn't be here. A lady shouldn't have to witness this."

I laughed without humor. "I think we all can agree that I'm not much of a lady," I said. "Edward, please, just go. This is my job, and I'm okay with it. No one should have to die alone."

"I don't want you to be okay with it, and you _are_ a lady. You're my fiancé, and I don't think I want you being here anymore."

I stood up and pushed Edward out of the room and into the hallway. I wasn't about to let Bree's final moments bear witness to one of mine and Edward's wars.

"Edward, don't you dare take this away from me. I know it's a joke to most, since I don't receive any money for my work, but I believe in what I'm doing. I can help people, even if I don't have a fancy degree. I pray you never have to know what it's like to be alone on your deathbed. To believe that not one person cares enough to be with you at the scariest moment of your life. So please, don't tell me that you're going to make me give this up. I'll never forgive you, if you don't let me sit here by that little girl's side and whisper into her ear, so she doesn't think she's alone. Her parents have long abandoned her, and I'm not going to let you make me abandon her, too."

I stared up at him with my most stubborn face. If he could read me so well, I wanted to be sure he understood he would not win this war. I saw his anger slowly fade, as he gave off one last discontented breath.

"Fine. Go. But I'm staying with you."

I sighed. "You don't have to. I know you aren't used to this. Please, just go…"

"Bella, either I stay with you, or we both go home," he cut me off.

I turned and rolled my eyes. Edward might have been pre-med, his career choice dedicated to saving lives, but he was about to get his first hard lesson from the other side of the field he had chosen. Death.

I sat back down by Bree's bed, and Edward took a seat behind me. We didn't talk to one another. A couple of times, I wanted to turn around and see if he had fallen asleep, but I didn't, for fear it might begin another argument.

Bree didn't surrender until the early dawn hours. When it happened, Edward stood beside me and watched, as she took her final breath, the machines indicating that she had no more heart rhythm.

"Go find your fairytale, princess," I said softly, my tears dripping down my face and landing on her hand, as I gave it one last squeeze. I stood up, and Edward took my hand, pulling me into a strong hug. When he let me go, I quickly wiped my face and walked out of the room, with Edward following behind. Sam was waiting in the hallway, and not caring what Edward would think, I threw my arms around Sam's neck. "Thanks for calling me."

"She was a sweet child who deserved to have someone here. Thank you for coming, and for caring when no one else did," Sam said, patting my back fondly, before stepping away. He gave Edward a long look and then nodded to me, before he headed into Bree's room to deal with her final needs.

By the time we made it home, Jacob was already there waiting for me.

"Bella, I'll cancel Jacob. You should go and get some rest."

"No, he's already here. I can do a quick workout and then go to bed."

"Absolutely not! He can come back later. You need your sleep. You wanted to stay at the hospital, fine. But you're not going to exhaust yourself into another sickness. Go to bed. I'll deal with Jacob."

I didn't want to argue with him. Mainly because he had just spent a whole night not sleeping, and I had a feeling no sleep Edward and Bella just might kill each other, if we were to argue with one another in our current state of exhaustion.

"Bella, are you ready to rumble?" Jacob danced around, when I got out of the car.

"Not this morning, Jacob. My apologies, but we had a long night, and Isabella needs her rest. Why don't you come by later this afternoon, say around four o'clock?" Edward said.

"Yeah, sure thing, Mr. Cullen."

Jacob pranced back to his jeep in his tight spandex shorts and jumped in to take off, giving me a wave before he left. I shook my head and smiled, before I turned to walk into the house. Edward said he had called my parents to inform them of our evening change of plans. I was glad he had volunteered to do so, because I didn't want to have to deal with my mother and hearing her disappointment in me to allow a dying child to ruin our date.

I turned back to Edward, when I reached the top step. "Thank you. You didn't have to stay, but it was nice to not be alone for that one. It nearly always kills me when it's a child involved."

Edward nodded and leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. "I don't like you being around all that death, but I'm thankful to live in a world where someone could care about a stranger the way you do. Why don't I go in and smooth things over with your parents?"

I scrunched my nose. "You lied to me, didn't you? In the hospital, when I asked how my parents took it. You said they were just happy you were with me."

Edward looked around, trying to avoid my accusation. "Let's just say, I'll be happy when the negotiations are over, and we can move into the estate, so the only person you'll ever have to answer to will be me," he teased.

I rolled my eyes and jabbed him in the stomach. He laughed and continued to follow me into the house. My parents were sitting down at the breakfast table, our newest maid attending to their needs. I hadn't even met her yet.

"Mr. and Mrs. Swan, as I promised, I've brought your daughter back in one piece. Sorry about the change of plans last night."

My parents stood up from the table, and my father shook Edward's hand firmly, while my mother gave him a gentle squeeze.

"No problem, Mr. Cullen. We know you're honorable. Would you care for some breakfast?" my father asked.

"Oh, I wish I could, but I'm truly exhausted. Another time, perhaps. I hope you'll let Isabella sleep and relax for the rest of the day. I'll come and check in on her later, if that's okay?"

My parents nodded like some cheap bobble-headed toys, and Edward turned to me, ready to put on a show. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips, and then once again on the forehead.

"Now, go to bed. I mean it, Isabella."

I nodded and promised to do so, before Edward went to take his leave. The door closed, and I turned back to see if my mother had any additional words, before I made good on my promise. I should have just continued walking to the steps, but I just had to know.

"Bella! What's the meaning of all this? Last night was supposed to mean something. When Edward Cullen wants to take you out to establish his intentions publicly, nothing should get in the way of that happening. This courtship isn't real, until it's been made public. You're walking a very fine line."

"Mother, it's a done deal. Carlisle already drafted the first negotiation contract, which I'm sure you'll receive any day now. Perhaps once that damned paper is in your hand, you'll leave me be."

My mother came around the table, with her finger waving in my face. "Don't you take that tone with me. You're still below me, and I'll not allow your disrespect."

"Renee," my father attempted.

"That's where you're wrong, Mother. Carlisle has already taken responsibility for me. He told me so himself. I'm no longer a Swan, but now a Cullen. Now, you'd better back off, or my fiancé will be most upset if he hears you kept me from his mandated nap."

That was one time where it paid for Edward's bossiness to come in handy. But I knew I couldn't have my cake and eat it, too. Somehow, karma would bite me in the rear. I couldn't act like Jessica and not pay the price for it.

I walked into my room and instantly knew something was off. It was too clean. Not saying I was a slob, but everything was in its place, and no clothes were on my chair. I frantically ran towards my dresser and opened the drawers, seeing they were completely empty. I ran towards my closet, and only a few items remained. Even my clothes hamper had been emptied out.

I ran back down the stairs, screaming for my mother. "What did you do with all my clothes?"

I saw my father had left, probably not wanting to be around the women of the house at this time. My mother slowly looked up from her teacup with an innocent face.

"Your fiancé can afford to buy you more. I was only helping. It isn't right for Edward to have to see you in tattered, oversized t-shirts and dirty old jeans. It's about time you to start dressing respectfully. Edward may have been okay with that obnoxious outfit yesterday morning, but I'm going to do whatever I can to see to it that you not make a fool of this family."

"Fool? You just threw out all my workout clothes. How am I to train with Jacob this afternoon?"

At this rate, it was looking very likely that I would break my promise to Edward.

"Go online and order something. That's what your expense account is for. And don't you dare order any more of those…cotton oversized t-shirts, or I'll throw those out, too!"

I huffed loudly at her and whirled around, grabbing my purse with my phone. I stomped out of the house, with my mother yelling at me to come back, and I took off running down the gravel path towards town. I knew I shouldn't go into town unaccompanied. It wasn't proper to shop in town like a lesser. I was supposed to order my needs online, and then they would be delivered within the hour. So, don't ask me why I was so determined to break protocol. Call it exhaustion. Call it a tantrum. Just don't call Edward.

The scorching sun was making the walk unbearable. I was sweating through my nice clothes, since I hadn't even changed from my date attire. My shoes were the worst of it all. My fiery little attitude made horrible judgment calls, when it came to leaving without thinking of how it would hurt my feet to walk about in these fancy shoes.

My phone vibrated in my purse, and I stopped to take a breath under a tree and see if it was my mother threatening me, or worse, someone else. Thankfully, it was Alice. She was excited, because her Jasper was finally here and ready to move into their new estate. She asked me if I would come over and meet him.

_Sorry, I wish I could, but I'm on Heatherby Road, sweating disgustingly while attempting to make it into town, since my mother threw out all my clothes._

I wiped my brow and took a breather under the shadows of the tree.

_Please, tell me you're joking. Why wouldn't you order them? You're not trying to make it to town on foot?_

I sighed and was tempted to turn off my phone, but I knew it would only be a matter of time before she called Edward if I didn't respond. My phone lit up with a call from Alice, so I pressed the button and waited for her wrath.

"I'm in the car, on my way to my new home. Please, stay there. I'll pick you up, and we can spend the rest of the afternoon ordering your clothes together."

I wanted to make a point, but I felt stupid for continuing with my stubborn nature. Plus, my feet were wrecked.

"Okay."

"Thank you. Glad I didn't have to call someone to talk some sense into you. My brother would go ballistic, if he knew you were going into town unescorted."

Her brother would go ballistic, if he knew I wasn't making good on my promise to sleep. She hung up, and I waited by the side of the road, until her fancy car came to pick me up. I was thoroughly embarrassed to see her intended sitting in the car with her when she arrived. This was not how I had pictured meeting a Whitlock.

I could see why Alice was smitten with Jasper. He was far more attractive than gossip had led me to believe. I had never seen the Whitlocks, since I had been never allowed access to Kenzie Court. His kind didn't fraternize with granted money. Jasper was tall and lean, but with full broad shoulders. He looked like he could make Alice disappear just by standing in front of her. He had a kind smile, which I was surprised to see, when he stepped foot out of the car.

Like a true southern gentleman, when he took my hand to greet me, he called me, "Miss Isabella."

"Mr. Whitlock, it's a pleasure."

"The pleasure to make your acquaintance is all mine, my lady. I hear we're to be family soon?"

I blushed something awful. I knew if my mother could see me interacting with a Whitlock, looking as horrid as I must, she would smack me into next month.

"Yes, Sir. Thank you for offering your car for a ride. I, unfortunately, had a combative morning."

Jasper helped me into the car, and Alice squealed excitedly, while Jasper went around the car and got in on the opposite side.

"Bella, you'll just love this estate the Whitlocks purchased for us. Ten acres of land, and ten bedrooms, with ten toilets! I'd request another two be made available, but I like the number theme," Alice boasted.

"Maybe you could call the estate, Ten. I know it's customary for a couple to name a house when they inhabit it," I joked.

"Ten. I kind of like that. It's unusual and not at all like the presumptuous names you hear these days. Fortified Springs Manor?" she snorted. "There isn't even one drop of water anywhere on that property that hasn't been brought in. Leave it to a Mallory to come up with a name like that."

"Now, honey," Jasper warned.

"Jasper, I'm not being petty. Just you wait to meet them. You'll see that I speak true. Tell him, Bella, or my fiancé will think he's marrying lowly."

Alice had put me in a hard place. It wasn't right for someone of my station to speak negatively about someone higher than me. Sure, she was right, but it would do little to help Jasper's impression of me, if I were to go against the practice and tell him how horrible that family truly was.

"I can't wait to see the house. Edward told me your grandfather's estate is close by. I'm so happy to know we won't have to see each other less due to distance," I said, attempting to change direction, and Jasper flashed me a sly smile. "Have you two decided where to have your reception?"

The reception came before the wedding, and it was common practice to invite nearly everyone from both established and granted money. It was the only reason I had been able to join in at past events. First came the Blessing Celebration, which was usually held down in one of the finer gardens near the diamond courts. Alice and Jasper's Blessing Celebration was set for a week from Saturday.

"Since Jasper's family lives so far away, we were having a difficult time deciding where would be best. Thankfully, they don't mind the travel, and since you'll soon move out with my brother to my grandfather's estate, my parents have agreed to have the reception at their home, since we'll have freed up so many rooms with our departures."

I was both excited and nervous to be moving into a house with Edward. Excited that I would be away from my parents, but I was also nervous, because I feared what would happen the first time Edward had a "special guest" over to spend the night.

The car turned down a long drive, and already, I had fallen in love with Alice's new home. The thick trees that lined the way welcomed us with their shade, and towards the end was a large white plantation-style house, like you might find down in the southern region of the country. I was sure this was why the Whitlock's approved of their son moving out in our direction, instead of demanding Alice go down south.

"Come on. I'll show you a place where you can get cleaned up, and then we'll go shopping," Alice said, bouncing out of the car.

Alice and Jasper had only just begun to move into their new residence. It would take weeks until the place was up to the standards of this royal union. I said royal, because Jasper's family was like the Cullens. On top of the food chain. The Whitlocks were known for their military presence. Any issues, foreign or domestic, would bring in the Whitlock family and their expertise.

Alice's new home was as gorgeous as the one she had grown up in. For her, it wasn't anything she wasn't already used to, but for me, I felt as if I would never get over the feeling of being overwhelmed with the high ceilings and crystal chandeliers, the plush carpets and perfectly polished floors. To think I would be moving into a house like this any day now astounded me. No matter how long mine and Edward's marriage lasted, I didn't know if I would ever get used to living in these high-end accommodations.

Alice had her new maid launder my clothes while I bathed. Afterwards, I sat in a huge warmed towel, while my clothes finished drying. I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt more exhausted. With not having slept, and then my impromptu walk, it was a miracle I didn't drown in my bath. Even now, I was having a hard time staying awake while I waited.

Thankfully, Alice kept me from falling asleep, when she walked in with her laptop open, ready to begin my shopping expedition. She already had a horde of clothing that she had reserved in my size. She went through all my color options and tried not to give me too many looks, when I kept requesting darker fabrics. She kept going on about how certain lines were more flattering than just dark colors.

With my clothes freshly laundered and a truckload of parcels on their way to my home thanks to Edward's expense account, I said my farewells, knowing Jacob would be at my house any minute, and I still needed to change. I would sleep after my workout, giving me the motivation I needed.

My mother was nowhere in sight when I arrived home, and Mrs. Cope was already carrying all my boxes up to my room and placing the clothes away in the closet and dresser. I hugged her in thanks and grabbed my new workout gear. No, I hadn't gone for the spandex stuff, like so many apparently loved to wear to exercise. I went the route of tank tops and sweatpants, which was one step below the yoga pants Alice had tried to get me to order. Sweatpants…my rebellious nature wanting to go against my mother.

I had ordered some new workout shoes as well. I had to admit, even though I was upset with my mother for throwing out my clothes, I was certainly loving the feel of these new ones.

"Bella! You look like a charm. I love the new clothes," Jacob said, when I bounced down the steps to meet with him.

"Thank you."

He smacked his hands together. "You ready to get running? Take those shoes out for a spin?"

I nodded. My stomach growled, and it was then I realized I hadn't eaten very much in a while. With our dinner left on the banks of the pond, Edward had tracked down some cheap hospital food for a snack. However, since then, I hadn't eaten a thing. Okay, so eat and then bed after Jacob.

Jacob started up his engine and began to chase after me. It had become customary for us to run for a minute then walk for a minute, repeating this for a half-hour. We only did this every other day. My stomach was gnawing at me the whole way. Oh well, at least I would lose more weight this week.

Around twenty minutes, I was really feeling the fatigue. I hated that my morning had been stolen from sleeping. I didn't know if I was going to make it the full hour of my workout today.

"Hey, do you need to stop?" Jacob asked, rubbing his hand on my back.

"Just for a minute. I think I'm just tired is all."

We pulled over to the side of the dirt road, and I leaned against the tree, wiping the sweat from my forehead. I pulled up my water container and drank the entire thing.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella. The past couple of weeks, I've really admired your dedication. I know how hard this has been. You've probably felt like you're all alone on this journey, and in some ways, you are, but please know that I see your hard work and appreciate it."

"Thank you, Jacob," I replied sincerely. "It's hard, because…I feel like I have so many people counting on me to lose this weight, when I know I should want to lose it for me. Edward used to be overweight, too, so he kind of knows how it feels, but not really."

Jacob squatted down and sat on a rock, taking a drink from his bottle. He looked around and then back to me. "Well…I've kind of made it my mission to help as many people as I can with this issue. My mother was grossly overweight, and in the end, her heart gave out on her because of it. I've dedicated my life to being healthy and to help others see that they can be healthy, too." He took his bottle and squirted it at me, and I screamed, as the ice water drenched my chest. "Now, come on. Enough rest!"

I pulled myself up and began jogging once more, with Jacob running behind me on my heels, saying that he would step on my toes if I didn't go faster. _Go faster, Bella. Go faster_, I repeated in my mind, while Jacob yelled it from behind. _Go faster, Bella. Go_…

I didn't even feel the ground when I fell. The first thing I felt when I came to was Jacob fanning me with a leaf that wasn't doing a damn bit of good. My head hurt, and I could hear him saying my name over and over.

Suddenly, there were two voices.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. She was a little tired, but we weren't even going full force."

"Carlisle?" I mumbled, when I finally figured out he was the second voice.

"Stay put. Give yourself a minute before trying to get up."

I heard him say something to Jacob, but my head was gone. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the light of the sky fade, as the sun began to set. I wiped at my face and felt the dirt that was all over my body. Pushing myself to sit up, Jacob quickly moved to help.

"Edward's on his way. I have my bag in the car. I'll check you over," Carlisle said.

"No, I'm fine. I think I just tripped. Call Edward back and let him know he needn't come. I'll be okay." I knew Edward would think something was fishy, when he arrived and assessed my state. Damn mind reader would see it all over my face.

"Bella, it's okay. Edward would want to be here for this," Carlisle said, before jogging back towards where he had left his car.

I felt ill just thinking of the gumption I would need to take on this kind of argument with Edward. No doubt, he would say many condescending things to me, until it caused my blood to boil over, and I would pop my top. I was not looking forward to this at all.

I tried to push myself up from the ground. No need to make the argument worse by laying on the side of the road like some animal hit by a passing car. I saw my arms were a bit scratched up, and my whole body was covered with the reddish-brown dirt. I tried to brush it off, as I attempted to stand, but Jacob jumped in to stop me.

"Hey, shouldn't we wait for the good doc to get back here and look you over first?"

"I'm fine. I probably just tripped is all." I tried to shrug off Jacob's arm, as he continued to hold on to me, probably fearing I would drop again, but he didn't relent. He kept his hold on me, while we walked the dirt path back towards my house. It was not far. I figured I could probably make it before Edward arrived.

"Tripped? No, I've seen how a person lands when they trip. Their arms attempt to break their fall, but you just poofed! I swear! I've never been so scared in my life. I thought you'd had a heart attack or stroke and dropped dead. I don't know what I'd do with myself if that happened. It'd devastate me. You've become such a dear friend. I don't want anything to happen to you, Bella."

I saw the sincerity in Jacobs's eyes, and it threw me. I stopped walking, surprised, because I must have really scared him with my fall for him to confess such intriguing feelings. His eyes looked like a puppy dog who was just told, "Bad dog." I turned and gently squeezed his hands, giving him a soft, reassuring smile.

"Thank you, Jacob. I really appreciate your sentiments. I have to say, you've really surprised me. To be honest, I was upset on more than one occasion with the very idea of you. I began, though, because I wanted to do this for Alice. You've really been a hopeful beacon for me during this time."

Jacob pulled me in for a hug, but it was brief, as we were quickly interrupted.

"Bella?"

Crap. Time to face the music.

I pulled back and saw Edward with a look of confusion on his face, and he was dressed to impress. I wondered why he would be so fancily attired at this time of the day.

"Hey," I sheepishly reply.

"My father said you fainted. What happened? You look a mess!"

"I just tripped is all," I waved him off.

He quickly came over and tried to take over where Jacob was helping me.

"Is this true?" Edward asked Jacob.

Jacob looked a little fearful of what answer he should present. He stuttered about, until he replied that he wasn't sure, since he had been at a weird angle.

"Edward, would you let go of me. You'll mess up your pretty clothes. I'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with me."

Edward stopped and moved to stand in front of me. He looked deep into my eyes and squinted, attempting to read what I wasn't saying.

"Let's get you inside. I want my father to check you over, and then…I want to speak to your parents. You may go, Jacob. I'll call you if we further need your services."

Edward took ahold of my arm firmly and pulled me towards my house, while I looked back at Jacob, who seemed to have been made nervous by Edward's tone. I wondered what he wanted to speak to my parents about. Would my mother tell him about our argument? It would make her look about as bad as me. What, exactly, could Edward do, even if he were to discover that I hadn't kept my promise? Bore me with some idle threats? Nothing had been signed just yet. God almighty, Carlisle hadn't even presented a contract yet.

We approached the house, and Carlisle stood beside the porch, waiting with his black bag and a folder in his hand.

"Is that it?" Edward asked him.

"Yes, I called the authorities and requested they let Mr. Swan come home early to help attend to his daughter's ailments. I had the maid track down Isabella's mother, and she'll be coming shortly. Everything is ready for them to sign."

My eyes widened, and I looked up to Edward, stopping.

"What's ready?" I asked Edward.

"Your contract. Your parents need only to sign, and then you'll officially belong to me."

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

My bedroom had never been so crowded before, I thought, as I took in a deep breath. I focused on my chest rising and falling, tuning out everything that was being said by everyone, as I tried to breathe in and breathe out. This fainting business had to stop.

_This is what you wanted, Bella. You wanted Edward's father to finish up the contract, so you could move out of this house. Stop pouting and wake up!_

"Bella," Carlisle shook me to get me to open my eyes.

"What?" I asked, awakening fully to their conversation.

"I asked what you've had to eat today."

My mother and father were near the door, while Edward sat on my bed, holding my hand to keep up with appearances. My eyes wandered about, while my mind attempted to discard Edward's comment from downstairs.

_You'll officially belong to me._

Edward snapped his fingers in front of my face, and I forgot my anger for a couple of seconds.

"Isabella, what's the matter with you? Did you hit your head? Should we go to the hospital? Father, perhaps she needs further tests," Edward said.

"No," I quickly interjected. "I don't need tests, and I didn't hit my head. My apologies, I'm just a little out it. What was the question again?"

I looked over to Carlisle to get away from Edward's questioning gaze. Carlisle looked over toward Edward and then proceeded to remove his blood pressure cuff.

"What did you eat today?"

I sighed. I didn't know if I would be able to get away with a lie for this one.

"Um...I didn't. That's what must've made me faint. It was silly, but I had a lot going on with Bree last night. I guess I just forgot. Plus, Jacob constantly tells me that I should experience hunger every day, so…I was merely following orders."

Edward jumped off the bed in anger. "That's ridiculous! Who does this Jacob Black think he is, if he believes you should starve yourself? I swear, when I get ahold of that jerk, I'm going to teach him a thing or two."

I suddenly wondered if my evasion would cause Edward to cancel Jacob Black. I didn't want that to happen, so I jumped up from the bed as quickly as I could, which wasn't very.

"No, it isn't Jacob's fault…entirely. I may not have done as you requested today. I haven't had a chance to sleep, and so, that was probably it more than anything. Please, don't blame Jacob for my error."

I saw Edward's eyes widen at my confession. His anger had turned from Jacob to me. That was a good thing, right? Silence fell over the room, and I could see my mother trying to step back behind my father, since she knew she was the cause.

"Can you please give us a minute?" Edward requested, never taking his eyes off mine. I stood my ground and waited, because I knew the minute every person was out of my small room, it would feel even smaller, when mine and Edward's egos began to war.

The door closed, and I waited for him to begin.

"You promised!"

"I know, and believe me, I wish I could've kept that promise to you, but sometimes, things aren't that simple. You walk out that door, and do you think I magically float on a cloud up to my room and am left in perfect silence, while the Sandman dusts his magic over my eyes?"

I shook my head and walked back towards the window to get some distance. "I wasn't trying to go against your wishes, Edward. Things just happened."

"What happened, then?" Edward argued.

I flipped around, ready to tell him, but then I caught myself. If I told him of the fight with my mother, he could possibly take her side. I should have just done what she requested and began to order my clothes online, rather than trying to hike into town, a place I shouldn't go unless accompanied. Then, I would have to tell him about Alice and Jasper.

"God, you're the worst liar!" he yelled, throwing his hands up and slapping them back down to his sides.

"I haven't even said a word," I defended.

"You were searching. That's why I can always tell you're lying or about to lie. You can't just come up with something. You've always been a thinker. Attempting to think everything out before you speak. When you lie, you think your argument through and then defend it to the death."

I scoffed and popped down on my bed, folding my arms across my chest. "You sound like you speak from experience."

"Don't try and change the direction of this conversation. You tell me right now what happened this afternoon, or I promise our marriage will feel worse than a nightmare. I'm getting so incredibly tired of having to pull information out of you!"

I shook my head in disbelief that this was my life and laid down on the bed. I was covered in dirt on top of a crisp white comforter. Poor Mrs. Cope. Edward sat down beside me, waiting for the answer he'd demanded to hear.

"My mother and I got into a fight. She threw out all my clothes to get back at me for derailing our date, so I'd have to use your expense account immediately for new things. I don't know how much more I can take from her. When she first learned we were together, she treated me better than she ever has in my entire life, but I believe now that she's gotten a glimpse of what her life could look like if I were to marry you, she's determined to do everything she can to grasp on and never let it go."

I closed my eyes and mouth tightly. My eyes to keep any wayward tears at bay, and my mouth to keep me from saying something that might endanger my place. It was too late, though. The dam had cracked.

"It would've been easier to be turned out and made a gutter baby. In the end…"

"In the end, what?" he snapped. "Gutter baby would be better than marriage to me? Am I that repulsive of a choice to you?"

Yes, I should have kept my mouth shut. The crack became a flood.

"Edward, can't you see? This choice to marry you isn't just about you!" I yelled, getting up from the bed. "In a perfect world, you'd ask, and I would've happily accepted, and the people around us would be happy for us, because they'd believe we'd live happily ever after. I wouldn't have to worry about parents' expectations, and then live with their disappointment and anger, when we eventually end our union.

"I wouldn't have to fear that our house staff would catch glimpses of all the beautiful girls coming and going from your quarters and wonder what they must think of me, that you'd feel the need to do that to your wife. Marrying you will give me a rise in station. A ticket to the top, able to buy pretty things and ensure my sister never ruins another day, but I don't receive any of that without paying a price. A very high price. I'll marry a Cullen, and I'll never get to know what it's like to be truly loved. Just live with another person who'll look at me and never see me."

There was a reason why I shut my lips tight and refrained from saying what I wanted to. Once my mouth was given permission to speak, I could not seem to turn off my tongue, while it spat out every dangerous word, before my brain had been given a chance to process and stop me from saying more than I should.

I sniffled and tried to reel all my feelings back in, now that I was aware of what I had done. What I had said. Far too much, by the look on Edward's face. He continued to stare at me, but I was not sure there was even a soul left in there to register what he should do next.

Silence.

And then, he collapsed down to my bed and put his head in his hands. I thought I heard him say something, but his voice was so faint, I couldn't be sure. Like he was having a conversation with himself. I felt better knowing I was not the only person who should be carted off to the white ward.

Edward picked himself back up, and suddenly, it seemed as if the conversation he'd had with himself had helped him. He looked back at me, resolved. He began with shaking his head.

"Unfortunately for you, the decision to marry is between me and your parents. You may wish you'd never agreed to what I had to offer, but it's too late now. We _will_ be married. More so now than ever do I believe you can't be trusted to do what's best. If you'll excuse me, I need to have a word with your parents."

He swept from the room, my words somehow fueling him to hurry. What had just happened? I felt my chest ache. I had been open and honest, too much so, and now, he seemed even angrier than ever before. I tried to remember what I had said to him that would have caused him to leave with such a harsh sentiment. I wanted to collapse to my bed, but instead, I rushed after him. What was he planning to say to my parents? What was his next plan of action?

I nearly fell down the last two steps in my hurry to get to the living room, where Edward and his father stood to present their contract to my parents.

"…I believe we were more than fair with our offering. This amount of funds will secure your family and their name until your departure from this world, as I understand you have no one to carry on the Swan name. This rise in station will assure that you'll have little to worry about, so I suggest you don't take too long and sign this paper before I go, or I'll back down on the whole deal, and Isabella will be yours to deal with, quite possibly for the rest of her natural life."

My mouth dropped open upon hearing Edward's harsh words. I saw my presence had caught Carlisle's eye, and he looked towards me, but he said nothing against his son's tone.

"Mr. Cullen, I appreciate your offer, but I should at the very least take the time to read the contract fully," my father began.

"Read the contract fully?" my mother gasped. "Did you not hear Mr. Cullen? He'll pull the offer without a quick resolution. Sign the paper, Charles. For Bella's sake, sign it."

For Bella's sake? Yeah, right.

My father's saddened eyes looked to mine, and I was left speechless a little too late, it seemed. I saw him mouth my name, questioning me what he should, do but my mother was pushing him and harshly whispering threatening words into his ear.

"Mr. Swan, after today's events, it's apparent to me that Isabella needs someone who can look after her. My marriage to her will do just that. I'll see that she's brought up properly and given everything she could ever need. I know you may think I'm being assertive in my demands, but it's only because I know I'm the only person who can give your daughter what she requires.

"You look to her for her approval, but she's not in the best frame of mind to give that to you. She's gone without sleep and food, and this is unacceptable. Sign the contract, and I'll move Isabella into our new home tonight, and the very first thing I'll do when she's mine is see that her needs are met, physically and mentally. Please, do what's best for Isabella."

He wanted me to move in with him tonight? My mouth moved to open, but I was stricken mute and frozen in place, so I could not tell my father to stop. I didn't want to marry Edward Cullen, if this was what Edward Cullen had become.

My father looked down at the contract and then just flipped to the last page. He didn't look at me any longer. He placed his pen on the bottom line and scribbled out his name, and I no longer wondered why he would ever agree to sign my sister's contract. If this was how it was done, the world I lived in suddenly made sense. I felt saddened for my sister. We were no more than cattle, an asset, able to be traded away for a better life. A woman's price to pay for being unable to carry on their family name.

Edward leaned down and placed his hand on the contract, picking up the pen and signing it quickly. I thought about the boy I had once known. His smile as he chased after me, while we ran through the trees. The moment he gathered the courage to kiss me in the garden, and the look on his face that day, when we both stopped and pulled back to look at one another. The man before me was gorgeous. Beautiful and perfect in every way, and yet, that was only the outside. What had happened to the inside?

"Don't worry about your things tonight. I'll send someone for them tomorrow," Edward said, passing by me with his signed shackles grasped firmly in his hand.

Carlisle pulled out a few pages from his leather portfolio and handed it to my father, stating it was a copy. I stood there in the living room doorway, unable to fall to pieces, since my mind had officially been stolen from me. Mrs. Cope quietly appeared beside me, discretely patting my hand and passing me my purse with a sad, sympathetic glance, before she slowly disappeared again.

"Come on, Isabella," Carlisle said, gently placing his arm around me and leading me out of the house I had lived in ever since I could remember. Edward was already in the car, while Seth waited by my door, ready to close it behind me the moment I entered. Carlisle walked me down the steps and attempted to tell me everything would be okay, but I couldn't hear his kind affirmations.

I sat down in the car, and then Seth closed the door. Instead of looking back at the house, I continued to stare straight ahead. So lost in my own mind, thinking of silly childhood wishes and dreams that would never come true, I didn't even register if Edward was looking at me. For a brief second, I let my eyes wander toward his direction and saw he was staring out the window. I looked towards his lap and saw my contract crinkled tightly in his hand.

The car eventually slowed to a stop after fifteen minutes of driving, and I saw the tall black gates up ahead slowly opening. I should have been present and taking in this moment.

_This is your new home, Bella. Shouldn't you be proud and excited? It was either this or the gutter. Time will tell the better._

But I didn't find happiness in the beautiful building, lit up with its countless windows. It was the kind of mansion that would be the most respected structure, just with its sheer beauty, size, and magnificence. The fountains bubbled and flowed, as the car drove up to the large round circle drive in front. Seth parked the car long enough to open our doors and let us depart, before he drove on towards the garage out behind our new home.

Edward still hadn't looked at me. He walked to the front door and entered without even unlocking it. I followed behind, but I briefly wondered if I should make one last stand and attempt to run. I was in no condition, though, and decided to forgo that line of thinking, following him inside.

The interior was even more amazing than the exterior. The imperial twin staircases were the first thing to be seen. Large and grand, they certainly made a statement. White marble stairs, with wrought iron stair railings. A brushed gold chandelier, too large to even begin to count the number of lights that hung from it, to cascade its bright glow throughout the room.

There were ten marble pedestals around the perimeter of the room, and each had a coordinating vase sitting on top. Like a little army of expensive knickknacks, displayed grandly for all to see, representing the wonderful power and money the Cullen empire had to show the world. Edward walked toward the right staircase, mumbling something about showing me to my quarters, and I broke. No, I literally _broke_. My hand brushed over one of the soldier vases, and I flicked it until it fell off its pedestal and crashed to the floor. Edward whirled around, shocked by my actions.

"I guess if you break it, you buy it. Don't worry, my fiancé can pick up the cost," I said apathetically.

Edward's expression was a mix of shock and anger. He searched for the first thing to say, and I braced myself, because I wagered that, by the time this conversation was over, there would be far more broken than just a few silly expensive knickknacks.

"What's the matter with you!" he shouted.

He stomped in my direction, but I held my place firmly. I was done feeling shocked and hurt. Now, I wanted answers for how I was expected to live as property for the next however many years, playing this role I was locked into.

"Our contract is signed. You can't go back on your word now. Divorce is your only option, and since I'm sure Carlisle saw to it that you kept your promise of an amicable separation, I'll get everything I want, even if you don't fancy my attitude."

"Bella, I don't understand where this hostility is coming from. You should thank me for what I've done."

"Thank you?" I snapped. "Thank you for treating me like I'm nothing more than some random object you can just toss in the closet with all your other useless crap? I poured my heart out to you and trusted you, and you turn around and harass my father into signing something, without giving him the respect to at least let him read it. You have no respect for my father. You have no respect…"

"Of course, I don't have respect for your father!" he yelled. "I wanted to prove something to you and my father, that the Swans would sign away any paper we pushed in front of their faces, no matter what it said. I could've put that, the moment they signed, I could shove you into a closet and allow you to be fed by a lesser only twice a day, and they would've signed it. Your mother kept pecking at your father's ear to sign like a greedy squirrel on a birdfeeder. I blame them both, because you'd better believe that, if it were my child, I wouldn't care what the offer was, I'd never sign away my child without seeing to their best interests."

He walked toward me and lowered his voice. "I did what I had to. You were drowning in that house. You say I didn't listen to you pour out your heart, but that's exactly what I heard. Now, you have power, Bella. For the first time in your life, your mother will answer to you. Your sister will never say another word against you for fear of what it'll do to her station. You can hate me for any word I said that you didn't agree to, but look around, Bella! I gave you this. I gave you more freedom than you've ever had before. You're welcome."

I stood there silent, because I didn't understand what had just happened. Did I really dare to believe that Edward had only been playing a role back at my house? I was getting confused with the role he was playing. When was he being real, and what was fake? I saw his face was angered, but it was quite possibly more hurt. I couldn't tell anymore. It was like he was a stranger to me.

"You seemed so angry…" I whispered.

"I am angry."

"With me? Because I just didn't go along, not knowing your hidden agendas? I thought you didn't care about me, and this was solely about your inheritance. You were so desperate to get your inheritance."

"You think me so shallow. When was the last time I spoke of my inheritance? Yes, I care about it, but you were my best friend. Could you possibly try and wrap your head around the fact that I do care about you? Tonight, I've ensured that my best friend will live the life she deserves. Now, go to bed, Bella. If you aren't cognizant when you're fully awake, I can't imagine how much worse you must be when you haven't slept. Go to bed."

My eyes slowly went towards the right grand staircase, and my feet began to walk up it, leaving Edward behind to stand with his eyes staring at nothing in the middle of the entry room. I got to the top and went through the door. I stopped and stood with my back against the shut door, and then I heard a loud, angry growl, followed by the shattering of glass.

Every harsh word Edward had said tonight had been a performance. He cared about me. He had rescued me.

I turned around and went back out through the door and stood at the top of the stairs, seeing Edward was nowhere in sight. I saw another glass soldier overpriced knickknack lying on the floor, fallen like its brother. This must have been what Edward had broken.

My feet travel down the stairs, and I attempted to go and find Edward. I had never stepped foot in this house before, and I wondered what miracle it would take for me to find him. Every room was bigger than the last, but I didn't have the time to waste on appreciating them now.

My feet skidded to a stop, when I saw Edward standing in the saloon with a large drink in his hand. His eyes turn to mine, and I already saw his anger brewing once more.

"Bella! I told you to go to bed!"

I walked over to him without thinking and threw my arms around him. He managed to catch me without even wavering, though I was sure my weight had punished his arms.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Thank you."

He held me and tightened his grip for a few meaningful seconds before releasing me. "Go to bed, Bella," he whispered.

I nodded and did as I was told, slowly backing out of the room. I was exhausted, so I didn't take his words as an order. He was my friend. I did as he said, because I knew he truly cared about me. Tomorrow, I would begin my new life.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for all your support!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

After climbing the staircase on the right and going through the door, I stood in the dimly lit hallway and stared at the many closed doors, deciding which one I should try first. After quite a bit of analyzing, I chose to just go through the first door on my right, only to find the most gorgeous bedroom my eyes had ever set sight on. It was dark outside, so I had to imagine what it would look like with the sun cascading through the tall windows, but even without that first impression, I was able to see the dream.

The bed with its fine satin cover was much too precious to dirty. I slowly walked through a different door and was able to find the attached bathroom that seemed to be larger than my old bedroom. As I began to undress, I turned on the faucets to allow the tub to fill. My clothes lay haphazardly on the floor, completely forgotten the moment my toes touched the warm water.

I lay back and let out a low groan of appreciation. I was so exhausted, I thought I would go to sleep right then and there. I dipped down and allowed the water to fully submerge my body and hair, before I emerged and washed quickly. The dirt from my fall would hopefully be all washed away, as it would embarrass me to wake up in that beautiful bed with any residue spoiling its lovely sheets.

With the promise of taking a longer bath the next day, I exited the bathroom and looked around for something to wear, but the closet was empty. I was not about to bother Edward with another word from me, so I dried off as best as I could and pulled back the comforter to slip down between the sheets.

My mother would have killed me, if she had known I was sleeping bare in the bed. How improper! There was a time and place to be indecent, and that was only after vows had been said before God. I stifled a laugh, when I realized my mother could never say another word against me or my actions. Mischievously, I planned to drop that little morsel off in conversation the next time I saw her, just to watch her fight with her nature to refrain from saying even one word.

I'd swear, I did not wake once throughout the night. I didn't know whether to praise the exhaustion or the feather perfect bed for my thoroughly restful sleep. In fact, if Edward hadn't woken me the next morning, I wondered if I would have ever woken up naturally.

"Bella," I heard close to my ear.

"Bella," he said a little more timidly than how Edward usually said my name. I heard him clear his throat. I followed my natural inclination to sit up for a stretch and yawn, but when the sheet came down, and my large bare breasts felt the cool air hit them, I instantly awoke and grabbed for the sheet. My eyes popped open, and I looked to Edward, hoping and praying he hadn't just seen something he shouldn't have. Thankfully, he didn't appear to be looking in my direction, adverting his eyes like a gentleman, although there was a curious redness to his cheeks.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked, and I began to wonder how much he'd had to drink the previous night to cause this amnesia.

"Um...signed contract. You asked my parents…"

He sighed, but he kept his eyes averted. "No, I mean, why are you sleeping in the guest quarters?"

I looked around once more. This room was a guestroom?

"I didn't know...it's so very much grander than anything I've ever personally witnessed. Was I not to stay in this room?"

"No, but that's my fault. I should've said something...escorted you to your room myself, and...why are you naked?"

Hades be with me if my skin did not flush from head to toe.

"Well...I was dirty from my fall, and there wasn't anything to wear, and I didn't want to cause you any more distress after last night's events. My apologies for my indecency. Please, don't think poorly on me. I can promise it'll never happen again."

He held his hand up to silence me, as I pulled the covers up and over my mouth to stop me from saying anything further.

"It's okay, Bella. I don't care. There's a closet filled in your quarters. An early wedding present from Alice. I'll send up Sue to help you find your way to your room and to some...clothes."

He left quickly, and I believed his face was nearly as red with embarrassment as mine was. When the door closed behind him, I raced to find my clothes from yesterday to throw on. I did not want to humiliate myself further with the house staff.

Just as I was pulling on my workout sweats, there was a knock at my door. I called for them to enter, and an older woman walked through. Her dark hair was in a high bun, and she was wearing a common housemaid's outfit, like I had seen on Rebecca over at Edward's family's estate.

"Good morning."

"Good afternoon, Miss Swan. Mr. Cullen asked me to attend to you. Let me show you to your room and help you dress."

She turned on her heel sharply and exited like she was marching into war. I quickly scrambled after her, not wanting to know what she would say if I wasn't hot on her heels. My first impression was that she was a no-nonsense kind of woman and not one to trifle with. I felt uneasy, when she said she wanted to help me dress. She wasn't going to look me over, while I was as bare as the day I was born, was she?

We walked down a long corridor, and I tried to look in on the various rooms as I passed, but I only managed glimpses. Gilded-framed paintings hung on every wall between each room, and the carpet was maroon and gold, with its common trellis pattern throughout. The lower walls were rich mahogany wood, with crisp ivory uppers and ceilings, featuring small chandeliers to light the way.

We arrived at a set of double doors at the end of the hallway, and Sue pushed them open. My feet stuttered with their steps, when my eyes took in my new quarters. I stalled at the door, unable to move forward. My mouth dropped open. This room was three times larger than the guestroom. There was a massive king-sized canopy bed with light blue satin adorning it, and elaborate furniture that looked to be from a fancy European country.

"Miss Swan, Mr. Cullen requires your presence for lunch. We need to get you dressed and proper soon," Sue said, probably bored with my shock and awe.

I slowly walked in and followed her to the closet. Nervous that she would try to literally dress me, I quickly took over.

"I believe I can find something to wear, but thank you so much for your services, Sue. I think I can take it from here, please, if you don't mind."

It was the first time I had ever given an order before. I felt nervous doing so, and I could tell by Sue's questioning, narrowed eyes that she also knew it was my first. I was probably too polite. When my mother would give Mrs. Cope an order at home, she would never say please or thank you.

Sue left, and I began to slowly turn in circles in my closet, as I gazed around me at all my new clothes. I sighed and shook my head at all the bright, cheery colors I knew Alice had picked, knowing she wouldn't be here to listen to my dissatisfaction. I pulled off my dirty clothes and froze, wondering what I should wear. Lunch with Edward was planned, but what else was expected with my day? After finding a pair of silky, lace-trimmed panties and a matching bra to go underneath that actually held my large chest up without sagging, I perused my options. I was thankful Alice had allowed for black dress pants, as I found a pair and pulled them on. With an adequate blue blouse to finish, I stood in front of the mirror, feeling silly and overdressed, but still wondering if it was good enough.

I looked over my dress options, running my hands through the clothes in the closet many times. I had never dressed this fancy during my normal day to day before. I suddenly was mad at myself for dismissing Sue prematurely. I racked my brain, trying to remember how Alice would dress, when I heard a gentle cough come from behind.

I looked towards Edward, who was leaning against the entrance to my closet. Heaven only knew how long he had been standing there, watching me in my panic of indecision.

"Lunch is about to turn into dinner, which would be most unfortunate for me to break my promise to your parents in assuring them that I'd see to all your needs being met."

"I don't know what to wear," I confessed.

Edward stood up straight and walked closer. "You look fine as you are. Seems Alice did a good job."

"Not too fancy for lunch? I wasn't sure. I usually only dress like this when company is over. I tried to remember what Alice would wear around the house on a typical day, but I came up blank. I already feel the weight of my decisions pushing me down…"

"Bella," he interrupted, placing his hands on my shoulders, "Breathe. You look fine. Yes, you should probably dress like this from now on. Unfortunately, I know how much you loved your jeans and baggy t-shirts, but you're a part of the higher class now, so no more jeans. You should let Sue dress you, until you understand expectations."

I cringed. "I don't want another person seeing me...undressed."

Edward looked slightly uncomfortable, but he let out a quiet scoff and replied, "Just ask her to pick out your clothes and then leave you be. You look fine as you are. Let's have some lunch. I'm sure there are things that need to be said."

He left the way he had come, and I looked at myself once more in the mirror, before sighing at my sad appearance and following him out. Edward attempted to give me the short tour on our way down to the dining room, only pointing out certain rooms. He gave me permission to go into any room I wished, which surprised me, since he seemed to have this secretive side.

I stopped once again, when I stepped foot into the dining room. Floor to ceiling windows on the east and west walls nearly made me feel as if I would be eating in a greenhouse, with how the flowers and plants were climbing the windows outside. On a sunny day, it was a gorgeous view. I wondered how it would feel on a stormy one, however.

"I went ahead and took the liberty of alerting the kitchen staff about your dietary concerns, but should you change your mind, just tell them to buy whatever you'd like. All you need to do is let them know, and they'll order it."

I said a quiet thank you and walked toward the chair opposite his, and he helped me take my seat. A younger woman, who could not have been very much older than I was, walked through the south side of the room, bringing a tray with her. Dressed in the standard uniform, I could tell she was quite beautiful, even though she had a distinct scar marring her face. Her hair matched that of Sue's, dark and in a high bun.

"This is Emily Uley. She's our other housemaid," Edward introduced.

"Oh, Uley? Any relation to a Sam Uley?" I asked.

The young woman smiled warmly and nodded. "Yes, he's my husband."

I was sure my face lit up. If she was half as nice as her husband, I would love having her around, especially with this transition in my life.

"I work with him down at the hospital. I mean...I volunteer down at the hospital where he works. He's really great. We all love him."

Emily slightly bowed and replied, "Thank you for your kind words, Miss Swan. I'll be sure to share them with him."

"Oh, you can just call me Bella," I said with an unpolished wave of my hand.

My words seemed to have confused her, so it was Edward to explain my error. "No, Bella, she can't. You're now the lady of the house, and it isn't proper." Edward looked at Emily and said, "Leave the tray. You're dismissed."

Emily quickly left, and Edward's eyes were trained on me, waiting until there wasn't a person around. I sighed and waited.

"Bella, I know you're new to all this, but…"

"I'm never going to be like you," I rushed out, probably a little too quickly.

"Be like me?" Edward asked, confused.

"I'm not good with 'proper,' Edward. Even after Jessica's marriage moved up our station and afforded us Mrs. Cope's help, I never treated the dear woman any differently than I would've treated anyone else I cared for. I respected her. I treated her like she was a member of my family, and I never gave her orders. I understand there are certain appearances to be kept, so the staff may call me any name you require, but I'm not going to order them about and dismiss them rudely.

"Now, I think it'd help both of us immensely if you could give me a list of expectations, and I'll do my best to meet them, so you can feel like you're getting your money's worth with our deal."

"My money's worth?" he spat.

"I'm sorry. Was that offensive? I just mean that, as you've pointed out several times, I often take, take, take. I know you paid a high price for...everything you gave my parents. It's only fair that I live up to my end of the bargain for...whatever it is you promised."

Contrary to what he might have thought, I wasn't trying to start another war. My words just got the better of me sometimes. I wasn't exactly a fan of our society's ways, as I had made clear on several occasions, but I understood nothing was ever going to change, so I knew I should be thankful to be at the top of the ladder, even if it made me feel dirty to be there.

Edward hadn't spoken, and I could tell from the look in his eyes, he was trying to decipher my honest intentions, before going forth with the conversation. His body was rigid, while he made his assessment, and when he finally deflated, I knew he was not going to argue with me further.

His finger picked at his thumb, before his hand balled back up into a fist. "Do you want to see your contract?"

My eyes widened, as it was not something often done. It wasn't a lady's place to know fully what her family would receive, or the conditions to which they had agreed regarding her care by her husband.

"You'd do that?"

He shrugged. "Maybe you'll trust me, if I just show you the damn thing."

Stupidity knocked twice on my brain, for what I responded with next. "I trust you to tell me the truth. I'm sure it has the standard agreements. Your father said so, and I hope you kept your word in the promises you made me."

"I did," he replied. "Your mother and father have a great deal more land, along with another rise in their station to rival your sister, so she has no authority over your parents any longer. With my signature, I promised to care for you in every way possible. But I can't do that, if you won't be honest with me or work with me. You've made your dissatisfaction clear many times, but I'm not your enemy, Bella."

"I know that," I quickly said. "Once again, I apologize for giving you that impression in the past, but sometimes, you play your role a little too well. Some of the things you say or do in front of others make me wonder about your true intentions. The way you spoke to my father worried me, but I didn't know you meant me no harm with your harsh tone and words. You're two different people. The Edward I grew up with and the Edward you show the world. It's all very confusing at time."

He nodded and picked up his glass to take a drink of his water. He gestured for me to begin eating. I realized I hadn't eaten anything since our snack at the hospital, more than a whole day ago, so the steak salad tasted as good as anything I had ever had.

"My expectations for you is to play your role when we're in public. Alice's Blessing Celebration is coming up in two days' time. Since we never established our relationship in public, this will be our first official event, and unfortunately for you, it'll be harder than if we'd gone on a public date. It's one thing for word of mouth to spread our news, but completely different for the people to witness it in person. We'll be under a microscope and expected to act a certain way. Holding hands. Kissing. Keeping our faces cheery and free from scowls," he said that last part for my benefit.

I bit my lip and looked down at my plate.

"I know you have your duties to my sister during her party, but I expect you to be at my side, whenever you're not attending to my sister."

I nodded and weighed my next words. "Are you worried about what people will say or think? That you'd willingly choose...this?" I asked, waving my hand to indicate my body.

"No, because I don't care what people think, and neither should you. If someone says something, please tell me, or remind them of their place. I don't believe we'll have too many issues. Not a lot of people want to chance offending the Cullens."

I picked at my salad and sighed. I was already down about seventeen pounds, but it felt like, even if I lost a hundred pounds, it would never be enough for certain people. I did not want to embarrass Alice, which was my main reason for doing everything I was doing, but it was at times like this, I wondered if it would have been easier to be a gutter baby. At least no one cared about your weight, when you called the streets your home.

"Also, I canceled Jacob for today. With everything that happened yesterday, I thought you needed a day to settle in and heal from your fall. You can call him back tomorrow, but please, try and take it easy. I don't want you wounded for Alice's party. And if you could try and keep things professional with Jacob, that'd be greatly appreciated."

My face must have said it all, because he quickly added, "I noticed you two seemed to be quite close, and I don't want people thinking poorly of you or believing you'd carry on a tryst with a lesser."

I laughed and set my fork down. "I think anyone who isn't blind would know that someone like Jacob would never touch someone like me. I'm not quite sure any man would ever want to touch this. In fact, I wonder how hard you'll have to work at Alice's Blessing Celebration to have people believe you'd ever want to touch me in that fashion."

Edward seemed to be thinking over my words. He opened his mouth and shut it again, and then he seemed to lose the direction he wanted to go in.

"Bella, you aren't as displeasing as you think you are. Just remember, it isn't all just about the physical. I know our society may have you believing a person's worth is in their outward appearance, but you show people something far more important. Don't worry about proving to the public our relationship. They'll believe it, because we'll make them believe it."

I returned to my salad, but I could feel Edward's eyes still on me, even though I was doing everything I could to not meet them. This conversation had officially become uncomfortable. I found it a bit odd that Edward would worry about my relationship with Jacob. I mean, had he ever looked at Jacob? He was everything I wasn't. Jacob would probably jump off a cliff if given the choice between touching me and death.

Unfortunately, Edward's words followed me the next day, when Jacob came for our session. I felt nervous, as I watched Jacob demonstrate the exercises he wanted me to do. More than once, I found myself becoming flushed from thinking about him. I was thankful that, with the heat and constant movement, he was none the wiser.

Every time Jacob's hand would touch me, or if his mouth was close to my ear, I nearly shivered in anticipation of something I would never have. My thoughts jumped to the parade of women Edward planned on bringing into the house, and I briefly wondered if I should ask him if he would allow me the same privilege. Not that I believed Jacob would oblige, but it was a nice thought to hold onto.

"Right here. You feel that?" Jacob asked, with my hands pressed firmly on his stomach. He was flexing as hard as he could to show me how he wanted me to flex what little muscles I had in my stomach while resting in between sets. Could I feel his rock-hard stomach? Yes, Sir!

I nodded, and then he placed his hands on my stomach and asked me to give it a go. I grunted softly, trying to do as he asked and feeling horribly self-conscious that Jacob Black's hands were touching my fat.

"Nice! I love that. Way to go, Bella. You're by far my favorite client."

"Really?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course! Your constant dedication lights my fire! I'm in awe. Truly, Bella."

He smacked me on the back, and I nearly lost my balance from focusing on clenching my stomach muscles. But it was his incredibly kind words that had me smitten. After Jacob left for the day, I found myself dreaming about a world where someone like Jacob would fall for someone like me. But like the South American dream I'd had many times, I knew it would always be just that, a dream.

As fascinating as my new residence was, I did not want to spend my first days wandering around the premises. It felt strange to be in that house, especially when Sue or Emily would find me. I decided to spend my day away at my volunteer position. I found that, many times in my life, I would see the hospital as a way to escape. The people I knew and worked alongside were kind and treated me like any other person.

"Well, I didn't think I'd be seeing you around here anymore," Sam said when he saw me.

"Why would you think that?"

"Word has it you've moved up in the world. A Cullen, huh? I can't imagine a Cullen would be happy with you spending your time down here, when you could be in a…charm school or something."

I laughed and pushed him in the shoulder. "Charm school? I'll have you know they did a diagnostic and couldn't find one ounce of charm to school in me. Guess I'll just have to settle for old-fashioned manners. So, did your wife tell you?"

He placed down his stack of charts and reached over to grab a pen. He had a strange smile on his face, when he looked back up at me.

"Yes, she did. I was really happy, when she told me who she'd be working for. I knew _you'd_ always be respectful and good to her. Unfortunately, some families haven't afforded her that. I know you'd never be like that, no matter what your last name may be."

"You're right, I wouldn't. It's not right to treat anyone that way, regardless of their means. If I could change anything, our world wouldn't be the way it is."

I felt myself blush at his compliment, and yet, my eyes cast downward, upset that things seemed to have not been very easy for my friend. I knew that, with his position, Sam was lucky to be where he was. Hearing him admit that Emily hadn't always been treated well, it made me wonder if her scar was the evidence of that abuse. That thought made me angry.

"Sam…what's it like in the city? I've never seen it."

I had no idea why I was asking that question. The city was the territory of the lessers. People above a certain station never stepped foot in it. I'd heard tales of poverty so horrible, it would cause a lady to faint from the sight. I could tell my question caught Sam off guard.

"It's not something I could ever describe accurately. I'm sure a lady of your station would only see dirt, dilapidated buildings, starvation, and poverty, but for someone who grew up there, I can tell you the people, the city, it's so much more than that. I don't know why your kind are so afraid of coming our way. Do you honestly believe any lesser would ever hurt someone of high breeding? They wouldn't. No one wants to go to the white ward. If I thought you had the grit, I'd take you myself and open your eyes to a whole new world. Families joined together to help out one another. Kindness, even in the darkest corner. I probably shouldn't even be speaking to you on this. If your fiancé knew, I'm sure he'd see me cast back down to the gutter."

I shook my head. "I'd never say anything to Edward. I'm sorry if you feel I've put you in a difficult position. I don't know why I wondered. I guess…it's just curiosity about the unknown. I'm sure if Edward ever caught me stepping one foot into the city, he'd cast me down to the gutter himself. Somehow, though, I think I might be okay there," I mumbled.

Sam looked uneasy with our conversation, so he excused himself, saying he had to make sure his patients received their medications on time. Not wanting to go home, I wandered the halls and checked in on some of my regulars, helping the nurses where I could.

When I had nothing officially left to do with my day, I sat in the cafeteria with my low-carb meal and stared at the table, while I thought back to my conversation with Sam, my mind creating this story of what I would see if I did ever venture into the city.

"Don't you have a big party you should be preparing for tomorrow?"

I looked up to find Carlisle's friendly face. I sat my fork down and bit my lip uneasily, thinking over the last time I had seen him.

"Everything is ready for Alice's party. I believe she's been ready since before she even knew a Jasper Whitlock existed."

Carlisle pulled out a chair and sat down across from me. He looked mightily burdened for a man who never had to worry about burdens.

"I wanted to see how you were doing. How is…everything going?"

I shrugged, attempting to act like I wasn't any worse for wear, or show that I found it incredibly awkward to share a conversation with my soon-to-be father-in-law. A man who knew I was only marrying his son for a rise in station. His son only choosing me, so he could have his cake and eat it, too. Even the Cullen name wouldn't protect the family against scandal, if it ever got out that Carlisle had allowed his son to marry a girl so below him, just to grab at his inheritance.

That was the peculiar thing about this societal hierarchy. Families like the Cullens, McCartys, Whitlocks, and such believed they were invincible. And to a point, they were, but the moment a scandal hit, a family could still hold their place, but no one would respect them enough to continue dealing with the offensive family.

"It's a…an adjustment. But I promised Edward I wouldn't embarrass him or the family. I know the high price to be paid by someone like me, so you have nothing to worry about. I'll be the picture of perfection, when I arrive at the Crystal Courts tomorrow."

"I know you will," Carlisle replied. "I just…wish I could keep you from having to go, so you wouldn't have to worry about putting on a show. Holding hands with my son and the look in your eyes will be enough proof for anyone that you love and care deeply for him, but it'll be harder for you. Not because there'll be plenty of young ladies there tomorrow who'll be most upset at the news that Edward is off the market. I'm sure they'll try and come at you with their tongue-in-cheek comments…but what will be harder for you will be seeing the look in Edward's eyes and knowing the twinkle is only there for show."

I looked down, feeling the stab to my heart at his words. I knew he meant no harm by them. He was being honest. It hurt to hear that honesty, regardless. I guessed he could see what damage his words had done, because he instantly moved closer.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I just wish my son could be more like you. Kind and caring. If he wasn't so blind, he'd really see you and look at you in the manner you deserve. It's my hope you'll be able to teach him things about life I was never able to. Anyway, you should probably get on home. You have a long day tomorrow, and I know, even though Edward would never admit it, having you working here worries him."

I nodded and scooted my chair back. I picked up the remains of my food and began to go, but before I did, I stopped and turned back to Carlisle.

"Edward told me he didn't think it was proper for me to be here, surrounded by all this death." I shrugged once again. "I told him if he didn't let me come and do my work, I'd never forgive him. He backed off, so…I guess I'm not as weak as you may think I am. I can handle being in this loveless marriage. I can handle anything that may be said to me tomorrow. I think you'll find that, with anything said or done to me…there isn't a whole lot of negativity I haven't already been exposed to, and yet, here I am. An unwanted child of parents who were lessers with granted money. The overweight girl who had no prospects, and now…I'm a Cullen. Edward may not love me, but don't count me out just yet."

I turned around and tossed the contents in my hands into the trash and walked away. Carlisle was right, tomorrow was going to be one stressful day. _Keep your head high, Bella. Don't listen to them. You're a Cullen. Just as Carlisle said, we do as we please. Cullens don't bend to societal pressures. You're a Cullen. You're a Cullen. You're a Cullen…_

I was suddenly hit with a scary notion. What if something terrible occurred, and I never truly became a Cullen? It could happen. I swallowed harshly at that thought. My bravery quickly faded, and I hoped my revelation was only a scary notion and not a premonition.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for your reviews. It means the world to me that so many people have responded to all the hard work I put into writing!**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

I stood on the steps to the Crystal Courts, attempting to gather up the courage I needed to step foot through the doors of Kensington Court. Most of high-stationed called it Kenzie, because they did not want to be labored with speaking the full name.

The Crystal Courts were made up of four smaller diamond-shaped buildings that stood together to form one larger diamond. Each of the four structures was designated for a group. Kensington Court was for established money, and there was one building each for gentleman and for ladies. Separate building arrangements for granted money gentlemen and ladies comprised the other two, creating Vassallus Court. Separate buildings, to ensure the prominent established-money families did not have to associate with the granted money families, only unless they wished to.

A small number of lessers were allowed inside, only as servants and janitors. In between each diamond building were the gardens. The gardens were places where men and women, established and granted money, could come together. That didn't happen often.

I had visited the granted ladies' court of Vassallus a few times in the past for special events, but going to court wasn't my cup of tea when it came to deciding how I wanted to spend my time. Some ladies loved to spend all their free time there. I believed it was so a person could feel more important, since you had to be of a certain station to be allowed to partake in the use of the courts.

My mother would weep, when she would speak of the first time she had been permitted into Vassallus. She wondered why I wouldn't want to spend my free time there, instead of monkeying about in the trees between ours and the Cullen's properties. Jessica had spent nearly every waking second in Vassallus, until the day she had been permitted into court at Kensington. She loved to brag to my mother about all the enhancements that Kensington had over Vassallus. To Jessica, Vassallus was practically the same as the gutter. With my engagement, my mother would finally be allowed entrance into Kensington.

So, here I was on the steps, and with only a few more feet in the right direction, I would enter Kensington for the first time. My foot took a step back, going down a stair. I was running late. Alice and Esme would have been inside since early morning, making sure all their wishes were being made possible by the coordinators. Edward had agreed to meet me here in time for the event. The Blessing Celebration was to take place in the garden between Kensington's two diamonds.

"Miss Swan."

My heart stopped at the sound of my formal name. I slowly turned to find Jasper Whitlock standing one step below, and yet still able to tower over me with his long legs.

"My apologies," I replied, stepping out of his way.

"Oh, no, I was just making sure you were okay."

I sighed and looked back toward the grand entrance to Kensington.

"It's my first time…and there are many things that weigh down my walk on this day."

Jasper walked over to the side rail and leaned up against it, looking towards the diamond buildings. He pulled out a fancy cigarette case and lighter and then proceeded to light one up.

"My apologies if this offends. Alice wants me to quit by the time we take our vows, so I try and sneak one off during times like these. I know I shouldn't be nervous, since I truly love Alice, and I was lucky her family agreed to marriage. But I'm not one for parties, so just the thought of going into that building makes me anxious."

I nodded and blushed. "Of course. How silly of me. You have all the reasons to be nervous, as it's your event, and here I stand with my reasons being very little."

"No, your reasons are not little," he corrected quickly. "If it was deemed ladylike, I'd offer you one, just to ease the tension you must be feeling."

It wasn't permitted for a lady to smoke. My father had never been one to take up the task, so I had very little knowledge of the fascination behind it. I knew my mother often threatened my father that she would throw him to the gutter if he ever took up the nasty practice.

"You northerners are quite progressive, I must say. We'd never allow granted money to share grounds with established money down where I'm from. The courts are in two different cities. I find I quite like the mixture. I think there's something to be said about learning from one another, no matter one's station."

I was quite shocked by his revelation. I would never have wagered that a southerner would speak so openly about acceptance of all. It made me think back to Emily and Sam.

"Mr. Whitlock, have you ever ventured into the city?"

Jasper was taken aback by my question. He blew out the smoke and proceeded to extinguish his cigarette.

"Yes. Many times. It was necessary for my family's line of work. However, I find I like to go and see the city sometimes for personal reasons. It's very different from here. I'm sure Edward would never permit you to go, as I'd never agree to allow Alice to go if she were to ask. It's no place for a lady."

I felt quite a letdown. My nature was fighting within me over this man saying I wasn't allowed to do something, whether he was right or not. I attempted to shrug it off. "I was just curious."

I looked back at the entrance, and Jasper held out a hand to lead the way, opening the door for me. Of course, he wasn't permitted to enter the ladies' building of Kensington. He would probably proceed to the gardens, where the party was being held.

The moment I entered, I could see why Jessica would brag about Kensington over Vassallus. The woods were polished, and any metal fixture looked to be made of gold. The chandeliers were quite impressive, even though the ceiling, which was fashioned from cut glass, was already quite pleasing. This was why these buildings were called the Crystal Courts. The ceilings with their cut glass would cause the rooms to glitter. An engineering marvel, dazzling as the sun was overhead, and yet, the temperature of the rooms was still pleasing. On one side of the room were highbacked plush white chairs near an adequate library. On another side were small tea tables, set up for civil conversations.

"There you are! I was about to call Edward and asked why he hadn't sent you over yet," Alice complained, while I stood at the entrance, afraid to move and wondering if anyone would attempt to remove me. Alice's loud voice caused several to look my way, and even though I had agonized over what to wear that morning, I still felt underdressed from the looks I received.

Alice came over and took my hand, pulling me further inside. "You must see the garden. It's so beautiful, Bella. A thousand silk squares, all hung to celebrate our blessing. I still have yet to change, as you can tell, but I wanted to see that everything was prepared as we expected. We were even able to get the white butterflies to accommodate. I've never been happier."

She stopped and turned to me, "And you look beautiful, Bella. I love this dress, and I'm so happy you chose it to wear today. I hope Edward saw you before you left, so he'd wear something to match. Who did your hair? Did Emily do it? I asked Edward to see that she helped you get ready for today. I think today is about as important for you as it is for Jasper and me. Ah, Jasper. I can't wait until he sees the gardens."

Already overwhelmed, and then hearing Alice talking a mile a minute, I felt I needed to take a breath for her. I flattened out a crease in my blue and white patterned dress and squeezed Alice's hand.

"Breathe, Alice. I have a feeling Jasper is in the garden now. Perhaps you should go and get dressed, so he can see you in all your glory when you're announced."

I knew Alice would match her décor. Light blue and white. Wedgewood. In fact, she was seeing to it that every lady was adorned with a Wedgewood cameo around their neck for her special day. There was to be a tree set outside, with a hundred special necklaces hanging upon it.

Alice smiled and shook with excitement, before skipping off to find her dressing room. I looked around and could see a few disgruntled eyes upon me. Since I was in the center of the room and hoping to not be the center of attention, I quickly moved to the side with the comfy chairs and melted down into one, but it didn't take long for someone to question my credentials.

A beautiful, tall girl with elegantly-styled red hair and dressed in a super tight black and white dress headed my way, with a uniformed female guard accompanying her. I sighed and slightly shook my head, awaiting what was to come.

"Excuse me. May I have your name?" the guard asked of me. "You should be in Vassallus. I've never seen you around here before. I know every lady who's allowed entrance into Kensington." The redhead stepped in front, giving me a look that might have caused my heart to arrest, that was if I allowed myself to be scared of her.

I stood up and took a breath. Inside my head, I chanted, _I'm a Cullen_, but I was not about to let that cat out the bag so soon. Most people knew of Edward Cullen, even if he had been away for many years.

"My name is Isabella Swan. I assure you I've been allowed entrance. I'd never dream of entering a place where I shouldn't be. I'm here for Alice Cullen's Blessing Celebration, as I'm sure you noticed moments ago, when she greeted me right in front of you. She would not have done so, if she believed I shouldn't be here."

If I hadn't become engaged to Edward, I would have been forced to wait in the garden for the duration of the event. Exiled to the garden was sounding mighty fine at that moment.

"Who is your sponsor, Miss Swan?" the guard asked me.

I didn't want to answer that question, so I stood up. "This isn't really worth my time or energy. I think I'll see myself to the gardens."

The redheaded woman stepped in my way. "Your presence is warrant enough for a citation. You should know your place."

"I believe she does, as she's said."

We all turned and saw Esme standing proud. She walked over and placed a gentle arm around me. "Isabella has every right to be here, Miss Denali. More of a right than you, perhaps, as she's engaged to my son."

I was not sure if this Miss Denali was more surprised by Esme's words or more disgusted. Her mouth definitely fell open, as she attempted to keep her wits about her and watch what she feared would come out of it next.

"I…I…I wasn't aware Edward had chosen a wife," she stuttered and shook her head, attempting to wrap her mind around a world where someone like Edward Cullen would choose someone like me. "Happy Blessing Day," she mumbled softly.

"Thank you, dear. Now, why don't we go and find you a lovely necklace to wear, Bella? I want to be sure you get the first choice," Esme said, steering me in the direction of the gardens.

We walked through the French doors, and when I was sure we were out of hearing range, I thanked Esme for the rescue. She brought me over toward the tree, where a hundred cameo necklaces hung upon the branches. I began to look through them, even though I wasn't paying much attention, and finally selected one. Slowly, guests began to arrive, and after my first encounter, I chose to remain off to the side near the bushes and away from the cameo tree, where the ladies would gather and squeal over which necklace to choose.

Edward had said he would arrive on time. I was sure he was ready for the show to begin. I felt as if I was still going over my lines, afraid I was going to mess up the performance, repeating all his expectations. Kissing. Handholding. No scowls. I knew how I would make it throughout today, with no error on my part, but it would kill me to do it. Carlisle was right. For me, there was no role to play. All I had to do was be myself. Be the dream I wanted, but one I would never get.

Edward walked in, and I nearly fanned myself at how enticing he looked. Kissing and handholding. There were far worse ways to go to hell. I walked over and felt my face light up at the sight of him. He saw me and immediately embraced the role he was meant to play.

"Darling," Edward said, meeting my lips with a kiss. My hand was in his, as he swiped a stray lock of hair out of my face and placed it behind my ear.

"How is everything?" he asked.

"Perfect. Well…it is now that you're here."

I saw his eyes question my words. This was the first time I was playing my part nearly as well as he was. He placed his arm around my waist and walked me towards our table. I could already see the looks on people's faces as we passed them, but I focused on Edward.

Esme left to be with Alice until their presentation. The Whitlocks were expected to announce their son and present him. Then, Carlisle and Esme would come out next and present Alice. Both families would stand united, as the guests were expected to raise a glass and bless the couple on their future endeavors as man and wife.

"Any issues?" Edward asked softly.

I knew he would want to know about Miss Denali, but my role to play didn't include dealing with temper-tantrum-pitching socialites, so I lied and shook my head. I saw his eyes look me over to wager whether I was speaking honestly, but for the first time, it seemed as if my lie passed the test.

Nervous and wanting to return to my corner, I waited for Edward to give me direction. He suggested we not stay at our table, because people might think we had something to hide. So, he took my hand, and we began to walk toward the groups who were standing around and mingling.

I saw the redhead, Miss Denali, and I attempted to steer Edward in a different direction, but his grip outweighed mine. He was heading directly towards her. My hand subconsciously gripping his tighter.

"Edward, my boy, I heard rumblings you were back."

An older gentleman smacked Edward on the back, and I saw the girl I'd had a confrontation with staring at me, as I tried to maintain the happy look of love on my face for Edward.

"Mr. Denali, please, allow me to introduce my fiancée, Isabella Swan."

The old man nearly choked on his spit, as he attempted to cough it out. "Edward, I thought Carlisle would've sent you our offer. I believe we were more than generous. My daughter is quite capable and more than suitable to be by your side. I think the Denalis and Cullens have a lot of business that could be managed, if ours was a union you'd reconsider."

I knew our relationship was fake, and I should not have taken offense to the old man's words, but I couldn't help myself. Did he really believe it was appropriate to say such a thing in front of me, standing right there, as if I were nothing better than a garden gnome? I felt Edward's grip tightening. I slowly looked up to his face.

"I did receive your offer, but my heart has always been set on Isabella. We go a long way back, and I'm in a position to marry someone I love, rather than marrying for business purposes. Your daughter is lovely, I'm certain she'll find a suitable match soon. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm sure we don't want to miss my sister's entrance. Good day."

"Happy Blessing Day," the old man replied, his jaw tight and his eyes cold.

My eyes shifted to look towards Miss Denali, and she narrowed her own with a silent challenge. Edward steered me toward our table and squeezed my side. "Is there something you should tell me?"

"Only that my heart is filled with love," I said with a cheesy smile.

Edward seemed irritated with me, and I wished I could laugh and get away with it, because I had turned the tables on him.

"You know that's not what I meant," he said, pulling out my chair for me to sit down.

As we went to sit, the guests began to follow our lead. Our table was set for just Edward and me. Alice and Jasper would have their own table as well, and the Cullens and Whitlocks would share a table, as a symbol of their families uniting with this marriage. I saw a glass of champagne at my place, and I wanted to down the contents, but I knew how improper that would have been.

Edward sat down beside me, pulling his chair closer. He leaned over, and I was sure to all the people who sat behind us, it looked like he was whispering sweet words into my ear, but that was not the case.

"I want to know, Bella."

I sighed and looked to his face, which was mere inches from mine. "Why? Everything is fine. It's been handled, and so far, it's what was to be expected. No need to carry an issue on your sleeve for something that's been dealt with. Now, be a dear and smile, your father is about to announce your sister, and we won't want to miss this," I replied, giving his cheek a squeeze and light pat.

I looked toward the flowered archways, where Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock stood. Mrs. Whitlock was beaming, but Mr. Whitlock's face looked like it hadn't seen a smile in over a decade. Edward wanted to say more, but Mr. Whitlock interrupted him and caused him to hold off for now.

"Thank you all for coming to celebrate this joyful occasion," he began, even if there was nothing joyful about his face. "My wife and I have the pleasure of introducing our son. A man who's established himself as a proper, strong candidate to take the hand of a Cullen. We bless this union and know that, with this marriage, it'll bring our families many prosperous years and offspring. My son, Jasper Lee Whitlock."

Jasper walked out, and I could see how tense he was, probably in desperate need of another cigarette. He walked over and shook his father's gruff hand and laid a gentle kiss on his mother's cheek, before standing to face the direction of the garden entrance for Kensington, where Alice was to appear. Now, it was Carlisle's turn. As it was, Carlisle wasn't expected to make a speech, not as Mr. Whitlock had done. Simply, he was to announce Alice's name, since ladies didn't warrant a whole introduction.

Alice stepped out in her light blue dress with white lace and immediately went into Jasper's arms. We all stood up and raised our glasses to bless the happy couple. I finally was able to partake in the contents of my glass, and I did so enthusiastically. This champagne was _my_ Blessing Celebration. I heard Edward cough to get my attention, and once more, I was back to being Bella, the performing pooch. I placed the glass down, and Edward and I kissed, as if we were the ones standing on the garden steps being toasted.

"Don't go getting drunk on me," Edward said, when our kiss ended.

"Please. I can outdrink you any day," I challenged.

Edward's eyes danced with merriment. "Doubtful, but we'll never test that theory, I'm afraid. Now, be good while I'm away. Go help Alice."

It was tradition for the men to retire and have a drink with the groom-to-be, while the ladies shared in a spot of tea and light snacks. Edward squeezed my hand one last time and walked over to join his father in entering their court. I saw Alice and Jasper give each other one last kiss before separation. I waited until they were done, before going over to be at Alice's side.

"Anything I can serve you with?" I asked Alice.

She shook her head from her fantasies and beamed up at me. "Just a light snack, and please, get yourself something, too, and then come join me and my mother."

Alice went to sit at her special table, and Esme excused herself from some well-wishers and went to sit down next to Alice. I walked over to the graciously stocked table and went to make my request.

"Two plates of fruit and a couple of chocolates should do it, thank you."

The young uniformed servant went to load up my plates as I had requested, while other guests were beginning to come around and place their orders as well. I tried to not pay attention to the hushed whispers around me, but it was a task that proved too difficult to accomplish. The comments were to be expected, so I tried to ignore them, but when the servant handed me back the two plates, and someone behind me made a quiet, snide comment about my weight, I nearly lost it.

I turned around and stared down at my aggressor. A young blonde-haired wisp of a thing with blue eyes.

"Does my presence offend you? I might have to speak to my fiancé about that. What was your name again?" I shook my head, when I saw she was too scared to give it. "No matter, as we all know, anything below a Cullen isn't worth my time."

I pushed past the gossiping girls and headed back to Alice's table. I placed the plates down in front of her and said I needed to use the facilities and would be back shortly. I left quickly, before I could hear her question my red face.

I marched back into Kensington and took a breath. Most people were outside. The only ladies who remained inside Kensington weren't invited to the party. My eyes caught the tea tables, and I saw my mother sitting there and enjoying a cup, as she looked around happily at her impressive new court. She looked young and carefree. She finally had everything she'd ever wanted. I slowly backed up and headed in the direction of the restrooms, escaping before she saw me. I didn't know what to think about my mother. Even though she could be a wretch of a person, she was still my mother. A conundrum, if ever there was one.

I took far too much time in the restroom. It was a lovely private room, with a couch to lay upon and a long counter filled with everything from disposable toothbrushes to makeup kits. Fresh pink roses gave the room a lovely scent. This was where I wanted to spend the rest of my time, but I knew if I was away too long, Alice would send someone after me. It would only be a matter of minutes before the gentleman returned, and Alice would certainly say something to her brother about my extended absence.

I wondered if I could drink my weight in water, so I could come back to this sanctuary often. Like a hit from a drug, I needed this room. Although, I was proud of myself. So far, not one tear had been spilled for the these vain, vapid, vindictive socialites. That must have counted for something, right?

It seemed as if I truly had been gone too long, as the men were all filing back into the garden. I saw Edward standing at our table and looking around. He slowly moved to head towards Alice, and I quickly skipped down to meet him, with my game face refreshed.

"There you are. Where did you go?" Edward asked.

I shrugged and shook my head slightly. "Just…powdering my nose. I believe they're about ready to serve lunch. We should head back to our table."

I took his hand and began to pull him away from Alice, who thankfully continued to smile at her brother, not letting on about my extended absence. We sat back down at our table and made light conversation. I adored Edward Cullen. I loved Edward Cullen. He was my fiancé, and I was his. I saw that sparkle in his eyes when he looked at me, the one Carlisle had warned me about, but I shut out his words, because for these few precious hours, I had the man and the future I wanted.

Those few hours were all I would get.

The moment we were in the car to go back home, the dream was over. Edward no longer held my hand or looked at me. I took to staring out my window, so I could pretend and keep on believing the lie for a little while longer.

The car pulled up around the fountain to let us off at the main entrance, and I followed Edward inside. The second the door was shut behind me, Edward turned and started in.

"So, tell me the truth now. What happened? Who said what? Where did you go during tea time? I want answers, Bella. No more sappy, silly lines or lies."

His voice irritated me. I hated when he spoke to me like this. The dream was gone, the show was over, and I was no longer expected to play a role.

"What does it matter who said what? Do you really believe you have the power to dismiss the entire court of this state? Your family may be powerful, but in order for there to be a hierarchy for you sit at the top of, on the throne of, you must have underlings. Things were said, as I anticipated. I handled it. In fact, I handled it far better than I thought I could. I played the part you wanted me to play. I was a damn fine actress today. There's no reason for your harsh tone."

Edward began to undo his tie and pull it off. Frustrated at my speech, he attempted to calm himself down before proceeding.

"I want to know. I have the right to know. If someone says something against you, they say it against our family. That's unacceptable."

Following his lead, I dropped my small purse and walked away toward one of the expensive glass knickknacks. No, I wasn't planning on breaking another one. We were already down two gaudy priceless vases.

"I saw my mother today. Embracing her new membership to Kensington. I didn't say hello. She was so into her new position, I was able to get away without being noticed. I spent my time in the restroom, because it was preferable to all the madness happening outside. Girls speaking in not-so-hushed tones over the devastation that a Cullen could be wasted on someone like me."

I turned to him, sighing. "You want names? Give me a few weeks of classes, and then perhaps I'll know who offended your family with their truthful tongues. Odd thing is, I should feel offended, but I don't, because it's to be expected from these people.

"I have no right to feel offended, when a gentleman openly asks why you didn't accept their offer for his daughter's pristine hand and asks you to reconsider as I stand there. I have no right to speak against any person who'd see our relationship as a joke, because they're right.

"This is a lie I'm helping to perpetuate for the sake of your reputation, so you'll be free to carry on and pretend to be a single man, as you go about sleeping with strangers to fulfill your needs. But I wonder. Would you grant me the same privilege? Allow me to bed other men who are willing to fulfill any needs I might have?"

Edward searched for his answer. I stood as still as one of those precious, garish vases, wondering if one slight touch would push me over and lead me to crash upon the floor into a million tiny pieces.

Edward's jaw was tight, but then he relaxed with a small wisp of air filtering out through his nose, his expression going blank. "If it'd please you."

I nodded softly. He grabbed at his tie and threw it over his shoulder. "I'm tired. I'm going to retire to my quarters now. Good evening, Isabella."

Stiffly, he walked past me and went towards the staircase that led up to his side of the house. Once he was gone behind his door, I slowly climbed my stairs toward my private quarters. I went through the process of cleaning the makeup off my face. The perfect accessory for any actor. I dropped the fancy dress and peeled myself out of my suffocating girdle.

I was no longer the twinkle in Edward Cullen's eye. I lay down in my bed all alone and gave in to my torturous tears that could finally fall after my tedious day of holding them in and acting my part. My mind slowly pictured Jacob. I now had Edward's permission. I wondered if Jacob could be an adequate candidate. I was still a virgin, though, and as much as this whole charade hurt my soul, I knew I still wanted Edward to be my first, even if he would only play that part out of duty. So, for now, thoughts of Jacob would have to wait.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

"The body achieves what the mind believes!"

Jacob began to do his little wiggling butt dance around me, and I couldn't run on the treadmill any longer. I jumped off, unable to control my laughter.

"You must stop, Jacob. I can't concentrate, when you start dancing around like that!" I giggled.

Jacob walked over and reached for a towel and tossed it at me.

"Hey, I have to make it fun, or else it'll feel like you're putting the work in workout, and then you might want to quit on me, and I can't have that, because dang, Bella, you're lookin' fine, girl!"

I felt my face flush, and once again, I was thankful I was sweating and red from the jogging I had just done on that bloody contraption. It spared me the embarrassment of Jacob knowing of my growing feelings.

I had thought a lot about it, since Edward had given me his blessing. I was not going to approach Jacob just yet, though. For one, I wanted to wait until I was no longer a virgin, and two, I was scared of what he would say. His outright rejection could hurt me badly, even if I was expecting it. I thought that, if I lost a certain amount of weight, my offer might be more tempting. I had a number in my head I wanted to reach, so that was my target. Every weigh-in would feel like a push to get me down to that goal weight. With the large amount of effort I had been putting into exercising and my change in diet, I was making headway quicker than I had ever thought I would. I had already had to replace a large portion of my wardrobe to accommodate my changing shape. I still had a ways to go, though.

"Why don't we measure and see where you are. Remember, it's not just pounds we want to lose, but inches are important, too," Jacob said, pulling out his measuring tape.

My insecure nature hated seeing that damn measuring tape. I wished someone else could do this part. I hated that Jacob knew just how revolting I was, while he wrapped the tape around my fat.

I stood still, holding out my arms and attempting to suck it in without him knowing. He would sometimes poke my stomach to see if I was doing it to make me exhale. He didn't want fake numbers, but I didn't want him seeing what number I was really at. So, inches counted as much as pounds did. I wondered what an acceptable number of inches would be to lose, before he would deem me worthy of his time.

He began at my hips. Of course, the meatiest part first. Then, he measured my stomach, and finally, my chest, which I usually didn't have a problem with, since the only upside to being this big was having very large breasts. The back fat needed to go, however.

"Jacob, what do you think I should aim for when it comes to inches?" I asked.

He moved the tape to flatten it out against my backside and brought it around to the front. He was crouching down to take the number, but when he heard my question, he stopped and stood back up.

"Well, I guess that'd depend on you. What number do you want to get down to? To be honest, you could be a size zero and still not feel comfortable with how you look. Unfortunately, a side effect of losing weight is sometimes feeling like you need to lose more. The best advice I can give you is that, no matter how much weight you lose, don't let it change you inside. Keep this the same, because if you lose it, that'd be the real loss," Jacobs said, tapping on my chest between my breasts, over where my heart was.

I think I fell even more. Our eyes continued to stare into one another's. For how long? I didn't know, but it was a cough from the corner of the studio that broke our gaze.

We both turned to see Edward standing there looking…I didn't even know how to gauge his expression, because I immediately looked away from him, nervous at how Jacob and I must have appeared to him.

"My apologies. Are you almost done, Bella? I have something I need to speak with you about."

Jacob took a step back and let the tape fall to release me.

"Yeah, we're all done for today. Good work as always, Bella. You're my star," Jacob said, grabbing his towel from off the ground and throwing it over his shoulder, before giving me a thumbs up.

Edward stood like a statue, waiting for Jacob to go. I grabbed my water bottle, waiting to hear why he'd felt the need to interrupt my session. I still had fifteen more minutes. It made me wonder why Jacob felt the need to flee so quickly. He could have told Edward we weren't done yet.

Once Jacob was well out of the room, Edward looked behind him towards the door to make sure he was gone, and then he walked over to me. "Please, tell me you aren't considering Jacob to be one of your _men_."

I scoffed lightly and went to sit down on the mat to work on my cooldown stretches. "Like Jacob would ever consider it. Look at him. He's…way too handsome to ever want to have a go with someone who looks like me. Besides, what does it matter to you who I choose? This was our agreement."

Edward's fists balled up, and I could see he was fighting his nature to argue with me. He walked closer and lowered his voice, "Look, Bella, I don't want to fight with you, but you can't choose him to be your first. There's just something about him I don't trust, and as your friend, I only want to make sure you don't make a mistake."

I didn't want to fight with him, either, especially since he had said the friend part. I sighed and stopped stretching, trying to gather the courage to look up at him.

"Look, I already decided. Since we've already spoken about this, I was going to wait and see to it that you were my first. For the sake of the Confirmation, as well as…because you're my friend, and I thought that, even if it was overly taxing for you to be physical with someone like me, and if the offer was still on the table, I'd want my first time to at least be with someone I know, as opposed to someone I just met."

It seemed my words caused Edward to calm, as his body instantly relaxed.

"Yes, of course. As you said, it'd probably be best…you know, for the Confirmation, but as for…afterwards…just…not him. As I said, there's something about Jacob I don't trust. I just want to make sure he doesn't hurt you."

I wished I could laugh. Or tell him what I really thought. I wished I had the courage to tell him that, watching a parade of women going in and out of this house would hurt me most of all, but I didn't. Instead, my pain turned to anger, and I tried and focus it, so I didn't end up crying a puddle at his feet.

"If Jacob agrees, then yes, I'm going to sleep with him. I don't know what weird intuition you have that's causing you to mistrust him, but he's been nothing but sweet, kind and encouraging to me. He makes me feel beautiful when no one else does, even if I have no right to.

"Besides, who else, exactly, would I ask? I'm not like you, Edward. I don't have an amazing body and perfect face like you do. I can't go out and catch men like they're fish in a barrel, not like you can with girls. I'm not as fortunate to have such a pool available to me as you do. I doubt you're going to let me screen your choices to warm your bed, so don't come in here and tell me you don't want me to sleep with Jacob, because as I see it, if I really wanted to make a stink about it, I could make it very difficult on you and let everyone know how Edward Cullen is just marrying me for money. Let's see what your pretentious society whores would think of that!"

Once again, there went my mouth.

"You dare threaten me, after everything I've done for you?" he spat and slowly advanced on me like a cheetah preparing to charge. "Go ahead and sleep with Jacob, then. Go fuck the entire lesser community if they'll have you, but just a warning, Bella. I can take it all away. You go ahead and run your mouth and see who they'll believe when I'm through with you!"

He stormed out of the room, kicking an exercise ball so hard at the mirror I was surprised it didn't crack it. The moment he was gone, I shattered, just as the mirror should have done. I knew my words had not been kind, but to hear Edward speak to me the way he had, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

It took more time than I wanted to admit for me to collect myself and make it to my quarters to shower. I found the release of tears falling with the water from the spray of the showerhead comforting. I made myself a promise that they would end the moment I turned the knobs to the off position, and with the will of an ox, I was able to keep my silent promise. Slowly, I got to searching for an appropriate outfit, which proved difficult, because everything was getting too big again and hung wrong.

I didn't want to stay in that house for another minute, so I found something that mostly fit and dressed for my volunteer position at the hospital. Once my hair was dried, I used the minimal amount of makeup that was expected of a lady, with a few eye drops added in to help the redness from my crying. I made my way down the stairs, praying I didn't have another run-in with Edward, but I wasn't fortunate enough to escape without it happening. A scene unfolded before my very eyes, and it caused me to wish I had never been born.

Hand in hand, he walked through the main door with a gorgeous, slim brunette who had long hair and a generous amount of cleavage that was bulging over the top of her tight red dress. Somehow, it killed me even more that she looked almost just like I would have, were I to ever be thin. I was frozen on the bottom step, watching as Edward's nose and lips nuzzled close enough to the girl's neck to grant it a kiss. He paused and looked over to me, and then he kept on walking towards his staircase, while the girl giggled foolishly from his antics.

Not one word was said to me, before he disappeared behind the door that led into his part of the mansion. Once again, I felt the tears wanting to be unleashed, but as I attempted to control my breathing, while reeling from the pain deep within my chest, I forced myself to not give in.

He had told me he would sleep with other girls. This shouldn't have been a surprise. But his cruel intentions were a surprise, as I knew he was only doing this to get back at me for our earlier argument.

I rushed outside and caught the driver, who was still in front of the house, and I jumped into the car. I asked to go to the hospital, but hades be with me for what devilish plans I had in my mind. Plans that would most likely result in a separation from Edward, when he came to learn of my whereabouts.

"You know what? Cancel the hospital," I said. "Take me into the city."

I saw the pair of eyes in the rearview mirror look at me in shock for what I had requested. A subtle cough came, before what I already knew would be asked.

"Are you sure about that, Miss Swan?"

"Yes, and if you're afraid of what Mr. Cullen will say or do, then drop me off at the bus stop near the hospital, and he'll never be any the wiser."

I watched our driver wage a war within himself on what he should do. Eventually, he gave in and took me past the hospital and towards the city. I felt a sense of adventure, followed by a nagging feeling of guilt for what I was about to do. I felt foolish for my immature reaction to Edward and his present and future harem of girls, and for my ill-advised threats from earlier to cause this reaction from him.

The further we got from Edward's mansion, the darker the sky turned, as the sun began its descent. As we approached the city, though, a multitude of lights of all kinds greeted me. My first sight of my new surroundings was a giant yellow "M" that was placed on top of a small building with a red and yellow roof.

"What's that?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, that's just a McDonald's. It's a fast-food restaurant, popular in these parts. You've probably never had fast food before, but a lot of lessers depend upon it, because it's cheap food that could feed a whole family if need be for less than a few coins."

I nodded my head, and then my eyes darted towards the left, as I looked out the opposite window. It seemed as if hundreds of lessers were walking to and from their desired destinations. Cars appeared to be a rarity. The colors of their skins were endlessly varied, as were their shapes and sizes. Where I was from, people above a certain station all seemed to have the same appearance, which was why I was considered undesirable amongst them, but looking out at this community, I could blend in here. I imagined a world where no one cared about my weight or looks. I could be free here.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but I'm not sure where you want me to leave you off at. Is there an address?"

I bit my lip. I had no idea where I should get out.

"Oh…well…right here is good. I can get to where I'm going from here."

He pulled over to the side and jumped out of the car to open my door for me. I saw some people stop and gaze upon me, as I stepped foot out onto the dirty sidewalk from the fancy car. My nose was immediately overtaken from all the different smells.

"Is there a time and place you'd like me to pick you up, Miss?"

I thought that would probably be a good idea, because heaven only knew how I would get home.

"Um…how about here in two hours, please, if that's not too much trouble?" I replied.

I saw the worry on his face, but he complied and got back in the car to drive off. The moment he was gone, it occurred to me that I had just left my purse with my phone in the car. My brain was a mess from all the excitement.

"Good going, Bella," I mumbled under my breath.

Well, there wasn't anything to be done about it now. I looked around and attempted to memorize my surroundings. I studied the street signs and memorized the cross-street names, Oak and Olympic. I repeated those words several times, before letting my feet begin their walk. I saw the questioning looks in people's eyes as I passed. Even in my volunteer clothes, I was too fancy to blend in. I saw a man coming up quickly, as he attempted to weave his way through the throngs of people. He pushed and bumped his way through the masses, not offering even a small apology for putting others out, but when he got to me, he stopped and nodded his head in respect, before letting me pass.

I guessed Sam was right. No one would harm me out of fear of being sent to the white ward. I took comfort in that thought and began to relax a little more. My walk took me towards a grouping of tall brown buildings that looked terribly rundown. A small park out in front of them was filled with children of all ages. Even though their equipment was dilapidated, they carried on with smiles and screams of joy as they played. I stopped and stared at the scene before me and then moved on.

I only had two hours, and I wanted to make the most of my time, because I doubted I would ever be granted the opportunity to come back again. That was unless Edward and I truly never made up from our fight, and he threw me to the gutter, as he had the power to do.

At that precise moment, I saw what was awaiting me if I were to be thrown out. I had come upon a small community of tents and about a hundred people weaving their way in and out. Fires brought many together, as they cooked their dinners upon them. The smell of feces and urine permeated the air, and I attempted to keep my face controlled, as I didn't want to offend.

Sure, the people looked like they hadn't been afforded a decent bath, but even with all their outward struggles, they didn't appear all that unhappy. The other sense of mine that was being overwhelmed was my hearing. Music like nothing I had ever heard before blasted through the camp, and I saw a few people bobbing their heads to the tune or dancing.

I had stood there for far too long, when a small child came up with his little hand open to me. He wanted a coin. Of course, he did, he seemed to not have an ounce of fat on him and was in a dire need of a decent meal.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have anything," I apologized profusely. However, even if I had remembered to bring my purse, I never had the need to carry coins any longer, as all I would need to do was give my name, and they would send Edward the billing. I looked down and saw my gold bracelet on my wrist and unlatched it, handing it to the small boy. He reached his dirty little arms up, asking for a hug, and I was happy to oblige. I ruffled his matted hair, and he smiled and ran off back towards the camp. I hoped he could at least fetch a decent price for the trinket.

I moved along and continued for a few more blocks. The buildings all began to blend together, and suddenly, I was nervous about finding my way back. My hand ran along the rough red brick, as I walked down the street. Suddenly, I paused, when my hand began to glide over a symbol of some sort that was drawn on the brick in glossy black paint. A backwards "R" inside a diamond. I had heard about the art of graffiti and how it had been popular over a hundred years back, but I had always thought it would have been more beautiful. This symbol did not look beautiful. It felt like a warning.

"Bella?"

I jumped in shock at hearing my name, but when I saw who it was calling out to me, I instantly felt relief fill my body.

"Sam," I replied with a great big smile.

"What are you doing down here?"

I knew he might worry about his own safety, if I told him I had become curious after our conversation, so I didn't.

"It's a long story. Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where Oak and Olympic is, would you? I'm supposed to meet my driver, but I seem to be turned around."

Sam looked around, scratching his smooth chin, while he thought about it. "Yeah…uh…sure, I'll take you back."

"You don't need to do that. I don't want to put you out."

"No, you shouldn't be walking around here at this time of night. This isn't the best area."

I scrunched my forehead. "But you said I'd be safe, since most people wouldn't harm someone like me for fear of being sent to the white ward."

Sam tilted his head and sighed. "Sure. Probably, but there are some who could harm you because they're crazy, and the white ward hasn't picked them up yet. Crime is fairly low in the city for fear of incarceration, but that doesn't mean it never happens. A person in a dire situation wouldn't let fear rule them, when they already have little to nothing left to lose. Let me just take you back, and maybe you can use that time to tell me how your curiosity brought you down here to begin with."

We walked toward Oak and Olympic, but I didn't tell Sam the true story of how I had ended up in the city that night. If his wife somehow managed to never find out of Edward's fleshly ways, it would be a miracle, but if she did, then she could share that with him. I was not about to.

"Here we are. Oak and Olympic."

"Yes, this is it," I confirmed. "I remember the yellow 'M' there. Our driver told me it was a fairly popular restaurant."

Sam laughed and shook his head. "Sorry, you just…your world is so glamorous, and yet, everyone from money seems so sheltered. You have no idea how the rest of the world really is, except for your little corners. It's a shame, really. I feel bad for you."

I think my face must have said it all. And here we were, expected to feel bad for the lessers. Well, I felt bad for the lessers. I felt horrible knowing they weren't afforded the same comforts I had become accustomed to.

"I didn't mean you any offense. I'd never dream of insulting you. You're about as kind as they come. My apologies, Bella."

I shook my head and waved him off. "No, Sam, I understand, and I agree. We _are_ too sheltered. Everything I saw today was a surprise. It was truly an eye-opener. It's funny, because here I was, feeling bad for those who my 'kind' call the lessers, and yet, I wonder if I wouldn't fit in with this community far better than my own. The people here seem genuine, even happy. Life seems easier here."

"Well, I wouldn't say that. It isn't all roses and rainbows here. Yes, people get along quite well, and we all help our neighbors, no matter how downtrodden they are. Something I wouldn't find much of on your side of the hill, but we all still struggle here. Really struggle, just to get by and afford basic necessities. Food and shelter. Hygiene necessities and warm clothing. Clean water. Decent healthcare. Here is tough, but it's home. Anyway, before you're transported back to your time and place, you have to let me buy you a meal," his thumb pointed toward the yellow and red building with the "M" on top.

"Oh, I couldn't let you do that. It wouldn't be right for you to spend your coins on me."

"Nonsense. You're in my city, so it's only right. Besides, I can't wait to see your face when you try this. Your life may never be the same."

He put his arm around my shoulders and led me toward the building. Sam held the door when we walked in, and I felt like I was transported to another dimension. My mouth opened involuntarily at all the lights and sounds.

He pulled out his wallet, as I followed him towards a uniformed lesser. I could tell she found it odd to see someone of my kind in there.

"Can we just get a number one."

I looked up and saw various pictures of the food. This place was unlike anything I had ever seen in my life. A smile covered my face, when I saw the trusty Coca Cola sign on the machine to my left. At least their drinks were the same.

After Sam paid, he handed me a cup to fill my drink and showed me how to use the contraption. I embarrassingly gasped, as the cup filled with soda. Sam shook his head and went to pick up the food. I was surprised he had to fetch his own food. No waiter or waitresses were here to serve people. How very odd.

We sat at an empty table, and Sam pushed the tray of food towards me. "Okay, eat this and tell me you wouldn't trade in all your highbrow society cuisine for another one of these bad boys."

He placed a red box in front of me filled with French fries. I was a little surprised at his words, because we had French fries where I lived. I picked one up and took a bite, and he was right. Holy cow! That had to be the most amazing taste to ever come across my tongue.

Sam laughed at my face and reached over to grab one for himself.

"That's delicious."

"Yep, and all that hard work you've done exercising and losing so much weight would go straight to hell if you had one of these near your parts. Thank god this will be the last time you come to the city."

I shrugged. "I don't know, Sam. I really like it here. It's impressed me far too much to stay away, this fry proving that," I replied, holding up the long narrow stick.

"I doubt your fiancé will let you come to these parts again. Once he's heard of your expedition today, you'll be lucky if he doesn't keep you under lock and key from now on, even keeping you from the hospital to avoid contact with me."

I felt my face blush. Edward had proven he could be quick to anger, so I wouldn't put it past him to find a way to make my life miserable by doing as Sam predicted. With each taste of the fries, I felt like my freedom was diminishing.

I thanked Sam for the meal, but my mind was on Edward and his overzealous reactions. I hoped he was still in the dark over my current whereabouts. He was so good at reading my face, so I would have to work extra hard to pull off this lie.

My time was up, so we walked back towards where I was supposed to meet my driver. I wondered if I would have to bribe him to keep his silence. I saw the lights coming my way, and I knew it was my driver, because no cars had passed me, since we had arrived at these cross streets.

The sidewalks had fewer people on them now. I felt bad that Sam was waiting with me, but I was happy for his kindness in insisting on doing so. The car stopped a few feet in front of me, and before the lights were turned off, I saw the backdoor open, and Edward jumped out.

So much for keeping this adventure a secret.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing. **

**Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!**

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

The smile faded from Sam's face the moment his eyes met Edward's. Usually, I would look away, fearing what I might find in those eyes of his, but this time, I didn't. It was not because I felt brave. In fact, by the look on Edward's face, I feared there would be very little comfort in my future, but I had trouble looking away. I had to know. What was Edward going to say? What was he going to do to me? To Sam?

"I'm Sam Uley, Emily's husband. Emily, your housemaid…" Sam clarified, in case Edward was the type who never took the time to remember his servants' names. "I found Bella and wanted to make sure she made it home safely."

Edward hadn't looked at me once. His eyes were focused on Sam, while he decided an appropriate reaction. I could hear the trepidation in Sam's voice. Most likely, he was worried Edward would believe something sinister was going on between the two of us, and he didn't want Edward to use his influence with the state to cause him problems.

Edward slowly moved to hold out his hand. Sam, a little surprised, walked forward a couple of paces and shook it.

"Thank you for looking after Isabella. I'm not quite sure what would cause her to venture out this way, but I'm relieved to see you've provided her safe passage. Your kindness and time will not go unrewarded." Edward turned and finally looked to me. "Should we get on home, Isabella?"

Edward held out a hand to me, and it was clear he was back to playing his role. From the worry I felt, I nearly forgot we had an acting job to do. I turned and gave Sam a small smile and thanked him, before reaching out to take Edward's hand. He led me back to the car, where the driver was waiting with my door open.

I slid in, as Edward walked around the car, his out-of-place shiny shoes clicking on the pavement, before he entered the vehicle and took his seat next to me. My heart began to race, while I waited for his wrath, but nothing came. We rode the whole way back to the mansion in silence. Every so often, I caught the driver's worried eyes glancing at me in the rearview mirror. I tried to manage a peek with my peripheral at Edward, but I couldn't see his face, as it was turned away from me, while he stared out the window.

I began to go over what I planned to say when we got back home. I knew this war would be worse than any we'd ever fought before. I could stand up to him one last time, knowing that ultimately, it would be up to him to decide what my fate should be. I could stand down and hope for mercy; make another promise that I would be good and do everything he asked of me. I felt my chest tighten, as I remembered the slim, giggling girl going up the stairs with Edward, and I knew I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't live my life married to a man who would entertain countless women, while every one of them killed a piece of my soul.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek, as I now knew what I had to say. I would tell Edward the truth. That I was not the kind of woman who could sit by and watch him live his life the way he felt he was entitled to, regardless of how it hurt me. I didn't care if he made me a gutter baby. After tonight, I knew it would be a welcome tradeoff; better than enduring the humiliation of having his sordid affairs rubbed in my face, as I would be expected to do.

The car pulled into the driveway and around the circle. I quickly brushed my tears aside and moved to get out of the car, before our driver had a chance to open the door. Edward jumped out once he saw my hasty exit and was quick on my heels. I didn't acknowledge him, but he knew I was aware of him following closely behind.

I walked through the front door and towards the living room I hardly spend any time in. I didn't want this war to happen in the entry room. Too many gaudy vases had already paid the price for our fighting. No need to have more heavy glass objects on standby, begging to be thrown.

"Bella, what were you thinking, going into the city? And at night, of all times! Were you searching for the very best way to piss me off?" Edward began, even though I hadn't stopped walking.

I turned around, and it seemed as if his batteries had been recharged from the way he had been acting in the car.

"I wanted to see it for myself. And I'm glad I went. There was something beautiful in every sight I witnessed this evening, and if it's to be my future, then I say…I'm ready for it."

"Your future?" he sneered.

"Yes," I gulped. I brushed my hair out of my face with a shaky hand. "As you said, you have the power to take it all away. Go ahead, Edward. Toss me out. Disgrace my family name. But after tonight, I _will_ _not_ marry you. You can't make me say those vows before God, no matter what my father has signed. And I won't live in the marriage you've offered me. I may not be worth much, but I'm worth something, and that something cannot…NO! No. I refuse to be forced to stand by and watch, as you find the next person to warm your bed who's not me."

He looked away from me, unable to bear witness to my tears. His hands were balled up into tight fists. He finally turned and walked toward the window, still unable to face me. I stood silent, wondering what he would say. What decree he would make that would end my time here. I briefly thought of the look on my mother's face, when they told her she was no longer welcome to Court at Kensington; the fury and wrath she would rain down on me if she ever found me would be dire.

"I have nothing to lose," I began softly. "You were once my friend. My true friend. I loved you, Edward Cullen. Even when you avoided me…and left, I never stopped thinking about you or loving you. I thought I could marry you, because having a small part of you was better than nothing at all. Or so I believed.

"But watching you tonight, knowing you slept with that girl...I saw the look in your eyes. You weren't doing it to fill a need. You did it to hurt me, because you knew how I felt about you," I cried.

Vulnerable, but feeling braver, I walked to him and made him look at me. "Didn't you?"

He was angry. His eyes were filled with rage, but instead of screaming or yelling at me, he broke.

"Yes, I did it to hurt you," he whispered, as he shook, attempting to keep it in. "You hurt me with your words, so I wanted to pay you back for it. And so help me, I wanted to fuck her, but…I couldn't go through with it."

My mouth dropped open a little, and I took a slight step back.

"I wanted to. I even got her completely undressed, but I knew my intentions were pure evil. As angry as you made me…make me, with your torturous words, I knew you didn't deserve what I had planned. So, I made her redress and called for Seth to come and pick her up. Funny thing is, if I'd gone through with it, I might never have known you'd gone into the city. Seth said he'd be there, but it'd take him longer than it should've. When he finally broke down and disclosed where you'd gone, I nearly lost it. I was so angry with you and him, that I nearly set a plan in action to see Seth taken by the authorities to the white ward."

"No!" I exclaimed. "Edward, you can't do that!"

Edward shook his head and nearly growled, "I know. It would've changed me completely to be the kind of man to lie and sentence a man to that place for possibly the rest of his life. But you should've never put him in that position to begin with. Again, I ask you, what were you thinking? You were mad at me, I understand that, but to put yourself in danger for the sake of getting back at me? How can I ever trust you again? How can I not put someone on you at all times to keep you from making idiotic choices?"

I felt my body deflate, when I should have been preparing my defense, but so much had been said, that I already felt drained and unable to cooperate further. I could see in Edward's eyes, however, that I would not be leaving this room, until I answered all his questions.

"It really wasn't all that dangerous. Truly. Every person was respectful and didn't cause me harm or confrontation. I don't understand why we shouldn't go to the city. It offers so much that we're missing..."

"Oh, Bella! Stop it. You spent a small amount of time there. You don't know the first thing about those city streets. It was fortunate you found your friend, or else you could've been hurt. Hell, you could've been killed!"

"No, I don't believe so. Everyone is too scared of the ramifications. I doubt crime is very high, and why would anyone want to kill me? There's no reason to want to hurt me."

Edward grabbed ahold of my shoulders and shook me hard. "Because you're of a higher class, and they're not as innocent as you may believe. You're completely ignorant, Bella. You think you know enough to take your chances going down to the city, but you don't know anything! There's growing unrest there. A slow but quiet rebellion is gathering steam, and all it'd take would be for you to cross paths with the wrong person for them to pull you away, and then god only knows what they'd do to you. You'll not be going back there, or I swear to you, I'll do far worse than throw you in the gutter. Call me a tyrant and tell me I'm not the friend you once had, but I care more about you than anyone else…including your precious Jacob!"

He let go of me, and thankfully, I was stunned into silence, since it seemed my words carried cause to bury me, when they were used in a war with Edward.

I wanted to fight him and believe he didn't have this power over me, but I was not as idiotic as he believed me to be. I took a step back and then another, until the backs of my legs met the couch. I slowly dropped down to sit and placed my face in my hands. Once again, Jacob had somehow been thrown into this mess. Fitting, since it was Jacob who had caused our unrest.

"Jacob is not your enemy, and yet, it seems he's the main cause of our fighting." I shook my head slowly. "If it really means that much to you, I won't have relations with Jacob. I'll keep my connection completely professional. This is a promise I can make you, if…if you can keep your engagements out of this house and away from my sight. Don't ever use them to hurt me again; at least give me that respect."

I didn't know if I had ever felt lower. Every time Edward would come home late, it would drive me mad imagining the girl he had been with that time. I shut my eyes tightly and told myself I could do this. When I opened them, Edward was standing in front of me.

He slowly dropped down and kneeled in front of me. "I promise...as long as we're married…I won't sleep with another."

My eyes widened at his declaration, and suddenly, I could not control my tears. I could not fathom why he would make this promise to me. As I understood it, men had a very hard time going without sexual gratification. My mother, while explaining intercourse to me a couple of years back, said it was our duty to please our husbands for this reason.

"And you're worth more than you know."

His hand was on the arm of the couch, and he pulled himself forward, his face approaching mine. My lips parted, and he was there, meeting them with his. There was no one around to put on a show for. He kissed me for the first time because he _wanted_ to kiss me. Not for practice. Not for show. My body melted into the couch, my expected ladylike posture forgotten. My breathing quickened, along with my heart, but my arms were as stiff as a corpse, afraid of what they might do if I lost all sanity.

Edward had one hand on my face, as he deepened the kiss, while his other hand came around to my back, slowly guiding me to lay down on the couch. Within seconds, I felt his weight on top of me. Hades be with me, as my legs opened to allow him space, and I nearly choked with pleasure, when I felt him push against me…down there. I let out a noise that should have embarrassed me, but he made no sound of disgust or laughter. Instead, he pushed against me more. I felt the bulge in his pants pressing on my sensitive area. Our kiss broke, and his lips picked back up along my neck, as he continued to move against me.

Unsure of what I should do, my body was tense. I wanted to give in to each and every touch, but my mind was in overdrive. Edward's hands traveled down toward my chest, and his fingers danced magically over my shirt. I wondered how amazing it would feel if I were unclothed. Giving in to the sensations, my body relaxed, until I felt his hand come up under my shirt and touch my belly fat.

"Edward!"

He gasped and pulled back immediately. I could see it in his eyes, like he had awoken from a spell, when he realized what he was doing, or worse yet, who he was doing it to.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, scrambling off me and onto the floor.

I sat up and stuttered for words. For once, I was at a complete loss.

"No, I'm sorry. I…I…don't want you to make a mistake you'd…feel nauseous for later."

I pulled my shirt down and attempted to cross my arms over my stomach, wishing I could put a pillow in front of it to hide myself. Edward's fingers danced on his lips, while he pondered his next move.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Please, don't think I find you unattractive, because that's a lie that even my lips can't say." He sat down next to me on the couch and kept enough distance between us to ensure we didn't do something sinful. "Bella, you were so truthful tonight; you told me things you were afraid to say. Your honestly should be rewarded in kindness. The truth is…I don't know what I can offer you. I do feel attraction for you. I care for you. But you deserve so much more than I'm offering. You're a good person. I just wish someone out there could see what I see. Someone who deserves you. I'm not that person."

His words were a puzzle. I didn't know what I should think or how I should feel with his declaration. They brought me warmth, but once again, he had made it clear he could never think more of me than he already did. So, where did this leave us?

"I had this friend back in England, James. He and I had similar situations. We used to think about what we'd do, when we received our inheritances. We had all these dreams of bumming around South America and pretending we were lessers…anything to get away from the duties and obligations our parents placed on us.

"I'm not ready to be married. I'm only eighteen. However, it was the stipulation set down by my grandfather in order to receive his money. If you really don't want to marry me…then, I'll be okay, Bella. I worry about you, though. I don't know what a broken engagement would do to your family. How your mother could be any worse, but I'm sure she'd rise to the occasion. Like I said, I won't have extramarital relations while we're married. I hope you'll reconsider and say your vows…so I can keep you safe from your family."

I worried about that, too. I knew if this engagement broke, I would need to do everything in my power to disappear. My mother would scour the earth to find me, and my sister would be hot on her heels to do the same. Silly me, that my mind then wandered in a different direction. I should have been thinking about this arrangement, and yet, I couldn't stop my focus from shifting back to the sensations I had just experienced. If it felt that amazing with my clothes on, what could it have felt like had I been brave enough not to have stopped Edward?

"Bella," Edward said my name in warning. My whole face was flushed, and I looked away from him, embarrassed by my dark thoughts.

"I thought I should apologize for my forwardness, but I wonder from the look on your face if that's necessary," Edward teased.

"Be quiet," I hissed.

He took my hand and moved closer. "It's okay, Bella. I know you were probably fed many lies growing up that those feelings you just experienced were sinful, but sex isn't a horrible thing. It's a gift. One…I'd still like to show you, if you were open to it."

My face wouldn't calm. I bit my lip and sealed my mouth shut, attempting to think of something ghastly to keep me from my thoughts. There were so many things I should have said, rather than what I said next.

"When?" I whispered.

Edward squeezed my hand and shrugged his shoulder slightly. "Whenever you're ready."

My body screamed, "I'm ready now!" but I knew losing my greatest gift on the couch would be ill-advised. Plus, I needed the special sheet from my mother. If we were going to do this, we should do it right. I should stop thinking with my wicked mind.

"Tomorrow?" I asked.

Edward laughed, and I felt silly for speaking so quickly.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"I'm sorry," I shook my head and looked away. "You're right. It was stupid…"

"No, Bella." He reached over to take my other hand, so he had them both securely in his own. "If you're ready now, then, I'm ready. I just want to make sure this is what you want."

I couldn't think. My heart was beating so fast, and my privates were pulsating from my thoughts. I wanted to do this now, but I knew once it was done, it couldn't be undone. We needed the Confirmation sheet. I couldn't wait to retrieve it from my mother.

"Tomorrow…I'll be ready tomorrow."

"Tomorrow night, then. Why don't you go and get some sleep?"

He released my hands, and I stood, feeling my legs wobble a little. I quickly left, afraid of embarrassing myself further. But I found the anticipation had done absolutely nothing for my will to sleep. I tossed and turned all night long. By the next morning, when it came time for my session with Jacob, I barely could make it down the stairs to tell him I just couldn't see him today; that I was overwhelmed with tiredness. Jacob looked down, but he caressed my cheek and told me he would be back the next morning. I wondered if I would be able to see him the next morning, either, after the events of tonight, but I would leave that worry for tomorrow.

It was odd, though. Yesterday, I couldn't get enough of Jacob and his tight little shorts. Today, I was relieved he was gone. After a long shower, my private areas still hummed with the knowledge of what was to come. I dressed impeccably for my trip to see my parents. I had not been back to their house since I had left. I wondered what my mother would say. How she would act, now that she had everything she had ever wanted.

Seth pulled the car up to the porch stairs and hopped out to come around to my side to open the door. Mrs. Cope was already standing on the top of the porch steps, greeting me with a warm smile on her face and a bounce in her step. The minute I was out of the car, she was down the steps and pulling me into a hug.

"Oh, I've miss you terribly around here. How is life up at the big house?"

I laughed. "Well…it could stand to be better, but I can hardly complain. Although, I do miss your hugs and your famous iced tea."

Her face lit up, and she replied, "I'll be sure to send you home with some."

I gently squeezed her hand. "That'd be lovely. Is my mother around?"

I hoped Mrs. Cope would say no. I knew where the sheet was, so it wasn't necessary to see my mother, but luck would not be on my side.

"Yes, just inside. She's trying on a passel of ugly hats she just ordered. I tell you, the more money that woman has, the worse her fashion sense gets."

I laughed and shook my head along with Mrs. Cope. Even though the comment would have been grounds for dismissal, Mrs. Cope knew she never had to be afraid to speak her mind around me.

I walked in, and the house hadn't changed at all. That was a bit of a surprise, since I had believed my mother, with her new bigger expense account, would have ran out and redecorated the first moment that money landed in her lap.

I heard the grandfather clock begin to chime, alerting me that it was nearly one o'clock. I said nearly, because that damned old clock had always been off by ten minutes.

Stacks of boxes lined the hall, and I found my mother trying on her ostentatious hats in the first-floor bathroom.

"Hello, Mother," I said softly, wondering what reception I might receive from this woman.

"Bella!" Her face lit up, and she modeled her new hat for me. "You like it? It's positively dreamy. Ostrich feathers from France."

I wondered what difference it made whether the ostrich was from France as opposed to an ostrich that had been born and raised here. Either way, I didn't think it helped make her hat look any less silly. But I didn't want to quarrel with my mother, so I smiled and nodded.

"Looks nice."

"Oh, Bella, Kensington is everything your sister said it was. Don't you just find it lovely and fitting?"

I shrugged. "I…haven't been there more than the one time, but I liked the restrooms."

My mother looked appalled, but she waved me off. "That's right. Court was always lost on the likes of you."

I sighed and tried to remain calm, but once again, but my words got the better of me. "All that time you wanted me to waste at Court, in hopes of training me to be a proper lady, so a man might look my way, and it was all for nothing, as I landed the very best man, without even having to go to the trouble."

My mom placed her hat back in the box, before turning to look coldly at me. She no longer seemed happy to see me.

"What do you want, Isabella?"

She should not have spoken to me with such disrespect. I considered whether I wanted to give her a lesson on how she should talk to me, but I decided to focus on getting what I came here for, so I could get out.

"I need the Confirmation sheet."

Her mouth dropped open a little, before turning into a wicked grin.

"You haven't said your vows yet. Why don't we wait until the time is right? No need to worry about giving into temptations. After all, what would God say to you, if you gave up your greatest gift, before you gave your word to Him."

"I don't care what you think God would say. This is not a request, and as your superior, I suggest you give me what I demand, or I'll not say any vows, and you'll fall back down into obscurity. Okay, Mother?" I asked sweetly with a smile on my face.

Her face said everything she wanted to say but didn't dare. Stiffly, she walked towards the living room where her hope chest was and opened it to pull out the linen bag with my requested item.

"Just because you can tell me what to do doesn't mean I'm not still your mother. If you have sex before you say your vows, the only thing you'll receive from God is a one-way ticket to hell. I hope it's worth it."

I pulled the bag from out of her tight grasp and replied, "And what will God give you for how you've treated me all these years? Why don't you worry about your own salvation for once and put that religious dogma of yours to good use on your own behalf."

I knew it would be a difficult task to see my mother again, but I didn't know how difficult. I hated that her words had a way of impacting and poisoning my mind. The linen bag resting in my lap felt like it was burning my legs. A warning for what eternity might bring me, if I went through with my plans this evening. I shook my head, trying to rid my mother's warnings from my mind. Her words might have been warranted, if I had decided to go through with carrying on relations with Jacob while married to Edward. But I was losing my virginity to the man I loved who was going to be my husband. I doubted God cared about a couple of months.

Now, I could see why Alice wanted to make a quick wedding season. For the first time, I had prospects on pleasure, and I grappled with the thought of giving in to my primal needs too soon.

I could have sex tonight.

I was going to have sex tonight.

Sex. Sex. Sex.

I clenched my legs together to help with the uncomfortable feeling. The linen bag fell off my lap. I snatched it back up and held it to my chest.

I was resolved.

_Get out of my head, Mother._

I _would_ lose my virginity tonight!

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**I am so blessed that I have been offered help to edit my stories. I am honored that so many would offer their time to correct my grammar. Many of you know Fran from the community as she runs a fantastic Facebook group called Twilight Fanfiction Pays It Forward. Go and check it out. **

**Thank you to Fran and DOLLYBIGMOMMA for catching my mistakes! You have no idea how much I appreciate your time!**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

I could not let my afternoon be spent in indecision. Knowing the impact my mother's words could have, I would end up with a stomachache, if I sat at home waiting for tonight. After leaving my parents' house, I asked Seth to drive me to Alice and Jasper's. I didn't want to tell Alice about my plans, but I thought she could be a good distraction.

Her maid opened the door and welcomed me inside. Alice hadn't been at this residence long, but already, she had made changes. I liked the way everything felt warm and inviting, not like a museum, which was how Edward's grandfather's mansion felt.

"Bella!" Alice launched herself in my direction, which took me by surprise, since normally, she did not feel the need to do such things. Her speedy little feet clicked across her hard floor, as they raced towards me. "Edward told me what you did. How could you be so brainless, going into the city? And by yourself! You could've been hurt, or worse. You're lucky my brother didn't have the good sense to smack you. I have half a mind to smack you myself!"

I took a slight step back; fearful she would make good on her word. Her eyes were flashing with anger, while she waited for an explanation.

"It really wasn't that awful, Alice. I'm sure Jasper could back me up and tell you the city isn't as scary as everyone wants you to believe, though he might not, seeing as how society forbids ladies to go there."

Alice sighed and shook her head in dismay. She took my hand and walked me over toward the sitting room. Her maid rolled in a cart with hot tea to share while we talked.

"I don't even know where to begin, Alice. It was like an adventure. So many people of all different shapes, sizes and colors! I'd never felt freer in my life. Don't get me wrong, the smell is something that's a bit off-putting at first, but once you become accustomed to it, it isn't so bad. There was a playground for children to run around in, and oh, don't let me forget to tell you about the French fries I ate. You've never tasted something so heavenly in all your life. You must have Jasper procure some on his next trip."

Alice looked concerned, as she sipped her tea. She was not taking my story the way I'd thought she would.

"I don't think Jasper will be traveling into the city for some time. There's been issues arising, and until it's safe, he's promised me he'd steer clear. It's considered improper for a gentleman to share such burdening information with a lady, but I have my ways of making him talk," she smirked slyly. "He's concerned enough to heed my pleas, Bella, and I hope you'll do the same."

I sat back, forgetting my posture.

"I really don't believe it's all that bad, Alice. I mean…of course, there were signs of poverty. I knew that was going to be unavoidable, but even in the lesser gutter camps, they all seemed happy. Cooking their food and listening to…odd music. I don't understand what's so bad about wanting to experience other cultures and pull my head out of the sand to look up and see what's around us. It was enlightening. There was a small boy who came up requesting a coin, but since I didn't have any, I gave him my bracelet. It was a small token, but hopefully, it helped."

"You shouldn't have done that, Bella," Alice scolded.

"Why not? What's so wrong with being charitable?"

Alice set down her cup. "Because that poor boy or his family will probably be charged with stealing. Think about it, Bella. They go and try to get food with your gift, and they'll wonder where they were able to come up with something so pricy. They could throw him and his whole lot into the white ward, and it'd be all your fault."

I slumped down in my chair, feeling as if she had just smacked me across the face. I hadn't even thought of it that way. What if Alice was right? What if I had doomed that little child or his family with my small act of kindness? Alice saw my heartbreak and quickly came to sit next to me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, but I don't want you to get hurt. You shouldn't go into the city. Jasper's family has been dealing with issues that are arising. Please, promise me you'll never go back there. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

I saw her eyes begging me for my vow. She was on the verge of tears. Sam was right. We were too sheltered from the outside world, so I didn't understand this unrest I keep hearing about. But this was Alice, and I trusted her more than anyone, so I agreed.

"Now, why don't we talk about something more pleasant and far more fun," she lit up and dismissed our serious conversation. She looked at me intently, like I should have known what she was referring to. I began to wonder just what Edward had said to her. He wouldn't have shared our plans with his twin, would he?

"Your Blessing Celebration?"

I exhaled a sigh of relief. "Oh, yes, that. Um…sure."

Alice eyed me, wondering what I could have thought she meant, but she waved her hand and pushed on.

"So, what were you thinking about for a theme? I was wondering about roses? I know you and Edward shared that first kiss in the rose garden. I thought it'd be lovely to bring in hundreds of light pink and white roses. Light pink for your gentleness and white for your purity."

I thanked God I hadn't been sipping my tea when she said that. I nearly choked on my spit as it was, but thankfully, I was able to play it off very well.

"Um…that sounds…lovely."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands.

"Maria! Bring my laptop in here!"

Her maid showed up a minute later, carrying Alice's pink computer. Alice opened it and began to tap away at the keys, while she took a few notes. She was just about to push for details, when we were interrupted.

"Good afternoon, Alice…" Edward paused, when his eyes reached mine, and he added softly, "Bella."

"Good afternoon," I mumbled. Suddenly, it felt warm. I worried my face would give me away. Edward looked good today. Far too good. I wondered if he usually looked that handsome, or perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me, knowing what was to come.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked.

Edward and Alice begin to quarrel with one another like typical siblings. Edward came over and plopped himself on the couch. He looked as if he was trying to remain casual. Almost as if we were all sitting around the way we had when we were children, but this time, I found his presence to be discomforting. He tried to act innocent with his uninvited attendance. Alice figured that, since he had crashed our visit, she might as well ask him about his thoughts on the Blessing Celebration.

I, however, hadn't heard a word that was being said. I was having trouble shaking the dirty images from my mind of the night before, with him pressed up against me, and then replaying every word my mother had told me a few years back, when she had explained the mechanics of what I was planning to do later that night.

My mind drifted to that summer, when my mother had sat me down and explained to me my wedding night.

"_Someday, you'll have a duty to perform for your husband. He'll expect you to lie down in a bed with him and make a baby. It'll be most uncomfortable. Sexual relations are something that are meant to happen only once you're married. If you attempt to have relations before marriage, it's a sin God does not look favorably upon. Your husband will know what to do. Lay on your back and open your legs, the rest will follow."_

"_What will follow, Mother?"_

"_Your husband will push himself into you. It'll hurt mightily, but try not to cry or complain, as that'll make your husband most upset. He needs to concentrate. Sexual relations could feel good, but that's unlikely, especially if you're not married. The weight of the sin will overwhelm you. However, if you're in God's good graces, you'll be rewarded with a baby. One who'll hopefully bring honor to your family and one day may help you rise in your station and help keep you there when you're older. Understand?"_

I remembered nodding, even though I had been more confused than I had ever been. Instead, I decided to go and ask Alice for her thoughts on sexual relations. She was far more helpful, even though she scared me a little with her words.

"_Sexual relations? Wow, your mom is so old-fashioned. What do you want to know?"_

"_Well, she said my husband will push into me. Push what? I'm so confused."_

_Alice began to laugh. _"_No wonder you're confused. Sit down. Let me tell you how it works."_

_I took a seat next to her on the couch, and she drew in a deep breath, with this giddy, far-off look in her eyes, before turning to me._

"_Okay, so, when you get married, on your wedding night, you'll get naked, and so will he. He has a penis, which is like this gardening hose attached to his body right here," she explained, patting below her stomach near her privates._

"_Gardening hose?" I asked._

"_Well, I've never seen one myself, but my mother said it was like a gardening hose filled with seed to fill your flowerbeds. Apparently, their penis is supposed to go into our vagina. He pushes it in and out. In and out. Until there's this explosion, and his seed is sent deep up inside you, where an egg is waiting to make a baby."_

"_Oh, my god! Do you think it'll hurt?" I asked in fear._

"_What? No!" Alice brushed it off. "In fact, I walked by my parents' room one night, and I heard my mom screaming."_

"_Screaming in pain?" I asked._

"_No. Screaming…more. More!" Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe she wanted more seed to make another baby. Although, I can't imagine such a thing at her age; it'd be irresponsible. But she didn't sound like she didn't like it. I think she liked it a lot. I can't wait. Oh, Bella, I can't wait until I'm eighteen!"_

"_I think I can."_

"Bella. Bella."

Edward gently shook me from my recollections. Alice was looking at me with worry in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I must be tired." I hoped that excuse would hold.

"Maybe we should get you home, then. You had an eventful day yesterday, and you should probably rest before dinner," Edward said, rising from the couch. He held his hand out to me; an innocent gesture, but one I could tell Alice had caught. Her mouth closed tight, as if she had a bird trapped inside and was afraid she would let it loose with one more word.

I took Edward's offered hand and stood, and then he placed his hand on my lower back to escort me out. I stepped into the car and picked up the linen bag and held it on my lap. Edward slid in beside me and looked down. "Is that it?" he asked.

I nodded, unable to answer him properly.

"Did you see your mother? Speak to her?"

I held the bag to my stomach and sighed, nodding.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

I shook my head no.

"Bella, are you sure you want to do this? I can wait. We can wait."

I looked over to him and shook my head. "I don't want to wait." I then looked out my window and added, "I don't think my mother will ever love me. I don't know why I thought marrying you might change her view of me. I was ignorant for believing I could ever hold her favor. But I'm tired of being afraid of the lies she spins. Taking her words to heart…I'm stronger than she knows."

Edward's hand met mine, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "Let's have a nice dinner together. I asked Emily to prepare something special. I know you've been doing well on your diet, but I thought maybe you could let it go for just tonight. I asked that they prepare the mushroom ravioli you always loved."

Our car stopped in front of Edward's grandfather's mansion, but we didn't get out, even though Seth had the doors open and waiting.

"Thank you, Edward. That sounds lovely. I'll be down at seven."

He nodded, and then I saw how nervous he was. Nervous about tonight? I was not sure. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight."

I held my linen bag tightly to my chest and exited the car. Edward and I walked through the entry room with the gaudy vases, and he went to his staircase, while I went to mine. I felt relief wash over me the moment I was in my room and away from him. I was nervous and needed some time alone. I walked towards the bed and pulled down the satin cover. I sat and opened the linen bag and pulled out the white sheet.

My fingers began to run over the embossed embroidery my mother had stitched so many years before. Lovely flowers and a bible verse ran along the edge.

_Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral._

My eyes couldn't seem to focus on anything else but that passage. I slowly stood and turned towards the bed. I shook the sheet out and lay it down. Frozen like a statue, I looked upon the bed that Edward and I would share in just a few precious hours. My hand went to my stomach, and I cringed, wondering how I would make it through this with Edward, when he touched my fatty flesh. Over and over, I pictured his face cringing, as he pushed his gardening hose into my flowerbeds.

The stress of the events had overwhelmed me, so I decided to take a long bath. I lay beneath the depts of the water, staring at my body and wishing God would hear my prayer to grant me a beautiful one for just one night. But I knew God would never honor such a request. Why would He help the damned?

I ran the scented soap up and down myself. I wanted to smell lovely, even if I didn't look appealing to my fiancé. I finished my bath and returned to my bed, where the Confirmation sheet mocked me. The bible verse taunted me. I pulled off the offending sheet, balling it up and tossing it into a nearby chair. I couldn't do this. I couldn't have sex with that damn sheet touching my body. It would feel like damnation's fire upon my back.

Damn my mother. Damn her for taking this away from me. Something beautiful I had hoped for my entire life. To lose my virginity to the man I loved. I was so indecisive about what I should do, and I didn't think dinner with Edward would make it an easier decision.

Seven o'clock came around, and I sat on my bed and watched as the clock's hands changed. I wondered what Edward would think, when I didn't show up for dinner. Would he come to look for me, or would he take my absence as a sign that I was not ready? If he came, I would have sex with him. If he didn't, then I wouldn't. I would leave my future up to him. That was what was best.

I held my breath, as I watched the minutes tick by, and I nearly jumped out of my skin, when I heard the soft knock on my door. Nothing followed, so I knew it was not one of the maids. They always announced their presence.

"Bella," he said softly.

I cleared my throat and replied nearly as softly as his own tone, "Come in."

I was wrapped in a satin sheet, sitting on my bed and trembling, when Edward pushed the door open and walked into the room.

"I'm sorry. I thought we were having dinner first. I have wine. A French Bordeaux. The very best. I know you don't drink often, but I thought it'd take the edge off…"

His rambling made me want to laugh. I felt better knowing he was nearly as nervous as I was.

"Will you come and sit here with me?" I asked.

He nodded and walked over, sitting near me but not touching.

"I'm sorry. I want to do this. I really do, but my mother…" I shook my head, embarrassed. "She said some things. I have to confess that it's messing with my head more than I care to admit. And if I were to be completely honest, I'm afraid I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, other than the very ambiguous description my mother gave, or the somewhat terrifying explanation from your sister."

Edward laughed slightly. "Well, first of all, Alice doesn't know a damn thing, so please, try not to listen to her. Secondly, your mother would try and scare the dickens out of you. I remember, when she used to care for me and my sister, she would say that touching my privates would be a road that would lead me to Hell. I was only seven, and I swear, my mother was so angry at me for peeing all over the bathroom that summer, because I was terrified to touch my penis, even when I went to urinate."

I joined his laughter with my own, already feeling better. When we were through, he placed his hand on my covered thigh. "Bella, I have no problem if you aren't ready for this, but please, don't let your mother be the reason. I have experience. More than I'm sure you'd appreciate. A lot of what your mother said, I'm certain is a lie. As far as the whole Hell and God stuff, I have no idea, but I believe that, if she really believed in what the Bible said, she wouldn't treat you with such disrespect.

"Sex is a good thing. It's very pleasurable. I'll make sure it feels good to you. It'd be useless for me to tell you not to be nervous. You're going to be nervous, and I can't promise it won't hurt or feel uncomfortable at first, but I do promise you, once you relax, it'll feel amazing. And if there's any time when you want to stop or end it, just say so, and I'll stop. Okay?"

I slowly breathed out and nodded my head. My eyes looked over to the wadded-up Confirmation sheet, while I weighed the choice in my head. I looked down and saw Edward's hand on my thigh, and then I slowly lay down, clutching the satin sheet to my chest.

"Do you mind if I…keep the sheet?" I asked, embarrassed.

Edward shook his head slowly and stood up from the bed. He began to undress, placing his clothes on the bench at the foot of my bed. I stared up at the ceiling and tried to tell myself to relax, but it was fruitless. My body was humming in hopes that my mouth didn't say something to cause Edward to stop.

Edward joined me on the bed, lying beside me. I opened my legs, as my mother had instructed me to do, and held my breath. I expected Edward would push into me, but instead, his hand traveled up along the inside of my leg, and I trembled, my nerves completely overwhelming me. I closed my eyes, unable to look at the face Edward must have been making from touching my blubbery thighs.

I felt the shift of his weight on the bed, and I knew it was coming. The sheet was moved aside, and a cool rush of air hit my privates. My hands still grasped the sheet to my chest, but I nearly jumped, when I felt Edward's mouth kissing along my inner thigh.

"It's okay, Bella. Just relax and allow yourself to feel the pleasure," Edward whispered, holding my legs in place.

I nodded, but I still had my eyes shut.

His fingers traveled up and down, until they reached my birthmark. I had nearly forgotten about it, until he commented, "You have a birthmark in the shape of a crescent moon. It's beautiful, Bella."

"Uh huh…that or…it's kind of weird."

He kissed it, and then his lips were on my most private area. He was licking me and moaning, and his moans made me squirm for the unnatural feelings it caused. My body moved to try and resist the sensation, but Edward didn't relent, until I was well and truly worked up. His hands moved up to my stomach, and a tear formed in the corner of my eye. I just wished that, for one night, I could be what Edward Cullen deserved. Suddenly, I wondered if I should have waited until I had a proper body, but it was too late. Edward had felt the very worst parts of me.

My hands let go of the sheet, and I quickly wiped the tear away, before he had a chance to see it and stop. I needed to go through with this. If I didn't, it might never happen. Or worse, happen with someone other than Edward.

Once again, his weight shifted, and like the night before, I felt the weight of his body on mine, but this time, we were without clothes. My legs opened a little wider, and I felt the…garden hose Alice had described pushing on me.

"Open your eyes, Bella," Edward requested.

I did as he asked, praying they weren't filled with wayward tears. His hand moved to my hair, and he pulled me in for a deep kiss. His tongue was inside my mouth, as he pushed himself into me. I couldn't even worry about the pain or discomfort I was supposed to have felt, because my mind was lost in his kiss.

He started moving slowly, and after a little time had passed, I finally gave in and let go. His hand moved to my chest, where he massaged my breasts through the sheet. I forgot myself so much, that I didn't even realize my hands had moved to his hair, as I pulled him closer.

We let go of our kiss, and I gasped and then moaned. His motions were becoming quicker and gaining a faster rhythm, and suddenly, I found myself saying, "More…more!"

I now knew what Mrs. Cullen had wanted. It felt as if it would never be enough…that Edward could never go deep enough. My legs wrapped around him, and the sheet be damned, as it was nowhere to be found. I was naked for all the world to see, and I did mean all the world, because Edward was everything I could ever want or need. I didn't ever want him to stop. He was right. This was far more pleasurable than my mind could ever grasp.

"So beautiful, Bella."

I wanted to believe Edward had said those words to me, but I was so lost in pleasure, I knew my mind must have made them up.

Edward's lips had returned to my neck. He seemed to be whispering something, but suddenly, I was flying. I felt free. Unembarrassed. Unashamed. The sensations completely overwhelmed me, and for a few moments, I feared I might have gone deaf. Even though Edward was still moving inside me, I lay there in awe.

My eyes landed on the Confirmation sheet on the chair. Send me straight to Hell if need be, because I would gladly go, if I could do this even one more time.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for taking the time to read and review. **

**A great big thank you to Dollybigmomma and Fran for editing this. **

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

Sex was…unsettling.

One moment, I felt as if I could die, go to hell for my sinful ways, and be completely fine with it. Wanting more. Wishing to have another go, but then, it was over. Edward pulled out and lay down, his body not touching mine. I heard him slow his breathing, while my hand crept to the side to pull the forgotten sheet slowly across my body. I was afraid to move. To say a word, because I was not sure what he was feeling. Did he want more, as I did? Was he lying there, wondering how he could escape? Did he wish to scrub his body from my touch?

I didn't know what to do.

He softly cleared his throat and moved. Once again, the sheet was clutched tightly to my body. My eyes were shut tight, so he had the opportunity to leave without me bearing witness to his indecency.

"Bella?" he whispered, and I nearly jumped at his voice. "Are you okay?"

My eyes opened, and I looked over to him. He propped up on his arm, and his face was full of concern. I nodded, but I was not sure how convincing I was.

"Are you sure?"

I coughed slightly to clear my throat. "Yes," I whispered. "I'm sorry. Did you need something?"

He looked confused. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I don't want to leave you here alone, if you're going to cry because you wish you would've waited. Did I hurt you? You should probably take a warm bath…"

"No, you didn't hurt me. I…uh…it felt good."

Too good. I could already feel myself tingling at the thought of more. Now, I knew why my mother had said this act would send me straight to hell, because it felt like that time when I had been drinking that beer. I wanted another one. Even though it tasted vile, I wanted more, because I had liked how the beer had made me feel. I wasn't sure if Edward would ever want to have sex with me again, but I could suddenly see myself doing sinful things to a cucumber for the chance to chase that wonderful feeling once more.

"Good," he said. He rolled over and stood from the bed. He was completely naked and more beautiful than any sight my eyes had ever had the opportunity to behold. I tried not to look, but I was captivated. Then, I saw it. My first glimpse at his "hose," which didn't look anything like a gardening implement. More like a desert snake. I feared Alice was going to be sorely disappointed.

I smiled and then nearly giggled, and Edward caught me. He grabbed the Confirmation sheet and looked back at me. "What?"

I shook my head and looked away. "My apologies. Just something Alice said," I tried to explain, so he wouldn't think I was laughing at him.

"You're thinking about my sister?"

Great. Now I'd done it.

"She…she told me men have a gardening hose. I was just thinking how disappointed she'll be, when she learns the truth."

Edward walked over to the bed with the Confirmation sheet in his hand and sat down next to me. "My parents always did keep Alice sheltered. They were worried she'd end up like me. God, a gardening hose? No wonder you were so worried. Well, you're welcome to look. One of the Cullens should set you straight."

I clutched my sheet tighter and sank into the bed, not looking in his direction. "No, it's okay. I've probably tempted God too much today already."

Edward put his hand on the bed and leaned over me, until I was brave enough to look back into his eyes. "Bella, God is not going to smite you for having premarital sex with your fiancé. I think he has bigger worries. Now, be a good girl and open your legs."

I looked at him, shaken by his request. I slightly opened them, and he pushed the Confirmation sheet between them and wiped me.

"There. That should be good enough."

He stood back up and began to fold it. I could see the spot on the fabric, but there was no blood. I began to worry. I had always imagined the thing to be soaked with the way my mother would tell me about it, when she would work on the embroidery.

Edward had it folded and pulled at the linen bag, ready to place it inside, when he saw my face. He looked back at the sheet and knew why I was concerned.

"I told you this might happen. You probably broke your hymen long ago, and you didn't even realize it."

"But you do believe me, when I say I was a virgin. Right?"

He dropped the bag to the floor and sat back down on the bed.

"Of course, Bella. I trust you more than anyone."

Edward Cullen was sitting on my bed naked. My eyes couldn't help themselves. They kept looking over his body. I tried to look away, afraid he would believe I was ogling him, but he reached out and squeezed my hand. "Take a warm bath, okay? It'll help."

He stood back up and walked over to his clothes to begin redressing. I believed this would be the last time I would ever see Edward naked, so I took one last look. The experience had been everything I had hoped it could be, and I didn't know how anyone else would ever come close.

Edward turned when he was fully clothed and breathed out a long breath before saying, "Well…I should probably let you rest. Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight," I mumbled.

And then, he was gone.

I let go of the sheet and let my legs open, allowing the air to hit my privates. Since I'd already made a mess, with the threat of possible damnation, my hand traveled down, and my fingers played with the sensitive area. It was completely wet, even after Edward had wiped me down with the Confirmation sheet. My finger ran over a specific little spot, and I begin to feel the tingling sensation I had only felt moments before, when Edward had been inside me. I played with it absently and began to feel the sensation build. I closed my legs around my hand for added pressure. It felt good, but not quite to the same standard as Edward.

Turned out my punishment was not perdition, as my mother had led me to believe. It was frustration. No matter how I touched myself, I could never achieve the same feeling as when Edward had done the same. It was pure torture to know what my body was capable of but unable to accomplish successfully without the man who would only touch me once.

I lay in bed the next day, not wanting to get up and face the world. I never had gotten up to take that bath Edward had told me to take. After he had left, I had tossed and turned, until eventually, I had finally fallen sleep.

"Miss Swan?" Emily gently knocked on the door. I looked over to the clock and saw I had missed breakfast. I hoped Edward wouldn't be upset with me for that, especially since I had skipped dinner as well.

"Come in," I said, pulling up the covers. I didn't even get out of bed to redress. I wondered what Emily would think of seeing my shoulders bare.

"Sorry to bother you, Miss. I didn't know if you wanted something to eat. I can bring something up if you'd prefer."

"Uh…sure. That sounds nice, thank you, Emily," I replied. "Did…Edward eat breakfast this morning?"

I felt juvenile for asking such a question, wondering if the maid could spy on my fiancé for me.

"No, Ma'am. He left around six o'clock this morning. He wanted me to let you know he'd be back in a few days. He wanted to go to the campus and check on everything before he's to begin classes. He said he'd stay at a hotel…"

Even Emily knew something was amiss. Her words caused a quick stab to my heart. Normally, Edward wouldn't just leave without discussing his plans with me. So, I wondered if he had left because of what we had done. Maybe he was embarrassed.

"Right. I forgot about his plans," I waved her off, hoping I sounded convincing. "You know what? Don't worry about breakfast for me. I'll get something at Alice's when I go over later. Thank you for letting me know about Edward," I smiled, hoping my dismay wasn't too obvious.

Emily bowed and then left. As soon as the door shut, I felt my heartrate accelerating. Why was this upsetting me so? Edward did have to go by his campus. Maybe this had nothing to do with me at all.

The bath was a welcomed pleasure. However, I felt bitter sitting in it while thinking about how kind and caring Edward had been last night. Never once had I seen him cringe or flinch as I had feared I might. He even seemed concerned for my overall wellbeing.

I laid back and sank down to let the water come over my face. I let go of all my fears and worries. When I came back up for air, I decided I wouldn't get upset just yet. There was no reason to be worried, when I didn't have all the facts. I'd wait for Edward to come back and then see how he was.

When I was through with my bath, I saw Alice had sent me a text message, asking if we could meet at her mother's house in the afternoon. I didn't know how I felt about seeing Esme, when I was unclear on where I stood with her son at that moment, but it was expected of me to go. Esme and Carlisle would be funding our Blessing Celebration, since my parents could never provide something near adequate for a Cullen.

I made sure to dress my best for Esme, and since I knew her time was precious, I arrived ten minutes early. After Rebecca had let me in, I waited in the entry room. Rebecca had wanted to take me on into the tearoom, but I didn't want to go until Alice came. But that didn't stop Esme.

"Bella, why are you waiting in the entry room like some unwelcomed guest?"

"I was just waiting for Alice. I didn't want to bother you. I know I'm early. I'm sure Alice will be along shortly."

I felt like a babbling brook; I couldn't stop talking. Esme paused when she came closer, looking me over knowingly. Her eyes felt like they were trying to burn through to my very soul.

"Why don't we have a chat before Alice joins us," she said, taking my hand and leading me toward the sitting room. Once again, my heart began to race. I wondered what she wanted to speak with me about.

"I know Carlisle and I may not have sounded as if we were supportive of your union with our son, but I hope you know we only want the best for you both. I apologize for any apprehension you must be feeling."

She led me to the couch and sat down beside me.

"I know your mother has the tendency to be harsh and strict in her ways. I'm sorry she hasn't been more kind to you. If there's ever anything you want to talk about, I'm here for you, Bella."

Her compassion hurt, as I thought about Edward. How could this woman help me, when anything I might say could put her son in a damaging light? And why was it damaging? Edward hadn't mistreated me. His touch hadn't been rough. He hadn't just taken his pleasure and not worried about mine.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme…or if you're comfortable, you may call me mom, too."

I looked down; afraid she might see the tears that had formed in my eyes.

"Bella," she said, taking my hand, "You can tell me. Please, tell me my son was kind. Please, tell me he was gentle."

I looked up instantly, surprised that she knew. How did she know? I couldn't imagine Edward would have ever discussed this with her.

"I can tell. A mother knows."

I let out a sob.

"Yes, he was kind. I don't know why I'm crying. It was perfect…well, far better than what I deserve. But now, he's gone, and I don't know what that means. I think he's embarrassed, maybe hiding, so he won't have to face me."

"Oh, honey." She pulled me in for a hug and held me. It felt awkward, because was I worried my tears would make a stain on her elegant dress.

"I'm sure it isn't what your mind wants to believe. Edward is just as confused as you are, I'm afraid. He cares for you, Bella. I know he does, but he's scared, too. He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. Until he figures them out, I fear you'll be the one hurt by his thoughtless actions."

I pulled back from her hug, and she placed her hands on my face and wiped my tears away with her thumbs.

"Are you going to tell me I should've waited until we were married?" I asked.

"You're a grownup now; it isn't my place to tell you what you should do. You have to make those choices on your own and live with whatever happens. You'll be married soon, and hopefully, once you say your vows, you won't feel the guilt I'd imagine you feel right now. Why don't we focus on the party? I find these kinds of distractions always help me, whenever I have something grave weighing on my mind."

I nodded, and she smiled at me. I felt better, being able to talk to someone. I didn't know if Alice would have been the right person. Thankfully, Esme didn't say another word about it, while we began to plan the party.

"…Which brings our guestlist to two-hundred and eighty people. A good number. Why don't you look it over and see if we left anyone off," Alice said, handing me the paper.

At the beginning of the list, I saw a name that caused my stomach to turn. "Do we have to invite my sister and her family?"

Esme sighed and nodded. "Unfortunately. Even though the Newtons are only a secondary family, it'd be considered poor taste not to invite them, especially since your sister married into their family," she explained.

"I thought the Cullens could do anything they wanted?" I teased.

"To a point. Some things in our society could still disgrace our family. If the Newtons had done something to warrant not being invited, then I wouldn't even bat an eye at crossing their names off the list."

"Married my sister, isn't that enough of a reason?" I grumbled.

"Don't worry. As your maid of honor, it's my job to make sure she doesn't ruin your day. Leave her to me," Alice said.

I remembered when I had worried about the Newtons coming for the holidays and having to endure them. It looked as though I would be facing them sooner than I would have like. We set a date for the Blessing Celebration. It would be October eleventh; six weeks from today.

My summer was ending soon, and we were finally heading into fall. With the colors changing, Esme didn't want roses to be our theme. She chose to go with pompom dahlias. They were very pretty, but they sure made a statement. She assured me she would tone them down to perfection. I trusted her, since I didn't know the first thing about planning a party.

I didn't want to go back home, knowing Edward wouldn't be there. I felt his absence would make it more unbearable. I couldn't go to the hospital dressed the way I was, though, so after I left Esme's house, I reluctantly returned home.

I gasped, when I saw Jacob waiting in my driveway. I looked down at my phone and saw how late I was. I had completely forgotten to cancel my session with him. But it was supposed to have been this morning. What was he doing here at this time of the day?

"Jacob! I'm so sorry. I forgot. Please, tell me you haven't been waiting here all day?" I asked the moment I was out of the car.

He laughed and walked over to me, his eyes dancing with merriment.

"Of course not. Edward called and told me you'd be busy this morning. He said I should reschedule for a later time. So, here I am. Are you busy?"

Jacob was the perfect distraction. Something to get me out of this house and help me not think about Edward.

"If you can wait twenty minutes, I'll be down."

He nodded, and I ran into the house to get on my workout clothes. Once I was in my closet, I had a hard time finding something to wear. My workout clothes were beginning to be way too loose. I looked in the mirror and pulled them tight, and I saw how baggy they were. I smiled and wanted to cry, but now it motivated me even more to get down to Jacob. Suddenly, there was a spring in my step.

I bounced down the stairs, nearly crashing into Jacob with my enthusiasm.

"Whoa! Someone's having a mighty fine day," Jacob said, steadying me with his hands.

"I'm can see my progress! Look," I replied, pulling my clothes back.

"That's great, Bella. Let's keep up that momentum. Remember, you have to be the change you want to see in your body."

He smiled at me, but my mind was all over the place. Between being happy for my success and Edward, I nearly missed the far-off look deep in Jacob's eye.

"Why don't we get to our stretches."

I walked over to the grass and sat down to begin. The sun was beginning its descent. We'd probably only have another hour of light, so I got to it. Jacob walked over and helped me stretch my legs. After being with Edward, my mind began to overanalyze every touch from Jacob. His hand slowly went down my leg, instead of just holding onto my shoe. My God! This was what sex did. It made your body think every touch was building up to something more.

"I'm sorry," Jacob apologized, letting go of my leg.

I waved him off, but inside, I began to wonder why he felt the need to apologize, unless I wasn't as crazy as I thought. I got up from the ground and motioned for him to lead the way. We began our jog in absolute silence, which was a huge change from how Jacob normally started. Usually, he was already going on with his cheesy sayings and telling me we were going to pick up the pace soon. Within two minutes, I was already beginning to perspire, even though there was a nice breeze to help me along. A half-hour went by, and Jacob hadn't said one word.

Suddenly, he stopped, and I nearly tripped.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Are you okay?" I asked, worried he was having a medical issue.

"Uh…yeah…I mean…no."

"Should I call for a doctor?"

I checked him over visually. He seemed fine, not even clutching his chest, as I'd seen patients do in the past.

"No…it's not that. Look, there's something I have to tell you. I…I should've said it a long time ago."

His face was tortured, while he tried to get out whatever he planned to say. He stepped forward, and just as he went to open his mouth to give me an explanation, his eyes closed, and he stepped forward again, and his lips collided with mine. I was overwhelmed. I couldn't process a decent thought to save my life. His hand came up, and his fingers weaved themselves through my hair, as he pushed his tongue into my mouth for more. A cold bucket of common sense hit me, and I pulled away immediately.

"What are you…why are you…what's the meaning of this?"

My questions came frantically, while my feet stumbled backwards. The trees made a soft rustling sound from the wind. The whole scene was quite beautiful with the sun setting. It was the kind of picture you would want, if you were retelling the story and excited about the kiss you had just received.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I couldn't keep it in any longer. Something about you today…just told me to go for it."

"I'm engaged," I spat.

"I know that, but come on, Bella. Not that guy! Cullen's an asshole. I've seen how he treats you. You deserve more. And you can't tell me he's marrying you because he loves you. You don't treat the people you love the way he treats you."

I felt the same stab in my chest I'd felt earlier. Jacob's words made the wound bigger; like a knife wiggling around to carve out more of the flesh.

"I love him," I stupidly defended.

"I understand that, but don't you think you deserve the same courtesy?" His voice was low and quiet, like he was prepared to tell me a secret. "I saw him bring a girl here. He had his hands all over her. I'm a lesser; it isn't my place to say anything. Hell, the mere implication alone could get me sent to the white ward, and yet, I tell you this, not to hurt you, but because you should know what kind of man you're marrying. I may not have a fancy house or a high title, but I can take care of you, Bella. I can give you more than Edward Cullen ever could. Be with me, and I'll make you happy."

He reached to take my hand, but I pulled away, shuffling my feet backwards in the dirt to get some distance between us. A couple of weeks ago, I would have needed to stop myself from jumping at the offer. I knew my love for Edward would never fade, but the prospect of leading a happy life with someone who wanted me would have been tempting. But what about _now_? What _about_ now? I had made love to Edward. At least I thought I had. Could it still be called making love, if only one person was in love? With Edward's absence, I could very well go on for the next few years, playing a role and never having Edward touch me again the way he had last night. Could I live with that? Especially knowing Jacob could have given me everything I wanted?

"I'm sorry…I just can't."

My face crumpled with the agony of the future I had just destined myself to endure. No happy husband. No children on my horizon. Putting a fake smile on my face and lying to everyone about the perfect life I shared with a Cullen.

Jacob sighed and shook his head. "You're going to regret this, Bella."

Stiffly, I turned and began the long jog back to the house. I worried what Edward would do, when he heard about Jacob's advances. Would he believe me, when I told him nothing had happened? He'd said he trusted me more than anyone, so I knew I should just tell him and then beg that he wouldn't do something rash to Jacob.

What if he sent him to the white ward? No, Edward wouldn't do that. Jacob just had a little crush. He shouldn't be punished for his feelings, even if they were unbelievable. Again, I wondered why Jacob would ever want someone like me, when he looked as amazing as he did. It just didn't make any sense. Why would Jacob like me? He had seen me at my worst. Before last night, he'd had more contact with my body than Edward. How did he find me attractive at all?

I heard his words echoing in my head over and over.

I knew Jacob was right; I would regret this. His voice sounded sad and lost, but what I didn't realize then was that, his last words to me were _not_ as I'd thought I'd heard them.

"_You're going to regret this, Bella_."

There really was a double meaning there that I didn't realize.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for your reviews. **

**A great thanks to Fran and DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing this. Till next time…**


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

Edward didn't come home after a couple of days, like he had told Emily he would. I could have texted him and hoped he would call me back, as he had when we were courting, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I had my own troubles to deal with, after all. The main one being, I couldn't decide whether I should tell Edward about the kiss from Jacob. If I were to do the right thing and tell him, he could lose all sense of reasoning and do something to have Jacob taken away to the white ward.

The white ward was predominantly kept for lawbreakers. However, if a family had enough influence, it wouldn't take much more than a call, and then, a person could be thrown away and never heard from again. A lot of money had to grease the palms of the authorities if it were someone of a higher class, but it could be done. If they were a lesser, though, just one phone call could end that person's freedom, and most likely, their life.

With Edward's temper being what it was, especially when it came to Jacob Black, I was sure it would only take less than a second, before Edward's hand would reach for the phone. He had already made his stance very clear regarding Jacob. Edward didn't trust him. So, if I was to err on the side of caution, I would not tell him. It had only been one unreciprocated kiss, and Edward might never find out. Hopefully, Jacob would take my lack of contact as a clear sign I would no longer be working with him, and he could return to the west from whence he came.

However, if I didn't tell Edward, the lie could eat me up. These things had a way of coming out into the open in the worst way, and then, what would Edward think of me, if he found out from another source. He had said he trusted me above all others. That trust would surely dwindle if given this opportunity.

_Rock. Hard place. Don't mind me if I just allow myself to settle right between you two_.

The weather began to cool down, which was much appreciated for someone my size. As the leaves started to turn, I took the opportunity to appreciate them. Finally, my favorite time of year was quickly approaching. Most days, I found myself sitting in the garden to witness the beauty. I found it calmed me from all the worried feelings my mind was barely containing.

It had been two weeks since I had last seen Edward. Two weeks since I'd had sex with Edward. Each day he was gone, I drove myself crazy with thoughts of why he would go away for such a long time and never even call or write. Whether I would tell Edward about Jacob ate at me, too. I wondered whether it would be better to have him back, so I could just tell him about the kiss and let the chips fall where they might.

Edward would begin classes in two weeks. Originally, he had planned to commute up and back for classes, living at home with his fiancée, rather than in some dormitory. It wouldn't be proper for a man to live in such a place, surrounded by singles, when he had a family waiting at home. At least that was what I had been brought up to believe.

Esme would check in on me from time to time, always finding a reason to come over, stating some need she had for my opinion on the Blessing Celebration. But I knew she was coming by to see that I was still okay. The last reason she gave me was to request me to hand-deliver an invitation to my father for our Blessing Celebration.

I hadn't talked to my father, since he had signed me away like a piece of property. Even though he was kinder than my mother, it didn't mean I looked forward to tracking him down to hand him this silly invitation. I would suppose I had always held my father to a higher standard. I knew it would never take much for my mother to sign me off, so she could get what she wanted, but I'd never thought my father would have buckled under her pressure without at least ensuring my wellbeing.

"Seth, would you please take me to the Authority Station over on Main?"

Seth pulled the car out of the driveway. I looked down to the finely embossed invitation and ran my fingers over the raised "_C"_ on the ivory linen paper. The envelope was heavy. No doubt the most expensive paper used.

I decided to wear my navy dress with the white lace trim. I knew my father always liked seeing me in blue. My full skirt fanned out over the backseat of the car, my nerves causing me to pick at it for any loose threads. But this dress was of the highest quality, so not one thread was to be found to occupy my focus.

The car began to slow, and I was relieved I had skipped breakfast, as I worried any contents in my stomach could have had a damaging effect on my dress. Seth bounced out of the car and ran along the back to come and open my door. My glove-covered hand extended, and he helped me out. Yes, I had even worn gloves.

I began my walk into the building, and a few men gave me a slight bow as I passed, as another lesser ran to open the door for me. I had not spent too much time at my father's place of work, since my mother always told me this building was for serious business, not for bothering my father, since he needed to keep his mind focused on the job. The only reason I was here now was because I never knew when he would be home, and I didn't want to chance another run-in with my mother. If Esme could tell I no longer held my virginity, my own mother would surely notice, and she would have some spiteful and judgmental words to say, station be damned.

"Detective Swan?" I asked at the reception.

"To the left, second door."

I nodded my head respectfully and walked toward my left, my heels making the sound I loved to hear, especially when I knew I was walking correctly in them.

There was so much energy moving around the building; telephones ringing throughout, and men shouting at one another. A cloud of cigar smoke wafted throughout the offices. The whole scene was rather barbaric.

I saw the door for the private office my father held and knocked softly upon it.

"Yeah!" his gruff voice barked.

I pushed open the door and walked in. He looked up, and his jaw dropped at seeing me.

"I have something for you. Mrs. Cullen…Esme thought I should bring it by."

My father's eyes dropped, unable to look me in the eye, as I walked forward and held out the fancy invitation.

"How are you doing, Bella?" he asked softly.

I took a slight breath in, but I refrained from shrugging my shoulders. A lady shouldn't shrug. It was undignified, and I wanted my father to know the Cullens had gotten their money's worth.

"I'm well," I replied.

He nodded his head and finally looked at me. "Your engagement agrees with you."

A slap in the face comment, if you didn't know it was proper to say this to an engaged woman. Even my father knew the appropriate etiquette when speaking to a lady. Not because of my mother. No. It was something I was sure he had been educated on, when he had begun working for the authorities.

"Thank you, Father."

"You look good. You've lost a lot of weight, and the dress…it all looks wonderful on you."

I looked down, unable to take the comment graciously.

"I hope you and Mother are doing well. I'm sure I'll see you on the eleventh, when the Cullens set the Blessing Celebration. I should go." My voice was barely above a whisper. I looked at him one last time and then went to take my leave. I didn't even realize I still had the invite clutched in my hands ...the whole reason for this awkward encounter.

"Bella," he said, stopping me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bella."

I waited a solid minute, staring at the door, before turning back to him. "What do you have to be sorry for? I'm…of the highest station. You and Mother will be taken care of the rest of your lives. I'm no longer a fat embarrassment, but the daughter who was able to catch a Cullen. So, don't waste any breath with your apologies, because I doubt you mean them."

He shook his head, and I could see how much he had aged. It was all right there in his eyes. While my mother was out buying ostentatious hats and sitting proper in Kensington, my father hadn't seemed to take to his new life very well. I wanted to feel sorry for him, but I couldn't allow myself to.

"I do mean it, Bella. I know I haven't been the kind of father you should be proud of; I didn't stand up for you, when your mother would say and do awful things." He paused and sighed. "I knew you didn't want to marry Edward. Not really. At least…not in the way it was done. I hoped he could give you something your mother and I failed to provide. Protection. He's the son of the most powerful family our state has. Things out there are about to change. I can feel it. Doing what I do, I know when the unrest will lead to riots and revolts. It's all beginning, Bella, and you need someone who can give you safe passage out of this country if need be. Edward is…well, I have faith he won't hurt you, as Michael Newton has hurt your sister."

"How could you allow that monster to marry Jessica, knowing what he put in her contract?"

My father hunched over his desk and placed his head in his hands.

"You think I wanted her to marry that bastard?" he growled, banging his fists down hard on the desk. "The whole scene was similar to what happened to you. But, instead of your mother pushing and chanting in my ear to sign, your sister was the one to push that mess through. I tried to warn her, to tell her what was in store for her, but she wouldn't listen.

"She knew the Newtons were a prominent family, and so, she took the tradeoff. Have lovely things and a fancy house with a high-end title. And for that, she'd gladly take any abuse her husband would deal to her. I even tried to tell her I'd hide her; pay for her to skip out on her marriage, but she wouldn't hear of it. You know how your sister is. She's just like your mother. Once they have an idea, they won't give up."

I nodded my head. He was right. I took after my father, quiet and easily stepped on, and my sister took after my mother. I walked over to the desk and held out the invitation.

"I need you there, Daddy. I need to know there's one person there who truly loves me and supports me. Please come."

"Bella, I should warn you. Jessica is coming with the Newtons in two weeks' time. They're staying at the fancy hotel over on Peach. All of them. They'll be here until your Blessing Celebration. I'm sure she'll expect the Cullens to welcome them."

Two weeks.

That sounded about right. The Newtons would be here for a month. I knew everything was about to become more complicated and uncomfortable. There was no way I could hide in my room this time until the threat had passed. The Cullens would be expected to welcome them. That included me now. We were all becoming family soon enough. My stomach turned at the many dinners I would be forced to endure in their presence.

I walked out of the station and left my shell of a father behind. On the drive back to Edward's house, I prayed to have a glimpse into the future. To know that everything would work out in the end...that it could be possible to have a happily ever after.

It was in my best interest that God did not answer my prayer. Had I seen the future, I might have decided to jump off a cliff and save myself from the turmoil.

"Miss Swan, Mr. Cullen arrived back just an hour ago. I thought you'd like to know," Seth said, as we approached the house.

My heart stopped, and I wondered if it would be too late to ask Seth to drive to the nearest cliff. Did I want to see Edward now? A part of me was relieved he had come back, and yet, another part of me was breaking that he had left for so long. And what about Jacob? What should we do about him?

The car stopped, and I waited for Seth to come and open my door, hoping he took as long as he could, so I could stall even a few more seconds from the possible events that would unfold. Cautiously, I opened the door and poked my head inside. It was silly. If he was there, he would see me immediately, and then he would ask why I didn't walk in fully. Thankfully, Edward wasn't there. Hopefully, he was exhausted from his trip and had gone to lay down in his quarters.

I scurried toward my staircase, the sound I'd once loved of my heels clicking on the floor tattling on me. I began to race up it toward my room, but the second I reached the last step, Edward walked out from his side and called to me.

"Bella."

I froze instantly, damning those heels for alerting him. I slowly turned and stood, not looking at him, all my feelings fighting to see who would take over.

"You're back," I said quietly.

"Uh…yeah. Sorry, my travels took so long. I…had a lot to do."

I folded my arms over my chest, refusing to accept his lame apology.

"You look nice."

I scoffed and dared to stare back at him. "Do I? Or is that a lie, too?"

We were literally standing on opposites sides of the room, speaking to one another with this wide space between us. It would have been comical had there been an audience to play out this scene for.

"Bella," his voice said my name as though he wanted to give a better apology, but he had to work himself up to say it.

"Just forget about it, Edward." I turned to head into my side of the mansion.

"Bella! Would you give me a moment of your time?" he shouted, slamming his hands down on the banister.

I paused from going through the door, but I didn't turn to look at him. I guessed anger had won the war once again. I was relieved. It was far better to be angry than to be sobbing and begging to know why Edward had felt immediately afterwards had been the perfect time to take off, after he had taken my virginity.

"This whole thing has me confused. We had sex. I didn't know what that would mean. So, yes…I probably didn't handle the situation right. I shouldn't have done it. I've probably ruined our friendship because of it. You deserved better, and I'm sorry for that. We needed to keep this arrangement professional, so no one would get hurt. That was my responsibility, and I failed.

"So, I'm sorry, Bella. Don't worry, it won't happen again. In fact, I went ahead and rented an apartment, and had it stocked and furnished. I'll be there Monday through Friday for the school year while I attend, and on weekends, holidays and breaks, I'll be here to play my role."

I turned around to stare at him, not believing what he had said. Was it really possible he could be so completely ignorant of how that statement would offend me? "_You will regret this, Bella."_ Yes, already, I regretted it. If Jacob's kiss had come after this little speech of Edward's, I might have accepted, walked away, and been happier for it. My happily ever after in sight.

I turned away from Edward and walked through the door to my side of the mansion. I could hear him calling my name. _Bella. Bella. Bella_. If we were to be professional, shouldn't he use my full name? It would make it easier to know when I should play my role.

I pulled the dress off and turned on the shower. I didn't want to take a bath. Baths were for relaxing. I needed the shower for what I planned to do. I stepped in and sat down on the bench and sobbed. The embarrassing feeling that involved the sobbing I had been worried would come out with Edward was now ready to take center stage. Thank God I had managed to hold it together during Edward's little speech. He had already taken enough of my dignity.

I must have sat in that shower for an hour. The only thing that made me get out was thinking about how many lessers didn't get the opportunity to bathe even once a day. It didn't seem fair that I should be overly gluttonous with my water usage.

I swiped a towel over my body and wrapped my hair up in it when I was done. I pulled another from the warming rack and wrapped it around my body. I hadn't eaten much that day. Looked like with Jacob gone, I had traded in working out for starvation to aid in my weight loss. I would call down to Emily and ask her to bring something up later. I only had two weeks left of Edward to endure, and then he would be off to his apartment, probably having sex with any girl he could find, while I had let my one chance at a happy life slip away.

I walked out of the bathroom, wiping a residual tear from my recent thought, and saw Edward sitting on my bed. My feet stopped, and once again, the anger was back, ready to take over.

"What are you doing here? These are my private quarters, and I haven't invited you. Believe me when I say, I won't make that mistake again. You said you made your mistake by fucking me. Well, I made a mistake, too, by ever believing you could be a decent human being!" I picked up the nearest object and threw it in his direction; a throw pillow from off the fancy highbacked chair. It didn't even get close to where he was.

Edward stood and faced me. He didn't say a word, but his face looked odd. I realized most of my breasts were exposed, so I pulled the towel closer to my body, while I scowled at him.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered.

"Yeah, you said that already," I snapped.

Edward turned and looked away from me. I saw his hand raise up, and I knew he was pinching the bridge of his nose, even though I couldn't see his face. He usually did that, when he needed a moment to gather himself.

"I can't do this, Bella!" He threw up his hands and turned back to me. "I want to be with you. Really be with you. Not put on a show, or wait until my father releases the last part of my inheritance, when you officially say your vows. I care about you, Bella, but I'm not a good man. I don't deserve to be with someone like you. My grandfather was a bastard, but he was a bastard who knew you and I should never be together. However, it's not because the old man thought little of you. It's because I know that, when it comes to the two of us, I'm the lesser."

He slowly walked to me.

"I'm not ready to be a husband. Not because I want to have sex with different women. I…I…I'm just not ready. I thought if we got married, even if it was for show, then maybe, someday, I could be ready, and then you'd already be there. Do you see how screwed up I am? That I'd put you on a shelf and leave you there, until I was ready to pull you down and play with you? How can I be a good friend, a decent human being, if I did that to you?

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I'm sorry I ran away after I took your virginity. Even though you acted alright, I knew my actions would cause you to believe there was something wrong with you. So, once again, I was selfish and thought about myself over your feelings. I got out of here, because I didn't want to deal with the awkwardness I knew would come the next day. I'm sorry, Bella."

Okay, that was a better apology, but so much more to digest than previously. Edward Cullen was standing in front of me, telling me he _did_ have feelings for me. I should have been jumping up and down at his confession. However, once again, he was putting an offer on the table that shortchanged me. Stick around and hope that, in a few years, he might be mature enough to want to be with me? A lady in waiting. Waiting for her husband to wake up and devote himself fully to the cause. Could I do that? Be placed on a shelf, as however many unknown years passed before my eyes? I think it was time to put my armor back on.

"I think…for this to work, we need to…work on our friendship," I started. "We say we're friends, but how can we be, when we've shown each other so very little respect? Maybe if we were better friends, then we'd be better people.

"The sex thing is done and over. We should move on, both of us, with the understanding that it should never have happened, and it won't ever happen again. I think if we could've agreed on that from the very beginning, it wouldn't have caused you to run off and rent an apartment.

"You don't have to flee from your home. I won't mope around or push you for any more sexual encounters. I know you want to go and live away from here, but I found out today that my sister is coming the day you begin school. You've needed me to play the role, and now, more than ever, I need _you_ to play the role. I need you to be here, because I don't know if I can survive another go around with my sister, if I don't have my friend here to support me."

He nodded. "Okay."

Once again, it was awkward. We were mere feet from one another, but still unable to feel comfortable. Edward walked forward and put his arms around me. He hugged me, his face landing against my neck, and it hadn't escaped my notice that I was still only wrapped in a towel.

"Why don't we have dinner, Bella. The dinner we never had two weeks ago."

I smiled half-heartedly and nodded.

Edward released me and stepped back. "I'll let the servants know. I'll see you at seven."

I nodded once more, and he backed up slowly and then left.

I fell into my bed, the weight of the conversation being too much for me to carry. I didn't tell him about Jacob. I wondered if I should tell him at dinner, but I didn't want to ruin the meal. I decided to wait on the Jacob thing, until Edward noticed I was no longer working out with him, and then I could casually explain why. That would probably be best. I imagined a scenario in my mind, where he would ask me where Jacob was, and I would finally tell him. He would be mad, of that I was sure, but then, the key was to wave off the incident and explain to him how I had already taken care of the situation by asking him not to come back. Yes, that was probably best.

But Edward didn't notice. He wasn't completely absent like before, but close. He would see me for meals, but that was about it. I began to worry my sister would see through our charade, when she was invited to be a part of our lives while she was here. I wondered if I should say something to Edward, to make sure we were on the same page.

Alice was the one to inform me the troll had landed. She had caught the first whiffs, when she had been taking in tea at Kensington. She said Jessica had been as poorly dressed as my mother had been with that silly bird hat on her head.

I felt my whole body convulse, when I saw that message come through. I needed to speak to Edward as soon as possible. I waited for him to come home. I knew he was spending the day at Court with his father. One last father and son afternoon, before Edward began his education.

I heard the car pull up, and I jumped out of my seat, rushing toward the door, so I could catch him before he ran off upstairs. I had just made it to the entryway, when Edward came through the door. He slammed it so hard that one of the gaudy vases fell off its pedestal and crash-landed onto the floor.

I saw it in his eyes. His anger was unlike anything I had ever witnessed before.

"Edward?"

"Why didn't you tell me about Jacob Black!"

_You're going to regret this, Bella…_

* * *

**AN: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. **

**A big thanks to DOLLYBIGMOMMA and Fran for editing this. **

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

Edward and I had had our fair share of fights in the past. However, I could tell at this very moment, by looking into Edward's eyes that, whether he was right, or I was wrong, this would be our worst. I glanced around at the remaining soldier vases, thinking they should probably be scared they were yet again on the front lines.

"I didn't know how to tell you about Jacob." My voice was barely above a whisper. "I've thought about nothing else for the past few weeks; going over in my mind whether I should confide in you. I was worried if I said anything, you might act out irrationally and ruin him. I wanted to tell you, because I didn't want to keep this from you. If I did, you wouldn't trust me, and yet, it was all so silly. I knew if I caught you in the wrong mood, you could ruin his life over nothing."

"NOTHING? You allow that…that _lesser_ to lay a hand on you, and you call it nothing?"

Edward shook at the thoughts going through his mind. I was sure whatever vision he was having was far worse than what had actually occurred.

"It _was_ nothing, Edward. Only once, and I pushed him off. I didn't want it. I swear! I have no idea what he was thinking…"

"You fuck him and call it nothing? You didn't even let your sheets dry, before you let him into your bed, did you? I go away for a couple of days, and you run off and screw him, even after you told me you wouldn't!"

"What?" I gasped. "We never had sex! Why would you think that? He kissed me. That was it. Nothing else. Who told you that?"

I stopped, and then it dawned on me. "Wait. Who told you any of this?"

Edward immediately took a slight step back. "He did."

"And you believed him?" I growled.

I felt like I was standing in the middle of the room, while sharp pointy daggers flew in my direction. First, from Edward, that he would ever listen to Jacob before hearing me out on what I had to say, and then, from Jacob...that he would lie about what had happened. Why would he do that? Why would he say we'd had sex? Was he hoping I would change my mind about his offer, if Edward kicked me to the curb?

"Why wouldn't I believe him? He has everything to lose by coming to me. He put himself in danger by sharing this information."

I looked down, and my hands were shaking in anger.

"Tell me everything he said," I demanded quietly.

Edward shifted on his feet, his anger mildly stalled for the moment, while he wrestled with the concept that I could be telling him the truth. That he would be stupid enough to believe a word out of Jacob's mouth over mine.

"I was just getting in my car, when he came over and said he needed to talk to me. I thought he was going to tell me you quit again and wanted me to talk you back into continuing. He looked…scared or nervous. He stuttered at first. He told me he knew I was engaged to you, but if I cared about you at all, I'd let you go to be with a man who truly loved you. Someone like him. I brushed him off and was ready to go back to my car, when he blurted out that you two had made love, and I couldn't deny your feelings for him, because he'd seen it all in your eyes."

My mouth dropped open, as I imagined the picture Edward had created. I slowly shook my head and waited for something to come out of my mouth in the form of a rebuttal, but nothing came.

I think I was in shock.

How could Jacob do this? He had been so lovely and kind to me. Did he really care so much about me that he would try and ruin the relationship I had with Edward for a chance I would go to him?

"Edward…he's…he's lying."

"He knew things, Bella. Things only a person who'd been intimate with you would know. He knew about your birthmark. _I _know about your birthmark, _I've_ seen it, up close and personal. And I also know it's in a place he wouldn't be able to see just from a piece of clothing slipping during one of your workouts.

"You think I didn't try to defend your honor; to tell him I didn't believe him, foolishly thinking you'd never do this to me? You asked me not to have sex with other people while living in this house, and I promised you that, as long as we were married, I wouldn't. You said you wouldn't, either. I can't believe you, Bella! I can't believe you'd let that snake into your bed, only moments after I made love to you!"

"You can't _believe_ me?" I yelled. "You tell me you trust me above all others, and yet, at the first sign of trouble, you completely shatter any faith you have in me. You can't _believe_ me? Well, I can't believe you, Edward! Even now, you still take what he said over my word! The word of a lesser over your friend!

"I don't know how he found out about my birthmark, but Jacob Black has never set sight on it in his life. Not that you could possibly have faith in any word which would come out of _my _mouth, your fiancée. I didn't tell you about the stupid kiss, because I was worried you'd have him thrown in the white ward. Stupid me. Stupid Bella, for trying to see that a man's life wasn't ruined over a stupid mistake."

I began to walk towards my staircase, unable to continue this argument any further, but I had to make one last point.

"And just so you know, because you seem to have forgotten, you didn't just go away for a couple of days. You went away for _weeks_, so don't try and paint a picture of yourself as this great guy, because we both know you aren't. Jacob offered me a way out, supposedly a chance at love, and maybe I should've taken it, but I turned him down _for you_. How could I choose to subject myself to this marriage and wait around in hopes that, someday, your head might turn my way? Stupid Bella! Stupid girl, for ever thinking Edward Cullen could be a decent human being!"

In a fit of rage, I put my hands on one of the pedestals and pushed, growling as I used all my might to topple over the solid marble column that held one of the gaudy vases. I didn't foresee it hitting the next one and then the next, toppling like dominos. I would probably have cared, if I hadn't been so offended by Edward's accusations.

I didn't stick around to take in my handiwork and praise myself for a job well done on redecorating Edward's entryway. I slammed the door and stomped off down the hallway. When I made it to my quarters, I checked the lock on my door twice, to ensure Edward couldn't follow.

I spent my day staring out the window, focusing on Mother Nature's good deeds. I knew a bath would calm me, too, but I didn't want to lay around in the water and stare at my tummy rolls. They would remind me too much of Jacob.

I was so mad I could spit.

I wanted to be angry at Jacob for lying to Edward, but he had probably only lied out of desperation. It didn't make any sense. Why would Jacob fall for me, of all people? He was the perfect example of how a man should look, and I was the perfect example of how a girl shouldn't look.

I wanted to be angry at Edward for blindly choosing to believe Jacob over me. Even after our argument, it was clear he still valued Jacob's word over mine.

More importantly, I was angry at myself. Why did I not just tell Edward? If I had, this whole mess would never have happened. However, I wondered if I had told Edward the truth from the beginning, would he have believed me, when Jacob began to weave his web of lies? Edward might not have taken my word over his, even then.

A soft knock at my door made my blood boil, but once Emily had announced herself, I felt my blood pressure calming.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Miss Swan," she began to say through the door. I could barely make out her words, since the door was unusually thick. "Mrs. Cullen has tried repeatedly to get ahold of you. She wanted me to tell you the Newton's are coming to the Cullen estate tonight, and she's requested that you and Mr. Cullen attend dinner."

Once again, my blood pressure inevitably increased. Hearing the name Newton brought a whole other kind of worry. I must not have answered quickly enough, because Emily knocked once again and called out to me.

I got up from my seat at the window and walked over to unlock the door.

"My apologies, Emily. I'm afraid I'm having an off day. If you would, please relay the message to Mr. Cullen and see if he can call his mother to reschedule. I don't think we're up to attending dinner at the moment."

She slightly bowed and then took her leave. I closed the door once more and walked over to my bed to flop myself into it. Very unladylike.

Edward and I might not have agreed on much, but I was sure even he would agree we should not be attending this dinner. We weren't ready to put on the show required to please the Newtons. Somehow, Edward and I would have to get prepared for our performance within twenty-four hours, as I was sure Esme couldn't hold out too long to welcome the Newtons. It would be bad form.

My bedroom door opened, and I wanted to smack myself immediately for not remembering to lock it.

"We can't get out of tonight; my mother wouldn't hear of it. She said the cooks have been preparing a meal for thirteen all day, and it'd be wasteful to throw out the food at this point. So, you and I have to put our marital discord behind us for now and get ready," Edward ordered.

I raised up slightly from the bed and rested on my elbows, as I stared at him.

"If you value this charade, then we can't go tonight. My sister will know something is up; she has a nose for this stuff, just like my mother. She won't outwardly say something, she'll just pick and pester at certain words, until someone cracks. We have to be united when we go up against her, and right now, we've never been more separated."

Edward walked forward and pointed at me. "We have no choice, Bella. Our absence alone will lead your sister to the truths we can't hide. I don't know if you slept with Jacob or not, but I can't let that steer my focus right now. We have a job to do."

Once again, I grabbed the closest thing to me, my pillow, and threw it at him, but this time, it hit him directly in the face.

"I NEVER SLEPT WITH JACOB!"

I jumped up from the bed. "What's the matter with you? I can't believe you'd take his word over mine!"

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Bella. He told me about your crescent moon birthmark. How can I just ignore this? I mean, who else knows about that?"

I grabbed my hair, ready to rip it from my head for the stress this man caused me.

"I don't know. My mother. My father. My…"

And then, it hit me. I slowly looked up into Edward's eyes, as it all began to make sense. I saw his eyes change immediately, as it dawned on him, too.

"Jessica," he said, voicing my thoughts. He backed up a couple of steps and rubbed his hand across his face, while the puzzle pieces fell into place. My breaths were labored, while I contemplated the whole scenario.

"Of course," Edward continued. He grabbed his own hair and growled. "God, how could I have been so _stupid_? Of course, it was Jessica. She hired Jacob in the first place. She's probably been paying him to screw with us this whole time!"

He walked a distance away and then slowly came back to me. I saw the change in his eyes, and I could already see what was coming. I know him too well.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You were right...I fell into their trap. I deserved every unkind word you said."

I didn't want to forgive him, because it seemed like a pattern with us. I was done constantly being apologized to, when I knew it would only be a matter of time before Edward would curse me for something else.

"I'm sorry, too. I should've told you about him kissing me. I should've been forthcoming from the beginning. Maybe if I had, this whole thing wouldn't have gotten so out of control. Maybe, but unlikely." I sighed. "Well, we'll never know. Oh, and I'm sorry about your vases…even if they are ugly. I shouldn't have ruined them."

"You thought the vases were ugly?" he asked, sounding slightly offended.

I tilted my head to the side. An acceptable gesture, rather than to shrug.

"So…now what? I doubt Jessica would ever confess, and if this didn't work, I'll hate to see what she plans next."

Edward walked over to my couch and sat down unceremoniously. I stayed right where I was, feeling that some distance between us was probably best. I could see him stare, as he thought through his options. He leaned to one side and pulled his phone from his back pocket. He then held up a finger to his mouth, indicating I should be silent while he dialed.

I furrowed my brow, wondering what he was doing, as my feet shuffled forward, unable to keep my body back.

"Hello, Jacob?"

My mouth dropped open, and Edward waved me off from saying a word.

"I've thought a lot about what you said, and I want Bella to be happy. I talked things over with her, and we've decided to let our families know at dinner this evening that we'll be dissolving our union. She's all yours. I hope you two will be very happy. Please, let me know if you should need anything in the future."

He flipped his phone closed and looked up at me triumphantly.

"What did you just do?" I gasped.

Edward stood from the couch and walked to me. "Get dressed, honey. We were screwed with, and now, it's time we do a little screwing of our own."

My head subconsciously turned toward the bed, and Edward caught it. "Not like that, Bella, not now."

While I got myself ready, I went over Edward's plan in my head. I was so nervous that I would somehow mess this up. However, I was happier knowing Edward and I would do this together, and therefore, for the first time in months, I felt as if I had my friend back.

The dinner was set for seven o'clock, with drinks and appetizers at six-thirty. Wanting to make a grand entrance, Edward and I didn't leave our house until six-thirty. I sat in the car, wringing my hands, as my nerves doubled the closer we got to our destination.

Edward reached out and took one of my hands and massaged it in his. "Bella, try to not be anxious. We can do this. You have to dig down deep and find the self-confidence you've always lacked. Remember, you're a Cullen. You have a higher standing than even the most senior Newton. If, at any time, you feel inadequate tonight, just remember that."

I nodded. My mind was filled with pictures of the Newtons from the last time I had seen them. My parents weren't invited to this dinner, since they were still too far below in station to dine with these families. Esme said there were thirteen people. Alice and Jasper, Edward and I, and Esme and Carlisle would make up six, which meant the seven remaining seats would go to the grandfather Newton, Michael's parents, Michael's sister and husband, and of course, Michael and Jessica.

Edward took my hand, as we exited the car, and we walked up the steps to the front door. He didn't knock or ring the doorbell to save Rebecca from having to come and greet us. We walked over to the white sitting room, where the whole family was there to greet us. Immediately, I felt my palms begin to sweat at the sight of my sister. However, when I took her in, I had to stop myself from laughing, as she looked utterly ridiculous this evening.

She wore a tight, long-sleeved black dress, with three peacock feathers coming up from her waist to fly off her shoulder. Overall, it didn't look too silly, but then one peacock feather was connected to another peacock feather that came down from off her black pillbox hat. I idly wondered what would happen if she jerked her head too quickly. Would the feathers rip apart, or would the action cause her neck to snap back, therefore making her unable to perform the full move?

"Isabella, Edward, so kind of you to join us," Esme stood with her drink in hand and walked over to hug us, adding under her breath, "nearly a half-hour late."

"Bella, you look beautiful. I love that dress," Alice said, as I walked over and joined her. I could feel my sister's eyes on me, but I didn't look at her yet.

"I thought she was supposed to lose weight," I heard Mrs. Newton say softly towards her husband. "I mean, what are we paying for…"

"Why don't we all head into the dining room," Carlisle announced, saving me from further humiliation.

"You look well, Jessica," I said softly to my sister.

"As do you, my sister," she replied with a twinkle in her eyes. "How has your engagement treated you? I hope you've found as much happiness in your fiancé as I've found in my husband."

Jessica reached over to squeeze Michael's knee and leaned into him. I had to admit, Michael Newton was a very appealing man. Cleanly shaven and a good head of blondish-brown hair. His teeth were unusually white and perfect. No doubt they were capped.

I felt Edward come up from behind me and place his hands on my waist. "Bella and I couldn't be happier; she's truly the love of my life." He leaned down and kissed me on my neck, and it tickled me, so I let out a girlish giggle.

"Oh, Edward. We have company."

"Okay, my love. We'll save it for later when we're in private," he replied suggestively.

He took my hand, and I saw Jessica's face twitch a little. We were the last ones in the room to make our way towards the finer dining room.

Once we entered, I could tell the servants had been hard at work to ensure no expense had been spared. Gold dishes with crystal goblets sat at everyone's place. The silk napkins, candles, and an exceptionally expensive array of alcohol were all on standby. It was the Cullen's job to show off, and that they did.

Edward pulled out my chair, and I sat gracefully.

"So…Edward, you must tell me how you came to your decision to choose Isabella. I can't even imagine all the fine, upstanding ladies you had to pick from," Mrs. Newton said.

And yes, I did catch all her unsaid implications.

Edward breathed out and looked to me. "Well, our story is about a love that's lasted throughout time and distance. I grew up with Isabella. She was my best friend. When I was sent to continue my education outside of the states, I never forgot about her. I was so pleased, when I returned home to find Bella was still available. Within the week I was back, I searched her out and talked her into agreeing to marry me. And we've been happy ever since."

His hand never left mine. He pulled our hands up together to kiss the back of mine, before giving me his most sincere smile. I could see from the corner of my eye, as Jessica narrowed hers.

Edward let go of my hand, as he reached for his crystal goblet. He stood and raised it to get everyone's attention. "Actually, I think this is the best time to tell you all that Isabella and I have decided to move up our wedding to Christmas. We don't want to wait until next year. We love each other so much, and what better time than Christmas to share our love with everyone."

I heard Esme gasp. I wasn't sure if she was happy for us or gasping at the reality that our wedding would be in three months' time. Edward looked down at me and raised his glass even more. "To my beautiful Isabella. My life began when I met you."

I felt a twinge of pain to my heart that these words were insincere, but I was able to smile away and play my role, acting as if I was touched. Everyone raised their glass and toasted us, even if I could tell they were only doing so to fulfill their roles. It was funny, because I always thought Edward and I had to play a part, and yet, that was what the Newtons had to do as well. They knew their place. They knew they could not speak freely or have a sincere emotion, or else the Cullens could damn them for it.

Dinner was served, and the male Newtons began to discuss their stance on the current events that had been unfolding, trying to engage Carlisle and Jasper in the topic. They especially tried to bring Jasper into the discussion, because they knew his family led the military power in the country. The Newtons were known for their expertise in weapons manufacturing. You would have thought they would have gotten along famously, but I could tell Jasper was uncomfortable and taking offense to the harsh stance the Newtons took on several topics being discussed in front of us ladies.

"So, Jessica," Edward began, while he waited for a chicken thigh to grace his plate, "I was wondering if perhaps you could be of service to Bella."

"Of service?" I heard the disdain in her voice at Edward's choice of words. Now, it was my turn.

"Yes. You see, since Edward and I moved up the date of our wedding, I'd hoped that, as my sister, you wouldn't mind staying around after my Blessing Celebration to help see that all my dreams come true for my wedding."

I saw Alice rocking in her chair...her ears probably not believing the words coming from my mouth.

"That sounds great, I'm sure Jessica would love to," Michael replied, giving his wife a challenging eye.

"Um…yes…I'd love to," she repeated after her husband like a robot.

I squealed and clapped my hands.

"Well, Alice is my maid of honor, but I know all the lessers in the world couldn't get this done on their own. So, you can be my assistant. I'll be sure to put you right to work," I said with a wide grin. "Oh, and don't worry, I'll see that mother and father's house has proper accommodations. That's my responsibility, now that I'm a Cullen."

I looked over to Edward, and he smiled back broadly at me, before kissing me on the mouth. "That you are, my girl."

Edward took an enthusiastic bite of chicken with his fork. Jessica's peacock feathers appeared to be wilting right in front of my eyes. Probably because she kept running her hands over them. A nervous tick, I noticed.

"Would you excuse me, I need to visit the ladies' room," Jessica said, pushing out her chair.

I felt Edward squeeze my knee under the table. I looked over to Alice and saw her eyes narrow at mine, and I slightly shook my head to let her know something was up. I probably should have texted her, so she would be aware of what was happening.

After a few minutes, I rose and excused myself from the room to go look for Jessica.

"…I don't know what he told you, but they aren't breaking up! I swear, Jacob, if you're playing both sides, I'll see far worse done to you than a trip to the white ward," I heard Jessica threatening Jacob. Her voice was hushed, and her eyes were darting around to ensure she had her privacy, but it didn't help that these halls caused everything to echo.

"Be sure to tell Jacob hello for me," I said, walking out from behind a column. I saw her eyes nearly glow red with how much anger was behind them. She stiffly closed her phone and stood straighter, her feathers twitching and bouncing at the movement.

"Do I know about your plans to ruin my engagement?" I asked rhetorically. "Yes, Edward and I figured it out." I shook my head. "God, Jessica. You were so desperate to be back on top that you'd dare go against the Cullens?"

I felt Edward walk up from behind me and place his hands on my waist.

"We're going to tell your husband and his family about what you've tried to do. You'll no longer be welcomed in this state, and you'll never again go near my fiancée. You'll be shamed for what you did, and I'm going to personally see to it that Jacob is taken to the white ward. Think about him often, Jessica, because if you ever come near us again, you'll take his place."

I expected her to crumble under Edward's threats, but instead, she smiled wickedly.

"You think you're fooling everyone with this farce? Well, I'm not fooled, Bella. How could you ever think someone like Jacob Black would take an interest in someone as disgusting as you? He told me touching you felt like dipping his hands in a can of lard. He said kissing you nearly made him vomit in your mouth. And yes, he told me he could see it in your eyes, when he asked you to run away...there was indecision, which tells me you and Edward are just as fake as the affections of Jacob Black."

I felt Edward step out from behind me and raise his hand, ready to strike her, but I stopped him. "Don't. She's not worth it."

I knew what Edward planned to do would be far worse than just physically attacking her. He had every right to do so, but I didn't want him becoming anything close to a Newton.

Before the night ended, Edward had revealed Jessica's treachery to the Newtons. It didn't take long for Carlisle to kick them out, not only from his house, but out of our state as well. Jessica had brought shame to their family name, and that kind of crime couldn't go unpunished.

As horrible as she was, it was hard to know of the beating I was sure she would receive. She would be lucky not to be hospitalized. I knew I should have gone on and forgotten all about her, but stupid Bella, silly Bella continued to worry about Jessica and what she would endure at the hands of her husband. As they left the house, heads bowed in shame, I saw Michael pulling Jessica by her hair, while growling obscenities into her ear all the way down to the car.

At the end of the evening, Edward and I walked back into the entry room of his grandfather's house.

I was exhausted. I wanted to go to bed, but I worried I would be plagued with images of what would be happening to my sister. Edward turned to me and took my hands.

"You and I make a pretty good team," he said to me. "Bella…what Jessica said tonight, I hope you won't put any belief into her words. She's a horrible person who just wanted to strike out in any way she could. I highly doubt Jacob said any of those things about you. You're a beautiful woman, and no one should ever say otherwise. Please, believe me."

I nodded to Edward's statement, but I didn't reply. I saw him look to the left at the few remaining vases on their pedestals. He let go of my hands and walked over to repeat my earlier gesture, knocking down all the remaining vases.

My mouth dropped open, as I wondered if he had lost his mind.

"You're right, they were ugly." He winked at me and then headed up his staircase.

I felt my entire body tingle with happiness. It was the first time I felt hopeful for our future. We would be married in less than three months' time. I could finally begin to see my happily ever after on the horizon. With my sister gone and not here to meddle with my life any further, I couldn't imagine how things could get any better than this moment, right now.

Once again, I was right.

That was our last great moment.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing. **

**A big thank you to Dollybigmomma and Fran for editing this. Till next week...**

**Story is mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

Everything was perfect.

Well, maybe not perfect, since my relationship with Edward was still a farce. But after the dinner with the Newtons, at least we both were kind to one another. He no longer avoided me, as he had done in the past. Since Edward's schooling had begun, we would talk at breakfast and dinner about our days or interesting little tidbits. I finally felt like I had my friend back.

As the day drew closer for our Blessing Celebration, I was feeling less and less nervous at the show we were to put on for everyone. This was the first time I believed we could pull this off. All eyes would be on us, so it would be imperative to go into this as a strong team, rather than a bag of fighting cats, the way Edward and I had the tendency to do.

I found the weeks flew by more quickly when I was happy. I still closely watched everything I ate, but I no longer exercised as strenuously as when I'd had Jacob pushing me. However, I did continue doing aerobics and calisthenics very early every morning, coaxing Emily to join me before her workday would start. We would steal away to the exercise room while the house was still sleeping, finishing before anyone could see us and claim impropriety. She had become a very dear friend to me, as she filled the void in my life left by Jacob's absence.

I tried not to think of Jacob, because then, I would be forced to think about him sitting in the white ward. I never asked Edward if he had made good on his threat. I didn't want to know. I guessed ignorance was more blissful.

Esme planned our Blessing Celebration to take place at the Cullen estate. They had a grand ballroom towards the back of the mansion I had rarely seen throughout my life. After all, why would the daughter of a lesser have cause to visit such an elegant location?

However, I was no longer the daughter of a lesser. I was a Cullen, and a Cullen trumped a Newton.

I lay back down on my pillow and looked up at the canopy above my bed. My eyes took in every opulent item in the room. It felt like a lifetime had passed, since Edward had talked me into marrying him, while we drank our beers on the fallen tree log. Today was my Blessing Celebration, and everything in my life was perfect.

With all the thoughts running through my head, it felt like a frenzy, until suddenly, only one thought emerged.

I jumped up, as my heart began to race. I reached for my phone, bringing up my calendar. How could this have happened? Had I really been so stressed out these past few weeks that I hadn't noticed? I stood and began to pace, nearly dropping the phone in my franticness.

I began to count the days, already knowing the answer, but needing confirmation.

Oh, my god.

My hands shook, probably trying to keep up with my heartbeats.

I was late.

No, not a little late. I was _really_ late.

I slid my shaking hands down to cover my stomach, as my eyes looked up toward the standing mirror.

"I think I'm pregnant," I whispered.

I tried to let that sink in for a few long minutes, but it still didn't seem possible. I needed confirmation. Being late or even really late wasn't enough. I needed to see for myself from a test.

Slowly, I walked towards the house phone. "Emily, do you mind coming to my room, please? It's urgent."

I hoped my voice didn't sound off, but I knew it did. I could not afford to become stressed or worried, not until I knew for sure. It felt like an eternity had passed, before Emily was outside my door. I knew it had only been two minutes, but those two minutes might as well have been an hour.

"How can I help you, Miss Swan?"

I pulled her inside, hoping no one would catch sight of us. I wrung my hands, as I tried to come up with the right words. I needed absolute discretion. Emily was my only hope. No need to worry Edward over this. He would probably be a bigger mess than I was.

"Emily, I need to ask something from you...something big. I need you to promise you won't tell a soul. Especially not Mr. Cullen."

She nodded with a concerned look on her face.

"I think I might be pregnant. I need you to go to the store…or hospital. Oh, maybe you can ask your husband, Sam…make him think it's for you. No, that probably wouldn't be good," I said frantically while pacing in circles.

"Miss Swan," Emily walked over and placed her hands on mine, "It'll be okay. You have nothing to worry about. I already procured a test for you, when you didn't request I order your monthly supply of sanitary napkins."

"Oh, my heavens, Emily, you're a lifesaver."

Great. Emily knew I was pregnant, even before I did.

"Let me go downstairs, and I'll be back in a minute." She went to leave and then turned back to me and said once again, "It'll be okay, Miss Swan."

"Please, Emily, for the last time, at least in private, can you call me Bella? I think of you more as a friend than most," I replied sincerely.

She smiled softly and nodded once, finally conceding. "Okay, Bella."

When she was gone, I turned to walk back to the window to focus on the outside. The scenery usually had a way to calm me that no other vice was capable of. However, today, the plants and birds were losing the battle, as I imagined what Edward would say. Would he be happy? Probably not. He didn't want more responsibility. Things had been going so well between us, and now, I had to go and ruin it with this.

No matter the consequence, I was going to tell him today. I would not make the mistake of keeping something this big from him again. At least, no one could argue that our union was fake after this news became public. I would imagine Esme would not be pleased, but I guessed it was a good thing we had moved up the wedding. I probably wouldn't be showing, so we could keep up the ruse that we had waited until our wedding night.

Somehow, we could make it work, right?

Emily was back far too quickly, and she pulled her apron up and presented the test from her inside pocket. I took the small box from her hands and sighed, before walking towards the bathroom.

While I waited for the results, I tried to figure out the best way to tell Edward the news. Should I tell him before our Blessing Celebration? Wait until after? Perhaps I should wait. This kind of news could put a damper on his day, and I needed him to be in fine form.

I looked down, and sure enough, there was a smiley face looking back at me. A smiley face, because why wouldn't this be a joyful occasion? Ever since they had finally outlawed birth control and abortions in 2030 after the great war, decades before I had ever come into existence, it was considered a blessing to be pregnant. A gift from God, and no one should mess with what God created, right?

There were ways to get around the law. I had heard of some women throwing themselves down a flight of stairs if they were in desperate need. Stories like that surfaced every once in a while, but we weren't supposed to talk about it.

Why was I thinking about this now? I wasn't planning to throw myself down a flight of stairs. And even as upset as Edward could be, I doubted he would want me to harm myself in order to get rid of this mistake…I mean blessing.

This baby was a blessing.

I chanted that over and over, even if I feared what this could mean for our relationship. Maybe I would get lucky, and he would be happy for us. He did say that, maybe one day, he would be ready to be a husband. Maybe having this baby would push him along more quickly.

I walked out of the bathroom, and Emily stood with her hands folded in front of her. I nodded to let her know that I was, in fact, with child. She smiled and walked over to give me a hug, while she whispered it would be okay.

"We need to get you ready for the day. Why don't I draw you a cool bath to start?"

I nodded; still afraid my voice would betray me.

The cool bath did not relax me as much as a warm bath would have, but Emily said that, from now on, I couldn't risk the baby for a warm bath. She helped me dress in a fitted, light pink dress that practically screamed, "I'm with child and hoping it's a girl."

Did I want a girl? Or did I want it to be a boy? A boy might help Edward to accept him more easily. Men usually wanted a male heir. A boy would be best. _Yes, dear God, grant me a boy, so my husband will stay with me and be happy to do so_.

I didn't see Edward that morning. He was supposed to be getting ready at his parents' house. Alice came by to pick me up. She was happy enough for the both of us, but she could tell something was off about me.

"Happy Blessing Day, Bella." She paused and extended a kind hand to me. "Are you okay, Bella? You seem pale today."

I rocked with the motion of the car, my stomach feeling uneasy, as we traveled over the bumpy dirt roads to find the highway.

"I think I'm just nervous," I replied, not ready to tell her the news. Edward should know first. It was only fair.

"Oh, I know what you mean. I felt horribly nervous on my day. Don't worry, once your family and friends begin to show up…"

She stopped talking, realizing that having my family there wasn't going to make me less nervous, and I didn't have any other friends.

We arrived at her parents' home, and I could see the workers running around to make sure the last-minute decorations and food were set. When I walked into their grand ballroom, my breath caught at the sight.

"Do you like it?" Esme said, coming over to greet me. "Happy Blessing Day."

"It's so beautiful. Thank you," I said, amazed as I looked around at the high vases and the bright red pom-pom dahlias. There were ivory lace tablecloths, with goblets that had crystals hanging from them. Everything was so much more than I deserved.

"Do you know where Edward is? I need to speak to him."

"Sure, honey. He's upstairs getting ready."

I excused myself and headed toward the staircase. Just as I reached the top, I saw Edward, dressed in his best suit and coming towards me, while he tried to finish fastening his cufflinks.

"Bella, you look great," he said distractedly, but I could already tell he was rushed. "Did you need something? My father asked me to come down and decide what the cigar of the night should be. God, he can't just do it on his own? Why does he need to put that on me as well? I swear, sometimes, I wish people could understand what stress they put on me with all this crap. I mean, I've been slaving away at school to follow in his footsteps, you'd think that'd be enough. However, I know he isn't going to stop bugging me, even after I choose the damn cigar. He'll then want to go over the speech he has to make to announce me. Your father is so lucky he needn't say anything but your name."

Yes, why should we waste time to introduce the girl in this beautiful speech? I felt my blood begin to boil at the thought. My hand went subconsciously to my stomach, and once again, I prayed for a boy, so he might never know the harsh realities of being a woman.

"I'm sorry. I'm kind of laying all this on you." He slapped me on the back, like I was one of the guys, adding to my humiliation by saying, "I'm so glad we're friends again. It's nice to have a buddy I can complain to."

My mouth opened, but I thought better of it and decided to wait until after the party.

"So, did you need something?" he asked.

"No," I shook my head, "Just…good luck out there today. Go get 'em," I said with a bit of enmity laced in my tone and smacked him on the back harshly, causing him to stumble forward a foot. It was unfortunate his face hadn't met the floor, I grumbled to myself.

I hurried back down the steps, not wanting to continue being Edward's _buddy_. I was mindful of the stairs and my proclivity for tripping, so I reached my hand out to grab the handrail for good measure.

The party began, and I sat in the library, waiting until it was time for my father to announce me. Edward, I'd imagine, was probably in his father's study. Alice had said she would stay with me, but I knew she would be much happier to be out with the people, so I'd declined. I could hear the voices of all the guests, and I felt my nerves creeping up to the surface. Sitting alone was much too harsh. I got up and walked towards Carlisle's study to see Edward. If we both needed to wait for the introductions, then we should wait together.

I heard a man's voice as I got closer, and I knew it wasn't Carlisle's.

"I can't believe you're here. You came all the way from England for this?" I saw Edward hug his guest and slap the guy on the back, just as he had done to me earlier.

"Of course, I couldn't miss this. I can't believe you caved and are getting married. What happened to all those plans you had back in school?"

"You know how things go, James."

"Well, I can't wait to meet the little woman."

I walked into the doorway, and Edward saw me and gestured to his friend to turn around. "This is Bella."

James turned to look at me, and I saw the shock in his eyes. "Okay…poor choice of words," I heard him say under his breath. My mouth slowly dropped open, but before I could say a word, he turned back to Edward. "What is _that_, Edward?" he pointed at me. You can't be serious?"

"James," Edward said softly.

Afraid I might begin to cry, I turned around to walk away. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't help myself. I hid away behind a column and waited to hear Edward defend my honor.

"Why did you have to do that, James? Bella's a good girl. She's nice."

"Edward! She's a bloody cow! How could you agree to marry _that_? I mean, you could've chosen anyone. You need your inheritance, I get that, but do you have to marry that _thing_? She's revolting!"

"She's my friend. I've known her my whole life. I can trust Bella. Besides, she knows all about the inheritance, and she knows this'll never be a real relationship. I'm not going to be held to the same expectations as a real husband would be held to," Edward defended.

"Oh, thank God. I couldn't imagine it if you had to sleep with that thing. You might get lost in those rolls. Or she could crush you," James began to laugh.

I couldn't stop the tears. They flowed freely, as I held out hope for Edward to say something kind or to tell his friend to stop.

"Well…actually…"

"You didn't!" James laughed even more.

"She was a virgin…"

"Of course, she was a virgin. No one in their right mind would've ever touched that sow. You didn't need to take that as a challenge."

"Hey, don't knock it until you try it. You laugh, but Bella has a lot to grab onto, if you catch my drift," Edward said, laughing along with James.

I heard James make a sound like he was vomiting. "I think I'll stick to skinny, attractive girls who don't oink and squeal when I fuck them. I don't want to worry that someone like that could break my dick or fancy a mud wallow once she's done in the trough," James guffawed, and Edward's laughter rang out as well.

I was still crying, but no longer were my tears from sadness. Now, I was angry.

"You'd better get out there, James. I'm sure my father will be along soon for his announcement."

I heard James begin to walk towards me, and I sucked my fat rolls in to hide behind the column even more.

"Deadman walking," James taunted, laughing as he walked away, and Edward laughed with him once again.

Once James was gone, I walked back into the room. Edward glanced up and saw me. "Look, I'm sorry about him, he can be an ass. Don't take anything he said personally, Bella."

A laugh bubbled up. "Why would I take anything _he_ said personally. Fine, I'll forget about _that_ asshole." Edward was surprised, because I hardly ever swore. "Why don't I just focus on you, since I heard what _you_ said, Edward. Every last word and laugh at my expense."

His eyes looked away, knowing he was in the wrong.

"Bella, we were just screwing around. We're guys. We say stupid crap, it doesn't mean anything."

"Why are you with me, if I'm such an embarrassment? James was right; you could be with anyone, and don't give me some line about you not wanting the responsibility of being a husband. Why are you really with me?"

He didn't answer.

"God." I threw up my hands. "I don't understand you. You were just like me. You should know how much that hurt."

"You're right. I was like you, a loser, and I changed myself, because my grandfather was right. I was a loser. Cullens can't be losers. We can't afford to be overweight. To be _fat_. You had an easier path. If it weren't for me, you'd be a lesser. Probably marry a lesser. You don't have to impress anyone."

"If I'm such a loser, then why marry me!" I yelled.

"You know how much I care about you. You're my friend. I've cared about you since we were children..."

"LIAR! If that were ever true, I'm sure you _stopped_ caring about me when we _were_ children. I don't know much, but I know I never would've hurt you the way you just hurt me," my voice faltered, and I was so angry I couldn't control my tears.

"I'm…so stupid. I keep telling myself you just need time to grow up, and that one day, it'll be worth it. That you'll see in me what I see in you. But I must be blind, because there isn't anything decent in you. You truly are a…horrible human being, and I'm the stupid one for going along with this for so long."

I walked away, determined on what I would do next, before Edward could try to charm me out of it. I went back towards the ballroom and wiped my face, even though I doubted it helped. I waited at the back entrance for them to announce us. I heard Carlisle take the dais and begin his affectionate speech about his son.

"Our dear guests, my wife, Esme, and I humbly welcome you to share in the joy of honoring our son and his chosen bride this evening."

I saw Edward walk up to the other entrance. He looked upset, but he was ready to play the part. He didn't know yet that my acting career was over.

"Since he was a child, Edward has always been very passionate. He continues to show his passion for all things. His education. His family, and most importantly, his fiancée, Isabella. We're extremely proud of the young man he's become. Kindhearted. Respectful. Decent. A man worthy of the Cullen name and legacy. Please, welcome our son, Edward Anthony Cullen."

I could see Edward's sparkling teeth, even from the back of the room, flashing through his stupid fake smile as he entered. He went up and shook his father's hand. I walked out from my place and began to head down the aisle of tables towards the front. Just as Edward went to kiss his mother on the cheek, Carlisle caught sight of me.

"Bella...your father hasn't…"

"I know. But I felt I should add something to your wonderful speech."

Edward shifted uncomfortably on his feet, and I could see the looks of concern on the faces of his parents.

"You say Edward is passionate and kindhearted. Respectful and decent. Unfortunately, I don't think you know your son at all."

I turned around and addressed the roomful of pompous, self-important people who were no better than the man I was about to end.

"I know. It doesn't make any sense, right? You look at Edward Cullen, and everyone here asks, why would he ever choose someone like her? The stupid, fat, lesser girl who's pined for him since they were children. Well, the truth is, he didn't choose me because he cares about me. He asked me to marry him, so he could get his grandfather's inheritance. Does that sound like the kind of man you'd call kindhearted?

"He _is_ passionate, I'll give him that. He took my virginity, and yes, he even lived to tell the tale and then laugh about it with you, James," I spat towards Edward's friend. "Was that respectful? And tonight, he didn't even refute his friend's claims that I'm a _thing_, a _that_, no better than a fat, disgusting barnyard animal. In fact, Edward thinks I'm a loser for being fat. He told me so himself, right to my face just moments ago, before he came out here all smiles, ready to receive our parents' blessing to marry this loser. Was that decent?"

I shook my head, as I looked to Edward for the first time.

"I'm not the loser, Edward. And if you don't believe me, then think about this. I'm pregnant."

Instantly, his mouth dropped open. I saw Esme's follow suit, as she placed her hand over it to cover her audible gasp. I walked the last few steps to face Edward.

"Yes, I'm really pregnant, but don't you worry," I said, as I wiped away my tears. "I'm not going to plague you with this responsibility I know you don't want. Besides, do you think I'd ever allow my child to be raised by someone like you? I'd rather us be gutter babies. I'll raise a far better child in the gutter than in a fancy house with you. So, you see, you've lost your fiancée, your friend, and your baby. Who's the loser now?"

I shook with emotion, but I looked towards Esme to give her my apology. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for ruining your party," I whispered and turned around and began to walk away, but a hand reached out to stop me.

It was Carlisle's.

He pulled me into his arms and held me, and now, I couldn't help but break down.

"Edward," he began solemnly, "You've disappointed us for the last time. We love you, Son, but we can no longer support you and your unhealthy decisions. We deny you. We deny your inheritance, and your grandfather's estate will go to the child Isabella is carrying. Isabella will be the executor, until this child is of age. You have one hour to gather your things and leave."

My crying ceased immediately, as I looked up at Carlisle in shock over what he had done. I used to think families like the Cullens had nothing to lose, since they were at the top, but when it came to embarrassment, this kind of scandal could put them down a peg or three. I worried Carlisle had chosen to deny his son publicly, because he valued his position too greatly. On the other hand...maybe this was just what I wanted to believe, because the alternative was that I had just broken up a family today. The Cullen family. I would have to share some of that responsibility, after all.

I turned around, and Edward looked at me one last time, before he fled the room. I was surprised at his expression, because I would have expected his face to be flaming red with anger. I had just cost him everything. I would have expected him to lunge at me and wrap his hands around my neck, but instead, I saw something very different in his eyes. Sadness. Was that it, possibly?

Alice and Esme pulled me out of the room, enclosing me in their warm embrace. Once again, I cried. I apologized profusely, over and over, but they both just hushed me. Esme had lost her son. Alice had lost her brother. They should have hated me. I had just lost my child's father.

For what I had just done, I certainly hated myself.

* * *

**AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I know how patient you've been. Don't mind me, I'll be finding a rock to crawl under now… **

**A big thanks to Fran for editing this. A big thanks to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for her wise advice and help!**

**Till next time...**


	20. Chapter 20

**Yes, you've read this chapter before, even this whole story...but have **  
**you? If you've read The Loser before today, August 25th, 2019, you may **  
**want to read it again. Dollybigmomma took the time to polish this up a **  
**bit more, and she has enhanced it here and there, so there is actually a **  
**bit of new content in places throughout the story! So, I encourage you **  
**to go back and read The Loser again, and if you didn't review the first **  
**time, please leave one and let me know if you like the changes. Thank **  
**you, and see you over at The Lesser!**

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

The same dream had plagued me, since the last time I had seen Edward Cullen. In it, the two of us were sitting on the grass in Esme's rose garden, while we played a game called "I wish." The point was to make a wish that was better than the last wish made. Edward would always wish for things like fast cars, or that summer would never end. Mine were usually far more reserved. I never wanted to tell Edward my greatest heart's desire. I worried about what he would say, if I told him what I really wished for. I would say I wished my sister would find a husband and move out as soon as possible, or that my mother would think about me as much as she did about Jessica.

And then, he said it.

Edward stopped and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He seemed nervous, but this wasn't Edward. Edward was never nervous. A trait I was envious to possess.

"_I wish I could kiss you."_

My face must have been a picture, because there was no way I had heard him correctly. I must have imagined what he had said, because, for some time, all I had wanted was for Edward to kiss me.

I didn't say a word, afraid I had hallucinated the whole thing. He leaned over, and his lips were on mine. Then, he stopped and pulled back to look at me.

I remembered how cute his chubby face used to look; not at all like the handsome, chiseled one he had grown into.

"_Was that wrong?"_

I slowly shook my head, my lips still tingling.

"_No. It's what I wished for, too."_

We were eleven.

Everything back then had been so simple, and yet, after that day, I never saw my best friend again. I mean, of course, I _saw_ him, usually at a distance, but he was never the same again.

Every night, I had this dream. It was one of my most treasured memories, and yet, I now felt I was cursed to relive it. When I would awake, I would inevitably remember Edward's face from the very last time I had ever seen him.

Christmas was quickly approaching. It was supposed to have been when Edward and I were to be married. I felt stupid for wishing I had never said anything at our Blessing Celebration; just gone on with life and taken the harsh words Edward had said about me to his friend...pretended they had never existed. I shouldn't still want him so badly, but after loving someone for nearly my whole life, I couldn't just turn it off.

I had heard he was staying at the apartment he had rented. He had paid rent a year in full and had stocked it, back when he had thought he would need it. Good thing, or else he would have been out on the streets with nothing. At least, for the school year, he had a place to stay. I wasn't sure what he would do after that.

Carlisle and Esme had asked me to move in with them, but I had declined. As much as I didn't want to remain in Edward's grandfather's house, I couldn't stay with Carlisle and Esme, knowing they had lost their son because of me. Carlisle had every right to demand I live with them. After Edward had been denied, I officially became their problem. After all, the Cullen's had purchased me in full. Even though their son had signed the contract, if something were to ever happen after that day, it would be up to his family to take on the burden of caring for me, unless they decided to deny me, too.

Alice came and helped me to change the house, so it was more to my taste. I appreciated the gesture, because I felt as if I shouldn't be the one to make any modifications, even if Carlisle had stated the house was mine to do whatever I wished with until my baby was of age.

My baby.

Thankfully, the worst of the nausea had passed, but not completely. I was lucky. This baby never made my stomach turn so severely as to cause me to throw up, but it did make it hard for me to eat anything. Even though I wasn't exercising much now, only walking every day with Emily, I still closely watched what I ate, and the nausea helped me lose even more weight than I had when I had been working out with Jacob. It was an odd thing to lose inches from the rests of my body, while having my stomach become more pronounced.

I was eighteen weeks along, with Christmas coming in several days. At my last visit, the doctor asked if I wanted to know the sex of my baby. I declined, but I requested he write it down and put it in an envelope, for when I was ready to know. Since then, every time I looked at that envelope, I felt my nerves creep up. I didn't want to know, because then, I would be able to picture this child who would grow up without their father. Was it a little girl? I could see her pretty brown hair in pigtails, sitting on Edward's knee. Or perhaps a little boy, who would play games out in the yard with his daddy. I would have to shake my head and know none of this would ever be possible.

Most days, I would stay at home and putter about in the garden. I didn't show up to the hospital, for fear my mother would track me down there. My parents weren't allowed to come to my home unless they were invited. Even though my mother had been able to keep her status, I doubted she was happy with me for embarrassing her at my Blessing Celebration. I knew her all too well. She would take on the events at the party as a personal attack. I was sure all of society was gossiping about what I had done. Even though my mother was still well within her rights to court at Kensington, I was sure she no longer went, for fear of the looks she would receive.

Edward and I had always had our ups and downs. Yes, we had probably had more downs since he had come back from England. However, I couldn't just turn off a switch and stop caring about him. My mind would think of nothing else. I wondered how he was doing in school. If he was happy. If he was finding ways to comfort himself, and with whom. Did he hate me? Did he ever think about me? Even with all the time I wasted thinking and worrying about him, I doubted he cared enough about me to wonder how I was doing...how his child was doing. Maybe he thought his father denying him had saved him from the responsibility of being a father.

No.

I knew Edward was a jerk to me, but I wanted to believe that, if I had told him about the pregnancy the moment I had found out that morning, instead of trying to wait until after the Blessing Celebration, he would have worried at first, but then, he would have come through. Maybe he would have even defended me to James. I had faith Edward would have risen to the occasion. Probably misguided faith, but it was all I had to hold onto.

A few days before Christmas, Esme sent a request, asking that I spend the holiday with them; to come and stay at their house, so I wouldn't be alone. I knew it wasn't really a request. It was a demand, even if the flowery writing on her pretty paper made it seem as if she was inviting me. I packed a couple of cases, and Emily help me into the car. I had dismissed the staff for a Christmas vacation, with extra pay, a generous bonus, and an offer of all the perishables in the house for their families, since no one would be here to consume them, anyway. I had also procured a large amount of coins from my account, so Emily and Sam could distribute them amongst the lessers in the city, hoping to spread some holiday cheer that I was lacking.

I dreaded the next few days, having to sit across from the Cullens, on their first Christmas without Edward. Even when he had been at school in England, they would either visit him for the holiday, or he would come home for a few days. His absence would surely be on everyone's mind.

Thankfully, Alice and Jasper were there to save us from the awkward meals, but I found that, during the day, if I stayed indoors, Esme would search me out to see how I was handling everything. It was tedious.

Christmas shopping was a nightmare. I would spend hours online, looking for the proper gifts to buy and never finding anything adequate. I had brought the envelope with the sex of the baby along with me as a last resort on finding something good enough for Carlisle and Esme. But then, I wondered if bringing up the baby of their denied son would be the best idea. So, instead, I stashed it in the book I was reading.

Although, when I would take the book outside for reading, I would feel the envelope near my fingers, begging me to open it. Eager to get away from the Cullen estate for even a little while, I took my book and a blanket down to the pond behind their house, hoping to find some tranquility.

I found the spot Edward had taken me to the night Bree had died, and I sat down, looking out over the water. I recalled some of the happier memories I had from when I had been a child and played in these waters during the summer evenings. I felt my face become colder from the tears that fell.

I could never get away from Edward.

"Bella."

I sighed. Even now, I couldn't escape his voice.

"Bella."

I slowly turned and saw my hallucination was, in fact, real.

He looked the same; exactly the same as the very last time I had seen him. I knew I should get up and go. Move. Run. But I couldn't. Because as much pain as Edward had caused me with his horrible words, I found the pain of him being gone much greater.

"Please, just…give me a chance. I know I don't deserve to ask anything of you. I've thought about nothing else these past weeks except the horrible mess I've made. I owe you an apology…"

"No!" I snapped. "Please, spare me. I can't. I just can't hear another Edward Cullen apology. What's the point? You'll say you're sorry, and then…once again, I'll think everything is okay, and you'll just find another way to hurt me, usually hurting me more than the last time you apologized for hurting me. So, don't say it, Edward. Just don't."

He nodded his head.

"You're right. I've messed up in unimaginable ways. I've ruined my friendship with my best friend. I…God, I was so stupid. I kept thinking, if I kept you at arms' length, I'd keep us from getting hurt, but all I did was hurt us more. Over and over. I took your virginity, and I hate myself for it. I left afterwards, because I hated myself for doing that to you. But then, you tell me you're pregnant, and I can no longer hate myself, because now, there'll be this little miracle out there in the world that'll undoubtedly be the perfect combination of you and me."

"You hated yourself for having sex with me? You're embarrassed…"

"NO!" he barked, and I immediately cowered. He calmed himself, seeing how his tone had affected me. "I hated myself, because it should never have been me. I stole your virginity, and for a second, I believed I had a claim to it because of a piece of paper. But it never should have been me. You deserved far better. You're the girl who sits next to dying children and holds their hands. The girl who puts every single person before yourself, when none of them deserves your loyalty, and I'm just the bastard who couldn't stand up to one asshole who disparaged the person I love most in this world."

I looked away, because I didn't want him to see the effect his words had on me. I wanted to believe him, but I told myself not to fall into that trap once more.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for not standing up to James and throwing him out of my house as I should've done. I'm sorry for saying what I said. And I'm sorry for how I've treated you these past months. I know you have every right to cast me out of your life, to tell me to leave you alone and never come back, but if there's anything I can do or say to…be a part of your life and this child's, I'll do it. I'll say it, and I'll mean it. I'll do anything you demand. Please, just don't keep me away from our baby. Please, let me be in both of your lives."

_Don't give in, Bella. You know he'll only hurt you. You love him, but you know he'll just hurt you again. Don't do it, Bella!_

I moved to stand up, using a tree for balance. I saw him walk forward to help me up, but I held out a hand to stop him, and instantly, he froze. I wanted to tell him no, but I couldn't.

I loved him.

I also knew I didn't want to be the reason Carlisle and Esme didn't have their son home this Christmas.

"I can't let myself love you…anymore. This pain in my chest…in my soul, it's unbearable. I can't go back to the way things were before." I sniffled and tried to hold back my tears. "But…it'd be wrong for me to deny this child a father. So, here's what I'm prepared to do. If you accept, you can move your stuff back into your side of the mansion. We'll be roommates, but nothing more. I can't do anything more than that.

"You're welcome to see your child when it arrives and spend as much time with them as you want. However, if I feel you're going to hurt him or her in any way, you'll need to leave. I'll tell you to leave. And, I'll even do you one better; I'll make sure this child is raised with a healthy diet and plenty of exercise, so you'll never feel the need to be embarrassed, if you were to be seen in public together. I'll save this baby the pain I've had to endure.

"I'm not going to fight with you anymore, Edward, and I am not going to accept one more apology from you. I don't want to be the reason your family doesn't see you. I love Alice, and I know how hard this has been on her, even if she never mentions it. Maybe…someday…we can be friends again. So, now, you can…go ahead and sleep with whomever you like. Get your needs met…but do it outside of the house. Please, don't bring any person around this child…until, someday, when you meet the one; the girl you really love and want to marry…"

I paused, because I feared I just might break if I didn't.

"…then, we can come to a new arrangement of custody. Okay?"

Once again, his face looked like it had the last time I had seen him. I saw him nod slowly, agreeing to my terms.

"Him or her? Do you know?"

My hand went to my book, and I shook my head no.

"You should come to Christmas dinner as my guest. I'm sure your parents would love to see you. I'll let them know about our new arrangement."

I began to walk away, but then I stopped when I had nearly passed him. I pulled the envelope from my book and handed it to him.

"Merry Christmas, Edward," I whispered.

And then, I kept going.

God, I was such an idiot. I caved too easily. I shouldn't have let my feelings rule me, but the guilt weighed too heavily, and I needed a decent night's rest without dreams of Edward ruining me. I wanted to kick myself that I had given up the envelope without ever looking to see what was inside. Now, Edward knew before me whether we were having a girl or a boy.

Stupid Bella!

I spent the rest of my night crying in the shower, and when I could no longer stand the cold water pelting down upon my body, I moved my snot fest out to my bed. I was thankful Alice hadn't come and checked in on me. I wasn't ready to tell her about my run-in with her twin.

I was a bit late for breakfast the next morning. From the looks of it, Carlisle was on his second cup of coffee. He had taken off from work to be home for Christmas. I shuffled into the dining room, and everyone looked up from their plates.

"I was just about to send Rebecca to come and bring you down," Alice said.

"Is everything okay, Bella? You look so tired," Esme asked, concerned.

I nodded and took my seat at the table, pulling the chair out farther this time, to be sure I didn't embarrass myself again, when my expanding hard stomach got caught in between. When I had just been overweight, my fat would easily mold itself into the desired location. Ever since my stomach began to harden, I found it more difficult to squeeze into places.

"My apologies for being late."

Alice smiled at me and replied, "Happy Christmas Eve."

I nodded back at her with a soft smile.

I stared down at my plate, wondering if I would make it through what I was planning to say next. I must have taken too long, because Esme asked if the baby was causing me to be nauseous again. I shook my head and then blurted out, "I invited Edward to dinner tonight."

The look on everyone's faces was practically identical, except for Jasper, whose eyes darted around the room to see the reactions.

"I know. I'm sorry. I…he came to me last night. I've thought about this a lot. As mad as his actions have made me, I can't be the person to deny Edward from seeing his child." I paused and looked over towards Esme. "I also can't be the person who denies Edward from seeing his family."

Esme looked as if she would cry, but she looked toward her husband, to see if he would allow my invitation.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded my head. "It's going to be completely platonic. I told him he can move back in and have a relationship with the baby if he wishes. He'll live on his side of the house, and I'll live on mine. I know I must sound naive or incredibly senseless with this decision, but it's the right thing to do, and I hope we can all find a way to…coexist."

Carlisle gave me a look, but then he sighed and nodded.

"Okay, but just know the accounts and house will still be in this child's name when he or she is born. Edward will only have access to any allowance you give him and nothing more. We'll be civil, and he's welcomed to partake in our events, so long as he can remain respectful. If, at any time, he does something to cause harm to either you or the baby, he'll be removed permanently and not allowed back into the house."

Carlisle's words sounded harsh, but I knew he'd said what he had to try to protect me as best as he could. I hoped Edward never gave him cause to make good on his threats.

Edward arrived at the Cullen's house around six o'clock that evening in time for hors d'oeuvres.

I waited out of sight at the top of the stairs, while he greeted his mother and sister. Carlisle hadn't come out of his study yet, but I could already hear the hushed voices from down below. As I slowly descended, Esme and Alice's words were more pronounced, and I heard them making small threats to Edward about hurting me again. I was thankful for their loyalty, but I hoped they could come to enjoy their Christmas holiday, even if I couldn't.

Esme reached up and put her arms around her son, finally squeezing him, wishing him a happy Christmas. She let go when she saw me, and Edward turned towards me. "Merry Christmas, Bella," he said softly.

"Merry Christmas," I replied.

"You look lovely."

I blanched, hating his words, knowing they were a lie, but I didn't respond. Instead, I walked over towards the highbacked chair and took a seat, while Rebecca came over and handed me a small plate with a few food choices dressed impeccably.

Carlisle walked in and stopped short. He looked his son over, and then he extended his hand out to give a polite shake. No hug or kind greeting, but I wasn't expecting much this first time.

"It's my understanding our staff has outdone themselves with the holiday ham. Perhaps we should move this into the dining room," Carlisle said.

Esme reached out to take her husband's hand, so he could lead her into the dining room, and Jasper did the same for his fiancée. I slowly stood, and Edward offered me a hand, but I shook my head and said, "I'm fine."

I began to walk towards the dining room, when Edward called after me, "It's a boy."

I froze in place and turned back to him.

"You should know. It didn't seem right that I knew, and you didn't. We're having a son, Bella."

He came towards me, as the image of this perfect little boy played in my mind. I nearly missed Edward placing his hands on my stomach. When I looked down, I jumped back slightly, cringing at his touch; knowing how disgusted he must have been to have to touch my fat in order to be closer to his son.

Edward stepped back immediately and raised his hands. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head and walked towards the dining room, leaving Edward behind.

With my permission, Esme invited Edward to come back the next day for Christmas. I sat in the corner and watched, as he got along with his family while they exchanged gifts. I knew this whole thing was my idea, but it made it tough being the outsider. I would catch Edward looking at me or attempting to steal a glance, probably wondering if I was glaring at his presence in the house. I believed I'd remained sufficiently passive.

After Christmas day, Edward was to move back into his side of his grandfather's mansion. Thankfully, Alice was going to be there to help make it less awkward. She was coming over to help me decide which room would be best to set the baby up in and then to help me order everything for the nursery.

When we walked into the grand entry, sitting there on the new table Alice had helped me purchase was a large bouquet of flowers.

"I love the flowers," Alice squealed.

Instantly, I stiffened at the sight.

Alice walked over to find the card attached. "They're from Edward. He said _thank you_," Alice read.

Edward walked into the house carrying his school bag, and I immediately turned on him.

"What's this?" I asked harshly.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

"I told you this relationship was nothing more than roommates. Please, take your flowers. I don't want there to be any confusion as to what we are."

I saw him sigh softly, as he picked up the flowers and carried them upstairs.

"Bella, I know you're still upset, but I think he's trying. Can't you try, too?" Alice asked hesitantly.

"I don't need him to try. I need to keep him in this…box. I can't allow myself to fall for his charms again. I love him so much, Alice. More than he'll ever love me, and I need to remind myself of that often, so I don't get hurt again. I wish I could just stop loving him. I feel silly for allowing myself to feel anything for him anymore. I should be stronger, but I'm not, and so, this is how I need to handle it, by keeping Edward at arm's length. Further, if possible.

"I know once this baby comes, it could become even more confusing. I need it to be clear. I need to know, to _remind_ myself, that Edward will never be mine, even when he does things like this...brings flowers or touches me. It makes me start thinking again that there could be more, and I can't go there. I'll not fall into that trap again!"

I sniffled, and Alice put her arms around me as best as she could.

When school resumed for Edward, I was surprised he didn't move back to his apartment. Instead, he stayed at the house, which I couldn't tell you if I was happy for or not. I had missed him greatly when he was gone, but I found his presence to be troubling, too.

Every breakfast, lunch or dinner, he was there. At first, he made small talk, even though I could tell it was hard for him. I was sure he felt certain subjects were like landmines, with how I would react. When I didn't tense, he would continue with a topic. When my face would cringe, he would immediately change the subject.

My dreams still came every night. It didn't help that the bigger I got, the more uncomfortable I would find sleeping to be. When the baby began to kick at my stomach hard enough to see it move, it took me by surprise, and I nearly doubled over from the shock. Of course, Edward was there to witness it, and he was by my side the moment it happened. I found the closest chair in which to sit, and he began to put his hands near my stomach, but he stopped, realizing his mistake.

I was weak, so I gave in.

"You can feel…if you want."

Edward looked at me, surprised, but he knelt and slowly moved his hands to my stomach to feel our son moving. I saw the amazement on his face. I wanted to cry, as I pretended for just one moment that we were together and content, basking in the happiness this moment would have brought us, had we been married and loved one another. But then, I looked down and saw Edward's hands touching my fat stomach, and the bubble broke. Mine was not the perfect, round stomach his thin, beautiful someday wife would have. No, mine came with extra embarrassing baggage.

I guessed that day was the first step to fixing our relationship. I slowly began to let Edward back into my life. I was due in late May, but I didn't feel relaxed with Edward until about March. One day, I looked up and didn't react, as Edward helped me stand. I wouldn't cringe, when he touched my growing stomach. My face was no longer a mix of sadness or anger. My words weren't as biting. I was slowly allowing him back in, even though I hadn't realized it.

As I walked out to the garden, I saw Edward standing and talking with Seth. He seemed to be explaining something in great detail. My eyes caught sight of the fickle, prickly flowers, and Edward turned around at the gasp I let out.

"Bella. I'd hoped this would've been done already, and I hope you won't be upset. I just wanted to do something nice to commemorate our baby…"

I saw the rosebushes all standing tall, waiting to be planted. The very same roses that beset my dreams every night, as I remembered our first kiss. He waited for me to say something, probably afraid I would be upset, but I couldn't find it in me to do so.

"Is this okay?" he asked softly.

I nodded my head once and reached out to touch a white petal and whispered a thank you. I worried he might see the tears that threatened to fall down my cheeks, so I quickly turned around and walked back to the house.

We weren't roommates.

We never had been.

I could never think of Edward as a roommate. He knew he needed to be patient. He knew I would come around eventually, but if he wanted my friendship again, he needed to wait until I was ready.

It had taken months to even begin to repair what Edward had broken. I didn't know what this would mean for our future, but I knew I would never stop loving him. I think I knew, deep down, that Edward would never give up on me. Somehow, someway, we would get back to what we once were.

The rose garden was planted. I could see it from my bedroom window. It was such a lovely sight. I began to trust the reason behind Edward's garden as being an act of love. If I were going to let Edward back into my life, I would need to absolve him and move on. I needed to find forgiveness. Edward's past actions had been that of a stupid, immature boy. The past few months, his actions had been that of a man.

I went to sleep, finally feeling free of the anger and visions that had inundated my nights. I felt my whole body relax into the bed in a way that hadn't happened in months. I found the happiness I had missed so much. The feeling of freedom from my pain and guilt.

It was a perfect sleep, until it was ruined.

"Bella! Bella! You need to get up, Bella!"

Emily was shaking me and whispering in my ear.

The minute my eyes opened, I could see an orange glow coming from outside the window.

I jumped up from my bed.

"Hurry, Bella. You must hurry!"

Emily had my sleep robe ready to place on my body, as I stumbled out of bed.

"What's happening? What's going on?"

"There's no time. Come. We have to go!"

Emily pulled me out of my room and down the back way towards the side entrance to the house. I could hear a lot of noise and commotion, as if there was an army invading our home. When we got outside, I saw the house was on fire.

"Oh, my God! Edward!" I rushed to try and go back into the house, as I saw it was his side of the mansion that was completely engulfed in flames.

"Edward!" I went to scream, but Emily quickly covered my mouth and held me back.

She pulled me further into the woods behind the house, and I fought her every step of the way, but for a girl so small, she was surprisingly strong. Her grip was unbreakable.

"Emily! Let me go. I have to get to Edward!" I begged through my tears.

She stopped and looked back at me. "Bella, he's not in there."

I looked at her, confused, wondering what was hidden behind her words.

"They took him, Bella."

"Who?" I asked.

Emily's eyes darted back toward the orange glow that lit up the woods for miles around, the dark smoke billowing into the air. My body trembled, and I wanted to reach out and shake her hard, until she gave me the answer I sought, but I didn't have to do it, since she looked back into my eyes and spoke the words that would break me.

"The Resistance. They have him now, Bella."

* * *

**AN: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. When I originally had this plot bunny, it was supposed to be a fickle romantic comedy. But then I wrote that first chapter, and it morphed into this. I hope you'll join me for part two.**

**If you enjoyed this story, please go and vote for it over at TWIFANFICRECS dot com. You can vote once a day until August 30th.**

**Lastly, a big thank you to Fran for**** looking this over and taking her time to edit it. You have no idea how amazing she is. Check out her Facebook Group, Twilight Fanfiction Pays it Forward.**

**A big thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for going through and making this story even better with all her ideas.**

**STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**


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